#BadNovelOpenings

'Safeway at sunrise: we storm through the doors; totally wasted we run for the back, behind the scenes. We barricade the door so Josh can menace the bag boy. What would happen if you harnessed the sexual energy of hobo junkie teens? The world would explode and settle on the surface of another planet in a brown paste, is what. Cockroaches would lick it up and a new wave of narcissistic gypsy-slut shitheads would hatch out of tiny pores on their backs.'

'Before us humans walked on Earth up sprout a stouter race, Proud purple palette persons perched in nearby outer space. See hidden plain of sight quite like the Little Dipper spoon. Cannot believe we missed that there are people in the Moon.'

'Holly held the blue cotton sweater to her face and the familiar smell immediately struck her, an overwhelming grief knotting her stomach and pulling at her heart.'

'He had to stop being too clingy with Jason. In the three months since Konu had been released from a centuries-old curse by his Tahitian elders and allowed to return to Honolulu, Hawaii, he had come a long way in more ways than one.'

'It must have been 1963, because the musical of Dombey & Son was running at the Alexandra, and it must have been the autumn, because it was surely some time in October that a performance was seriously delayed because two of the cast had slipped and hurt themselves in B dressing-room corridor, and the reason for that was that the floor appeared to be flooded with something sticky and glutinous.'

“Ho, Diomed, well met! Do you sup with Glaucus to-night?” said a young man of small stature, who wore his tunic in those loose and effeminate folds which proved him to be a gentleman and a coxcomb.