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A. Ovechkin, A. Trenogov, N. Kosenkov

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This book is a manual for obese people, a mindset training written by reputable specialists and those who have already lost weight. It reveals the secrets of recovery from obesity, preserving inner harmony, and staying slim. About 50 percent of the Russian population and more than 1.7 billion people in the world suffer from excess weight. For various reasons, professional help is not available to many people. This book is a good tool for those who are getting slim and experts who work with them.

Easy Way to Get And Stay Slim
Introduction
Chapter 1. Day one
1. We are in the beginning of never-ending journey of self-improvement
2. Obesity is a psychosomatic disease
3. Change your eating behavior to drop excess weight
4. “A monster in the mirror!” Time to settle the problem!
5. No! No! And no again! Is it really useful?
6. Hello Rolly Pollies!
7. Where do you come from and where do you go?
8. “Get slim at any cost!” she said and opened the fridge. How did you drop weight?
9. Eight rules of a slim person
10. Reasons of gaining excess weight
11. Habit is the second nature
12. Eating everywhere, eating with everyone
13. Move your body!
14. Insulin resistance syndrome
15. Heredity and pregnancy
16. Metabolism acceleration
17. Rules for the group work
18. Communication with a problematic person
19. Things leading to eating disorder
20. Yay! Diet starts on monday!
21. Just one last piece!
22. Praise and discountenance
23. Recipe for success
24. Building a new body
25. “I am slim” — it sounds like music for my soul!
26. Relieve psychoemotional stress
27. Magic match box
28. These carbohydrates
29. Fats in brief
30. About meat and meat delicacies
31. What about fiber
32. No water, no life!
33. The other food ingredients
34. Speaking about salt
35. Take food like a medicine — every four hours!
36. Meal schedule to lose weight
37. Satiety
38. Conscious nutrition
Chapter 2. Day two
1. Why “being busy” makes you fat
2. Ranking
3. Have you measured parameters? Have you praised yourself?
4. Tomorrow never comes
5. Three short stories
6. Illusions and mistakes that lead to weight gain
7. My tempter: the false hunger
8. False hunger, i will recognize you!
9. Comfort eating settles problems! Does it work? What makes us overeat?
10. Alexithymia and excess weight
11. Feelings are signals. Learn to recognize them!
12. One question technique
13. The law of proper nutrition — transformation of eaten food into high-quality life
14. “Help” everyone — get excess weight!
15. Social implication and excess weight
16. “Triangle of fate”: giving advice is way easier than living your own life
17. Kindness without common sense is mindless
18. The proof of the pudding is eating, the proof of the wit is listening
19. Freedom is like a bird inside us! Trust your desire!
Chapter 3. Day three
1. Practice is the best master
2. Learn from your mistakes
3. Provide yourself with healthy nutritious food
4. Chew as long as you feel taste
5. There are no excuses for irregular eating
6. Delicious, nutritious and regular meals
7. How to feed a three-headed dragon: hunger, slimness, and pleasure
8. People are haunted not by ghosts, but by beliefs
9. Psychosomatics as it is
10. Circumstances
11. Who do you owe? What do we owe and why?
12. Stress relief and fifty shades of pleasure
13. Fitness formula
14. You want to be slim! Why?
15. Get ready for a date, darling!
16. Imagery
17. Fatness is concealed slimness
18. The time machine
19. Purify your goals
20. The happiness wheel
21. Groundhog day
22. Lack of time
23. Are you happy with your life?
24. A friend, an enemy, or just a stranger
25. Small steps
26. Husband by the hour and a magic toolbox!
27. Seven meals without table deals
Chapter 4. Day four
1. We still need to adopt it
2. Pleasure circle
3. Another barge is drifting!
4. Shopping, swimming, sex, and mates helps a lot to drop some weight
5. An hour of rest after a meal makes you chubby and frill
6. You must spend enough of time, money and energy on yourself!
7. A slim person himself builds his own life
8. False hunger control techniques
9. Meet your inner child, adult and parent
10. Integration of contradictions. Setting personal boundaries
11. Scale of weight loss. Ups and downs
12. Fat hips due to anger
13. Magic feelings
14. Just let it go, Juan! I do it by myself! Housekeeping and entropy
15. Let’s pay compliments to each other!
Annex 1. Ultra-paradoxical psychotherapy. Technique by N. I. Kosenkov
1. Digression
2. Introduction
3. Psyschosomatic disorders
4. Description of the technique
5. Psychotherapy session procedure
6. Indications and counterindications
Annex 2. Mirror neurons. Technique of A.V. Trenogov
Annex 3. It is harder to get slim when you do not know who you are and what you are capable of! “I know what’s on your mind. Mind format”
1. Digression
2. “Let’s go!”
3. Mind parameters
4. Other interesting facts. Info mix — enjoy!
Acknowledgements

Introduction

“Easy Way to Get And Stay Slim. Mindset for weight loss” is based on the integrative lost-weight counseling successfully applied by Artyom Ovechkin for over eight years (“fusion” of cognitive, behavioral and humanistic approach), Ultraparadoxical Psychotherapy developed by I. Kosenkov, “I see you” (mirror neurons techniques) by A.V. Trenogov, and “Mind format” technique by A.G. Lyamin.

This book contains a step-by-step description of the training course accompanied by comments of N. I. Kosenkov, Ph. D. in medicine science, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science, head of psychotherapeutic chamber of Gastroenterology department of Kirov Military Medical Academy; A.V. Trenogov — psychiatrist, psychologist with over ten years of experience in group counseling (psychological correction of weight). There are also comments of those who have already lost excess weight and stay slim successfully due to counseling of psychologist Artem Ovechkin — Olga Tsyganova (lost 110 pounds) and Gennady Arustamov (lost 90 pounds).

In our opinion, our experience of counseling and other information contained in this book allow making decisive progress towards solution of the issue of great public concern — overweight and obesity, which leads to many other coexistent diseases, decreasing quality of life. About 50 percent of Russia population and more than 1.7 billion people in the world suffer from excess weight. For various reasons, professional help of weight loss specialists — a therapist or a psychologist — is not available to many people. The book can be used (and we believe it WILL be applied!) as an important tool not only by overweight people seeking recovery but also by counseling experts: physicians, psychologists, massage therapists, and others.

A combination of effective methods applied during the training described in this book, absence of necessity to count daily calories, or impose strict bans on high-calorie foods make our approach more effective compared to previous ones. At the same time, simplicity, clarity, and effectiveness of the techniques make this approach more comfortable both for people who lose weight and for assisting specialists. According to this book, the problem of excess weight is a complex issue, inherent to a person who shall be considered as a bio-psycho-social being, seeking not only to adapt but also to realize his potential in full. Therefore, losing weight and long-term preservation of achieved results are impossible without self-development, which is described by the authors of the book and confirmed by people who comment on the training after dropping dozens of pounds and successfully preserving the result.

“Easy Way to Get And Stay Slim. Mindset For Weight Loss” won the nomination “Psychology to people — Educative psychology project of the year” of the national psychological contest “Golden Psyche” 2017.

Chapter 1. Day one

— Hello there! We are live on the air again!

My name is Ovechkin Artyom Andreyevich. I am a psychologist, instructor at the Institute of Practical Psychology “IMATON”, author of several books and TV show consultant. I provide weight loss counseling and all kinds of mindset training. Occasionally I conduct seminars all over the world but mainly provide personal, family, and group counseling in Saint-Petersburg. I am 41. I hope I will be able to work as a counselor for a long time. Do you think it’s easy?

— Probably not.

— You are right. Have you already tried to fight against overweight?

— I do it every day of my life! ☺

— You are experienced fighters then. Great! Let’s wait a few minutes for Victor. He will come soon. We are going to have a man in our group. Lucky you! They say it’s easier to succeed with weight loss if there is at least one man in the group. Our plan for success is like that: we will swap places every day to ensure that each of you will have been sitting by the man for a while. It will contribute to weight loss.

— ☺

— Have you ever heard about people who studied the mindset of a slim person at my group sessions?

— My daughter attended the group and took personal consultations.

— How is she doing?

— Fine. Her weight is one hundred forty-three pounds now.

— What was her weight before?

— Two hundred nine.

— So, she lost over sixty pounds. How much time did it take?

— Let me see… Ten months!

— Great! Perhaps someone else has friends or relatives who passed my seminars? Did they succeed?

— My colleague attended your group session. She has lost forty pounds.

— Thousands of people attended my training on practical psychology of being slim. They succeed in weight loss and stay slim. Who can’t get slim? Only the one who does nothing or starts to distort recommendations saying: “Why shouldn’t I try something else?” Actually, everything is easy. During our session, I’ll tell you what to do. You’ll try the technique and start to change your habits. It’s impossible to learn how to drive or ride a bicycle in one day, right?

— Right!

We are in the beginning of never-ending journey of self-improvement

— One stage of this journey is to drop excess weight and stay slim. It’s a long-term process. During our course, we will build a relationship that is similar to the one that is established between a coach and an athlete.

Athletes keep on training. They need to take many efforts to win the competition. But the coach makes his contribution to success either.

He trains the team, corrects mistakes, encourages, and provides moral support to the athletes. Sometimes he even gives them, you know, a swift kick in the pants. As you can guess, it makes athletes redouble efforts, and they achieve success faster. ☺

If you have any questions during our course, you can schedule an appointment for personal counseling on-site or via Skype.

Does anyone else have friends, relatives, or acquaintances who attended our weight loss training course?

— My girlfriend.

— When?

— In 2008.

— Has she lost some weight?

— Yes.

— How much?

— About thirty pounds.

— Does she maintain the weight?

— Yes.

— Any other people?

— My acquaintance attended a group session in May.

— Was she in my group?

— Yes.

— What is her result?

— She told me that she had lost sixty pounds. She definitely looks slim and fit. She is my fellow-student.

— I remember her. She attended another training recently.

So, here is the thing. If you follow our recommendations, you succeed. If you ignore them, you get nothing. Let’s write down a few things.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs Everyone, even the strongest people, has concerns that it won’t work for them. But you have to find the strength to make the very first small step to your dream, and then another one, and another one.

Anyway, you lose nothing. Yes, it won’t be easy. But believe me, it’s worth every effort. I took the first step. I came up for a sort of swift kick in the pants. It was so powerful that my whole world flipped upside down. My counselor inspired me. He gave me hope and demonstrated how attractive my life could be if I were slim.

Obesity is a psychosomatic disease

Obesity is a psychosomatic disorder. At first, your ‘psyche’ suffers, and the body is next. “Psyche” means soul, ‘soma’ means body. Psychosomatic disorder.

Oh, here is our man!

Hello, come up here. Take your seat. Here, Mila shows you the empty chair. Ok. So, I prepared everyone for your arrival. I told them you are a sort of mascot of our group! You know, men are rare here. But their presence contributes a lot to a weight loss of the women.

— ☺

— There are a lot of men with excess weight, but just a few are seeking the assistance of experts. They should. It’s the easiest way to get slim.

N.B.! Obesity is a psychosomatic disorder, a chronic disease that tends to relapse. “Tending to relapse” means that if you return to former eating behavior, you start gaining weight again.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Only humans have self-consciousness. Therefore, we can affect the disease caused by the impaired performance of self-consciousness through the self-exploration.

Remember: psychosomatic diseases are unique to humans!

This type of diseases include bronchial asthma, nonspecific ulcerative colitis, idiopathic hypertension, neurodermatitis, rheumatoid arthritis, gastroduodenal ulcer, coronary artery disease, psychosomatic thyrotoxicosis, diabetes mellitus type II, obesity and neurocirculatory asthenia.

According to our theory, any psychosomatic disorder is a result of a malfunction of hemispheric asymmetry (N. I. Kosenkov, 1997). Psychosomatic disease occurs due to the increased activity of the left hemisphere. We believe that some other diseases, such as radiculitis, hemicephalalgia, intestinal colic, irritable bowel syndrome, dyskinesia of bile ducts, chronic pancreatitis, and infecundity, may have a psychosomatic nature as well.

The physiological adaptation mechanism (for compensation of functional brain asymmetry) is the impairment of an adequate response from body organs or functional systems with temporary functional asymmetry to biological or social stimuli. As a result, these body organs or functional systems are damaged due to trophic disturbances, primarily related to microcirculation disorders, which leads to pain. The pain, in turn, activates the right hemisphere, and the asymmetry of the brain leaves the critical zone.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— I bet your former eating behavior is based on taking long breaks between meals. For example, you satisfy your hunger with sweets and desserts instead of eating healthy food. Have you ever done it?

— Yes.

— So, you ‘feed’ your hunger with desserts, depriving yourself of healthy food. Pauses between meals can last for eight or even ten hours. You eat once or twice a day. Then a woman with this type of eating behavior comes to me and says: “I guess someone put a curse on me. I eat once a day, but I’m still gaining weight!”

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Increase in the volume of the stomach due to the abundant meal changes the reflex activity of the entire gastrointestinal tract and can lead to obesity, since the sensation of satiety occurs much later. That’s why if you are suffering from obesity, you need to cut down the amount of food eaten and increase meal frequency. It helps to ease you hunger and induces early feeling of satiety.

The formation of new fat cells occurs: during the last trimester of pregnancy; in the first six or twelve months after birth; at the age of three, six, and during puberty (at the age of twelve-fifteen). After the age of fifteen, the number of fat cells doesn’t change; it stays the same. But a cell size can change. When you gain weight, fat cells increase in size. When an obese or overweight person loses weight, the fat cells shrink. Severe obesity also causes serious mental changes.

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: For a long time, fat cells were considered to be storage depot. It was believed that they accumulated fat and then got rid of it, just as if they were storage tanks. Now we understand that it works a different way. Fat cells are “alive”. They need nutrition just like all other cells of our body. If you do long breaks between meals, the fat cells tend to accumulate energy intensively instead of spending it.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— I tell her: “Curses have nothing to do with it.” Since ancient time, at certain moments of life metabolism of a human has been tending to slow down, activating fat storage mechanism… Imagine an ancient human. He spends lots of time without eating. For example, he can’t find any food. What will be his body response? Any ideas?

— Accumulation.

— Snezhana, an experienced accountant, is right! His body slows down metabolism and triggers economy mode.

Prolonged starvation is a signal for the body that it is necessary to stock up on the in-taking nutrition just in case if there is no food for a long time again.

When a person spends ten hours without food, his/her metabolism slows down and gets disturbed. During the next meal, some nutrition will be kept “in store”. Imagine that you act like this day by day, for many months. You stay hungry for the whole day, and then, in the evening, you gorge yourself with foods. As a result, your body accumulates unwanted tummy fat.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Functions of adipose tissue are as follows:

— accumulation of energy reserves (one kilogram of fat contains 8,750 kilocalories);

— insulation of internal organs and gastrointestinal tract, their protection against mechanical impact and injuries;

— heat protection (maintaining the proper body temperature);

— accumulation of lipid-soluble vitamins (А, D, Е, К);

— endocrine function..

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Obesity is a chronic disease. It means that you are ‘under threat’ for the rest of life. Progressive obesity means that if you start to gain excess weight, it’s difficult to stop the process.

Nevertheless, sometimes people get “mixed” results.

Tayisia lost ten pounds, and then…

— ...gained twenty pounds.

— Precisely. Then she lost twenty pounds and gained twenty-four pounds. And so on.

We have to restore metabolism after a long-term eating disorder. Most of you never face such a problem when you were young. During a certain period of time, when you were two, five, or seven, you didn’t have any excess weight. Am I right?

— Yes.

— You started gaining weight later.

Change your eating behavior to drop excess weight

When you didn’t have excess weight, you regularly ate, especially when you were a child.

— Think, for instance, of a baby. How often does the baby eat?

— Every three hours.

— Every two or three hours. Skip the meal, and the baby will put you through the wringer, screaming and whimpering until you give up and feed him. Tell the five-year-old: “You are gonna have only fat-free, sugar-free yogurt today.” What do you think he would say?

— He would probably misunderstand it.

— Another option: “You must not eat after 6 pm today”. Once a woman brought her five-year-old son to an Open Day at our center. She didn’t find a babysitter and came with her son. Just out of curiosity, I asked the boy: “Imagine, Mom told you not to eat after 6 pm”. You should’ve seen the look on his face after the question. ☺ After 6 pm? It was beyond his comprehension! Why?

— ☺

— He eats regularly. There was a time when you regularly ate too. Our goal is to restore your healthy food behavior. You will have four to six meals a day. Prepare yourself. People usually arrange “Good-bye, food” feast on the weekend before the session. I bet you did the same.

— Yes.

— That’s a common thing. You prepared the feast, invited friends, right?

— ☺

— “Game over. I start to lose weight. I am going to have fun for last”. Right? Then you come here and find out that you are going to eat four-six times a day.

— ☺

— OK, good. Over the years of counseling, I have helped thousands of people to drop weight. Do you know how many people in Russia suffer from excess weight? Over seventy million! Just fancy! As for the world, there are over a billion seventy million people with excess weight! You see, I still have a lot of work to do.

The most curious things happen when people who have already dropped ten, twenty, or forty pounds. They told me afterward that when they meet an overweight person somewhere, they feel a strong desire to come up and say: “Join us! You can drop weight by eating regularly!”

— ☺

— No medicines, no starvation, no coding, no hypnotic stare, or subliminal stimuli. A woman asked me recently: “Look at me with your special hypnotic stare, the one I saw in the picture on the cover of your book. I know you have a sort of superpower. Can you look at me like that to stop me from gorging myself with foods?

— ☺

— You should address such a request to a psychic or a hypnotist! I don’t know how to do it.

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

We need to recognize that coding helps some people. About ten percent of people feel better after it. What about the remaining ninety percent?

Almost all coding and hypnosis techniques provide for a list of allowed and forbidden foods. Some people immediately declare: “If some food is forbidden, I will eat it for sure.” One of my clients said: “I never liked pies. But after I have been forbidden from eating pies, for some reason, I craved for them. Now I still try to give up this habit”.

The effect of the suggestion of a good hypnotist usually lasts only for a short period of time. This is due to the fact that in addition to the biological immune system, a human being has got a “mental immune system”. When it detects a sort of ‘foreign particle,” no matter if it is nice and useful or not, it easily gets rid of such suggestions and returns to a state of “psychological homeostasis”.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

I can change your eating behavior. I’ll give you useful knowledge and help to form new habits and skills. We’ll create new mental mindsets and work on their adoption. Former dysfunctional mental mindsets will be challenged and rejected to prevent them from triggering weight gain. You will use all the knowledge and skills acquired during our session feeding yourself with tasty, nourishing, healthy food every day. At the same time, you will lose weight! All you need to do is to change your attitude towards yourself, others, and food.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Insulin converts glucose and other carbohydrates into fat and inhibits lipase activity. Normally, one-third of alimentary glucose is used for the synthesis of endogenous fat. For obese people, the ratio of converted-into-fat glucose is up to two thirds.

A decrease in the amount of fat in fat cells is due to increased lipase activity.

What hormones activate lipase?

These are adrenaline and noradrenaline (stress hormones), somatotropic hormone (growth hormone STH), adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH), and glucagon.

Glucagon is a so-called “hunger hormone” produced by α-cells of the pancreas in response to a decrease in blood glucose levels. By raising blood glucose levels, glucagon increases insulin secretion.

Growth hormone is released only from 11 pm to 4 am. This is the time when your body grows and repairs itself. The release of GH is reduced if a person has eaten a lot of sweet things after eight pm (had a cup of tea with cookies or sweets, ate sweet yogurt or some honey, and so on). Or if the person doesn’t sleep at this time (from 11 pm to 4 am), for example, watching TV, as he is afraid to miss something important. Therefore, you shouldn’t eat sweet things (simple carbohydrates) after 8–9 pm. You can eat something else if you are hungry. Besides, you need to sleep from at least 11 pm till 4 am.

Remember, you can lose weight while sleeping!

If you walk in the park in the evening, a few ounces of excess weight will disappear by the morning.

“A monster in the mirror!” Time to settle the problem!

— What was the final straw for you, Eugenia? Why did you come here?

— I met Eugenia. She has lost sixty-six pounds. Fantastic! She became so slim! I was impressed.

— Why does excess weight disturb you so much?

— It’s not comfortable to be like this.

— Why?

— Because of my job. As a network engineer, I often have to creep under tables. It’s not comfortable at all when my body is so big!

— Ok, got it. Elizaveta, what was the last straw for you?

— My twelve-year-old son told me: “Mom, you are getting a bit fatty.”

— A woman told me recently that her young child used to clutch her tummy. No wonder, there is enough of flesh to cling! So, he uses to shake her fat rolls and yells: “Mom, you are so fat!”

That’s it. Just fancy, she told me: “I nearly almost faint when he does it! I feel so bad. It’s depressing”. What about you? What did you feel when your son said that you are “a bit fatty”?

— I realized that my child is embarrassed of having me around. My elder daughter doesn’t like it either.

— Got it. Thank you. Nadezhda?

— I tried everything to get and to maintain healthy weight. I dropped weight, but then I gained it again. The problem is that I can’t maintain the result. I keep this diet or another, then allow myself some treats — and start to gain weight again.

— Why does excess weight disturb you so much?

— Perhaps, it’s because of my job. Frankly speaking, I can’t drop weight anymore. I am concerned about gaining more weight…

— So, you are afraid of gaining weight?

— Yes. It will be harder to drop pounds when I get older.

— Fine. Got it.

— My husband told me: “You were a bit slimmer before.”

— And whenever he goes by, he pinches your tummy…

— Yes. ☺

— Got it. Larisa?

— I don’t like it! I hate this fat! I don’t like myself! Of course, when I meet friends, they tell me: “Why do you need to lose weight? You look great. You are doing well.”

— Of course, they want you stay like this.

— Agree. I believe, they have to look critically at themselves. I am realistic. I am not pleased with what I see in the mirror. Staying in front of the mirror, I often think: “What a mess!”

— I have to do something about it.

— We’ll discuss this “mess” today. Actually, it’s not a mess at all. You say stuff like that because you are a bit tired and disappointed.

— I always treat myself this way…

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

We can gain some weight while getting older. On average, after the twenty-fifth birthday, you can afford to gain five and a half pounds every decade. For example, if at twenty-five you weighed one hundred thirty-two pounds, then at the age of thirty-five, your normal weight is one hundred thirty-seven and a half pounds At forty-five years you can weight one hundred forty-three pounds, and so on. But that is up to you Comfortable weight is something very personal, associated with values and self-identification.

Therefore, you should not count your perfect weight as “height minus 100”. You should stop dropping weight when you feel comfortable.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

While a person is not looking at the mirror, he usually likes himself. Then, why a person often considers himself fat after looking at the mirror? Even people suffering from lack of weight — patients with anorexia and bulimia — believe that they have excess weight and are try to drop it in every possible way. Any objective arguments — weight readings, photos, opinions of others — cannot prove to them that their problem is underweight, but not excess weight. Such behavior is called uncritical (distorted) attitude to weight.

Overweight people often preserve critical attitude to their weight. They realize that their weight is excessive. In addition, this view is supported by the people around and weight readings.

The reason for this behavior is that the mind of an anorexic patient has already formed a “body matrix” based on the constitution of top-models and celebrities who the person looks up to. It’s a tribute to fashion, and at the same time, it’s the destruction of personality, replacement of reality with phantom, and desire to be like this phantom.

In this case, the “error detector”, after unsuccessful attempts to correct the behavior of the person, starts up the process of self-destruction. The person believes that there is another person in his body.

We can create another phantom to correct our body. For this purpose, you need to use your memories and your photos of the time when you were completely satisfied with your body. Then it will seek to return to the state that you had once. It will be you, not a celebrity phantom in the photo.

No! No! And no again! Is it really useful?

— Many people want you to stay big, kind, and appeasable. You know, overweight people are considered friendly and soft.

They never say “no”. This is a great benefit for others. Have you learned to say “no”? Or you have always been able to do it?

— No, not always. Life has taught me. But it’s still hard sometimes.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

We cannot say “no” when it corresponds to our intentions. We cherish and demonstrate in every possible way our best quality — kindness.

This is the main mindset for many people: “A kindhearted person never says “no”. They say, fat person is a kind person, because he can’t resist delicious dishes and his desire for food.

But it’s not the worst thing. N. P. Bekhtereva, an academician of the Russian Academy of Medical Sciences, established that our brain has a special mechanism, so-called “Error Detector”. This mechanism continuously monitors thoughts of a person and compares them with actions: whether they correspond to his life attitudes and rules that were formed by his conscience during upbringing and education.

If such a comparison shows that a person repeatedly acts contrary to his conscience and principles, then the “Error Detector” forces a person to correct his behavior by using psychosomatic disorders as one of the mechanisms for influence on the person. We know that obesity is considered to be a psychosomatic disorder. This is often reflected in so-called compulsive actions and thoughts. These are the first obvious symptoms of psychological distress, manifested by inner anxiety, depression, fears, sleep disturbance, decreased concentration, and mental fatigue. At first, one psychosomatic disease occurs. If a person did not make any conclusions, another disease is added, then another one. If it does not help, a person does not want to correct his thoughts and actions, and the Error Detector starts up a self-destruction mechanism through very serious diseases or injuries.

The only salvation is to live in accordance with our moral instincts.

Live in harmony with ourselves, cherish positive thoughts, be kind, but do not demonstrate this quality everywhere and always, especially when you are not asked to be kind and to impose your goodness on a person..

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— You are a lucky one. We’ll discuss this topic during our training for sure.

— I started to gain weight at the age of thirty-five. I’ve gained a lot of weight during the last four years. You know, hate myself sometimes.

— You shouldn’t. You know, I have an idea. Raise your hand if it is hard to say No for you… If you can’t say No… Be honest. One, two, three… Eight… Nine! Nine people! As you see, the problem is vitally important. Some people take advantage of you. They take your time, money, attention and energy. As a rule, overweight person gives everything to others again and again. Who is the one he cares the least?

— He himself.

— Yes! Exactly. Ok, we’ll work through this. You know, I’m really impressed to hear that you can say No. Great!

— Sometimes I can give a sharp refuse.

— I guess life taught you to act like that?

— Yes.

— Tayisia, what was the last straw for you?

— I’m so tired of all of this stuff! Anytime I meet a friend, I hear something like: “Oh, you are getting some weight!” And then they add:

“It doesn’t matter, you look great.”

— I bet friends notice every excess pound you gain? You gain another couple of pounds, meet your friend, and she tells you: “Oh dear me, you are getting so fat!” And she says it so joyfully that you would like to punch her, right?

— ☺

— If often happens to overweight people.

Joyful sympathy? Bingo, Elizaveta!

☺ Well, don’t worry, you will soon demonstrate your achievements to her. Let her sweat it out.

— I told my husband: “Stop gobbling up!” He looked at me and shot back: “If you are not hungry, don’t eat.”

— Is he overweight?

— No. My husband is tall. He’s got a big tummy, though. He has a job that requires hard physical labor, so…

— A woman from another group told me recently: “My husband proclaimed: “It’s not a tummy. It’s a bundle of nerves!”

— That’s exactly how my husband feels! ☺

— Do you overeat because of some stress?

— Yes.

We’ll talk about it. The problem must be settled. Snezhana?

— This year we went to the seaside. I didn’t want to go out because of my excess weight. If you want to visit some sightseeing, you have to climb into an off-roader. I just can’t do it! It’s too hard for me.

— Did it hurt your feelings?

— Of course! I’d like to go around.

— I ask these questions to make you think why excess weight disturbs you so much. I want you to realize how you feel about it physically and mentally. I bet it happened more than once.

— Yes. During that trip, one incident really disturbed me. My son is ten. He said that he wanted to have a roller coaster ride with me. But there was weight limit. I couldn’t ride with my son!

— I see. It’s really upsetting.

But I am glad that you are here. Many people feel sad, offended, and unhappy. But they go on living with excess weight and obesity and do not take any attempts to try any effective technique for weight loss.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs Just imagine what a great feeling it is when you meet acquaintances who you haven’t seen for a long time, and their jaws drop because they haven’t got accustomed to seeing you slim and beautiful! It is a strange feeling, funny and inspiring at the same time. It gives you desire to get even slimmer. Sympathy disappears while rivalry takes its place. Right, now you can compete with other women on equal terms! I often felt that my friends were scared. You used to be smart, but many people preferred beauties. Now you are smart and beautiful. You can outshine everyone with your charisma and appearance. You are not a drabbie anymore. But true friends are still with me. They love me even more by now, and I love myself too. It’s much easier for me to live now. I buy clothes in stores I always dreamed about, I run without any shortness of breath. I walk a lot, and — amazingly — my legs do not hurt anymore. I don’t have high blood pressure. It’s possible to get slim and maintain weight at the desired level. You live only once. It’s time to get out of your shell.

Hello Rolly Pollies!

— Victor, why does excess weight disturb you so much?

— Heart issues. And short of breath. I know how much I should weigh. I gained a lot of weight in the summer. My wife attended your seminar in winter. The results are awesome! I attended a gym, kept diet until summer. But then I went on a bender. You know, beer, fish, other summer delicacies. It’s hard to stop. Meanwhile, my wife eats often and stays slim!

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: I’d like to say a few words about physical activity. To lose a pound of fat, a woman has to carry a 10-lbs load for seventy-five hours! As for men, they are lucky. They usually lose weight faster. In order to lose one pound of fat, a man needs to carry the same load for only fifty-five hours.

To burn the caloric value of a 3,5-oz bun, one has to jog for about forty minutes (which is, by the way, pretty dangerous for knee joints of an overweight person) or walk with a dog for four hours.

Why do so many people who start to attend the gym lose weight then?

It’s simple. When do people usually attend the gym? In the evening. When do they usually overeat? In the evening! Physical activity leads to the release of endorphins, the so-called hormones of happiness. People usually overeat when they feel upset, bored, lonely, and sad. As you see, physical activity has almost nothing to do with weight loss. Of course, there are those who train intensively (the process of fat burning starts up twenty minutes after the start of the cyclic dynamic loading). However, let’s be honest. There are just a few of them.

Do not think that I discourage you from using any physical activity in the course of weight loss. It is necessary not for weight loss, but to keep your muscles healthy.

Yet, there is another trap that almost everyone falls into. If I eat more, it’s enough to train longer. This works for a car. The more gas you pour into the tank, the longer you drive. If this works for a human, then as soon as the energy obtained with food came to an end, the person would immediately stop until someone re-fueled him. We spend energy that we have received long before this. To be precise, what you ate on Monday will be spent two days later, on Wednesday.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— How many pounds did you wife drop?

— At least thirty-three pounds. We have three children. But she is as slim now as she used to be many years ago.

— As you see, the training has been very productive!

— She commented on me. What a shame!

— ☺

— OK, got it. Mila, what about you? What was your last straw?

— I guess I was stressed when I found out that my weight is over 220 pounds. Another issue: I went on business trips and bought a new jacket every fall. I was at a size 18, but I bought clothing of 20 size. I prefer loose clothes. This year I found out that all my jackets are too tight for me. Size 20 is too small for me now. I was really terrified. Another scary moment: I noticed that when I met friends, I tried to pass by without greeting them. People are used to seeing me as a person I was before — a successful woman who’s capable of doing anything. I don’t want them to see me overweight like this.

— Quality of life deteriorates.

— And my self-esteem decreases.

— …which, in its turn, affects the quality of your life. OK. Nika?

— I began to gain weight after pregnancy. I feel bad. It’s getting harder to move. If I start rocking baby, I get short of breath.

— I see. Olesya?

— I buy 16 — 18 size clothing. Customers and colleagues hint that I am overweight. I heard a new customer said recently:

“Is this plump brunette your director?” Another customer uses to greet me like: “Hi Rolly Polly!”

— ☺

— Shame on him! I am trying to ignore it but being a director…

— It might be really frustrating. OK, I see.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs I am well aware of the problems with clothes. Once, I was at a size 24, even 26 sometimes. I know it sounds terrifying. How could I let myself gain so much excess weight? Every year I bought clothing of a bigger size. When I started to drop weight, almost my clothing ‘got slimmer’ together with me. I re-sew it because I knew that I didn’t want to stop, and buying new clothes every month would be costly and irrational. I am at a size 10—12 now. It’s fantastic, cause it’s so easy to find a nice trendy outfit for me almost in every store. It’s only the beginning. I’m still working for better results.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Anzhelika?

— I don’t like myself anymore. It’s scary to look at myself in the mirror.

— What do you feel at that moment?

— Disgust. This is what I turned into…

— Is it frustrating?

— Yes. Excess weight affects my health well-being, especially when I am at work, even though my job is not related to any physical labor. Once my colleague and me walked from one office room to another one. She told me suddenly: “Anzhelika, you have a short of breath.” I felt embarrassed. It was like a slap in the face.

— Breathe. It’s normal that you are crying now. Here, take a napkin. I understand what you mean. During the training we will definitely work through all the feelings that you have accumulated. You haven’t let them go. They are still in your mind. Ksenya?

— Actually, it’s all the same. Eighteen months ago I was two sizes smaller. Then I gained five kilograms and couldn’t drop them for a year. I even gained more during Christmas holidays. In short, I frantically tried to figure out how to lose weight, rushed from one extreme technique to another. I haven’t tried any diet. Of course, I don’t eat in the evening. It helped me for a while. The last straw was when a shop assistant that was picking out clothes for me said: “I guess you wear a size 18”. I am concerned about these changes.

— What size did you wear before?

— I was at a size 12. In my opinion, I look a lot older and a bit vulgar now.

— We all feel spine-chilling after your words.

Where do you come from and where do you go?

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: Before you start losing weight, you need to send a certain time clarifying a few uneasy issues.

In order to achieve the goal, you need to understand clearly where you come from and where you go.

To do this, you can do the following exercise: write down (no need to think it over, just write down everything that comes into your mind) all sides of your life affected by excess weight. How does it affect your physical and mental health, work, and relationships with relatives, friends, and other people?

How do you feel about it? Where are these feelings concentrated (in your head, chest, in the stomach, or in the whole body)?

Ask yourself: How do I see myself now? What image appears in your mind? It can be an abstract image, a metaphor, or something.

Then describe the environment where you want to get to. Move mentally to a moment of time when you have already achieved what you want and describe your new life in the present tense. Describe your health state, relations with friends, and relatives. Think about other positive changes weight loss brought into your life.

How do you feel while describing your new state? In what areas of your body the sensation is concentrated?

How do you see yourself in this situation? What image (symbol or metaphor) appears in your mind?

After completion of the exercise, you should have two images:

one for a “starting point” and another for a “destination point.” These images will affect you like a powerful magnet, pushing you away from the “starting point” and pulling towards the destination.

“Get slim at any cost!” she said and opened the fridge. How did you drop weight?

— I appreciate that you shared your feelings with me. One more question. What have you tried before to lose weight? We have to discuss the issue. So, let’s talk about it.

Gennadiy Arturovich Arustamov, 41, Ph. D. in Economics, a CEO of “Reka-More” company, dropped 90 lbs:

I’d start telling you the story about my transformation from the time when I weighed three hundred pounds. I’ve already met psychologist Artyom Andreevich Ovechkin, as once I attended his counseling session on issues unrelated to weight loss. I knew that he counseled people who suffer from obesity and stress, and decided to ask him for help. Well, that was over two years ago.

My excessive weight began a long time ago, after school. After graduating from college and starting to work full-time, I began to gain weight. In my youth, I was into sports. So, when I quit, the weight literally started going up. I have been trying to settle the problem of excess weight since I was twenty-four. I tried everything. Diets, fasting, that’s quite a story. I became pretty experienced in weight loss. Looking for different solutions, I tried different methods, specialized clinics — almost everything. Anyway, even if it had any effect, it was only temporary. Excess weight returned, even in a larger amount. In an effort to drop weight, I was doing sports actively and intensively. Perhaps, I put too much on my plate. Anyway, it didn’t lead to long-term results either. My physical condition was getting worse. I continued to gain weight. At the time, when I finally realized that I couldn’t handle it anymore, and Artyom and I started working on my problem, my weight was one three hundred pounds.

I felt really bad.

That was accompanied by a continuing crisis at work and constant emotional fatigue. As a result, at the age of forty, I was totally worn out; my nervous system was all gone. Then we started to work. And the changes began. Ironically, things occurred as follows: Instead of weight loss, we started working on stress, trying to determine and eliminate the primary cause, changing my attitude to stress, life, life perception, to myself and others. I read the recommended books. I listened to the bits of advice given by the authors. We worked hard. It is to my credit that I did my best. I was motivated to achieve significant results. At a certain point, weight loss wasn’t my main goal anymore. My mental state, inner harmony, and positive attitude became much more important to me.

It became my main goal, the primary motivation to move on and continue changing myself. Now, two years later, my weight is two hundred nine pounds. I’ve dropped ninety pounds. Yes, I also do sports. But now I do it properly, bearing in mind medical recommendations.

Speaking of success factors, I should admit that the first one is a mental condition, and the second one is a ration. As for sport, it’s on the third place. I guess, it is important to know about it if you are going to get slim.

Why did I set the priorities like this? That’s because I’ve tried everything! I had been trying to drop weight using sport, diets, fasting, both calculation and ignorance of caloric content, even the famous “K…” clinic, for ten years. I had been taken treatments in “K…” clinic for ten years. But, as I’ve already mentioned, my weight came up to three hundred pounds. I bet you wonder what methods are applied in the clinic. Ph. D. of medical science Kosenkov had nearly the same experience of fasting, and he described it in the book. So, you’ll read about it below. The main method of “K…” clinic is a kind of fasting too. Proper fasting, accompanied by different procedures. During the first four days of being there I ate nothing. I only drank a special broth. I drank rice water four-five times a day, and that’s all. No other food. On the fifth day, they started to bring me out of this state. I was given some juice. At the same they maintained my condition by doing lots of bowel cleansing procedures, so that I felt fine more or less. Then, for the rest of the time, I was carefully brought out of fasting. They slowly, very slowly increased my caloric intake and volume of food consumed. The food was pretty common but yummy. You start to feel the taste of the simplest products. You do not imagine how yummy the cucumber or tomato can be! It’s a taste explosion! Oh, wish you know how yummy common buckwheat porridge can be! I almost fell in love with it cause I suddenly found out how tasty it is. That’s true. Besides, there were supporting medical procedures such as massage, hydrotherapy, pelopathy, and so on. As a result, I dropped some weight.

Ten or fourteen days were enough to complete the treatment course. The most important results were as follows. First, it changed my eating behavior. Second, the stomach shrinks. As a consequence, it decreases the daily amount of food consumed. It usually lasts for two or three months. That’s all. During the next month, I dropped some weight because of the stomach shrinkage and decrease of daily food amount. Then you try to maintain weight, you feel well enough, you have energy. But, as I have told, the effect lasts for a few months only.

By and large, your life remains the same, and your mindsets, mental prism through which you look at life, remain the same too. You return to the same life that you’ve left. Now I understand that there is nothing surprising in the fact that you revert to old habits and responses. It’s impossible to change anything in your life without change of responses, habits, and life attitude.

I’d like to assess the experience of my interaction with the “D…” clinic, either. What did it give me? What are the main advantages? How long did the effect last? What prevented me from achieving long-term and significant results? Actually, it was also quite interesting. In my opinion, I get very important information about caloric content there. Now I realize that only one thing matters. It depends on how much energy you consume with food and on the amount of energy you spend then on physical activity and metabolism. There are no miracles, no magic techniques.

They explain it pretty clearly there. You try this method. They give you tools and explain how to calculate calories. They show you how it works. Then you get significant mindsets. The method includes basic psychological techniques aimed to make you feel disgusted with your favorite high-calorie foods. So, it helps to take away some of the addiction. You get a certain mindset that helps to realize: junky food is not that yummy as you thought before. There are breathing techniques that reduce appetite. That’s true, it works. They are aimed at suppressing appetite. There is a pretty interesting method to identify hunger.

It’s really helpful. As a result, I dropped twenty two pounds again. It’s nearly the same weight that I lost after the course at “K…” clinic.

Weight loss effect after “D…” clinic lasts a bit longer, about five months. That’s it. It brought some positive attitude for sure, and besides — some valuable information.

I’ve been thinking about my interaction with Artyom, our collaboration during the counseling, things we had done trying to understand why it led to such impressive and long-term changes: I dropped ninety pounds and maintain achieved weight. I will tell you about it in this book for sure.

Actually, I still keep my weight under control, ensuring that it continues to decrease. I drop pounds pretty slowly now. I still have a long way ahead of me. Nevertheless, I move on! I realize that I have already adopted some new eating habits and perceiving habits. Living this way is easier and more comfortable.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— We didn’t eat after 6 pm.

— I’ll write down everything. Gym. What else? Coding. I’ll write down all the methods, and then we will discuss them. Coding. Anything else? Fasting. What else? All kinds of diets and food rationing. Surgery? No? Great! So, you haven’t tried it yet. I believe there will be no need for surgery soon. What else? Pellets.

— Yes.

— Really? Pellets, slim teas, BAAs.

— Diuretics.

— Pellets, teas, herbs. As usual, they have a diuretic or purgative effect, or both sometimes, to give you a tiny bit of fun. “Getting slim at any cost!”

— ☺

— Acupuncture.

— Reflex therapy. They can use needles, pressing and cautery, and so on.

— Coding.

— Fasting. Once I attended a medical center. I hadn’t eaten for sixteen days.

— Yeah, I am serious. It was a sort of fasting marathon. Was it the “weight loss” clinic? I don’t remember. You shouldn’t eat 24 hours before the start. Then you go to the center, talk all night long there. In fact, I had to stay away from food for thirty days after it…

— I’d like to tell you a story now. There is a well-known “fasting counselor” in the city of… Three participants of his training died last year. One of them died on the eighteenth day of fast. But it doesn’t stop people from coming!

Remember, fast can be applied only in the clinic under the supervision of physicians! Besides, it is intended not for weight loss but in order to clean the body and improve the health state. During this period, the health condition of the patient should be continuously monitored. If you start fasting under the supervision of a scammer, it can turn out badly.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

I tried fasting twice. My weight decreased. But a year after, I gained twice the weight I had lost during fasting. Yes, I had an unusual experience at the time of getting out of fast. What a great taste diluted juice has! I had never tried such a yummy drink before. My taste and smell senses were heightened. At the time of fasting, I felt ease throughout my body. I was active and positive. But after fasting my weight went up as fast as ever! Fasting can be applied if you have medical evidence, but not for weight loss. It’s all up to you. Is that what you want?

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

Another interesting fact: Why does your weight go down during fasting? As it turned out, two-thirds of lost weight consist of fat, as for the rest — it’s muscles! Just think about it — muscles! Now, can you guess the “content” of the weight that returned after fasting? Right, we’ve got more fatty cells and no muscles. Your body becomes flabbier. You know, it’s pretty easy to gain a pound of fat. As for a pound of muscles, it will take a lot of time and effort.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— What else?

— Enemas!

— Oh my.

— Vomiting.

— Yes, there are some “weight-dropping” groups that gather at night. I am serious! I’d better not tell you the name. They gather at night, bring basins…

— ☺

— People are sitting and talking at the meeting, just like us. They are eating, with basins by their side. Before eating, they are given some water with a special emetic dissolved in it. Actually, people have no idea that there is emetic in their drink. “It’s a slimming cocktail!” People bring their favorite treats, delicious high-calorie food to the meetings. They eat, sitting in a circle with basins by their side. Then somebody starts vomiting. The others are carefully observing the process, and the same thing happens to them… Imagine what it would be if we were sitting here vomiting into basins. That would be impressive, right? It’s no surprise that people have a poor appetite after such meetings. They don’t overeat for a while.

— ☺

— Enemas. You know, there is an extremely popular lady. People come to her seminars in crowds. She easily gathers around two hundred people. They sit and listen for a few hours how great enemas are! What do you usually take with you when you go out of your house? Phone, keys. Have you forgotten your enema?! Oh no, all is lost!

— ☺

— You have to take enema in the morning and in the evening. But what happens if after six months of active “enema-taking” you suddenly stop doing it? How does your body respond?

— It probably fails to function normally without an enema.

— The intestines can’t work normally. You face stool retention since the microflora has been washed away.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

We tested the effect of colonic washing with nine liters of saline solution for twenty minutes in the hospital setting. After the procedure, the psychological state improved dramatically, a sensation of euphoria was brought, ease and lightness filled the body, energy level increased.

The result seems to be great. However, prior to the procedure, we measured the blood pressure of the patient, as well as the amount of adipose tissue, extracellular fluid (blood, lymph), intracellular fluid and so-called active (muscle) cell mass (in pounds and percentage) by using the method of complex bioelectrical impedance analysis.

What did the objective data indicate? Blood pressure rose from 130/80 to 180/120 mm Hg.

And the patient didn’t feel an increase in blood pressure! You can get a stroke after the procedure without even noticing it. And they call it health-improving procedure! The content of extracellular fluid drastically reduced, the blood became thick. It could lead to the formation of a blood clot in the vessel and death from a heart attack or stroke. What a great treatment procedure! So, think twice before trying it.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Any other methods? What else people do for weight loss?

— Surgery for obese people! Liposuction, bariatric surgery. They cut away a part of your stomach.

— In fact, it’s not so simple. It doesn’t mean that a person will be fit and healthy two hours after liposuction or stomach stapling. After a while, he’s got a layer of fat again! Where? In the liposuction area?

— No.

— No. Where then, Eugenia?

— In other areas.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs I’ve never tried any diet. Yes, I am lazy. I always told myself: It wouldn’t help anyway. But at the same time, I constantly complained: “I am fat. Nobody loves me. Nobody needs me.” Finally, I understood: I have to do something! Now I am ready. Then this mindset training happened. And I trusted my mentor’s words for some reason. I was inspired. My friend supported me, and I took the first step of the journey to my dream.

Eight rules of a slim person

— N.B.! Rule one.

A slim person maintains a well-balanced ration, consumes as much food as he needs, preventing the generation of fat deposits.

— I heard that they insert something into your stomach, and it prevents you from overeating.

— You are talking about a stomach balloon. A person swallows a special balloon.

Then, when being inside, it gets inflated. A larger part of the stomach can’t digest food since it contains the balloon. But we are stubborn, aren’t we? What should we do if most of the stomach is full because of the balloon?

— We’ll use the least part.

— Precisely. People use the least part beyond measure, extending it! The stomach is a muscular bag. It can be stretched. Sometimes this balloon bursts in the stomach. How can you detect it? Urine turns blue. Besides, sometimes stomach balloon comes out in a bad way. But we shouldn’t discuss it now.

Is that all? Have we forgotten something? Frankly speaking, there are more than seven hundred modern methods of weight loss. The ones you applied are written on the board, but there are many more others. Most of them are aimed at the body, biological part of our personality.

Diet means that you prohibit your body from consuming particular foods. How will your body respond?

— It will strive for the food!

— Yes, you can even see it in your dreams. For example, if you are banned from eating bacon, you will see bacon in your dreams.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Food eaten at the end of a meal remains in the center of the food lump in the stomach and enters the intestine later than other food — in three hours. As it usually contains carbohydrates, getting into the blood after all this time, they will help to reduce excess insulin, if any, and there will be no weight gain!

The blood sugar concentration increases all hormones except insulin. This means that any stress, including activation of sex hormones, increases blood sugar levels even without food, when your stomach is empty, which leads to the release of insulin, hypoglycemia (decrease in blood sugar level) and overeating (blind munchies)!

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— N.B.! Rule two.

A slim person doesn’t have any list of banned foods. He knows precisely the amount and quality of food consumed and the rules of its consumption.

Let’s talk about doing sports. A woman has to bend over backwards training on running or any other gym machine to lose some weight. Right? Have you tried? Raise your hand if you have. You, and you, Nika. Who else? Nika, have you succeeded with weight loss doing sports?

— No.

— What about you, Mila?

— 24 pounds.

— Was it hard?

— Yes, it was! Six-kilometer cross-country running every morning and diet.

— Diet! So it wouldn’t work without diet, right? Attempt to lose weight and maintain it only through exercises without any diet is a hopeless mission.

— I’ve been trying it for twenty years. No result.

— I am not surprised.

N.B.! Rule three.

A slim person doesn’t try to lose weight by doing sports. He drops and maintains weight by managing his nutrition.

Coding. As usual, the technique is based on fear: take a drink — and you are dead, overeat — you are dead, or something bad happens to you. This way or another, they put this pattern into your mind. You start to believe in it. But it doesn’t last for long.

A coded person often feels angry and annoyed.

Have you ever dealt with that? Which of you met “coded” alcoholics on your life pass?

— Me!

— Me too!

— So, how would you describe them?

— They are aggressive.

— These people are angry and fussy. Sometimes a wife of such a “coded” drunker brings her husband back to the specialist back and says: “Please, decode him! I can’t live with such a person. Just let him drink if he wants.”

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: I studied different coding methods and often said to my clients: “If you have money, try coding. It’s pretty interesting. Besides, it can be helpful.”

I’d like to tell you about a method described by one of my clients.

After the client sits down in the chair, the doctor and his assistant — who is usually pretty big — start a doleful lecture about the dangers of gluttony. When the client almost falls asleep, the doctor, who was walking around the room before, suddenly comes from behind. The assistant fixes the client’s legs and hands, the doctor throws back his head sharply, pressing the lower jaw so that the mouth opens. Then he sprinkles something bitter and smelly, like rotten fish, on the root of the tongue, and, yells loudly looking into the client’s eyes:

“Stop overeating! Stop overeating!” Then they say to the client: “That’s all, you can go.”

I asked her: “So, any result?”

The client: “When I came out, I felt offended. I paid them, and what have I got? They yelled at me. So, I decided to find a snack bar and comfort myself with some pies.”

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Pellets. Please, be especially careful with the pellets from Thailand and China. You shouldn’t take them! Russian Academy of Medical Sciences researched products represented on the Russian market. Thai and Chinese weight loss pellets were banned. They found anorexics in a number of these medicines. These substances are kind of drugs. They improve your mood, reduce appetite, but in a while, you’ve got issues with liver, kidneys, skin, hair, teeth, insomnia, and then, after a certain time, depression and many other upsetting consequences.

There are other weight loss medicines: “Xenical”, “Meridia” and others. Have you taken it?

— Yes.

— By medical prescription?

— No, on my own. I took “Meridia”.

— Did it help?

— Yes, I dropped a good deal of weight, but I was also “coded” at that time.

— Oh, were you?

— I took a coding procedure long ago. So, I decided to add pellets at the end of the coding period.

— As a rule, the effect of the products is either negligible or absent. It is useless. What was your result?

— I don’t remember exactly. But it was not great.

— “Meridia” is off the market right now. It has too many contraindications and side effects.

— What about “Xenical”?

— It doesn’t go well with fatty food. You need to quit one or the other, fatty food or “Xenical”. Can you guess what people usually choose? They say farewell to “Xenical”. When taking the pellets and eating fatty food, you often face the problem of getting to “porcelain bus”, to W.C., as soon as possible. People get terrible diarrhea. It takes a lot to wash away the “pebble dash” from the toilet bowl. If it happens when you are at somebody else’s house, they’ll never invite you again. My clients complained to me about it.

N.B.! Rule four.

A slim person doesn’t believe that coding, “magic” pellets, medicines, herbs, and liquors can help to achieve and maintain an ideal weight. One prefers to change nutrition, mental mindsets, lifestyle to become slim easily and joyfully.

Teas, elixirs, BAAs.

— I tried it all.

— Did you succeed, Snezhana?

— No. I took apple vinegar with honey in the morning.

— In what proportion?

— A tablespoon to glass for a month.

— And?

— I lost about ten pounds.

— In my opinion, you shouldn’t drink vinegar, guys. Imagine someone asking you: “How about a glass of vinegar in the evening?”

— ☺

— The body starts losing weight in surprise. You have no idea what comes into the mind of people who try to drop weight. But by and large, all these pellets — number one weight loss pills, as they try to persuade us on T.V., do not help in the long-term period! Name at least one medicine that helps you both to lose weight and maintain the result for a long time.

— My daughter tried “Swallow’s Nest” or something like this. A sort of slim tea. But it’s tough. Intestines are almost get knotted.

— Yes. So, you know how it works.

Reflex therapy. We have already discussed it — needles, cautery, impact on biologically active points of the body, and so on. But the effect is temporary. How many pounds have you lost this way?

— Twenty pounds.

— Did you gain them back?

— Yes.

— So, you got these twenty pounds back anyway. And I guess it’s your fault partially.

— ☺

— Enemas. That’s obvious. People torture their weak bodies in any possible way: stick with needles, stuff with pills, and other things. At first, your body starts to lose weight but then gains it again. The reason is simple. We’ve got not only body but. What else?

— Psyche.

— Precisely. Some call it consciousness, the others — psyche or soul, but it’s no matter how you name it. It exists. Why do we know that it exists? It makes itself felt from time to time. In what way?

— Mood.

— Feelings.

— Yes, feelings. It either bleeds or fills with joy and soars in the sky. Then something else happens. Sometimes we get stressed. “Stress” is one of the favorite words in the modern world. The body responds to environmental changes. Everything is changing. Sometimes these changes are critical.

Marriage is a source of stress, isn’t it?

— Yes.

— It’s stressful. Divorce?

— It is stressful too.

— Funeral, moving, new job — they are all sources of stress. We constantly have to adapt to the changing environment.

N.B.! Rule five.

A slim person knows how to manage the response of his body to stress properly and never comforts himself with eating.

Do you usually adapt easily? Successfully?

— No.

— Things often don’t go our way, and we feel bad about it. What negative emotions do you usually feel?

— Low spirits.

— Melancholy, insomnia.

— Anger.

— Anger, rage. What else? The most typical ones?

You feel offended because something goes wrong. “Everything must be different! She shouldn’t act this way and say such things. They shouldn’t…”

You feel guilty because you had to do things differently, but you couldn’t.

Anger, insult, guilt, uneasiness. Loneliness in the crowd. There are so many people around, but you feel lonely. Do you know this feeling?

— Yes, and pretty well.

— Uneasiness. It’s not clear how it will end up, but you want to know it immediately.

What is the easiest way to repress all these negative feelings? Comfort eating. Food is…

— The answer to everything.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Stress, adaptation. Only the laziest does not use these words appropriately and inappropriately! In the dissertation “Dynamics of the body’s sensitivity to certain hormones in the course of adaptation” (1985), we demonstrated that during the three stages of stress, when adrenal gland hormone production decreased dramatically (Hans Selye considered it to be exhaustion), hormone system is not exhausted. It works differently!

The sensitivity of cells with hormone receptors and their response to hormones have changed. A small dose of hormones causes over-response in some organs and reduced response in others, while there is no response at all in some other organs and systems.

Besides, it turned out that the metabolism of the whole organism also changes. The body has reduced oxygen consumption at rest and at work. It led to the accumulation of a fat mass of trial subjects. Many gained up to thirty-forty pounds over the winter.

Such changes were associated with the reorientation of the metabolism from the Krebs cycle to the pentose cycle. It leads to the accumulation of fat in the body.

So as soon as stress enters into its last stage, and real adaptation (not disadaptation, as Selye considered it) occurs, the person immediately begins to gain weight due to changes in metabolism!

The same happens to athletes who stop training. They have constant hypoxia associated with increased oxygen consumption by the body during exercise.

Prolonged hypoxia leads to the formation of the adaptation of the body to any (really any!) stressful effects! But they pay the price facing metabolic changes to the pentose cycle. It leads to obesity in case of a decrease in physical activity.

So, if you start to gain weight, it means that you have adapted to life circumstances and changes. New stress reduces your weight for a particular time, but as soon as you get adapted, the weight starts to grow again!

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: It is noteworthy that, as a rule, there are always people in groups who say that they lost a good deal of weight under stress or during illness.

Under stress, adipose tissue is actually consumed (if the stress is not relieved by eating), but mainly at the periphery of the body (arms, legs, face). As for the corpus, it loses much less weight. The same process occurs when people get older. Arms and legs become slimmer.

If a weight loss is related to some disease, then you shouldn’t be happy about it. It usually occurs due to the loss of muscle tissue.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— N.B.! Food is a psychoactive substance; it changes our consciousness.

How does it change? It increases the endorphin level. Endorphins, as you maybe know, are hormones of happiness, such as natural morphine derivatives in our body. Had some food — got endorphin rush! The endorphin level is high, and you feel high! It’s like pushing a magic button. Everything was so desperately bad. You’ve eaten some food — and things got better. Would you like to try it again? Sure!

When we are under a sort of stressful pressure, hormones cortisol and adrenaline are released. As a result, you feel bad, it contributes to the weight gain, as it provokes an attempt to improve your physical and psychological state by eating. By the way, weight loss slows down if you are under stress.

After a meal, the blood glucose level spikes dramatically, and the rise of blood glucose level causes a strong anxiety-suppressing effect. So, you feel good because of endorphins, and at the same time, anxiety disappears.

Great! ☺

No need for sedatives, right?

We must learn to treat food differently. Escape stress-eating but prevent stress from suppressing a true hunger.

We’ll discuss various methods of reducing stress, and how to relieve psycho-emotional and physical pressure. We have to learn how to do it by using other things and activities.

N.B.! Rule six.

A slim person can distinguish between true and false hunger to avoid comfort eating because of problems, difficulties, stress.

You need to learn how to distinguish between true and false hunger.

True hunger means that your body needs nutrition. As for false hunger, it’s a longing of the spirit or psyche. The psyche lets you know that something is missing by using the sensory system. What does it mean if it sends out a signal of loneliness? What do you lack?

— Communication.

— The psyche is longing for communication. We give it some food instead. It’s easier and faster. We have no time.

— ☺

— Or you suddenly feel anxious. Anxiety is longing for some information. It can be relieved by getting it, as well as by the conscious cessation of “mental walks to the future” and haunting the development of negative expectancies.

Instead, we get some food again!

It’s necessary to break this vicious circle. We need to distinguish between true and false hunger.

When you feel hungry, it’s not always because of physical hunger. Sometimes there is a psyche hunger behind it.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: That’s true! In the initial stages of weight loss, it’s tough to distinguish between true hunger and false hunger. I trained myself, noted time between meals. It was just as tough for me as it is for you, I felt like I was at the minefield. I was afraid to make a mistake, to do something wrong, so I got one thing straight: hunger appears in a different amount of time depending on what you have eaten. If my thoughts draw me to fridge in an hour or two after a properly balanced meal, it’s not because of the true hunger. Then, it’s infamous false hunger, and I need to do something about it. I went for a walk, tried to distract myself with other things, talked to friends, or simply trained my willpower, persuading myself that after a while, I would pamper myself by eating something yummy. Indeed, as they said in my group classes, you need to learn how to negotiate with yourself. Of course, there were times when nothing worked out. So what did I do? I ate what I wanted, but then I got back on track because I had a goal. As they say, the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Tomorrow I’ll give you three criteria for distinguishing between true and false hunger and describe the distinction procedure. Then you’ll learn to recognize true hunger in five or ten seconds after receipt of a “hunger signal”.

N.B.! We have to feed our True Hunger with tasty, nourishing, and favorable food four-six times a day, while False Hunger gets nothing. It doesn’t need food. It is important to provide your hunger with tasty, “appetizing” food. Dessert and high-calorie foods in each meal have to contain fifty kilocalories or less.

Later I’ll describe to you a couple of ways to manage false hunger.

Let’s talk about human beings now. We still have a mysterious third circle in this diagram. It remains unfilled. “Bio”, or body, is a physical, material aspect, the “psyche” is a spirit. What else do we need to become human beings? What does a human being need for turning into a fully-realized person?

— Other people?

— Exactly! We all need society, social relations.

Society turns a human being into a person.

Sometimes they find children who, for one reason or another, have been isolated from society and grew up wild, raised by animals. Have you heard about such cases? Media write stories about it sometimes. Such person can hardly become a human. Imagine if you have lived with animals for up to five or ten years and cannot talk, communicate, or normally interact with people.

Eating behavior and habits are at the intersection of biological, psychological, and social aspects of our personality. Overeating is caused by all these factors.

Let’s talk about overeating. What does it mean? Food enters our body and turns into energy. Some of the energy is consumed for life support. What happens if you consume as much energy as you need to live?

— Everything is fine. We don’t gain weight.

— Yes, you can maintain weight. What if you consume a bit more energy than you need for life support?

— The excess of energy is stored as fat.

— A person gains excess weight little by little.

Let’s see what happens to the energy. These are our muscles, fat cells, connective tissue, several layers of skin, and this is excess energy converting into fat deposits. It’s a kind of a gas tank, storage of excess energy, excess “fuel”… Fat cells start to increase in size. The size of individual cell could increase tens times! Imagine a gas tank that holds up forty liters. You pour gasoline into it, fill it full. If you don’t stop, gasoline will be poured over the edge. As for our body, it’s a kind of stretchable “gas tank”. That’s why some people weigh four hundred pounds and even more. It’s a way of intense suffering that leads to disability and, as a result, to an early death.

We need to stop this vicious process. Energy entering with food should be less than consumed energy. In order to achieve the goal, we have to learn how to estimate calories in food.

— Everything is fine. We don’t gain weight.

— Yes, you can maintain weight. What if you consume a bit more energy than you need for life support?

— The excess of energy is stored as fat.

— A person gains excess weight little by little.

We need to stop this vicious process. Energy entering with food should be less than consumed energy. In order to achieve the goal, we have to learn how to estimate calories in food.

Gennadiy Arturovich Arustamov, 41, Ph. D. in Economics, a CEO of “Reka-More” company, dropped 90 lbs:

My wife has always supported me in my desire to lose weight, as it was medically necessary. So, at that moment, the main course and the main aim of my life was to get rid of excess weight and to return to myself.

Doctors refused to predict long-term prognosis; they didn’t recommend me to make long-term plans. Things had gotten pretty bad. Almost desperate. I weighed three hundred pounds. I had diabetes, hypertension of some high degree. Pills were almost useless. Every six months, I increased the dose of medicines to regulate pulse and arterial pressure. I suffered from some other diseases as well. I took handfuls of pills twice a day. All of these occurred against the background of constant stress and insomnia. I had a serious sleep disorder. It led to the catastrophic failure of multiple body systems. I was in very poor condition. Problems with back, high blood sugar level. It was very upsetting. I was forty.

By now, we’ve managed to achieve the following results. I’ve lost ninety pounds of excess weight. I don’t have diabetes anymore. I can safely say, that Type-2 diabetes can be healed. Believe me. And it’s not very hard. Even suffering from Type-2 diabetes you can safely start losing weight. I am pleased to confirm it. It’s fine. You can settle it. Diabetes shouldn’t stop you from getting slim. Even in that case, the body responds to the change in the volume of food consumed. It starts to lose excess weight. I take only two pills daily instead of fourteen.

What else can I say? I still do sports. I focused on training the cardiovascular system and did aerobic exercises, avoiding tough strenuous activity. I did a lot to improve the performance of cardiovascular and respiratory systems, so my training activities were mainly directed to achieve this goal.

My wife supports me in everything that I do. Of course, she was surprised a lot with the result. After a while I realized that it is the only right way of healing all the disorders (regular meetings with a psychologist, medical supervision, split balanced nutrition, sensible sport), that it changes the internal state of the body, I urgently tried to draw my spouse into it, almost by force. I realize now that it was a mistake. This state can only be achieved if a person makes this decision on his own. We have to love and accept our nearest and dearest just as they are. There is no need to draw our beloved into your way or force them to do something. They see everything. If they like what you are doing, they will follow you. As for us, we just have to love them. That’s all. As soon as I stopped trying to draw my spouse into ranks of people losing weight… and started to do things related to love and emotional support, and the family turmoil came to an end. Our relationship became deep and balanced.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Have you ever counted the calories?

— Yes.

— Anzhelika. Anyone else?

Nika. Fine.

Was it dreary?

— Yes.

— Sure.

— But you get accustomed to it.

— Agree, Nika?

— Yes.

— But still, I don’t really want to count calories, especially for the rest of my life. We have to settle it. Tomorrow I’ll tell you about it.

I will explain how to count the energy value of food in an easy way that allows decreasing excess weight. You can get slim without endless mathematics that makes your head whiz. It would be terrifying!

Our lives are not about counting, but we can take into energy the value of food by using a new simplified system in order to improve the quality of life.

We’ve got a key to open this door.

But the most important thing is to understand why this extra energy contained in extra food is just “begging” to get into the body. So, the things are starting to get clearer. We’ve got a few hints on what we are dealing with. The reasons are as follows: you do not distinguish between true hunger and false hunger and feed with food both hunger of your body and hunger of your psyche. Because of the false hunger, you eat a lot of excess high-calorie foods, trying to relieve negative emotions and stress with food.

What are the other reasons for excess food getting into your body? There is a critical one. A person begins to spend time, money, and energy on others, forgetting about the needs of his psyche and body.

N.B.! “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

This effective formula has been existed for over two thousand years. It reflects the wisdom of harmony, balance, and the health of the individual and society. It tends to fail when “Love your neighbor” has been put up on a pedestal, and “yourself” has been almost completely neglected.

Zap — and you push yourself aside, to the bottom of the list! What about your “neighbors”? We give them everything beyond all measure: our time, money, attention and energy! Every day, every moment we save everybody… except ourselves. Wake up in the morning, put your “911” cap and run to do some good, right?

— ☺

— What about time for yourself?

“Should I feed myself? Yes! Feed! I have to do so many things!”

We will deal with this problem. Why does a person with excess weight constantly lack resources for himself, but provide others with everything they need?

You get into details and realize that he’s not obliged to do this or that. But everyone comes to him and asks for help. “Please!” When sometimes the person tries to say “no”, the seekers start to shed a tear and lay on the sob stuff with a trowel: “Please!!!” In a while, you start to feel sympathy for them, right? Certainly. The others try to get what they want not by sympathy but by bullying. For example, a person with excess weight tries to deny a request. “What? What did you just say?!” The person replies: “Oh, sorry, you are right…” And once again, he starts to do everything for everyone.

We have to settle it in class. Are you familiar with this problem? Be honest. One, two, three, four. Anybody else? Five, six, seven. Seven people. As you see, it’s a common problem.

N.B.! The lifestyle when you do for others the things that they can do by themselves leads to gain of excess weight!

You feel offended. You give them everything and get…

— Nothing!

— Nothing. Then you comfort yourself with eating. Besides, you feel guilty because no matter how hard you try to cater to every whim of others, you’ll never be able to please everyone. It’s getting more and more annoying. No leisure, chronic fatigue. You suffer from chronic fatigue, but you don’t sleep enough. As a result, headache or heartache appears. This, in turn, makes you feel anxious. You comfort yourself with food. Again. It’s a vicious cycle.

N.B.! Rule seven.

A slim person knows how to treat others and himself properly. He is aware of his physical and mental needs, allocates enough time, money, and energy to meet these needs.

A slim person does not do for other things that they can and must do by themselves.

N.B.! Rule eight.

A slim person stays slim because he does not transfer responsibilities for his life and his weight to other people and circumstances.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs It was hard for me to say “No” but I kept learning. Of course, sometimes, it didn’t work. Even now, it doesn’t always work, as I am a kind, helpful person by nature. But it is really useful to learn how to do it at least sometimes. I am very sociable, and it always hurts me when my pals and me go separate ways. I do everything to keep them in my life, but I do not allow anyone to get a free ride on my back. There was a recent instance when I told “no” to a person very dear to me. So what do you think? He has not gone out of my life; he knew that it’s hard for me to fulfill all his requests. The person just said that he would never ask me for help again. At first, I had a bitter feeling inside of me. I was afraid of losing him. Imagine my relief and joy when I realized that our communication had not changed at all! I have plenty of such examples — no need to cultivate feelings of anger and resentment if we can change the situation. You just need to learn how to refuse requests if you do not see any benefits for yourself. Any relationship is based on mutual contributions, not on the efforts of only one person.

Reasons of gaining excess weight

— Now let’s talk about traditions and their effect on excess weight.

How much do we usually cook for Christmas Eve and New Year party?

— Plenty.

— We put mayonnaise almost into every dish, bake cakes.

— Then people visit each other with baskets full of food. You try from my basket; I try from yours.

— ☺

— Ten days that shook the world from the 25th of December to the 5th of January.

— Over ten days.

— Precisely! Some people start to celebrate even earlier. They not only eat far too much, but they also drink alcohol! As a result, happy and swollen people return to work after vacation. Some gain fifteen pounds, the others — twenty pounds.

— ☺

— By the way, most of this weight is due to the fluid accumulated in edemas. But there is some fat too!

Habit is the second nature

— Habits. Who instills them in us, and how? At first parents, people emotionally crucial for us, then teachers, relatives. We will discuss these habits and the impact they have on gaining excess weight. For example, let’s take the habit of eating up.

— Every dish! ☺

— Clean Plates Society. A woman from the morning group said that parents used to tell her when she was a little girl: “You should see a flower at the bottom of your plate.”

— ☺

— So, the child eats, digging deeper and deeper with his spoon, but there is no flower. The girl continues to work on it.

— A woman told me recently: “I force my grandchildren to eat. They don’t want to eat up, but I force them by any means. For example, by telling them: “You don’t love your Granny!”

— My mother just tied the child, my younger brother, to the chair.

— Really?

— Yes, it’s true. He is a man now, and he eats nothing except sausages, cheese, and candies. I told her: “What have you done to your son?” She replies: “What should I do? He didn’t eat. So, I tied him, opened his mouth, and force-fed him”.

— That’s how it works sometimes! It’s a frustrating story with sad consequences.

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

I’d like to tell you another story. Once I had at my seminar a client with a weight of two hundred fifty pounds. On the first day, when we talked about reasons for weight gain, he said that he was always overweight as a kid. The man was sure that in his case, this problem was inborn, and he came just to check if it would help him.

Then, during relaxation, he suddenly remembered that at the age of four, he went to the village to his grandparents for the whole summer. And for the entire summer, they told him: “Eat more, and you’ll become a superman” — and stuff like that. He also said that for some reason, he was the only child in the village full of super-caring older adults. They made a schedule establishing where and when he would have lunch. Can you imagine how eager they were to feed the only four-year-old child in the village and how they persuaded him to eat one more spoon for his Mom, Dad, and Granny?

As soon as the man realized that it was just a mindset adopted in childhood, and he didn’t need to continue to follow it, his excess weight began to disappear. As a result, he lost one hundred thirty-two pounds without any effort!

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Social pressure in terms of nutrition takes place among the grown-ups too. For example, when you come to visit someone but you are not hungry. However, they start to beg and force you to eat by all means, as a rule, by manipulation, making you feel guilty: “Why don’t you eat? Do you mean to offend me? I cooked until midnight yesterday! You do not respect me. What a shame!”

— There is a joke I’d like to tell you. Once a woman with excess weight came to a doctor and told him: “I’m done. I have a big family. I eat up after everyone. Kids do not eat at all. My husband doesn’t eat much. We have a bunch of leftovers every day, and I eat up everything!” The doctor asks her: “You live in the countryside, right? Then you should buy a pig and feed it”. — “What? Do you want me to eat up after the pig too?”

— ☺

— Yes! Well, that’s a different situation. You are not hungry, but your friends or relatives force you to eat: “What does it mean — you are not hungry? How can it be?”

— I bet you did it once or twice, or maybe even many times, Galina?

— Of course, I did. My husband returns home from work and says that he is not hungry. “What? You have to eat at least a little bit”. — “Thanks, I am not hungry.” — “What? Where were you? You had dinner somewhere! What does it mean?”

Eating everywhere, eating with everyone

— Eating to join the club. As usual, a person eats one and a half, and sometimes twice as much when eating with friends. Researchers conducted experiments in different countries. A person eats less when surrounded by strangers. When dining with friends, one overeats.

— What about TV?

— Dining with TV is the worst option. We’ll discuss it today.

Let’s talk about physiological reasons for weight gain. What are they?

— Sedentary life.

— Inactive lifestyle, heredity, and so on. Poor me, I’ve got a defective gene from Granny, and it ruined my life. ☺ “Have you seen my Granny? No? Look, here is her picture”. — “So what?” — “It’s not my fault that I am overweight? Look! My Granny weighted three hundred thirty pounds. Have you seen my Mom? Now you understand!”

People tend to shift responsibility to other shoulders.

It is the easiest way to explain obesity. “I am fat because all my ancestors were fat.”

Other popular “contributors” are pregnancy and maternity. Nika, I know you consider it to be a reason for your weight gain”.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: When people ask me how I had gained so much weight, I reply: “I had been overeating since I was a child.” I never blamed my heredity or anybody even though my parents introduced baby porridges to me too early. They were afraid that their daughter would be undernourished. As she grew older, she continued to eat more and more, and then she started gorging herself with foods. Yes, I ate a lot. Even when I was full, I couldn’t stop staring at all these yummy foods. When I came to grannies, aunts, it seemed like their main task was to shove everything they had into me, just to demonstrate hospitality. And I was pretty content with it. I am sure many of you understand me very well.

Frankly speaking, I still have this feeling from time to time, but now I know how to deal with it. In my childhood, parents often took me to endocrinologists. Doctors claimed with one accord that I would lose excess weight as I grew older, I would shoot up. But it never happened. By twenty-one, I weighed two hundred fifty pounds. How I hated my reflection in the mirror, I hated myself for my weakness! At one point, an inner voice told me: “Olya, you can’t go on like this, and you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.” And it just clicked in my mind. That summer, I finished the fourth year of university and had the last year ahead. Suddenly I realized that I wanted to receive an honors diploma and come to the University graduation ceremony as a slim beauty wearing a beautiful outfit. So, I got two primary goals for the coming year: an honors diploma and a slim body! Well, I achieved my goals. Now it’s your turn. Will you dare?

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— It’s all due to feeding.

— Sure, breath-feeding. What else? Endocrine disorders.

Let’s explore this set of reasons.

Move your body!

Inactive lifestyle. Nowadays there are so many things that machines do instead of us. Cars carry us, and elevators can take us up to the desired floor, the washing machine washes our clothes, the dishwasher washes the dishes. Thus, we move much less. No need to come up to TV to zap through the channels, as we have a remote control now. By the way, there is a sort of new disorder that appeared not long ago. Zapping.

— What?

— Zapping, quick scanning through different television channels.

— Oh, that’s how my husband does pretty often! ☺ It’s almost impossible to understand what’s on the screen. As usual, he doesn’t know what he’s looking for.

— I automatically zap to the next channel while seeing “How to Build Your Love” on TV.

— Or some advertisements.

— Imagine how less we move by now. Meanwhile, doctors tell us constantly: “All you have to do is to move more and eat less.” It’s a piece of wise advice. But it’s not clear how to arrange it.

By the way, you don’t have to eat less. You have to eat smart. A balanced diet must contain all elements and nutrition you need in low-calorie foods avoiding high-calorie foods.

— Sounds easy.

— You will learn how to do it in our classes. Many of our clients successfully lose weight without increasing physical activity. All you need to do is to walk for at least thirty minutes a day.

When it comes to burning calories, walks are not really helpful. But they help to achieve another goal — to improve your overall health and well-being. Walking outdoors revives your spirits, contributes to an increase endorphin level, accelerates metabolic processes. You know, we haven’t enough fingers to count all the benefits of walking.

N.B.! Start walking for at least thirty minutes a day. Breathing should be smooth and naturally rhythmic. After a walk, your physical and mental condition shall improve. If so, then the pace and duration you have chosen are appropriate.

Even while doing such a simple exercise as walking, you should avoid overloading.

It is necessary to consult your doctor on the issue of walking.

Insulin resistance syndrome

Almost all people with excess weight are subjected to different degrees of insulin resistance syndrome. Tissues of the body begin to become less sensitive to insulin. Insulin enters the bloodstream, binds to glucose, and delivers it to tissues. Imagine what happens if tissues are resistant to insulin. They start to starve. It leads to health issues. Cyclic, dynamic, aerobic exercises, including walking, help to get rid of insulin resistance step by step. That’s walking is beneficial. You can ride a bicycle for twenty or thirty minutes, swim leisurely.

You should do it at an average pace to keep your breath smooth, and after a workout, you should feel physical and mental recovery instead of exhaustion!

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Insulin resistance is often caused by obesity. Since the adipose tissue exhibits a sufficiently high metabolic activity, the insulin sensitivity of tissues decreases by forty percent when the ideal body weight is exceeded by thirty-five to forty percent.

Heredity and pregnancy

— Many people tend to shift responsibility from their shoulders to genes.

— Habits are transmitted from one generation of the family to another for sure.

— Yes, it’s true. Of course, certain genetic traits indirectly contribute to quicker gaining or losing weight. That does happen.

But the main reason for excess weight gain is the ingress of excess energy with food into the body.

Pregnancy and maternity. When an expecting mother carries a child, she needs to eat more, right?

— Right!

— Of course. A pregnant woman needs to build this small body inside of her. She needs energy. She needs so-called “construction materials”. Expecting mothers eat for two. ☺ Good. Should she eat more when she is breastfeeding?

— Yes.

— She eats more since she has to produce rich, high-quality milk in sufficient quantity. Two years have passed since the woman gave birth to a baby; she has already stopped breastfeeding. What happens to her eating behavior? Everyone says: “I return to food volumes I’ve consumed before.” And she does it. That’s how it usually happens, right?

— No. ☺

— It often doesn’t happen. Women are used to eating more during these two years. The women continue to eat more, including high-calorie foods that they have added to their diet. During maternity leave, women start to eat more high-calorie foods, as their physical and mental needs for nutrition increase significantly. That’s when a false hunger appears, and you feed it with excess food. Why is it considered to be excess? That’s because false hunger does not need food! It needs fellowship, love, solitude, rest, self-development, fun and pleasure, peace, and security.

Just as you said, Nika, when you finished breastfeeding, you started to gain weight. You needed more food before, but now the same amount of food exceeds the needs of your body. But you continue to overeat and, as a result, gain weight.

Endocrine diseases. In this case, it takes more time to lose weight.

For some people, it doesn’t slow down the process. They lose weight as fast as others. So even if you have some endocrine disorders, you shouldn’t worry about it.

As soon as energy balance and eating behavior get back to normal, excess weight will start to decrease.

Metabolism acceleration

— That’s so simple. The metabolic process of overweight people is slowed down and malfunctioned, to a high or lesser degree. That doesn’t mean you’re doomed. We can accelerate it. By the way, your metabolism didn’t use to be slow before. It slows down gradually for a variety of reasons. One of the reasons is irregular meals. Some people have accelerated metabolism. Many people on the planet are thin, they can eat anything, in any quantities, but they never gain excess weight. Even their bellies stay flat.

— It’s just the opposite for us.

— The others have a slower metabolism. You throw an eye on a bun…

— ☺

— ...and it sticks to your hips! That’s how it works.

What are we going to do with our metabolic processes? We will boost them.

First of all, I highly recommend walking. Walking outdoors accelerates metabolism. Another great option is various thermal procedures like saunas. But consult your doctor in advance. Breathing techniques! We’ll try a special breathing technique. Then, of course, regular meals are especially important. It’s the main tool for boosting metabolism. And finally, your improper diet should become rational and balanced.

We will learn how to do it in our classes. You’ll have new “slimming” mindsets and information on how to build up your diet. We will do different exercises and apply distinctive methods. That’s what we are going to do.

But the most critical task is to dispel the myths and legends associated with obesity and overweight, adopt the mindsets and behavior of a slim person.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

What happens to the metabolism of an obese person? As a result of weight gain, a change in cell metabolism occurs. Metabolism skips from the Krebs cycle, which leads to the formation of lots of energy, to the pentose cycle characterized by low energy release and reduction of oxygen consumption. This type of metabolism leads to the fact that even consumption of water leads to the accumulation of hydrogen in adipose tissue. So, a person can gain weight even when drinking water.

This feature of metabolism is applied in cattle production. They give forty liters of water to pigs for efficient weight gain. If it is necessary to have a layer of meat in fat, then they give to the pig only five liters of water for several days. As you see, it’s possible to gain weight even by drinking water. It occurs because hydrogen contained in water saturates unsaturated fatty acids. We’ve got saturated fatty acids and, as a result, weight gain.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Imagine your extra pounds as weeds in a vegetable garden. Has anyone of you got cottages with gardens?

— Yes.

— Tell us, Nadezhda, what do you usually do with weeds?

— I pull them.

— What else? If you pull weeds, after a while, they appear again.

— Yes. Then we pull them again!

— Has anyone tried to exterminate weeds? Tell us about it, Anzhelika. What did you use?

— Special chemical agents.

— Do you still have weeds?

— No, I have neither weeds nor vegetable plants now.

— ☺

— You put too much effort into it. OK. ☺

Look, these “weeds” are excess pounds, their “roots” are psychological and social reasons. You used to pull these weeds, mowed them, dug them out, trampled them down, and did all the other things. No matter what you did, they are still here. The “roots” stay in the “ground”. What’s so great about our program?

N.B.! What is the secret of the high efficiency of our approach? We fight against reasons for weight gain and eliminate them by working together. When reasons are eliminated, consequences — your excess pounds — disappear either.

The average rate of weight loss is from four to nine pounds per month. The World Health Organization considers it to be the optimal and safe rate of weight loss. Multiply it by six months. What do we get? From twenty-four to thirty-six pounds! It’s not fast. But this gives your skin time to tighten up and for the spine to redistribute the load.

— In my opinion, it’s not so much.

— You can lose more pounds in the first month than over the next ones. Water gets away, swelling disappears. If you drink properly, everything will be fine. Thus, the problem of losing excess weight is complex.

— Yes, it’s obvious.

— What about the responsibility for the process of weight loss and the results achieved?

You are the only person responsible for your weight loss.

We provide psychological and informational support, and you follow our recommendations.

Please, consult your doctor regularly during our program on the psychological correction of eating habits, mindsets, and behavior.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs I lost sixteen and a half pounds in the first month. I felt triumphant. I followed all the recommendations, walked, and indulged myself. In the next month, I lost another sixteen pounds. When I returned to the University in September after summer vacation, my result was minus thirty-seven and a half pounds.

Imagine how proud I was. My fellow students did not recognize me. They asked what had happened, whether I was sick. I just smiled back. This was such a strong incentive for me to see the surprised faces of those who knew me.

Due to the training, my life became brighter and more enjoyable. It helped me to settle my mental problems. I realized that life is beautiful. All I need to do is to change my habits. The best is yet to come. So, I must not give up.

I have to say that it was essential for me to find allies among my relatives and friends who treated me with understanding, supported my endeavors, and didn’t troll me. My pals did great!

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

If you follow our recommendations daily, and we help you if necessary, you’ve got the result. Got it?

— Yes!

— Before talking about the rules of the group work, I want to tell you a few words about the ones who don’t lose weight during our training. That’s fair. I am sure some of you thought to themselves: “I knew it would come!”

— ☺

— The inner voice whispers: “It’s about you. Listen attentively!”

— ☺

— Yes? Do you have such thoughts sometimes? So-called victims do not reduce weight.

Describe a person who plays the victim role.

— He blames everyone around.

— Exactly. The person does not want to take any responsibilities. He is upset at everyone; he is not guilty of anything. He always blames others. The victim blames everything and everybody, “these bloody fools”, Government and Martians. “Jupiter in Scorpio turned retrograde when I started to lose weight, that’s why I failed.” And so on. Of course, these people will not take responsibility for implementation of recommendations and weight loss. In fact, they are not ready to do anything. In a month, they come to us and say: “I’ve tried dropping weight, but it didn’t work.” All other participants are content, they all became slimmer, but the victim didn’t! Then I start to ask her: “Did you do it?” — “No!” — “What about it?” — “No.” “Why?” — “I have a family. I go to work every day. I have no time”.

Besides, there are so-called infiltrators.

These are people sent to our class by mothers, husbands, or others. They did not want to work on weight loss. But relatives or friends called a taxi, gave them a contract and sent them here.

— ☺

— Sometimes it happens this way: relatives bring the “infiltrators”, sit by the door…

— ☺ In order to prevent the “infiltrators” from running away…

— Exactly. So, imagine, a mother of an “infiltrator” sits by the door guarding her “prodigal” daughter. She listens attentively, writes down all the recommendations, reads her notes at home, does homework. As a result, a month later, her mother lost excess weight for free, and her daughter is still fat. Because the daughter did not need it!

The third (and the last) category includes so-called headhunters. They even have a kind of “wall of shame” at home with “scalps” of specialists nailed to it. “This is a doctor from St. Petersburg, he was a good person; this is a ‘scalp’ of psychologist from Moscow, he did not help me either. By the way, I was a subject of three PhD dissertations. But I didn’t give up. I’ve got a ‘special’ fat. My metabolism is tricky, so modern medicine is useless”. A man comes to us to prove himself that “modern medicine and psychology are useless, I can’t lose weight here too.” What’s going on with him? He doesn’t lose weight. Then he comes here and demands results. “What’s your name? Artyom Ovechkin? I got you! Come here…”

Rules for the group work

— Organization rules.

We’ll begin classes on time. It is very important. If you’re late, you’ll miss something, and that’s not good.

Your cell phones should be turned off. Even vibration signals are unacceptable. Purses, crawling on the table under vibration, can interrupt important psychological practice at the crucial moment.

Imagine, we are sitting here, concentrated, focused on some moment. Meditative music is playing. Suddenly.

Buzz-z-z-z-z! Someone’s purse is running to us, vibrating like a mad hare! You know, no matter how many times I remind to turn off the phones. Everybody says: “Certainly, we’ll turn them off.” But then we hear phone ringing!

— ☺

— Now let’s talk about safety.

First, there is the “Stop!” rule. If we hit where it hurts you, if you do not want to work at this problem right now, you have a right to say:

“Stop! I don’t want to discuss it!” And we stop talking about it.

There is one more thing: privacy. You can say anything you want about me, about the program, but everything you hear within these walls about each other (and we’ll talk about personal life, work, discuss various issues that you are eager to share with us) must stay here. Can we rely on one another? Everything said by participants about themselves or each other cannot leave this room. It shouldn’t be revealed to anyone else. Promise?

— It goes in one ear and out the other.

— Active involvement. So the first rule is so-called I-statement. Many people use to say all the time “we”, “we believe”, “we think”. “We” is a great cover for hiding thing that allows evading any responsibility. Let’s talk in the first person!

The next point. You can ask any question you want. Every unresolved issue leads to a lack of information, wrong actions, and wrong results.

The next rule is “swapping”. We will change seats after every class.

First, your main task is to sit by Victor for at least once.

— What about me? Will I stay in the same seat?

— ☺

— No, you will change your seat too. They say that those who are sitting closer to the leader of the group lose weight faster. That’s why we need constant swapping. ☺ What for?

We all want to gain results — and to change our life! Big changes start from the little ones.

It is desirable to make some changes in the kitchen too. You can buy new beautiful dishware, tablecloth, table napkins or plastic overlays; put some flowers on the table, hang new curtains. It’s important, as earlier you lead a different life in this kitchen. You had an eating behavior that led you to excess body weight. Now a new life begins!

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

In one research, scientists studied people who lost excess weight (the focus group included people weighing more than two hundred and sixty pounds who had several weight loss experiences) and maintained achieved weight for at least two years. The researchers tried to understand what all these people had in common. What helped them to lose weight successfully? As it turned out, all the people believed that they would finally achieve their goal this time. Secondly, everyone faced changes in life. Some of them married, divorced or changed career. The others moved or renovated their house. Everybody who lost weight successfully faced not only internal changes but external changes as well.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Another rule. Let’s speak in turn. When I take the floor, I speak. When you take the floor, you speak. When five people are talking at the same time, no one is listening. We are here not to make noise to wake the dead. Do you accept the rules?

Yes!

Communication with a problematic person

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Nonconstructive methods can be used in communication if a person hasn’t got any problems. But this doesn’t occur often. A person often does not realize that he has some kind of problem! He believes that he is always late because of some embarrassing chain of events. If he is overweight, this it’s caused by bad genes. The person has no willpower to reduce food consumption and give up unhealthy habits. He blames the disruption of the endocrine system and anything else — except himself. As usual, this problem does not bother him. But when it affects others, they are trying to the point that to him in every possible way. People begin to use the following communication patterns, which ultimately do not lead to an awareness of the problem. If there is no awareness, then there is no solution, either.

The following are the methods of communication that we use in everyday life.

Nonconstructive methods of communication with a problematic person

1. Pushing a person to the independent solution of the problem:

— order;

— warning, threat;

— preaching;

— advice, proposals, interpretation;

— using logical arguments, lecturing.

2. Underlining of weaknesses and fails:

— criticism, accusation;

— the practice of naming and shaming;

— diagnosis, interpretation.

3. Attempt to improve well-being:

— praise, positive evaluation;

— consolation, encouragement.

4. Wrong questions:

— questions to gather additional information;

— questions to get away from the problem.

There are constructive means of conducting a conversation. They allow us to hear the person and understand his problem. The one who can listen is the best talker. These methods are presented below. We will learn to listen to each other and ourselves during our session.

Constructive methods of communication with a problematic person

1. Passive listening:

— keeping silence;

— empathic approval (“Uh-huh,” “Yeah, I understand,” nodding);

— “Gate-opening” (“Your story was so interesting. Would you mind to tell me something else?”).

2. Active listening:

pronouncing (the interlocutor repeats word for word statement of the partner. However, he can start with introductory phrases:

“From what I understand…”, “In other words…”, “In your opinion…”);

— paraphrasing (the interlocutor reproduces the statement of the partner in short, generalized form, summarizing the most significant things in his words. He can start with introductory phrases: “As I understood, your main ideas are…”, “So…”);

— the interlocutor tries to derive a logical consequence from the statements of the partner or to put forward an assumption regarding the reasons for the statement of the partner. At the same time, he can begin with an introductory phrase (“If we proceed from what you said, then it turns out that…”, “Apparently, you think so because…”).

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs I was very lucky with the group. There were only nine of us, as it was a morning group. I felt like a part of the team. There was a pleasant and comfortable atmosphere. The others were very understanding. I was finally able to talk about things that bothered me. I listened to others and realized that I was not the only one in the world facing this problem. We’ve got everything in the class: laughter, tears, and interesting discussions. I went out inspired, charged with a lot of positive energy. That’s when I understood: “I can do it!”

Things leading to eating disorder

— Now we’ll discuss the following topic: “The typical scheme of eating disorder.”

— Should we write it down?

— Yes. You have to write it down. To make the explanation more entertaining, I’ll tell you a fairy-tale. Once good people told me a fairy-tale. Now I tell it from time to time at my sessions. It’s a story about a woman. Would you mind it, Victor?

— Me? No!

— Fine. So, it’s a fairy-tale about a woman. She is not twenty. She is not sixty… How old is she?

— Forty.

— OK. Forty. Fine. Her name was Zina. Has she got a family?

— Of course.

— It’s a nice fairy-tale. Husband and children?

— If the tale is nice, then she’s got all of them.

— Yes, she’s got a husband and children.

— ☺

— Who knows?

— So, Ksenya has got another idea: “Why are you so sure that the fairy-tale is kind-hearted if the woman has got a husband?” You should see Victor’s face now.☺

— ☺

— OK. She’s got a husband. How many children?

— Two.

— A couple of kids. What about pets? Cats or dogs?

— A cat.

— Sure.

— A cat. No dog. Right?

— ☺

— Right.

— No dog. So, the woman has got a cat, two children, and a husband. By the way, he is at the end of the list for some reason.

— ☺

— What does she do for a living?

— She is an accountant.

— Accountant as an option. Let’s generalize it. She works in the office. You know, there is a catchword “manager”, a person that you can find in every office.

— A manager.

— Yes, exactly. “A white-collar worker”. She is a manager. Has she got some excess weight at forty?

— Certainly.

— Of course, she gave birth to two kids.

Once, when the woman was cleaning her apartment, in some far corner, or maybe under a cabinet, she found something. Zina took it out, wiped the dust off. The last time she saw it was six months ago. It was her who pushed it under the cabinet in a fit of temper. A small tool on four legs.

— A weight scale?

— Yes. Zina puts it in front of her, on the floor. She wonders whether her weight has changed for the last six months. Zina feels in her heart that things go wrong.

— ...and pushes the scale back under the cabinet…

— No, she doesn’t! She decides to check her weight with the scale.

Zina stands on scales measuring her weight and sees.

— Oh, I can imagine that…

— Just like in the song: “Amber saw the three-figure number”.

— ☺

— Did you watch the official video for the song?

— ☺

— It’s an amazing song. What’s its name? Let me check.

— “She stands on a scale”.

— Yes, precisely. It’s “She stands on a scale” song. If you haven’t watched it yet, search for it on Google. It’s really amazing. It’s a bit obscene, though.

— ☺

— Well, Zina stands on a scale and finds out that she gained twenty pounds. What does she think about it?

— It might be a mistake.

— Certainly! Perhaps the scale is out of order.

It’s dirty, dusty.

— Or she overate yesterday.

— Yeah, exactly! Besides, her clothes may be too heavy, right? Are your clothes heavy usually? Of course. Maybe Zina hasn’t gone for a dump yet.

— ☺

— …or hasn’t washed away all the make-up.

— So, she didn’t gain any weight. ☺

— Yes! Although it’s a bit upsetting, Zina forgot about it soon enough.

Another year passes by.

Zina stands on the scale again and finds out that she has gained another twenty pounds. Forty pounds in total. For illustrative purposes, I’ll demonstrate what it means when you gain forty pounds. Look at the corner of the room, please. Do you see the vessel for a water dispenser? Nineteen liters and a container. It weighs forty pounds or so.

Imagine that it’s not water, but fat plashing there.

The adipose tissue is riddled with blood and lymphatic vessels. The heart is beating, trying to push the blood through these numerous miles of capillary vessels. Your heart, joints, and spine are overloaded. To make it clearer, you carry the load on your shoulders. It is heavy. And this is how Zina walks now. She sleeps with the load, lays with it in the bed. Zina wakes up in the morning, cleans her teeth, takes a shower, goes to the kitchen, feeds her family, does all the chores, and then… Where does she go then? To the office. She works there all day long, running in and out. And the “heavy load” — her excess weight — accompanies her everywhere. She settled all the issues, typed on her computer, talked by phone. Finally, her working day is over. Where does Zina go then?

— She goes home.

— I wish she did. But she goes to a store at first.

— And she leaves it with numerous packets.

— Of course, she has bags full of food. Now imagine that a woman has more than one “bottle” on her shoulders. What if she has two bottles weighing forty pounds each?

She comes home. Her hands are full, so she opens the door with her forehead somehow. Ups, the family is already there waiting for her.

— ☺

— ...screaming: “We are hungry!” She goes to the kitchen, bakes, boils, steams foods, helps children with homework. Then, late at night, Zina makes love with her husband. With this bottle on her shoulders. Then she goes to bed. She sleeps, and her body is getting bigger and bigger. In your opinion, what does Zina have to do to lose excess weight?

— She has to put away this load!

— The most important question is if she needs the willpower to get things done.

— Of course.

— She certainly needs the willpower to hold this heavy bottle all day long.

You can’t imagine how much strength and will I need to hold this forty-pound bottle on my shoulders for such a long time while standing in front of you and telling the story!

Finally, I feel something… What do I need to get rid of it?

— Motivation.

— Desire.

— Desire! Oh yeah, I’ve got a strong desire already!

So, I do this — pow! I throw it off!

As long as you have a strong desire, there is no need for willpower. Everything you need is “know-how” and a strong desire!

Yay! Diet starts on monday!

— So, Zina decides that a revolution is coming, since elites can’t, and people don’t want to.

“I don’t want to hold this bottle on my shoulders anymore! I have to work off the excess weight!”

The easiest way is to go on a diet. Zina downloads from the Internet another diet. As a rule, it says that it’s the best way to drop excess weight, totally proven and reliable. Zina decides to try it. How does she usually go on a diet? The schedule is like that: a few days on a diet, then some yummy treats, another day on a diet, and then another “rest”. When do you usually start a new diet?

— On Monday!

— Why on Monday?

— Because the weekend is over. During the weekend, there are always guests, cooking, foods, yummy treats…

— Two days of food paradise. On Saturday and on Sunday we meet up with friends, throw a party. Food-farewell ceremony! On Sunday, in the evening, Zina washes the dishes, eats up leftovers, and goes to bed. Then she wakes up on Monday morning. What does she feel?

— It’s so hard to get up.

— What does she feel during the first four hours?

— She’s hungry.

— Imagine these first hours of a diet. Your mood?

— Low.

— The low mood will come a bit later. But at first, in the beginning, you feel…

— Inspired!

— Yes! It’s over, “slim” life is so close! Soon I’ll become a fantastic slim beauty!

Zina is excited, inspired. Will she eat her breakfast?

— No, of course not.

— Precisely. What for? Breakfast? A cup of coffee at the most, and then she runs to work. Zina came to work, and then she faces the first enticement.

— Her colleagues are having tea.

— Coffee.

— Exactly. Everybody drinks tea! It’s Monday morning.

— Chocolates.

— Yes. Besides, everyone brought some yummy things from home. They all sit at the table. Zina is an active, outgoing, and fun-loving person. They say: “Hi, Zina! You should join us. Come on!” But she has a new life now! What will she say?

— OK, give me something yummy! ☺

— No, she is a strong-willed person. Do you remember about the heavy forty-pound bottle on her shoulders? Certainly, Zina can be far too reckless and tell her colleagues: “I am on a diet.” She’ll make a mysterious face and says: “I am on a diet. I am not like you anymore!” What response will she get?

— Everyone will pay attention to her. They will tempt poor Zina with yummy things.

— “You can start your diet tomorrow. Here, get some tea!”

— And it repeats again and again, every day when she comes to work. Once Zina comes to the office. Her colleagues are eating some desserts again: “Yum! Oh, so sorry for you, you can’t try it. You are our slim girl! Just mind your own business and stay away from our desserts”.

— ☺

— Of course, she will give up in a while. Let’s assume that Zina understands it very well. “I should better keep my diet in secret. I’ll tell them…” What? What can we say in such a case?

— I’ve just eaten.

— “I’ve just eaten… I had a tough weekend. You have no idea how hard it was! I feel sick. My stomach hurts. I guess I’ve got food poisoning!”

So, she got off the hook. Zina is fine until lunchtime. What does she feel then?

— Hunger.

— Hunger. She is so hungry that it’s impossible to ignore it. Thus, the woman makes a decision: “OK, I go to the canteen.”

— I’ll eat some low-calorie dishes.

— Yes. All the other people will have soup, a main course, salad, dessert as usual. As for me, I’ll have a vegetable salad and a drink. What can you drink when losing weight?

— Some water, for example.

— Green tea.

— Think again. What helps to lose weight?

— Coffee.

— Purgative.

— What goes well with fresh salad leaves?

— Salad oil.

— What can you find in any canteen? Drink.

— May be yogurt?

— Precisely! Zina ate herbs and covered it with some yogurt.

— ☺

— Then, while everyone returns to the office, she runs straight to the ‘throne room’. She spends a lot of time there, getting slimmer and slimmer.

— ☺

— Zina thinks: “Well, I guess everything is going fine.” Five minutes — normal flight, ten minutes — normal flight. OK, she’s done. It was a hard day in the office. She needs some encouragement. Zina sees a large mirror in the toilet room. She comes closer and checks for some signs of a weight loss.

— ☺

— Yeah, her cheeks are getting smaller. Ass looks firm. You can easily convince yourself of anything if you need some support!

Then Zina returns to work. So, in the evening she is super-hungry!

Zina goes to a store. She has no choice. Her hungry children, hungry husband, and hungry cat are waiting for her at home. So, of course, Zina goes to a store. What does she do because of her hunger?

— She buys everything she sees!

— She eats everything!

— Have you ever seen snowplow? A huge shovel sweeping snow. She is just like this snowplow, sweeping all foods from shelves! Of course, she ignores a small basket. She takes a huge cart and fills it with food. It’s not for her. It’s for them! For her hungry family!

— ☺

— On the small shelf in the cart, where people use to seat a child, Zina puts low-calorie sugar-free yogurt, laminaria, some crisp-breads marked as… Any ideas, Lena?

— “Dietetic”.

— Yes. Or maybe “Fitness”. “Healthy”.

— Yes.

— Really? Eat crisp-breads and lose weight. What else will she choose? Perhaps, some tropical fruits?

— Pineapples.

— Pineapples? Why, Nadezhda?

— They are burning fat.

— Of course, everyone knows that pineapples contain bromelain. Do you know what part of pineapple contains bromelain?

— Yes, pineapple peels.

— There are scales on the peel and small buds on the ends of the scales.

— ☺

— Yeah, they contain bromelain. To get at least one therapeutic dose of bromelain, you have to cut buds from twenty-five pineapples. If you see nibbled pineapples in a supermarket, perhaps Zina was there.

— ☺

— Finally, she is almost at home with all these packets, heads to the fourth floor to her apartment. She stands by the door, breathing hard. Zina doesn’t really want to get inside. As soon as she entered, all the family members run straight to her and ask: “Where were you?” Even the hungry cat is looking at her with reproachful eyes. Zina drops her bags and runs to the kitchen — to cook dinner! She slices cucumbers for salad. Zina cuts off both ends of the cucumber and puts them into her mouth.

— ☺

— Then she slices tomatoes, sausages.

— And takes a few bites.

— It’s hard to slice sausages nicely. Many slices get crooked.

— ☺

— It’s not good to put imperfect slices on the plate for family dinner. Put it into mouth! Can we feed our hunger by eating a few pieces?

— No!

— Certainly not! Finally, Zina laid the table. She fried hamburgers, potatoes, made salads. She called her husband, children. Even the cat got some yummy pieces. What about Zina? She’s got a peeled carrot and sugar-free yogurt. If it worked out in the daytime, then it should help her to feel satiety again!

Now, let’s do out fairy-tale a bit cruel. Her husband is skinny. And children are just like their Daddy!

— ☺

— So, they all come to the kitchen, sit around the table, and say: “I want more potatoes! And another hamburger, please!” And then they cover their foods with mayonnaise. Children ask: “Do we have some ice-cream for dessert?” Zina looks at this feast, thinking: “Oh my God…”

The woman is so hungry that she is about to faint. The others sit at the table, eating. They are chewing so hard that their ears are moving!

What should she do?

Zina goes to the living room, turns on the TV, and watches series. Johanna, Peter, episode three hundred thirty-five. They meet in some restaurant for a romantic dinner! Orange juice, a slice of cheesecake. Food is everywhere!

Zina is watching series dreaming about the time when she becomes slim and beautiful, just like Johanna. At this moment, her husband enters the room. He sits down by her side. Even though he hasn’t brought any food with him, he smells like fried steak. The women’s sense of smell is significantly sharper than men’s! Her husband says: “Zina, give me the TV remote I want to watch…” What?

— Football!

— Of course. Or hockey championship, or something…

“Are you watching the movie? Who cares? Anyway, you have some chores to do. Give me the TV remote and go to your favorite room to wash dishes!” Sad Zina goes to the kitchen. What does she see there?

— Leftovers on plates!

— Of course! There should be at least half of hamburger on one plate, left to its fate. And some potatoes. Zina thinks of… Well, actually, she doesn’t think at all at this moment!

She just sees food.

What if it is not the first day of her diet? What if it is the twentieth day? No thoughts, only instincts. She hasn’t made any decision yet. Zina closes the door, turns on water. She has come here to wash the dishes.

— ☺

Just one last piece!

— Nobody sees or hears what she is doing. Zina sits down in front of the hamburger and looks at it. The hamburger looks back at her. Nietzsche wrote: “And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.”

So, the “abyss” is gazing into Zina. What is she thinking about at this moment?

— I’ll eat only half of the hamburger. It won’t change anything.

— Exactly!

Everybody knows: half of a hamburger can’t ruin your life.

She thinks: “No, I shouldn’t do it.”

Zina has so-called withdrawal syndrome. She takes half of the hamburger and thinks: “I’ll finish this piece — and stop eating.”

— Then she takes another hamburger, and then the third one…

— Wait a little, of course, it will happen, but a little later! ☺

Zina starts chewing hamburger and… How does it taste?

— Amazing…

— It is magnificent! Zina got a blackout. She is totally out of order. Now all her thoughts are about…

— Potato.

— Why about potato? Zina is like a vampire, who has tasted the blood and then attacks anyone to get more… ☺ She tried the hamburger, and now her mind moves to the plate or to the pot with eight hamburgers! “Oh my… I cooked them by myself! Maybe…”

Zina grabs another hamburger, thinking: “It is the last one!” She stuffs it into her mouth (as if someone rushes into the room in a minute and takes away all hamburgers) and starts to chew it ravenously!

At this moment, she has a blackout. Her mind shuts off.

As participants of our sessions say, Zina meets Mr. Eating Frenzy! Of course, together they could eat all eight hamburgers! ☺ If eight hamburgers are too much for her, then, when devouring the sixth hamburger and feeling it getting caught in her throat, Zina starts to curse herself.

— Silly idiot.

— Yes, I believe you! I think you are honest. You speak from your heart! What else did you say?

— Why have I eaten so much?

— You sound too intelligent: “Why have I eaten so much?”

Imagine a forty-year-old person who has just devoured eight hamburgers. She is alone in the kitchen. She has just ruined his diet. No doubt, the woman would use some bad words. One of participants from another group assumed: “Well, she said to herself: “Oh, what a spineless piggy I am!”

— Do you believe it? Do you think Zina would say this?

— Dummy, idiot!

— What other names would she call herself in such a case? Perhaps some domestic animals?

— Pig!

— Pig. Yes, it’s possible. Maybe some horned animal then?

— Cow.

— Cow!

— ☺

— All the other words she uses should be bleeped…

— ☺

— ...cause I’m sure she kicked herself to the fullest. What does she feel? What emotions is she experiencing?

— She feels guilty.

— Precisely. Of course, she feels guilty. Is she hurt?

— She suffered for so long…

— Moment of weakness — and she ruined everything. ☺

— Yes! Is she angry?

— Yes.

— So, what does she feel finally?

— She feels sorry for herself.

— Of course. Self-pity. Zina knows how to comfort herself. Some sweets will help a lot! No, Galina, hamburger won’t work in this case. It’s hard to comfort yourself with a hamburger.

— ☺

— She raises her hand like this… and throws it down!

— Fine!

— Screw it!

— Life is ruined, all labor is for nothing. Everything is rotten. Zina opens fridge, buffet… As you remember, she bought lots of food recently, so her food reserves are huge! Zina eats one treat after another, comforting herself, searching for relief from negative emotions. Actually, she was going to eat some sweets.

— ☺

— Instead, she ate up… Much more than she planned. Reflexively. Sweets and chocolates jump into her mouth one after another! Zina opens her mouth, and they jump into it — hop-hop! The next moment she sits in her chair, cursing herself: “How could you…” She calls herself bad names: “Idiot, pig, cow, dummy…” She is angry and offended. And she blames herself again! It’s late evening, almost night. Her family is sleeping, and Zina is “washing dishes” in her “favorite” room.

— ☺

— Then she can’t eat anymore. Her stomach is full. Of course, she decides that…

— Again.

— It’s time to lose weight. ☺

— It’s time to lose weight.

— ☺

— Zina goes to her bedroom, thinking that all she needs for success is another diet, cause this one was “improper”. Besides, she feels guilty. She failed the diet! Zina blames herself. Therefore, she has to wash the guilt away. With blood or something! Zina feels that she has to be punished! She has to do something.

Do you have any ideas? What can wash the guilt away? What should she get?

— Punishment!

— Hunger!

— Yes, as an option!

Hunger. Long-time starvation, perhaps, even without drinking water. Dry starving, as they call it. I can’t believe that some people keep a diet without drinking any water.

Jogging!

“Well, what else can I do to myself?” Enema!

“Acupuncture, and forced vomiting, then I’ll join an equestrian club as a horse. Oh, I’ll make myself lose weight at any price!”

— Do you think we can help her?

— Yes, we can.

— Sketch the following diagram, please.

This is a classic pattern of an eating disorder.

It is very simple, but millions of people on the Earth follow it day by day, month by month, year by year. There are two circles in this diagram. The large circle is for physiological aspects, and the small circle is for psychological aspects.

Where should we start to help Zina?

— She needs desire.

— Right. She needs desire.

— Take away Hunger.

— Eugenia, you are right.

N.B.! Hunger is forbidden! We have to eat four-six times a day. Regular balanced meals.

Would we meet Mr. Eating-Frenzy in that case?

— No.

— Of course not.

Over-eating is a pathologic state. Extreme emotional narrowed state of consciousness, extreme emotional disturbance, if it is proven, is considered to be a mitigating circumstance for any crime, even murder. As we see, Zina accumulates hunger impulses and brings herself to the state when she is not able to control herself anymore. She just can’t stop eating!

When people were taken out of besieged Leningrad, and, outside the siege ring, they finally got access to food, they were told: “You shouldn’t eat a lot right away. Eat a little bit today, then a little more tomorrow. Increase your food portion day by day, and then, probably, you will survive.” What did they do? Some people sneaked into the storerooms at night. They even broke locks, gorged with food and died from intestinal obstruction. It’s impossible to stop a person from over-eating even under penalty of death if he falls into the eating frenzy. If we feed our Hunger with tasty, hearty, and rational food regularly, we won’t face eating-frenzy.

Praise and discountenance

Should we do something about our habit of criticizing ourselves?

— It should be forbidden!

— Of course. More than that — I advise you to start praising yourself! You fed yourself — “Good job!” You’ve done something good for yourself, treat yourself well — “What a good girl (or a boy)!”

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs This story about Zina came into my mind again. I had a good laugh and then started to think about it. When I heard this fact of life, it was a shock for me. Why? It’s a simple description of my typical behavior, my actions. But I’ve never understood or realized it before.

Just like most of us, I blamed and scolded myself, called myself an idiot. Of course, I still call myself an idiot sometimes, but in other life situations. Now I praise and indulge myself much more often, and I advise everyone to do the same. Moreover, I allow all the other people around to pay me compliments and enjoy them so much! Why not? I deserved it. I am smart, slim, and beautiful.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Many people do not have a habit of praising themselves. It’s really bad because then they start to kick and blame themselves. It makes everything even worse. Mood, self-esteem, well-being, and efficiency — all these factors are getting lower.

Words like “idiot,” “pig,” “cow,” “screwhead,” “ham-handed,” “you are terrible” — come from childhood. Then a person grows up, but there are hours and hours of “audio records” in his head, in his memory. Parents and teachers scolded us when we were kids. Then a person grows up and starts to scold himself just like his parents and teachers did before. He spoils his life with this endless scolding without even knowing it. There is an old Chinese saying: “Call yourself a pig for ten times, and you will grunt.”

What if you call yourself a superstar ten times?

— You’ll shine and twinkle!

— That’s why we have to praise ourselves!

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs. As they say: “Say good things about yourself often. The source will be forgotten, but the information will stay”. The others will see your good, positive side too.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— So, self-scolding is forbidden.

That’s why we praise ourselves. I’ll give you at least a few reasons. Please tell me what we improve by praising ourselves regularly.

— Mood.

— Fine. What else?

— Self-esteem.

— Of course. When we are in a good mood and appreciate ourselves, how will it affect our lives? What will be improved?

— Relationship!

— Yes! Besides, we become more productive, both at work and at the creative activity. Wherever you look, there are only advantages.

But it’s so hard to make people praise themselves. I have to force them to do it. Most people do not have this good habit.

Let’s write down our homework. Set aside one clean sheet for homework. It would help if you wrote down there all the homework. Now, write down your first task. Tomorrow morning you have to praise yourself at least five times until our meeting. You should especially praise yourself for self-nurturing. I fed myself regularly — well done, I took lunch to work — what a clever girl. I overslept and came late to work — it’s OK, at least I’ve got enough sleep. Well done!

— ☺

— The glass is half full, not half empty. A positive attitude is all we need!

Tomorrow I’ll ask whether you have praised yourself five times or not. A typical excuse I usually hear: “I don’t have time for it”. It’s irresponsible. Agree? How much time do you need to praise yourself? Five seconds. So, “no time” won’t work. I’ll ask you about praising tomorrow.

Recipe for success

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

I noticed that when I ask people to praise themselves at least three times, the next day, many people say that they did it only once or twice. When I began to ask them to praise themselves at least fifteen times, everything changed. Now it seems to be so simple to say something kind to yourself five times.

There is a good saying. Unfortunately, I have no idea who said it, but I’d like to share it with you: “It is better to aim for the stars and hit the top of the mountain than to aim for the mountain and hit the dirt.”

Another thing: it’s very important to write down all the praises. Just thinking about them is not enough.

A well-known personal growth expert Barrett Brown researched how the most successful people develop their personality. He identified three patterns that are common to all of them.

First, they meditated. Some people did yoga, the others — qigong, some used awareness practice or daily practice of prayer, and so on.

Secondly, they all kept a diary. They made daily records of their achievements, insights, asked themselves questions, and answered them.

Thirdly, everyone had a coach, mentor, or friend with whom they discussed how they were moving towards the goal.

Despite being very busy, they found time to do it.

It just so happens that most people use to scold themselves. If I gave you the task to scold yourself five times, then (as I often heard) there would be no difficulty. And the scolding would sound sincere, with appropriate intonations. When a person praises himself, the tone is not always entirely sincere. It is usually playful, sometimes even cynical. It is known that intonation affects us much stronger than words. Therefore, while doing this exercise, try to praise yourself sincerely, even for very modest achievements.

I have seen many times that even such simple exercise helped people to improve self-esteem. And it is self-esteem that determines our well-being, how we treat others, and how we operate in life. This exercise can be made more complicated. To do this, you need a person who won’t let you “escape”.

It can be a person who desires to lose weight, except for your relatives. They are not suitable for this role. You agree with this person that every evening for ten days you will talk by phone or e-mail each other listing ten points of your “achievements” — good things that you have done today. The key challenge is that you can’t say the same thing twice. So, you’ll get one hundred achievements for ten days! It usually becomes difficult after the twentieth point, but after the fortieth one, on the contrary, all the difficulties disappear.

In doing so, you immediately engage three vital areas: you will practice awareness and self-observation, keep a diary, and discuss it with a friend.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Do you think it’s possible to take all the negative emotions away from your life?

— No.

— Can we eliminate negative emotions relative to our eating behavior?

— Yes.

— Of course, there is no room for them. I feed myself regularly, praise and love myself, nurture myself. What do we get then instead of self-pity?

— Pride!

— Even better than that. Mila, what do you think?

— Self-respect.

— What else? Any ideas?

— Love to yourself.

— Recently, this word has become a bit overworked. It is written almost on every fence, in every book, newspaper and magazine. They all persuade you that you need to love yourself, and then everything will be fine. But nobody says how to do it.

How do you love your kids? You take care of them. Loving yourself in practical terms is about taking care of yourself. Self-nurturing suggests that you should spend some resources for yourself. What recourses? Time, money and energy.

Building a new body

— I don’t mean that you should love yourself like it was proposed in a well-known cartoon about school for devilkin: “Hey, devilkin! The Thirteenth! You have to love yourself, only yourself! Love yourself, don’t think about others, and you’ll succeed!” It’s not what I mean! ☺ I want to say that you have to spend recourses not only for others but for yourself too. You have to take care of yourself in full measure.

Look what we get in that case. Do we need any punishment?

— No.

— Of course not. There is no reason. On the contrary, it’s time to start enjoying your life. We’ll discuss it during the seminar.

“I need to lose weight.” How do you feel about the word “need”? Tayisia, what if I tell you: “You need to lose weight. You are obliged to do it!” Do you feel negative emotions? Rejection?

— Yes.

— You want to do the exact opposite! We had enough of these “need” and “must” since we were kids. People feel negative about it on a subconscious level. What other words would never cause negative feelings?

— Want! ☺

— Of course, it’s “want”! Remember the situation in your life when you really wanted something. Did you need to be persuaded?

— No.

— No. You were ready to do it against all the odds. Perhaps someone even tried to slow you down a bit: “Hey, where are you going?” You replied: “No, I have to hurry up. I want it!”

I want you to have a burning desire to get slim! “Here I am! Slim superstar walking along the beach! I walk with kids wearing a very tight dress in summer, and they say: “Mom, you are so beautiful!”

— I want to get slim!

— I want to get slim! I want a new body. And I will create it! I regularly feed, praise, and love myself. I spend time and money on myself. I enjoy my life and get slim! Your train turns to a new railway! Is it achievable?

— Yes.

— Yes, this can be easily achieved! Especially when we consider the process step by step. It’s easy to understand how to do it. All we need is to retrain ourselves.

On average, it takes twenty-one days to form new habits.

During the next four days, you’ll start to adopt new habits that will help you to get slim. Then you’ll maintain them. In a month, we’ll meet again, check how it is going, refine some issues. Everything will be great!

N.B.! At first, you work for a certain time to form and fix the good habits. Then these habits work to make your life healthy, happy, and successful.

I would like to emphasize that Zina, the woman we talked about, lives inside each of you. Zina, let’s continue to call her Zina, it’s a sub-personality that lives in the head of every person. She is a part of your personality. Some psychologists call it “Sly Fat”.

The main aim of Zina or Mr. Eating-Frenzy is to keep everything in your life as it is. They oppose any changes to make your body fatter and fatter, and to increase the amount of fat in your mind, as they say.

What does it mean — “fat in mind”? It means that you doubt yourself, you do not believe in yourself, do not feed yourself regularly, scold yourself too often, dramatize any unpleasant situation, overthink every event, starve, eat all sorts of junk food when your hunger is seeking for healthy food, and so on.

Zina adores it! She will appear in your head from time to time and say: “Come on, Snezhana, it’s impossible to eat four or six times a day and get slim! It’s nonsense! Let’s get out of it!”

“He says you can eat meat, fish, poultry, seafood, pasta, and potatoes. No, please, do not eat pasta! Let’s get some cake after work instead! What?! He banned a cake — our only joy?”

“Remember how we used to do before? Someone hurt you, you go home and see a bakery. You enter inside, eat one pie, another pie. Oops! No tears, no offense. You are fine again! But he wants to take away our precious! Let’s get out of it! You cannot live like this”.

She will talk about it! Auntie Zina in your head will repeat it again and again. As for Victor, he has Uncle Joe or another subpersonality instead of Zina.

— ☺

— Your task is to “turn off the microphone” immediately as soon as Auntie Zina starts speaking. That’s enough! You are done with her talks! You have been listening to her for years.

— Yes!

— I will tell you about the lifestyle of a slim person tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. When you tell me your opinion, I’ll be able to understand who’s talking to me: “OK, that’s Anna… And Auntie Zina grabs the microphone and starts to complain, berate and justify herself!”

“I am slim” — it sounds like music for my soul!

— How to become slim?

To achieve your goal, you have to understand one crucial thing.

What makes a person slim? His body or his mind?

— His mind.

— Of course. Have you met some people without any excess weight who keep saying that they are fat?

— Certainly.

— Some people are overweight, but they say: “I am fine, I am slim enough.” So, in many respects, it’s a matter of perception.

For example, an overweight person draws a house, a tree, and a person.

They call it projective techniques. What do psychologists try to understand, analyzing such pictures?

— Problems.

— Problems of the person, his character, and his mental state. An overweight person usually draws a person like this: big head, small body, sticks instead of arms, and legs. Why?

— The body is not important to him.

— Moreover, a body is almost absent in the picture. If we cherish and appreciate something in our life, do we pay attention to it?

— Sure.

— This picture demonstrates that the person doesn’t pay attention to his body. Over the years of counseling, I met many people who hate their fat bodies. They even become aggressive against their bodies.

A person sits in front of a psychologist, crying, shaking his tummy with his hands. He says: “Look at my leg! It’s disgusting!”

His mind lives a life of its own. It has nothing to do with the fat body as if it was not his decision to make it fat and maintain this condition. The lousy body has only itself to blame.

— And some circumstances.

— Yes. It just happened, the body gained four pounds again.

As they say: “My weight has become heavier.” Of course, the body is growing bigger and bigger on its own.

— ☺

— “What? You’ve gained another ten pounds, my lousy body? I’m done. I’ll stick the needles into you and stuff you with medicines. Gained twenty pounds? OK, I’ll take you to a surgeon, and he will cut off pieces from you!”

— It’s no good.

— But the head considers it to be a great solution. There is no harmony. Head and body live separately from each other. They have a relationship similar to relationship of whom?

— Enemies.

— Enemies or who else? Head constantly berates body, browbeats it…

— Boss and subordinate.

— Precisely, boss and subordinate. Besides, the head is a very sophisticated boss. Smart. Well-educated. As for the body, it’s the worst subordinate you’ve ever met. A stupid, defective person. A walking disaster.

Then this type of relationship transforms into the relationship of… Whom? What other types of relationship between head and body can you imagine? If it’s not “Boss vs subordinate”, then… Give me more constructive versions.

— Parents.

— A parent and a child. Yes. Mom loves her daughter even if she is not perfect, right?

— Yes.

— Agree? Even when her daughter is nasty, when she is coughing, when her hair is filthy. Mom still loves her child even when she returned home too late with a broken knee and cut finger, dirty from head to toe. Mom still loves her. Right?

— Of course.

— Mom loves her anyway.

Head loves its body too: “You have to lose some weight, and then I’ll take you to the beach.” Body: “I want to the beach now!”

— ☺

— “Have you seen yourself in the mirror? At first, you have to lose at least thirty pounds. Then you can go there.” Body: “I want to the swimming pool!” Head: “All people there look like Belvedere Apollo and Aphrodite. And when you jump into the water, it will overflow over the edge! Besides, you’ll have to experience five meters of shame from the pool to the changing room and back. No. No swimming pool for you!” Body: “I want it. And I want to be loved and cherished!” Head: “What are you talking about?! Drop forty pounds, massage, fitness, cosmetology, and then you’ll get some love! Maybe.” That’s how the conversation goes.

— ☺

— The person gets less pleasure and joy. The only source of comfort is excessive food. So, the body eats more and more!

Meanwhile, the head keeps saying: “Genes?! Forget it.

We’ll cut them off too.”

That’s how it goes.

As soon as we’ve got a “devoted mother and daughter” relationship or “a loving mother and son” relationship, and then the care that we were talking about before occurs.

Let’s do an exercise to move towards this desired model. Actually, we won’t do it. You will write it down and then do it at home. Please, use a blank sheet allocated for homework. You have to hole up tonight or tomorrow morning. I guess the bathroom is the best choice, as no one will bother you there, and there is a latch on the door.

— Take a tub…

— No!

— ☺

— Take your clothes off and look at your naked body. Those parts of the body that cause intense negative emotions or even some kind of rejection, resentment, these particular parts of your body need kind words and tender touches.

If it’s a leg, then touch your leg. If it’s your tummy, then touch your tummy. Touch them tenderly and say a few kind words: “My dear leg, we are recovering. There is a beautiful slim leg inside of you…”

You know that it is still there, right?

— ☺

— OK. Some people tell me: “I can’t tell my leg anything good.” There is a slim beautiful leg inside. You are slim people. But your beautiful bodies are hiding inside of you. Look, there are bones, muscles, internals, skin. You have everything you need for a harmonious life.

A certain amount of excess fat tissue conceals some parts of your slim body.

We will part with this extra fatty tissue step by step during our session. Soon your slim body that is hiding inside of you now will appear again!

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs A funny story has just come into my mind. My mother always believed that I was pretty, but she said that I had no neck. In her opinion, my head ran straight into my shoulders. I disagreed:

“Look, Mom, here it is. I do have a neck!” Then, after the session, I got slimmer and slimmer. One day Mom told me: “Olga, I’ve just noticed that you have such a beautiful neck. You have to open it!”

I had been chunky since I was a child. I could only guess what was hiding under the accursed fat step by step, I got to know myself, I began to learn about myself and my body. I can’t say that I am absolutely pleased with the result, but when I look in the mirror, look at my “before” and “after” photos — I am still amazed at the changes that have occurred in me.

It’s a wonderful life.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Then say yourself: “My body is slim, it’s getting healthier every day. Nice tummy, perhaps you’ll be half an inch smaller in four days. I’ll follow all the recommendations!” And the body responds with gratitude. A woman told me recently: “I holed up, started to say something good to myself. I was touching myself kindly, saying good words to my body, and suddenly tears ran down my face… I guess I wept for half an hour.” I asked her: “What did you feel?” She replied: “I felt so sorry for myself! I had been treating myself like trash. And then I finally understood that I am good!”

You have to do these exercises. It will be interesting and useful. Tomorrow I will ask you about the results. I will not ask about the details. I will just ask whether you did it or not, whether you were able to say kind words to your body and touch it with love or not.

Your mind has to adopt the following statement: “I am a slim person.” This thought will spread below from here, from your head, and affect your life, your habits, and your body. And then you will finally become slim. I am not really a true artist, so don’t expect a masterpiece. (draws a slim body). A woman from another group told me recently: “I don’t want the body you’ve drawn.”

— ☺

— But to succeed, you really have to accept this thought: “I am slim.” Because if you still consider yourself a dummy, a pig, a cow, we’ll never succeed.

Now you know that your slim body is still with you, it’s inside of you. You are slim!

Everything you need is to adopt a way of thinking of a slim person, feed yourself regularly, praise yourself, and enjoy your life — as a slim person does.

We’ll talk about it later. Next.

— When you gain weight, you always think: “It’s OK. I am slim.” At least I used to think this way. But then I saw myself on video. Oh my, I considered myself slim.

— I know what you mean. It was a moment of self-awareness. You realized that your slim body had gone. The paradox is that in order to return your slim body, you need to call yourself slim!

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

The consciousness of a human can operate only skeletal muscles. We cannot regulate the operation of smooth muscles, the release of hormones, and biologically active secrets.

Consequently, if any dominant occurs, that must be accompanied by a certain action, and the action requires the activation of skeletal and smooth muscles, hormone release, we can stop (if the dominant is undesirable) only our skeletal muscles. But it doesn’t stop the whole process, and the dominant stays unrealized for many months and years.

Any event or memory of the unfinished action activates the hormone system and contraction of the smooth muscles of vessels and internal organs.

As a result, we’ve got exacerbation of psychosomatic illness since a memory (even subconsciously) causes a biochemical explosion in the body, which requires the urgent intervention of the liver, pancreas, and heart into the processing of biochemical material.

But we can use the dominant mechanisms for “peaceful purposes” as well, by creating a “slim body” dominant in our mind and trying to accomplish it.

It’s one of the aims of our training — to create “I feel light — and I am light!” dominant.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— You have to feel your slim body. It’s inside of you. It’s still here. Your slim body exists inside of you. Agree?

— It’s just covered with fat.

— Yes. It’s covered a bit (or a lot) by fat, but it still exists. If you consider yourself slim, then you’ll start to lose excess weight.

If you consider yourself fat, then you’ll continue to gain weight. You won’t be able to follow all the recommendations and to go all the way to the slim body if you berate yourself and consider yourself fat.

Your only way is to adopt the “I am slim” mindset.

Your slim is in your mind, in your head. Then it creates habits of a slim person and then — a slim body.

The next exercise.

Visualization of your slim body.

What are the aims of this exercise? The first is to relax, to relieve psycho-emotional and physical stress. The second aim is to imagine yourself slim. For example, you imagine a new car when you are going to buy it, right?

— Yes.

— Of course. You imagine how you get in this new car. You haven’t got it yet, but you’ve got its image in your mind: How you get in the car, its color, interior. For example, the seat is comfortable; it smells good. And the other things: lamps are on, and you grab the steering wheel. You imagine all the details, right?

When you, Victor, buy a new suit, or you, Olesya, buy a new dress, you imagine how it fits you before purchase, don’t you? You dream about a new dress, and you visualize, imagine it. It always works the same way. In order to acquire anything, even a slim body, we have to imagine it at first. Then it will be easier to acquire it!

Training of athletes includes elements of visualization. Sports psychologists and coaches set them up for success, encourage them to imagine that they beat the world record, that they are the first to reach the finish line or jump higher than others, score a goal, or stand on a pedestal, that tears of joy are running down their face, the national anthem is playing, the flag is flying.

So, if a person regularly thinks positively, imagines positive events, visualizes what he wants, will it improve his capabilities and abilities?

— Yes!

— Of course, as the person constantly receives a powerful energy recharge. He starts to run and jump better. And then he wins!

So, let’s start to imagine your slim body. What difficulties can we face while doing it? They are the following. A person is not able to imagine himself at the end of his long way to a slim body. Some people are going to lose eighty pounds. But they can’t imagine their body without this excess weight. It just happens.

Two women from the morning group told me recently: “One of us has to lose at least sixty pounds and the other — at least eighty pounds.” The first woman says: “But I can imagine myself only without thirty pounds.” I tell her: “Well, then imagine that you get a bit slimmer, but haven’t reached your goal yet. If you are able to imagine yourself ‘absolutely’ slim, then do it.”

Relieve psychoemotional stress

— Stress can cause health issues. As they say by now, all sickness comes from mental stress.

In fact, the accumulation of psycho-emotional and physical stress can become one of the causes of psychosomatic disease. Doctors say that people should learn to relieve tension effectively in order to recover. Recovering from obesity requires it as well. There are lots of ways to relieve tensions. We’ll try one of them. We will relax and imagine ourselves slim.

I’ll turn on the quiet calm music and turn off the lights.

I will say some words, and this will set you up for relaxation.

Then, listening to my words, you’ll start to imagine your slim body.

You’ll be in a trance. The trance state is an altered form of consciousness when you feel half-sleep. You are not sleeping, but you are not awake either. Every person gets into this state several times a day. For example, you are in the bus. Suddenly, you have a black-out. Your eyes are blank. You are not sleeping, but… Has it ever happened to you?

— Yes.

— Or for example, you are trying to fall asleep. Someone enters the room and says: “Oh, she’s already fallen asleep.” You can see this person, you can hear his words, but you can’t open your mouth and say: “No, I am not sleeping.” This kind of half-sleep is like a trance state, which is healing for the soul and body. Now, keep your hands free. I’ll turn on the music and turn off the lights, and we’ll start the exercise.

— Artyom, is it fine if I cross my legs?

— No, please, do not cross your arms and legs. Take up a comfortable and relaxed position. Lean back in your chair, put your hands and legs as you like.

— What if we fall asleep? ☺

— It’s OK. It occasionally happens during the evening sessions.

The end of the exercise has been marked by loud snoring.

— ☺

— Fine. Relax, sit back, put your feet comfortably. You can pull your legs forward if you want. Lean back in your chair. You can either put your hands on your knees or let them hang freely.

In order to relax, try to relieve tension in those parts of the body where it is evident — no need to keep still. You can move your neck, stretch yourself, turn your head a bit, move your shoulders. These simple movements help to relieve some tension from the cervical area, shoulders, from the upper part of the back.

Modern human often has trouble breathing. When he tries to take a deep breath, he feels that his chest is clamped down by a core of strained muscles. Try to take a deep breath. Breathe in. If you cannot do it, breathe slowly, deeply, and you will feel that tension is disappearing little by little.

Now, close your eyes and feel how the light breeze touches your forehead, and the forehead muscles relax. Do not force them to relax. Just let them do it. Then you feel how soft, gentle waves of pleasant comfort are spreading to other areas of your face.

Your face starts to relax: your cheeks are relaxing, your chin is relaxing, as well as your lips. Unclench your teeth a bit.

Open your mouth a little, try to feel that your cheeks are relaxed, even with sealed lips. Your face is relaxed. This is a signal to your subconscious mind that your whole body can relax and have a rest.

Imagine how the soft, gentle waves of healing relaxation are spreading down from the face area extends to your entire body. It’s like a warm, pleasant wave. I don’t know what part of your body will relax faster: upper or lower, left or right.

I don’t know how fast your body relaxes: immediately or gradually, smoothly, or by jerks. It doesn’t matter at all. It doesn’t matter at all that there are other sounds in this room, besides the sound of my voice and music. Don’t pay attention to other random or non-random noises. Some sounds are coming from the street, or maybe from the next room, or maybe when someone coughs or changes body position. All these random and non-random sounds help you to dive deeper and deeper into the pleasant state of blissful relaxation and peace. Now, when your body is resting, your mind can go on an amazing journey to a quiet and peaceful place. You can finally relax there and feel that a powerful stream of pleasant invisible energy descends from above on your body. It touches you just like jets of warm shower. You look at your body washed by pleasant streams of invisible energy. You see that your body is slim.

You see that your body has transformed. You feel that this pleasant energy, like streams of warm water, flows down over your head and neck, over your shoulders, and over your slim hands. Now, the entire skin of your back feels touching of waves of invisible energy. It flows down over your chest, just like jets of warm shower. It washes over your flat firm tummy. This energy flows over your tight hips, over your slim legs. Your whole slim body seems to be floating in this pleasant stream of waves of invisible energy.

Your slim body is so light, so beautiful. You want to wave your hands and take off because, at that moment, you feel that you are capable of doing it. You look at your slim body, you feel it. Joy, pride, self-confidence arise within your soul. You feel very well.

You can spend some time in this quiet and peaceful place to feel the pleasant flow of invisible energy and your slim body.

Now, step by step, you return to this room, to our class, this time and place. You feel that your mind takes control of your body once again. Move your hands and legs. Feel that you are here again.

Music becomes quieter, and my voice sounds louder and clearer. This means that you are returning to this room, to this place and this time.

Welcome back!

Be careful. I turn on the lights.

Let’s talk about the meditation that we had. Did you reach our main goal — relaxation and tension relief?

— Not really.

— I did it!

— What parts of your body are still affected by tension?

— Waist.

— Perhaps someone still feel tension in shoulders, neck or arms?

— Yes.

— I feel it too!

— It means that tension in these parts of the body is chronic. It accumulates there. We’ll discuss later why neck and shoulders are the areas of chronic tension. Were you able to imagine yourself slim?

— Yes.

— Yes. Perhaps some of you were able to imagine yourself slimmer, but not ideal.

— I succeeded.

— Completely? Fine. Great! You have to do this exercise at least once a day. Take five minutes for yourself to relax and visualize yourself slim. In order to increase your commitment to your main goal, you have to imagine yourself slim.

— What music should be used?

— Any calm music for relaxation.

Please, take a snatch, as we are going to talk about food after a break. We’ll discuss what, when, and how much of fat, protein, and carbohydrates we have to consume. ☺ Not your hungry stomach, but you are responsible for decision making.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: I adore such techniques a lot. They really help to look inside, to feel yourself. At such moments I often cry and feel upset. I imagine different things. But sometimes thoughts and dreams about myself and my life make me smile happily.

Artyom played the song “The Land of Distant Magic” every time when we had relaxation. I heard this song before training. But it was at training when I really fell for it. It gave me such a strong impression that my heart leaped out of my chest anytime I heard it. It inspired me. I still have this song on my playlist. Even now, when I need to think over something, I play this song.

I am grateful to Artyom.

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: It’s great if you start and finish your day with this exercise. Besides, you can do the so-called “short version” of relaxation during the day.

If you didn’t take a course in autohypnosis or autogenic training, then it’s better to use special audio records that help to relax and create a perfect slim body image in your mind. This technique requires practice. If you have a good imagination, it will be easier. As for me, it took me two weeks to make the images appear clearly in my head and to be felt.

I suggest that those who have difficulties with visualization of the desired future use a method that affects imagination not through cognitive reasoning, but through the mind of the body.

When you are alone, when nobody is distracting or looking at you, imagine that you have already achieved the desired result. Start moving, standing, walking, talking (if no one is nearby) as if you are already a slim person, just like an actor playing a role. A new body position will cause your hormonal balance to change in about two minutes.

Levels of stress hormones — cortisol and adrenaline — will decrease. The level of “happy hormones” endorphins will increase. In two minutes, when the hormonal balance begins to change, not only your mood, but also your thoughts about yourself and your body will begin to change. Do this exercise three times for two minutes a day. It’s very pleasant. Besides, after a while, you will notice that it becomes natural for you to think and act like a slim person.

(Break)

Magic match box

— What should we eat?

This is the question. Swap places. Come on.

High-protein food

Meat, fish, poultry, seafood, eggs, farmer’s cheese, beans, mushrooms. Why do we need to eat the products?

Maximum satiety can be achieved by eating high-protein foods. Protein is a building material for the body. We need to get rid of the body but to preserve muscles. We need high-protein foods.

Sometimes digestion of high-protein food requires more energy than the high-protein food contains. Then the body takes this missing energy from fat reserves. It’s a great advantage for a person who tries to lose weight. But we shouldn’t eat too much of high-protein food, as it is unhealthy.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Various protein diets (such as Atkins diet and the Kremlin diet) suggest reducing carbohydrate intake as much as possible. Of course, it leads to a decrease of carbohydrates in our body and a reduction of insulin secretions. Digesting of a large amount of protein requires a lot of energy since it involves the synthesis of enzymes of the gastrointestinal tract and the synthesis of the body’s natural proteins. Besides, due to the lack of carbohydrates, our body starts to synthesize carbohydrates from the protein. There is an increase in energy consumption and a decrease in the synthesis of fat. As a result, the body loses weight. But protein diet has a lot of side effects. The most unpleasant thing is impaired renal function, urolithiasis, impaired liver function, and fatty hepatosis. Besides, repeated application of the Atkins diet is ineffective. Our body finds a way to turn on glucose synthesis pretty fast, and weight loss does not occur.

Colin Campbell, in his book “The China Study”, demonstrates that excess intake of protein, especially milk protein, can lead to the production of tumors. For cancer prevention, he proposes to reduce the intake of active protein to ten or fifteen grams (it is contained in about one hundred grams of meat, fish, and fifty grams of cheese).

Colin Campbell writes in his book: “The results of my research, as well as a large number of other explorations, some of which were held by me, and some — by other scientists, motivated me to change my eating habits. I stopped eating meat fifteen years ago, and in the last six or eight years, I have cut almost all animal products, including dairy products, from my diet. Despite my age, my blood cholesterol levels have decreased; I am in better physical shape now than I was at the age of twenty-five, and my weight is now twenty kilograms less than it was when I was thirty. I have an ideal weight for my height. My family members also changed their diet largely due to my wife, Karen. She managed to create a completely new menu, all the dishes in which are visually attractive, tasty, and healthy. We did it to improve the state of our health. I seemed to awake from a dream. As a child, I drank at least two liters of milk a day. I mocked at vegetarians at the beginning of my career, and then I radically changed my way of living”.

As you see, the protein diet is dangerous, and it works out only once.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

N.B.! I want to introduce you to a simple, visually understandable, and easy-to-remember measure of volume. It’s a matchbox.

Anything can be measured in units of a matchbox size. It is easy to visualize it. I’ll call it “box” from now on.

If your goal is to drop excess weight, each of your meals should contain one or two matchboxes of protein-rich food.

These carbohydrates

— High-carbohydrate food.

There are complex (or slow-releasing) carbohydrates and simple (or fast-releasing) carbohydrates (that convert to energy very quickly). The following food contains lots of complex carbohydrates: porridge, macaroni (from durum wheat), potato, coarse-grained bread. This food is a source of energy; it ensures long-term normal blood glucose levels. How much of this food should be included in every meal?

N.B.! Each meal of a person who is getting slim should include 2—4 matchboxes of food rich with complex carbohydrates.

It prevents you from overeating sweets.

Which of you does not have enough of such food in the diet? Raise your hand. Be honest. In those periods, when you lack complex carbohydrates, your glucose level is getting lower. For example, you woke up in the morning; you didn’t eat your porridge. In a while, you feel worse and feel the urge to eat some sweets! ☺ Well, another option: you woke up, ate your oatmeal, your blood glucose level rose after a while. It remains pretty high for two hours, maybe even for three hours. Then it starts getting lower, but — hurray! — it’s lunchtime, another opportunity to get some carbohydrates. You’ve got another few hours of high blood glucose level. When it starts to get lower, it’s nearly dinner time. So, you can get some of these foods: porridge, macaroni, potato or bread. As long as you have a high blood glucose level, you feel full. You are not hungry.

But if you ignored porridge in the morning, then soon you feel a lack of carbohydrates. You feel the urge to…

— Eat candies?

— Of course, or maybe a chocolate bar — anything that contains sugar. No, imagine, you ate sweets. Blood glucose level has risen. But for how long?

— For a short time.

— Of course. Twenty minutes or so, and then the blood glucose level starts to decrease, and your brain gets a signal of hunger. You begin to look around for…

— Another candy.

— Of course, or one more chocolate! You spend all day long like that: One dose of sugar, another dose of sugar, while blood glucose level goes up and down. All day long, you feed yourself with candies, sweets, buns, biscuits, chocolates. You get a crazy number of calories. Check any calorie table, and you’ll see what I mean. Do you feel satiety? No, you are still hungry!

Nutritionists say that complex carbohydrates are the key to the at fat cell “deposits”. “Fats are burning in the flame of carbohydrates.” As long as you eat enough of complex carbohydrates, adipose tissue splits up fast. If you don’t get enough complex carbs, adipose tissue splits up slowly. But only if the energy balance is negative and the energy incoming with food during the day is less than the energy consumed by the body.

A person will lose weight only if gained food energy is less than consumption.

Foods rich with simple carbohydrates.

These are sweets, farinaceous products (wheat extra class flour of fine grinding) — buns, wheat bread, fruit.

The biggest secret is that all these products should be eaten for dessert and only for dessert!

You shouldn’t eat the food instead of the main meal.

Dessert must be eaten after the main meal. It should be of no more than fifty kilocalories per one meal and no more than twenty percent of the daily caloric content. If you follow this rule, it will be easy for you to lose weight.

Some dodgers do it this way.

“OK, fifty kilocalories of dessert for one meal. Then I am not going to have dessert after breakfast and after lunch… But after dinner… Oh my, I’ll have a feast eating grand-dessert of three hundred kilocalories!”

Our body doesn’t need so much sugar at one sitting! As soon as simple carbohydrates get into the body, the glucose level rises. It is high, and you’ve got so much glucose that the body needs to do something about it. Victor, what can be done to this crazy amount of glucose? Any ideas?

— Save it for a rainy day.

— Precisely. Eugenia, what does it mean to us?

— New fat deposits.

If you eat fifty kilocalories of dessert after a meal a few times a day, then it won’t occur.

By the way, for fifty kilocalories, you can eat one chocolate or a piece of marmalade, or an average-size apple, apricot, or two hundred grams of watermelon. Don’t forget to peel a watermelon before weighing. Rinds are very heavy. People often feel upset when weighing it with rinds. There’s almost nothing to eat then. But two hundred grams of watermelon flesh is a nice portion.

Not so bad, right?

— Right!

— You can eat sweet things after every meal, but only fifty kilocalories. Why is it good to eat dessert (sweet products) right after a meal?

— Because you can’t eat lots of sweets.

— That’s the first reason. Besides, sometimes it happens that you don’t feel satiety even after a satisfying meal.

Then you take a bar of chocolate and eat it under the dumbfounded gaze of people around saying, “Doctor prescribed it to me for weight loss.” It quickly increases glucose levels — in two minutes! You feel satiety, so-called post-satiety.

Our ancestors have used it since ancient times: they ate porridge or some soup and then drank honey diluted in water. What a simple recipe — warm water and honey! As soon as they drank it, blood glucose level rose. Full and happy, they could enjoy their life again.

— Is it right to drink after a meal?

— Yes.

— They say it’s not good.

— People say a lot of things.

— What about drinking water before a meal?

— You can drink it before a meal, during a meal and after it.

You have to drink anytime when you feel thirsty. Our body is a complex biological, bioenergy machine. If it begs you for water, then you should give the water. Sometimes it happens this way: you ate some hot or salty food, you feel thirsty, but… Someone said on T.V. that you shouldn’t drink for an hour or so after a meal. Your throat is dry like a desert, but you don’t drink. You have to drink water anytime when you feel thirsty, even when you are eating complex carbohydrates. Imagine what our life would be if we had to eat all the elements separately. You wouldn’t be able to have a glass of water when you were thirsty. Then we wouldn’t have time for work, family or anything else, as we had to spend all the time calculating what and when we should eat.☺

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

If you tried some diets, then you probably heard that you should not drink during a meal because water dilutes gastric juice and eaten food is not digested well enough. If we skip out the fact that the gastric juice is ninety percent water, and when there is not enough water, the absorption of fluid occurs from the body. Then the body sends signals to the brain about being thirsty after the meal. There is still a vital nuance that any physiologist will confirm: water incoming the stomach flows along the lesser curvature of the stomach and does not mix with the chyme — or food lump. Through the pyloric sphincter, which opens reflexively for the liquid, it immediately flows from the stomach into the intestine.

But the water temperature, as radiologists from Saint-Petersburg found out in the 60’s, is of great importance. It turned out that cold food stays in the stomach for about twenty minutes, then it moves into the intestine. It stays in the stomach as long as it is warm. After it cools down, the stomach takes it as a signal that the food has been digested and pulls it further to the intestine.

I am not sure if various fast-food restaurants are familiar with the fact, but they use this pattern. They offer you to purchase a hamburger (by the way, it contains 500—900 kilocalories) and give you a cold drink for free. Cold drink, not a hot one! Besides, a cup of tea often costs more than a glass of soda! What happens inside your stomach in that case? In a while, all eaten foods fall from the stomach into the intestine, where the protein cannot be digested and begins to rot in a while. What happens to the person? He feels hungry again. It is a simple way to increase sales.

So, you can drink for sure. You can drink water before a meal, during a meal and after it, but only hot or at least warm water. There is a long-term tradition in Russia to drink hot tea after a meal, even in the hot summer. Most of the problems with overweight began to arise when people began to abandon their meal traditions.

An acquaintance of mine was making a movie about overweight people in the USA. Once, she told me about an eighteen-year-old African American. His weight was about three hundred and sixty pounds. When my friend asked him if he did something for weight loss, he replied: “Of course!” First, he ate only once a day, in the evening. Secondly, he ate a whole package of chicken legs at one sitting — proteins and fats without any complex carbohydrates and fiber. Thirdly, he washed it all down with a large bottle of ice-cold Coca-Cola.

All this, in his opinion, should have led to weight loss. But it didn’t work. So, he believed that the problem was in his bad genetics, and his task was at least to restrain the rate of weight gain with such “healthy” nutrition.

Now a few words about coffee. Once I attended the conference where one doctor recommended to those who like coffee to drink only filtered coffee during the weight loss because the instant coffee leads to fast gallstone formation. She said that it uses to happen only during the period of weight loss and added that scientists still can’t understand the mechanism of the process.

Fats in brief

— All fats could be divided into good and bad ones conditionally. It’s simple. Good fats are liquid at room temperature, and bad fats are solid at room temperature. Scientists simply introduce such simple concepts and simple criteria for distinguishing.

Fats liquid at room temperature are vegetable oils; they are good for health, useful. You have to eat them in a proper — small — amount. I guess you have seen how many calories they contain? The caloric value of vegetable oil — and this is the most caloric product on Earth — is almost nine hundred calories. Fish fats are considered to be good as well. That’s why fish is a very healthy product. In this regard, fish is healthier than meat.

Why? Unlike meat fats, fat contained fish does not contribute to the formation of atherosclerotic plaques on the walls of blood vessels.

Bad fats are solid at room temperature. They include fats that are creamy at room temperatures, such as mayonnaise, butter, cheese, and lard.

But it doesn’t mean that they are forbidden. You can eat them, but you have to reduce their amount. That’s great if you prefer food that contains less fat, for example, milk and dairy products. They contain less fat (but they are not completely fat-free!) If some of you enjoyed eating three sandwiches with thick layers of lard at one sitting before, then now you should eat only one sandwich with a thin slice of lard once a week or so.

There is no point in banning any food. But some foods are healthier than others. It’s no good to forbid foods. Each product contains healthy elements: even lard, butter, and dairy products. All you need to do is to reduce the amount of some foods that you eat.

Another important recommendation:

Your daily diet should include one tablespoon of vegetable oil.

You don’t need to drink it. Just put it into some of your food without heat treatment. It would be preferable to use unrefined natural oil with fragrance. Add it into your salad or porridge, put it on a slice of bread. But you have to eat one tablespoon of it. You can take more oil, but don’t forget about calories. But not less because it is a source of vitamins A, E, polyunsaturated fatty acids, and everything necessary for healthy skin, hair, and nails

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Physiological causes of constipation. Reduction of consumption of fat decreases the secretion of bile, and, as a consequence, leads to constipation.

Weight loss decreases the volume of circulating blood. It leads to a decrease in the fluid content in the small intestine — and constipation.

Decreased intestinal motility due to impaired blood homeostasis (after a meal, absorption of food components into the blood occurs), as well as a decrease in the activity of the bacterial population of the large intestine. Constipation again.

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: Of course, you can drink this tablespoon of vegetable oil at a time or divide it into three teaspoons during the day. But it is noted that if you use it at the beginning of the day — for breakfast, you will feel satiety at least until lunchtime.

About meat and meat delicacies

— Now, speaking about protein, you should stop eating sausages, wieners, fast-food dumplings, and so-called meat delicacies — smoke meat, and so on. These products derived from many unhealthy components have dubious effects on human health.

All the ingredients have been minced, ground, mixed with starch, and cheap fat. Such products often contain up to fifty percent of fat or more. Have you considered how much fat sausages, wieners, and hot dogs contain? A few percents or so. They taste delicious and smell delicious, since there are flavor enhancers, such as monosodium glutamate.

There are some sausage-addicted people. When you try to take away the sausages, they start to complain: “No, please, sausage is my life.” ☺ Not so long ago, I counseled an eight-year-old boy.

His Mom brought him to me. The boy is rather fat, and he demands a sausage for each meal. Even a burger must be cooked from the minced sausage. He doesn’t care about meat. Sausages are his only passion. The child got addicted to flavor enhancers and monosodium glutamate.

I can’t forbid sausages to you, saying “No more sausages or wieners!” Cause the next moment you’ll crave for them desperately. So, you still can eat them but only sometimes, as a dessert, and only fifty calories at one sitting.

The question is, what else can we eat besides sausages and smoke meat delicacies? Do you have multicookers?

— I have a steam cooker.

— Convection oven.

— You can bake meat in a multicooker. It’s the best option. You program it, and it cooks meat for you. Besides, it can cook not only meat, but everything you want. When you cook meat in the oven, the fat leaks away. If you pour it out, it will contain even less fat. Chop it into pieces and put into fridge instead of sausages.

— That’s how we get dietary meat.

— Yes. It’s much better for your health and appearance than sausages.

— What about dumplings?

— If you cook homemade dumplings and they contain healthy meant, then it’s fine. The ones you buy in stores contain lots of fat. They are very high-calorie.

One average store-bought dumpling contains forty calories. Let’s count: ten dumplings contain four hundred calories.

— Oh my!

— You should better make homemade dumplings with normal meat, as you call it, Mila.

— What about meat-stuffed buns?

— You should bake them by yourself too.

What about fiber

— Now, about fiber rich foods.

First of all, vegetables. You have to eat at least 3 to 6 matchboxes of the foods at each meal for weight loss. It’s an excellent thing for intestinal digestion.

Be sure to consult your doctor beforehand for any limitations and restrictions on any type of food that you may have.

— What vegetables? Are root crops not allowed?

— Sure. You can eat them, but less than others. Your first choice should be lower-calorie vegetables, for example, tomato, cucumber, sweet pepper, and so on.

Your daily diet should include one tablespoon of vegetable oil, plus 20 grams of butter every day!

Each weight-loss meal should contain 1—2 boxes of high-protein food; 2—4 boxes of foods rich in complex carbohydrates; 3—6 boxes of foods rich in fiber (vegetables).

Then 2—4 boxes of fruits, berries, or, if you’d like to, some of your favorite high-calorie food containing 50 calories or less (for example, sweet things, meat delicacies, and others).

— Can you handle it?

— Yes, it’s a pretty nice ration! ☺

— You should have four or six meals per day. Every three-four hours. Do not add too much oil to vegetables. How much oil did you add before? You just tilted the bottle and poured oil generously. Besides, some oil fans put it almost to every dish — to rice, porridge, buckwheat porridge — to make them oily. They put big lumps of butter into it porridge or puree. Or even to some high-calorie dishes with fat meat!

So, cut away the fat, don’t pour it over with oil. Add just a little bit of it. Don’t forget that it’s a high-calorie product! Fine.

No water, no life!

It’s the law of life.

— Water. You have to drink up to one and a half liter daily. Of course, I understand that you are not going to drink pure water only. You’ll have some other drinks as well. But you have to drink purified water mostly.

— I can’t drink it. It is a great achievement to me to drink at least one glass of water a day.

— “I can’t” means “I don’t want”, but you WANT to become slim, right?

— It’s nearly stuck in my throat. I eagerly drink three cups of tea at one sitting, but water — that’s far too much for me.

— Does tea count as water?

— No. I’ll give you an example. Imagine that you walked along the desert all day long. You had nothing to drink, so you got thirsty. Suddenly you notice a table with all kinds of drinks on it: tea, coffee, juice, fresh, water…

— I” choose water.

— Why?

— It’s hot there, and I feel thirsty.

— The best drink for thirst-quenching is definitely water. As for tea and coffee, they contain caffeine. It’s a diuretic. What do you get besides coffee in a good restaurant if you order a cup of coffee? A glass of water. Why?

— You still feel thirsty after coffee.

— Drinking coffee leads to water loss because of the diuretic effect. You may have noticed peeing is your best friend after consuming a cup of coffee.

— Coffee is unhealthy.

Everything is unhealthy in this way or another. One cup of coffee a day is fine. But if you drink three or seven cups, as many of us do, it’s too much. Please, drink water.

— Then we should drink less tea?

— One cup of tea a day.

— I have a question. Is sparkling water considered to be healthy water?

— Of course, it is water, but according to some research, it can make you feel hungry. Besides, they believe that there is a clear link between the rapid progression of cellulite and the constant consumption of carbonated water. So, keep it in mind.

What will happen if you drink less? After I tell it you, you will start drinking enough, but moderately. What happens to a person who eats irregularly? What does his body do? It starts to store some food for a rainy day.

— ☺

Now, imagine your body is facing a lack of water. Of course, it starts storing this precious water in the edema. Just in case. The consequences are really unpleasant. People who drink not often enough face all kinds of skin problems and early wrinkles. But as soon as you start to consume enough water, your body discharges water from edemas. It gets enough water daily, so there is no need to store it.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Where did the belief come from that we need to drink at least two liters of water a day (except the one contained in foods)? Who came up with this? Nobody knows. Physiologists found out that a person loses approximately two liters of water a day as urine, exhaled sweat vapors. So, they believe that if you lose two liters of water, you have to consume the same amount to replenish stocks.

Nobody takes into account that food is about 80—90% of water. “Two liters per day” belief has become very popular. But it’s not safe for the body to consume an excess of water daily. After all, sodium leaves our body with the urine!

And there is no source to replenish it, as salt is considered to be a “poison.” Meanwhile, salt is needed for all electrical processes occurring in the body — for normal brain function, for healthy heart, muscles, and so on. Our body fights desperately for salt sucking it from the primary urine by using mineralocorticoid hormone — aldosterone.

The effects of excessive aldosterone secretion are catastrophic. They are hypertension, heart failure, and infarction.

We deliberately bring ourselves to these states by drinking two liters of water and more!

Think before you drink!

Another real-life example. During fasting (with water consumption) in a confined space for ten days, I drank only one and a half liters of water. But looking at water made me sick (I didn’t feel thirsty as well). I lost five kilograms or eleven pounds. I didn’t feel thirsty, and I couldn’t force myself to do it.

Do not try to repeat it. It can be dangerous for your life. I just tried to conduct some experiments.

What if you do not eat? Perhaps you have to drink only when you feel thirsty?

Just like animals — they never drink water after meal.

The other food ingredients

— Vitamins. — You have to take them daily in compliance with dosage instruction.

— Should we buy some in a drug store?

— Yes, you should buy vitamins. What type? Any. Some vitamin-mineral complex.

— Taking them regularly?

— Daily during the whole weight loss course. As long as you are losing weight, you have to take vitamins for a year or even longer. Weight loss is a hard process for the body.

So you have to support it, providing vitamins and minerals. You can change complex from time to time.

Alcohol. We have to discuss this issue for sure. Let me put it this way: the less you drink, the better. Even small amounts of alcohol taken frequently can slow down or even stop the weight loss process.

— What about alcohol-free beer?

— I am talking about alcoholic beverages. So-called alcohol-free beer contains a low amount of alcohol, just like bread kvass, but we won’t take it into account.

When alcohol contained in alcoholic beverages enters the body, the liver is engaged in another process instead of splitting fat to eliminate toxic alcohol. Alcohol decomposes back into acetaldehyde. Acetaldehyde is a poison. So, the liver has a choice: either to decompose the poison or to split fat. What will it do first of all?

— Of course, it will eliminate the poison.

— Sure. So, your liver has a hard time fighting against toxins. During this time, your weight will stay the same. Sometimes even a glass of champagne may stop the process of weight loss or even lead to a slight weight increase.

— Red wine…

— The same. It contains alcohol as well. Therefore, you should drink less during the whole period of weight loss.

— Besides, it contains calories.

— Certainly. It contains lots of calories; it makes you feel hungry.

— How much it’s allowed to drink at one sitting?

— ☺

— The less you drink the better. Are you sure you came into the right room? Do you need to lose weight? ☺ It whets appetite, holds water. Have you noticed it? After a few drinks in the evening your face looks puffy in the morning. That’s because of the accumulated water.

— ☺

— If you are somewhere at a company party or at a birthday party (I hope this does not happen often), you should drink a glass of wine. If you choose between strong drinks, beer, or wine, and you cannot avoid drinking, then you should choose wine. In Mediterranean counties they use to dilute it with water.

But keep it in mind that after a glass of wine, your weight won’t reduce for a few days or even for a week. So, don’t drink too often. The best choice is to give up alcohol.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Alcohol has a rather multifaceted and exciting effect on the body. Many people see it as a substance that reduces the psychological reaction to stress. So, they justify alcohol consumption by such an explanation. Actually, it’s true, but there are some aspects.

Alcohol affects only the left hemisphere of the brain. In small doses, it stimulates its activity, but in large doses, it inhibits and deactivates its activity. We know that activation of the left hemisphere causes positive emotions, a joyful mood, an optimistic feeling of overcoming all the difficulties we have, and finding solutions to life challenges.

However, the activity of the left hemisphere of people suffering from psychosomatic disorder has been increased already, which leads to dissociation of the necessary brain effects on the body response to the environment. A small dose of alcohol increases this asymmetry even more and thus causes the activation of a psychosomatic disease the next day.

Taking alcohol in large doses blocks the left hemisphere, and the right hemisphere begins to prevail. As is known, it causes depression, feeling of discontent with life. The person sees his life in black. When a person begins to consume alcohol, he does not stop the process considering that “you can’t get enough of a good thing.” It’s a vicious circle that is very difficult to break out.

But we are primarily interested in the influence of alcohol on weight. The effect is powerful and negative. Alcohol activates the pentose pathway in the body, and we already know that it leads to fat accumulation!

Taking even a small dose of alcohol, you reverse all your weight loss efforts. Even more than that — your weight starts growing!

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

Once a taxi driver complained to me: “What kind of people go to restaurants? A few years ago whenever I stayed near some bar or restaurant, almost every person getting out of it became my client. Now all the people come by their cars. There is no point in renting a parking space hoping for extra profit.”

Indeed, people are drinking less by now, but it’s still a personal matter. We need to understand what we have to do if we are forced to drink, for example, at some party. According to some researches, beverages containing up to seventeen degrees of alcohol slows down the weight loss, but the effect of beverages with higher alcohol content is stronger. Beer contains less than seventeen degrees of alcohol, but because of the estrogen content (even in alcohol-free beer), it will not only slow down the weight loss but lead to an increase in weight. And it is going to be not subcutaneous fat, but visceral fat (within the abdominal cavity). So, as they say, think for yourself, decide for yourself…

Speaking about salt

— Salt. Hot, salty, smoked dishes should not be in your daily menu, as they lead to water retention in the body. Therefore, determine the reasonable amount of the foods in your ration. It will help if you eat less hot and salty dishes, but you can have some. The daily rate of salt is five grams.

— Have you watched the video with Michail Galustyan “On a diet”?

— No.

— Really? You can watch it online.

— The one where he runs around screaming: Give me meat, give me bread? ☺

— Watch it. It’s fun.

— So, it’s better to put less salt into foods?

— Why? Just add salt, pepper, and seasoning moderately. We have one big goal now: to lose some weight, staying healthy and feeling comfortable. If we take away all the favorite products, you’ll start to crave all these foods.

— You will be fine if you feed yourself the way I described above. Can you handle such a diet?

— Certainly!

— Now all you need is to develop some habits. We will do it through awareness, various exercises, and psychological techniques.

— Another issue. What does it mean to eat regularly? Regular eating is the sacrosanct principle of weight loss! You get up in the morning. During the next one and a half hours, it is necessary to have breakfast. Activation of the metabolic process! The ancient people compared the process of feeding with a fire. They were right. You get up in the morning, make a fire, put some fuel into it. Then your goal is to keep it burning, right?

— So we have to feed fire all day long, adding some woods.

— Right. The first meal must be taken during the one and a half hours after waking up. It means that you need to have breakfast in ten minutes, in half an hour or an hour. But an hour and a half from the moment of awakening is the last time point for breakfast.

Many people attending the weight loss group face the problem of “atrophied” hunger. They don’t feel hungry for a long time.

Can you spend eight or ten hours without feeling hungry? Raise a hand if you can. OK, about half of our group.

Once before, hunger came to you regularly, every three to four hours. Hunger is a real gentleman. He knocked at the door, but you barked: “Get out of here, I am busy!” He knocked once again, and you screamed: “I told you I am busy. Are you deaf?” So, the hunger thought it over: “Why should I visit him? No, thank you.” And he stops visiting you regularly. Now, hunger comes only in the evening… Together with his friend Feeding Frenzy. Feeding Frenzy is a rude man. He knocks down the door and shouts: “Come in, Hunger!” Then they both start terrorizing you.

Take food like a medicine — every four hours!

— According to normal hunger rate, we have to eat every three-four hours. Even if you don’t feel hungry, but your last meal was four hours ago, you have to eat. In time. Take food just like medicine. If you don’t do it, your metabolic processes become suppressed, deformed, and most of the foods eaten during the next meal will be stored in fat. So, pause between meals should be three or four hours at max.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: It’s hard to believe that you can lose weight by eating everything without any restrictions, but it’s true. I took containers with food at the university. Of course, I did not eat at classes, but during breaks, I went to the dining room and ate my food. At the same time, my mates ate fried pies and hit-dogs. Of course, I wanted to take a bite of these “delicacies”, but my goal and my new life were more important to me. Besides, there was no need to starve. I ate delicious stew with vegetables or boiled chicken with potatoes.

I was losing weight when my mates continued to gain it. Sometimes I afforded myself to eat some sweets or cakes, but my waist was getting smaller.

Once there was a situation when I had to demonstrate a remarkable will power. My Dad bought hot smoked mackerel. I should say that I do adore fish. I walked around it like a hungry cat. But my next meal was only in a few hours, and I didn’t want to eat salty things at night. I didn’t try it that evening, but I promised myself that I would take a bite the next day. And when I did it, believe me, it was like a food of the gods.

I learned to negotiate with myself!

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Can hunger visit you earlier? Of course. Why can it happen?

— There are many reasons.

— It depends on what you ate before. For example, you ate an apple. When will you feel hungry again?

— In half an hour.

— Sure. In twenty or thirty minutes. You have eaten a full plate of porridge. How soon will you be hungry?

— Two or three hours.

— Two hours. But if you had a plate of foods that I recommended — proteins, complex carbohydrates, vegetables — then you will be fine for another three-four hours. That’s how you are going to spend your day. Eating healthy food every three-four hours. Believe me, you won’t be able to eat less than four times a day. Four, five or six meals. You have to eat your last meal at the end of the day, an hour and a half before you go to bed. It may be the second dinner or some snacks, but you have to eat it.

— Before going to bed?

— Yes, during the last hour and a half. You can eat an hour or a half an hour before you go to bed. But it doesn’t mean you have to overeat. ☺ It’s OK if it happens at midnight or even at 1 am. You can eat even ten minutes before sleep, sitting in your bed. There will be crumbles on the sheet, though.

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

As they say in the North, if you don’t eat before going to bed, you’ll see witches in your dreams. Interestingly, most of the people living in the South have never heard of it. However, in the North, they were scaring children this way if they didn’t want to eat at night. The saying is old, and it means that it was not for fun. It has a significant meaning.

Then people decided that the stomach and intestines need to sleep at night. The autonomic nervous system consists of two parts. The first one, the sympathetic nervous system, is responsible for the activity and waste of energy, while the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for the accumulation of energy. There are two main sources of energy: sleep and food. The combination of eating and subsequent sleep is perfect for the accumulation of energy.

By the way, if the intestines suddenly stopped working at night, that would be scary. Intestinal impassability may lead to the terrible consequences.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

At night our body restores itself. Why do we need the restoring process?

— We need some rest.

— Besides, the body needs energy and building materials.

— Of course!

— The best thing is that the weight is reducing perfectly at night. We need energy and building materials.

There are just a few people who can pick themselves up and stop eating after 6 pm. Thank God, most of us are not so stubborn. One can easily identify a person who doesn’t eat after 6 pm by looking at the skin. The body starts repairing itself at night. It sleeps, rests, replenishes energy and fixes failures. It needs energy and building materials. Their source is food. If you haven’t fed yourself, then your body hasn’t got any resources. Therefore, the body can’t recover effectively.

That’s all.

The idea that eating after 6 pm makes us gain weight emerges at times of Suvorov. It was him who used to say: “Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.” Why did he say it? As a rule, his soldiers went into a battle in the morning. It was a common tradition in those days. They went to a battle with empty stomachs. Why do you think it should be this way?

— They got angrier!

— No. It was a precaution just in case if they were wounded. Suvorov was a brilliant commander; he understood it, and then he talked to doctors. At that time, a person with abdominal wounds had no chance to survive if he had a full stomach.

If the stomach is empty, there was still some hope to save the soldier. So, you see the reason. By using this saying, Suvorov saved lots of Russian soldiers. Thank God, we are not soldiers. We are not going to battle.

— ☺

— We can have breakfast and eat in the evening.

We are not going to overeat, but you shouldn’t stay hungry.

Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science

Growth hormone is secreted by the pituitary gland during a certain period of time: from 11 pm to 4 am in your time zone. It’s necessary for repair of our body. As you can guess, if you do not sleep at this time, repair of the body will be disturbed. Growth hormone secretion decreases in case of high blood carbohydrate level. By eating sweet things in the evening you deprive your body of repair!

Meal schedule to lose weight

— The first schedule.

— The first plan.

Most people have six-hour breaks between breakfast, lunch, and dinner. For example, you have breakfast at 7 am, and then you’ll be able to eat only at 1 pm at work. Right?

— Yes.

— Sometimes it happens. Will you have some snacks in-between?

— Yes.

— Of course, munchies. Then some snacks between lunch and dinner. Then supper. And some shacks before going to bed. That’s a classic plan that provides six daily meals. The most curious thing is that if some sanatoriums of the 20th century had nearly the similar meal plan. You come in the morning for breakfast, and then you have lunch, dinner, some snacks between dinner and supper, then supper and even a glass of milk in the evening.

— They still feed the same in sanatoriums.

— That’s why people never gained weight there. Of course, if they followed the plan. By the way, don’t confuse sanatoriums with all-inclusive hotels of Turkey and Mexico.

— I usually gain weight during the rest in such hotels.

— That’s why I emphasize that we are talking about sanatoriums. There are still some of them in Belarus. Believe it or not, many people still prefer them to all-inclusive hotels.

Snacks for the first schedule. You should not eat fruits and desserts as snacks. Buns, sweets, and fruits in a small amount (fifty calories) can be eaten only after the main meal.

— What can we eat as snacks then?

— Let’s see. Actually, you may eat the same products that you have for main meals, but in smaller portions. For example, you can eat an egg and tomato. It’s still better than an apple, right?

— Yes.

— Or some cottage cheese and a slice of rye bread. It’s better than fruits. It is forbidden to eat desserts as snacks. Please, raise a hand if you prefer the first schedule. Only you? You, Mila? Nika? Who prefers the second one? If you haven’t made a decision yet, try both plans. Think it over again and choose the best.

— Would you please tell us more about snacks?

— Well, take a smaller portion — some foods rich in protein, some foods rich in complex carbohydrates, and a bit of high-fiber foods. For example, an egg with tomato, a slice of bread with some fish, and some cucumber. Or maybe some high-calorie salad with some meat.

The second schedule.

You arrange a full time-plan for the day. For example, 8 am, noon, then 4 pm, eight pm, and some snacks before going to bed. You can rearrange the time table. 7 am, then 11 am. Make a meal plan that is better for your daily routine. Some people do it this way. Each three-four hours the alarm goes off, they stop working and go to eat. Meals have to be nourishing to make the meal schedule work. Otherwise, you won’t be able to stay without snacks for three or four hours. You will feel hunger. So, this plan provides for high-calorie breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Proteins, complex carbohydrates, fiber (vegetables) — all the products that you have to consume.

Satiety

— What does it mean?

It depends on the type of food, on taste, on food intake time (meal duration), on the amount of food and calorie content. Moreover, satiety is determined by the type of food for thirty percent, by taste — for thirty percent, by time — on thirty percent as well. As for the amount of food and caloric content, they determine only ten percent of satiety. That’s how it works.

They call it “ATT rule” — appearance, taste, and time. You should eat beautiful and tasty food slowly. We are talking about so-called food aesthetics. It turns out that it provides nearly 90 percent of satiety. Appearance. Your food must look nice, “appetizing”, and shall have at least five or six colors. What can be done if our dish is not so colorful? What will help us?

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: In terms of science, we consume proteins, fats, carbohydrates, and trace nutrients. Look and taste of food matter too. According to the conducted researches, that dogs fed with perfectly balanced but not tasty food had digestion problems. Food lump does not form in the stomach. Therefore, proper digestion of proteins and fats, carbohydrates, and other nutrients is disturbed. So, it’s all about psychology. By the way, Nikolai Ivanovich Pavlov proved that the digestion process starts long before the food gets into the stomach; that the look, smell, and taste are very important for digestion.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Tableware.

— Beautiful colorful tableware. Where do people usually keep it?

— In buffets.

— Exactly. For whom do they store it?

— For guests.

— Why should we keep everything for guests? ☺ It’s enough! Give them your tableware and retain the best plates for yourself. As for taste, food has to be yummy! The best choice for full satiety is to combine three or four flavors in one meal. Time, or meal duration. Do I have to spell that out on the wall for you? Eating slowly is a key to success! An average person eats for five or seven minutes. Most of us swallow food without decent chewing and run on. It takes the fun out of eating, and you don’t feel satiety. At least two or three times a day you have to eat for fifteen or twenty minutes. Some people say: “I can’t do it. I am too busy.”

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: I chose the second meal plan. I ate full meals, almost without snacks, and counted the time of the next meal. It helped me to prevent the feeding of false hunger. Sometimes when it was impossible to eat a full meal, I took a bite, but it happened rarely. I ate slowly, but sometimes while watching TV.

Of course, it’s no good, but yes, I allowed myself little pranks. I took each meal very seriously, put foods on a nice plate, and used all the flatware. Sometimes I imagined that I was in an expensive restaurant. It was an exciting experience.

As for cafes and restaurants, I have to say that it’s pretty hard to find some proper food for us there. They don’t care about the shapes of their clients. I dined at a cafe a couple of times, but I couldn’t order meat salads dressed with mayonnaise or tea with a dessert. As for meat and fish, such dishes were too expensive for me when I was a student.

Feeding yourself with healthy homemade food is a great way to save money!

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— The women who have successfully introduced a slow food intake rate into their lives say: “I feel like a queen now. I note the time and eat without haste for fifteen or twenty minutes. I ate for five minutes before, but now I can really enjoy food.”

No need to count chewing movements. You know, some people are chewing and counting every bite: “One, two, three…”

— Keep chewing as long as you feel the flavor. Then swallow it. After fifteen-twenty minutes of eating, you will feel full and happy. What else? Did everybody paid for the training?

— Yes! ☺

— Fine. Then write down forbidden products.

— Hey, you promised that there would be no forbidden products!

— Well, I had to lure you to the training somehow!

☺ I am not going to mystify you for a long time. I’ll tell you what I mean. TV, laptops, smartphones, books…

— ?

— Yes. Plus food. It’s forbidden to combine all these things with food! You shouldn’t eat this way. The best way to gain weight is to eat sitting in front of TV or laptop. Your attention is focused on other things. How often do you notice that your plate is empty during commercial block?

— ☺

— Your attention is focused on some interesting movie. Then you take another portion, and exactly the same thing happens.

— ☺

— There is another physiological pleasure that you would never combine with watching TV, typing or reading. We certainly have it here in Saint-Petersburg. The city is growing, there are lots of children around. So we have it for sure. Are you picking up what I am putting down?

— McDonald’s.

— No! Dear me, I wonder why you associate kids with McDonald’s! A few years ago having children was associated with physical love. Imagine someone telling you that it’s forbidden to eat during intimacy.

— You shouldn’t eat while making love. ☺

— Yes. Sounds a bit absurd, right? Does anyone think about the food at such moments? ☺

— ☺

— Some people use to say: “I can’t eat without TV, even if I am not watching it. I am eating, images flashing, music playing, and I look up at the screen from time to time…”

Imagine you are discussing sex with someone: “You know, I can’t fully concentrate on intimacy. I need to throw glances on TV at least sometimes. Maybe they will show an interesting movie!”

— ☺

— Besides, there is laptop. Oh, my friend is calling. Of course, I have to pick up the phone. And you pick up the phone while making love. Why not? “Sorry, I am a bit busy. I have only thirty seconds to talk. What do you want?”

— ☺

— Or you are making love and reading a book. Of course, nobody will do it simultaneously.

As for eating, this process even more intimate than sex. Eating is a process of building your body. Things on your plate will become part of you, part of your body. Look at the food that you are going to eat and think: “Are these things good enough to become part of me?”

Conscious nutrition

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: It will be great if you manage to find some little ritual to start eating. In many movies, people read a prayer before eating. They do it not because they are afraid to eat. It just sets them up for something important. Some of us thank the world for having a hearty and tasty meal. You can think about the path this food had taken before it appeared on your plate.

During the first five minutes of eating, try to think about where and how this food grew, who planted it, what was their life, how raindrops fed the ground in which it grew. As if you consume not only the energy of food but the energy of these places as well.

ONE WEIGHT, THREE PARAMETERS AND ONE LOCK

— Stay with food while eating. Chew it, enjoy it, pay attention to taste, flavor, and appearance.

Tomorrow you need to bring here some satisfying food. Please, bring not only apples, cucumbers, but also meat, fish and some trimming. I don’t want you to be hungry.

Buy floor scales and tape measure.

Women have to measure three parameters, and you, Victor, only one. For women: measurement under breasts, waist measurement — around the umbilical area. Use your navel as a reference point.

— ☺

— Then you’ll be able to measure your waist at the same area always. Waist around the navel and the widest part of the buttocks — thighs. You, Victor, have to measure only your waist. The food scale should be in every kitchen.

You should buy an electronic floor scale since you have to weigh yourself tomorrow in the morning.

— Can we weigh now, right here, in the class?

— No. I’ll explain why.

N.B.! You have to weigh yourself in the morning! Wake up in the morning, go to the bathroom, and then, before having your breakfast, step on the scale. It will be your net weight (with a minimum of clothes or, preferably, without it).

I’d like to tell you a story in the meantime. Hopefully, it will raise your enthusiasm and make your weight loss easier.

So, once upon a time, there was a sultan who ruled a beautiful Eastern country, and he had a grand vizier. The sultan ruled just in words, but actually, it was the grand vizier who settled all questions.

Suddenly, the grand vizier became seriously ill and died unexpectedly. Sultan was alone. He realized that there were many problems: neighbors were going to attack his country, summer drought, famine. Sultan urgently needed a counselor who could settle the problems and manage matters of state.

He sent a messenger to every city and every village of the country heralding that any person, any citizen of the country, could come on the appointed day and fixed hour to the central square of the capital to take part in the competition for the position of the Grand Vizier. The winner would become a new Grand Vizier.

It’s hard to imagine what started in the country then. Thousands of people went to the capital from all corners of the country! This was the only chance to climb up the career ladder in a moment, to become the second person in the state. Still, many people stayed at home. Why?

— Laziness.

— Laziness and lack of self-confidence. They thought that only strong, courageous, dexterous, and beautiful people would go there. They believed that they were not good enough.

Thousands of people came to the central square. On the appointed day and hour, the herald climbed the high fortress wall. Imagine the scorching sun, the bottomless blue sky, and thousands of people in the central square of the capital.

Herald took the horn and announced the competition conditions:

“The gate of the castle is closed on the big lock. The lock has a complex design and unique tricks. You have to unlock it with bare hands, without any tools. The one does it will become a grand vizier of our country! Get on with it!” Do you think all people ran to the gate?

— No.

— Of course not. They started to complain. “It’s too complicated!” “It’s impossible!” “We walked many miles to come here! It was a waste of time!”

While they were talking, one person stepped away from the crowd, thinking: “Why shouldn’t I take a closer look?” He came to the lock, looked at it attentively, and took it with both hands. And pulled it down with all his strength! It fell down!

It turned out that it was not locked! A sigh of amazement passed through the crowd. “Oh!”

The man was invited to the castle. Sultan came to greet him, put his hand on the man’s shoulder, and said:

“You will be my new Grand Vizier because you not only feel desire for something, but you are acting to achieve your goals!” Well, see you tomorrow. Bring your homework and a good mood with you!

Everything is much simpler than it seems.

Weigh yourself, measure your parameters, feed yourself regularly, as we discussed today!

Find a few reasons to praise yourself and do it at least five times before our meeting. Stay alone, undress, touch kindly to the parts of your body that you dislike, say good words to them, visualize, imagine your slim body hidden under excess fat.

N.B.! Let’s summarize the most important guidelines.

Now you know a simple, visually understandable, and easy way to fix an amount of food you eat. It’s a matchbox. Food can be easily measured in units of a matchbox size. It helps us to understand how much we eat.

Your daily diet should include one tablespoon of vegetable oil, plus 20 g of butter every day!

Each weight-loss meal should contain 1—2 boxes of high-protein food; 2—4 boxes of foods rich in complex carbohydrates; 3—6 boxes of foods rich in fiber (vegetables).

Then 2—4 boxes of fruits, berries, or, if you want, some of your favorite high-calorie food containing 50 calories or less (for example, sweets). Honey (natural product) is better than sugar (artificial product). Besides, honey has fewer calories than sugar.

Be sure to eat every 3—4 hours (4—6 times a day).

There is no need to eat less, but your nutrition must be rational. You need a balanced diet that gives your body all the nutrients it needs for proper functioning. At the same time, there must be less high-calorie foods and quite a large but moderate amount of low-calorie foods. Drink up to 1.5 liters of fluid (mostly water) per day.

Sleep 8 hours a day (preferably from 11 pm to 7 am). Walk for at least 30 minutes a day.

Work on the creation of a sincere, positive attitude to life, a kind of “good atmosphere” in your mind.

Keep in mind the inspirational vision of your goals.

Treat yourself well; satisfy your needs for love, communication, solitude, rest, self-development, entertainment and pleasures, peace, and security. Negative emotions often signal a lack of some of these features. False hunger indicates the same. Thus, you shouldn’t feed it with food.

Be a good manager of your life. Get slim with comfort and pleasure!

Pull down the lock, just like in the story that I told you, and come here tomorrow. Thank you for being here!

— Thank you!

Chapter 2. Day two

Why “being busy” makes you fat

— We are back to live again. Hello!

Now, forget about excess pounds. Let’s talk about your feelings. Nika, how do you feel?

— I feel calm.

— Tranquility. Eugenia?

— Expectation, I guess.

— I see. Snezhana, what about you?

— Tranquility.

— I see. Larisa, what do you feel? Any emotions?

— I am full of energy and enthusiasm. Like something good is going to happen.

— That’s great. Nadezhda, what do you feel?

— I feel excited and tranquil at the same time. I am looking forward to something new.

— Interesting. You feel both calm and excited at the same time! It sounds a bit odd, agree?

— Absolutely. I feel both excited and calm.

— The human soul is the greatest mystery. Tayisia?

— Tranquility.

— Elizaveta?

— I feel joy.

— Fine. Olesya?

— I had a stressful situation at work today. I still can’t calm down. I do my best to get some peace, but I feel stressed. I can’t get it out of my head.

— Do you feel like you want to comfort yourself with some snacks?

— No, on the contrary… You suggested that we should eat every three-four hours. In my case, intervals between meals are eight, twelve, sixteen or even twenty hours. Then I get some snacks before bed. It works out great for me. At noon, I didn’t have an opportunity to eat since I was busy at work. But at 4 pm I had a nice dinner in the canteen.

— It’s bad that you didn’t eat at noon. You should have at least some snacks.

— At first, one of the contractors came, then another one. I was wrapped up in work. I had no time.

— N.B.! Remember to eat every four hours. Failing to eat frequently slows down your metabolism and leads to weight gain! Never skip a meal again, or you will start to gain weight instead of losing it!

Anzhelika?

— Frankly speaking, I worry cause I haven’t done my homework.

— You can’t get another result acting as you used to act before.

It’s just impossible. If you continue to act as you used to do before you will get the same results, that’s it.

If you really want to do something, you’ll find an opportunity. If you are not interested, you’ll find an excuse.

— Busy.

This word dashes any worthy endeavors. I guess I should write a book “How ‘busy life’ distorts people and makes them fat.” Now, let’s discuss excuses and consequences.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: On the second day of the training, when Artyom asked me how I felt about it, I replied: “I feel hope.” I had no doubt in my mind that this training and Artyom would help to settle my problem. Now I am eager to tell everyone how I have achieved such amazing results. Many people use to say: “I want to get slim too! Tell me in detail what I have to do”.

I am always willing to help. What does it all add up to? The people are still living the same life. They do nothing to achieve the goal. In my opinion, they just don’t want to work at it.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Ksenya, how do you feel?

— Well, on the one hand, I am fine, but on the other hand, I feel bad since I didn’t do the things right. I haven’t eaten anything all day.

— Please, do not talk all at the same time. We agreed that we speak one at a time. If you want to say something, take the floor. Otherwise, we’ll get chaos here.

Today I met a lady who participated in the slim training before. I told her: “Oh, hi, I remember you.” I would say she was surprised: “Really? It was long ago…” She attended the training about a year and a half ago. As far as I remember, the lady wanted to drop about 22 pounds. She succeeded, and she successfully maintains the result. She feeds herself regularly with vegetables, protein, trimming without excess fat. I told her: “Come with me, please! Would you please tell your story to participants of the slim training?” It could be, you know, a kind of hello from a successful future. She agreed. “Girls, it’s easy!” They: “Did you get accustomed to eating every four hours?” — “Sure.” A year and a half of a full and comfortable life in a slim body. I am trying to say that you also have relatives, friends, and acquaintances who successfully dealt with the problem of nutrition and obesity due to our program.

Raise a hand if you do. Tayisia and Eugenia. So, what can you tell us about them? Are they pleased with the result?

— Yes!

— They are!

— They are also happy because they have developed a skill of regular balanced, moderate eating. They changed their mindsets and became slim.

To develop the skill and to change your mind, you must first try to cook different dishes. You have to eat healthy (yummy, nutritious, favorable) foods. You have to explore and analyze. You have to be as stubborn and dedicated as possible. Then you will achieve your goal.

The developed skill will help you for the rest of your life. You’ll get slim, and then you will be able to maintain a healthy weight.

Ranking

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: The ranking is one of the most natural and effective techniques of self-regulation when moving towards your goal.

Imagine that you are a student getting ready for an exam, but you are not motivated. What should you do then? Ask yourself: “On a scale of one to ten, how ready am I?” 1 means you are not ready at all, you can hardly remember the name of the course; 10 — you know the answer for every question.

No matter how great your current result is. For example, it’s 2. Then think of how you feel about it.

Next, apply the Small Steps Technique. You shouldn’t skip to 9 or 10 immediately. Move gradually from one step to another.

Ask yourself what you need to do to move to step 3. When you find an answer, ask another question: “How would I feel then?”

The next question should be like that: “What will help me to move to step 4?” Then, move little by little to the higher scales — 9—10.

In 10–15 minutes, you will get a clear plan of action and, most importantly, you will get motivated.

That is a simple and effective technique that should be used whenever you learn something new. In our case, our goal is to lose excess pounds and to maintain a healthy weight.

After every session, ask yourself: “On a scale of one to ten, how well did I understand everything?” For example, you are at step 5. The next question is: “What will help me to move to step 6?” This technique will help you to develop an action plan swiftly and, above all, you will do it by yourself. This technique is based on the following principle: “Only recognized aspects of life can be changed!”

Have you measured parameters? Have you praised yourself?

— We have lots of things to do today. Now, let’s discuss your day briefly. Victor, how many meals have you had today?

— Breakfast, then a few snack breaks.

— Snacks?

— Yes. I ate spaghetti for dinner.

— Every time when you put food in your mouth shall be considered as a snack break. How many meals have you had?

— Four meals.

— Was your food well-balanced?

— Yes.

— Have you weighed yourself?

— Yes.

— Have you measured your parameters?

— Yes.

— Have you praised yourself?

— Yes.

— Five times?

— No, only three times.

— So, don’t forget to praise yourself another two times. I put a minus against the “Praise” tab in your observation log. Tomorrow I will ask you about praising again. Hopefully, you will start to praise yourself “to the full extent” today. It is very important and useful.

N.B.! You have to adopt this habit and praise yourself every day! If you’ve done something good, especially for yourself, for becoming slim, good on you! Cheers!

For example, when you teach a child to do something, what do you use to say after he succeeded? “Well done! That’s my boy!” How does he feel about it?

— He wants to be praised again!

— They call it positive reinforcement. It helps to encourage people to take the desired actions.

The brain connects the action to the reward, and the subject will repeat the target action in hopes of being rewarded in the future. You say, “Well done!” and it works as a stimulus that encourages certain behavior. The same technique can be applied if you want to motivate yourself. You are both inner Mom and Dad for yourself. There is a parent inside each of us. You can “re-parent” yourself anytime.

If you don’t take care of yourself, why should someone else take care of you?

You are the only person who can do it. You have to parent yourself just like you parent your kids. If you did something good, say: “Hey, you are doing great!” Remember, even Pushkin praised himself: “What a Pushkin! What a son of a bitch!” ☺ He meant it in a good way. Pushkin praised himself.

No matter what you praise yourself for, next time, you’ll be motivated to do it better. As soon as you did it again, praise yourself again! “I am the best! I am a superstar!” Soon your lifestyle will change, and you’ll get a new life!

So, don’t forget to praise yourself another two times today. Have you said kind words to your body?

— Of course.

— Yes, I have. So, you had a chance to be by yourself. Fine. Larisa, how many meals have you had today?

— Four meals.

— Did you feed yourself with well-balanced, healthy food?

— Yes!

— Did you weigh yourself in the morning?

— Yes.

— Great! Have you measured your parameters?

— Yes, I have.

— That’s great! Have you praised yourself?

— Yes, I have.

— Have you managed to do it five times?

— Yes.

— That’s great! Have you said kind words to your body? Fine. Tayisia, how many meals have you had today?

— Four meals and one snack break.

— I see. Was the food well-balanced?

— It was.

— Have you weighed yourself?

— Yes.

— Have you measured your parameters?

— Yes.

— Have you praised yourself?

— Yes, I have.

— Five times?

— Even more than that.

— That’s great! Have you said kind words to your body?

— Yes.

What is the advantage of the cognitive-behavioral approach in psychological counseling?

Cognitions are mindsets, attitudes, opinions, judgments. Behavior is the range of actions that we commit.

Our mindset directly affects our actions.

To change our lives, we have to change our mindset and perception. Some ideas and mindsets shall be eliminated. The others shall be adopted.

During our sessions, we always give your homework. While doing it, you adopt new mindsets, skills, and habits. Then we check your homework: whether you did it or not, how you did it.

Due to our mutual work, we move forward. But, if you want to succeed, you need to do your homework.

Eugenia, how many meals have you had?

— I had three well-balanced meals.

— Have you weighed yourself?

— Yes.

— Have you measured your parameters?

— Yes.

— Have you praised yourself? Five times? Have you said kind words to your body? No. Oh my, I thought you would be an honors student. ☺ You have to do it. I will ask you about it tomorrow again. Mila, how many meals have you had today?

— Three meals.

— Did you eat regularly? Were the intervals between meals less than four hours?

— Yes.

— Did you eat well-balanced food?

— Yes.

— Have you weighed yourself? Have you measured your parameters? OK, then you have to do it today. What’s the problem? You don’t have a measuring tape, do you? Then who has to purchase it?

— Me, of course.

— You know, sometimes people say: “My husband has to buy it for me,” for example. Of course, it’s your responsibility. So, when are you going to buy it?

— I will measure my parameters tomorrow. I promise.

Tomorrow never comes

— I see. Have you praised yourself?

— Yes. But only once.

— It’s not enough! You need to praise yourself more often!

Let us start to praise ourselves. You have lots of reasons, agree?

You are a good person.

— ☺ Partially.

— In order to succeed, you need to be motivated. You need to love and praise yourself. “I am a wonderful slim person. I will treat and feed myself as a slim person. I take care of myself, praise myself. Soon everybody will be able to see that I am slim and beautiful”.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: I decided to start a new life in the new year. I told myself and everyone around that I am slim and beautiful. Isn’t that right? It was funny, and I began to believe it. I was shining like the sun! I felt like a superstar. I walked leaning my chest forward, keeping my back straight. It’s great to beautiful. The other people are always glad to see pleased and happy face amid concerns and problems. Remember, Dale Carnegie advised us to smile.

At my last job, they called me a sunny girl and “luck bringer.” Praise yourself and believe that you are the best!

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Have you said a few kind words to your body?

— Yes.

— That’s great! Nadezhda, how many meals have you had today?

— Five meals.

— Did you eat well-balanced food?

— Yes.

— Have you weighed yourself?

— I haven’t found scales.

— You should buy them! Raise a hand if you don’t have bathroom scales. When are you going to buy them?

— Tomorrow for sure.

— It’s vital. Either you start doing it now, or you will never do it. Then our efforts would be in vain. When are you going to buy scales?

— Tomorrow.

— Now you are not able to check how your weight has been changed. True weight can be measured only in the morning.

By the way, there is no need to check your weight ten times a day. You need to weigh only once, in the morning after waking up almost without clothes on. Stand on the scale after using the bathroom before breakfast. Sometimes kind of mass hysteria spreads among the participants of a slim training. People start to weigh themselves two times a day, then three or even five times a day. Our weight changes during the day. There are many reasons: foods and water you consume, whether you have been to the bathroom recently or not. No need to weigh yourself ten times a day!

Have you measured your parameters? Have you praised yourself?

— I’ve done everything you told us, except weighing.

— Fine. Ksenya, how many meals have you had?

— Four meals. I ate well-balanced food regularly. And two sweets.

— Did you eat sweets as a dessert after a meal or as a snack?

— As a dessert, one sweet after each meal.

— Great. Have you weighed yourself?

— Yes. ☺ One break between meals was too long. Five hours. I didn’t take food with me.

— I want to draw your attention to the following fact. When you go somewhere with children and know in advance that there is no place to buy food. Do you take food and drinks for them?

— Yes.

— Of course, you never forget about kids!

What about your inner child? Do you love him?

From now on, if you go somewhere, then it makes sense to take at least some healthy food, like a small piece of rye bread with some fish or meat and a slice of cucumber — any snack.

Put a tomato, some fish, and a piece of bread into your bag. Then you’ll never stay hungry without healthy food around.

— Have you measured your parameters? I guess you don’t have a measuring tape at home. Oh, you’ve got it. Then what’s the problem? OK, so you have to do it. I’ll ask you tomorrow about it. Have you praised yourself?

— Three times.

— You have to do it five times a day, remember? On a wing and a prayer… You managed to do it three times a day, but five times is too much. You tried hard, but it was too difficult. Mission: impossible.

— ☺

— I am sure you have reasons to praise yourself.

— Of course.

— Then praised yourself! I will ask you tomorrow if you do it regularly or not. Yeah, I’ll keep pushing. Have you said kind words to your body?

— I have. Even though I did it in a hurry.

— Anzhelika, how many meals have you had today?

— Four meals.

— Was your food well-balanced?

— Yes.

— Have you weighed yourself? Have you measured your parameters? Have you praised yourself?

Year.

— What about kind words?

— Well, they were not very kind. ☺

— Have you praised yourself? Five times?

— Unfortunately, I failed.

— You have to work at it. I will ask you tomorrow again.

Oksana, has your weight changed?

— I have no scales.

— Oh! So, you don’t have scales as well. Remember a pessimistic old gray donkey Eeyore?

— A friend of Winnie-the-Pooh!

— He felt sad and unhappy on his Birthday until his friends gave him some extremely necessary gifts like an empty honey jar, a popped red balloon, and his own tail. You are in the same situation.

You have no scales. You feel upset. How many times have you eaten today?

— Two times.

— What? Wait. How could it be? What time did you wake up this morning?

— At 7 am.

— When did you have breakfast?

— At 8 am.

— OK, I see. When did you have the next meal?

— At four pm.

— Do you mean you have been starving for eight hours? It’s a sort of crime against yourself! Why?

— I know. I promise it won’t happen again.

— Did you feed yourself with well-balanced, healthy food?

— Yes.

— Have you weighed yourself?

— I weighed myself here in the office.

— You have to do it at home. You have no scales, I guess.

— I will buy scales tomorrow.

— What about measuring tape?

— I used the one you have here.

— You need to have it at home as well.

— I have one somewhere. I should look for it.

— Have you praised yourself?

— Yes, but only once.

— Once? Why? Do you think you don’t deserve to be praised?

— Everything was fine in the morning.

— And then you have no reason to praise yourself?

— Why, of course, I had some reasons. But I was busy.

— You need a second to praise yourself. Take some effort. You need to adopt this habit! I will ask you about praising tomorrow. You have to start doing it. Praise yourself every time, especially if you have done something good for yourself, for your body. Have you said kind words to your body?

— Yes.

— Fine. Elizaveta, how many meals have you had today?

— I had four well-balanced meals. I weighed myself, measured parameters.

— Have you praised yourself?

— Yeah.

— Have you managed to do it five times?

— Yes. Even ten times.

— Oh, you knew that otherwise, you would never get rid of me!☺ Fine.

— ☺

— Have you said kind words to your body?

— Yes.

— Nika, how many meals have you had today?

— Three meals.

— Did you eat well-balanced food?

— Yes.

— Have you weighed yourself?

— Yes.

— Have you measured your parameters?

— All of them.

— Have you praised yourself? What about kind words? Wow, you are our superstar. Snezhana, how many meals have you had?

— Four meals.

— Was your food well-balanced?

— Yes, it was.

— Have you weighed yourself?

— Yes.

— Have you measured your parameters? Great. You are doing well. So, have I asked all of you? OK, nobody gets left behind.

Three short stories

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: I led a seminar in the city in the south. One of the participants was a guy weighing 350 pounds. When I started asking people about weight, it was pretty much the same as usual. Some of them didn’t know for sure. The others didn’t have scales. Then it was his turn, and the guy spoke out his weight. I asked him: “How did you know? The maximum weight of traditional scales is less than that”. He replied: “I thought that since it was important for me, I had to find out it. I asked my acquaintance, who works at the bakery, if I could come and weigh myself on big scales.”

Another woman said: “I had no time to weigh myself.” I asked her: “Do you have scales?” She replied: “They are under my bed.”

Another woman came for the training from Kamchatka. She put up at a hotel. The next day I asked everybody about their weight and parameters. She replied. I told her: “You are from Kamchatka. You live in a hotel. OK, I guess they have scales there. But where did you take measuring tape?” She explained: “It’s simple. I took the thread, measured my parameters, put it to the graph ruled notebook, and counted the centimeter marks.”

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— One lady from another group who had already dropped a few pounds came to beginner sessions at my request. She told them: “Girls, I realized recently that my previous diet contained lots of high-calorie desserts and foods. I thought that I ate normally, but I was gaining weight. It was confusing. After counting calories and volume, I understood that I was gorging myself with food!” I was next door to the room where the lady was speaking in front of the group, and I heard her screaming loud: “I was gorging myself with food!”

— ☺

— You overate in terms of volumes, in terms of energy value, ate a large amount of high-calorie food, without even realizing it.

Have you already counted calories? Have you measured the volume of dishes you used to eat? I bet you ate lots of junk or high-calorie food. Sunflower seeds. Creamy yogurts. 400-calorie chocolate curd snacks. Just fancy!

Illusions and mistakes that lead to weight gain

— What mistakes lead to weight gain? First, it’s irregular feeding.

Tell me why it happens.

— It makes the body store fat for emergency energy.

— Exactly. It slows down the metabolism. Most of the energy value of the next meal will be stored. That’s the first consequence. What are the others? It leads to the accumulation of negative emotions. First, a long period of fasting makes you more hungry. Although you have become accustomed to suppress hunger, you still get this abnormal condition. It’s like a spring that you compress. You push it down, but then it shoots out with a feeding frenzy. You do not feel hunger until the last moment, but then, in the evening, at home, you feel super hungry. The hunger shoots out.

The second mistake is eating unsatisfying food.

To follow our recommendations while feeding yourself with unsubstantial food, you will have to eat very often. I asked the participants of another group recently: “How many meals have you had today?” She replied: “Nine meals.” At first, she ate an egg, then a piece of cheese, then another snack. Of course, she felt hungry again in half an hour! What do you think will likely happen next?

— She gets tired of it often.

— Exactly! She will stop feeding herself. Why? We discussed it recently. Being busy! Hungry impulses accumulate, and then they shoot out, and so on. It’ll be just like it was before. We need to feed our hunger. Our body needs building materials like proteins, carbohydrates, and fats. We need energy.

The third mistake is feeding false hunger.

Let’s discuss it today. There is another term — “emotional eating”. It means eating not because of hunger, lack of “building materials” but to relax, comfort, cherish, and please yourself.

The fourth mistake is that you start eating more than we settled. You won’t achieve a negative energy balance. Energy value consumed with food will be larger than burnt energy. Weight loss will never occur.

The fifth mistake is alcohol.

After a drink, nobody cares about food rates. Appetite is increasing, and self-control goes off. The liver gets overloaded with neutralizing the effects of alcohol.

These are the main mistakes. Do you have any questions? Is everything clear? Great!

My tempter: the false hunger

— There is hunger, and there is false hunger.

Exchange seats. Remember, each of you has to sit by Victor for a while! ☺

So, when you feel hungry, you shouldn’t say “I want to eat.” From now on, these words are forbidden.

“I want to eat” means that you are hungry, or that you have a false hunger feeling.

I’ll explain to you what it means.

True hunger is a physical hunger of the body. False hunger is a mental hunger, the hunger of psyche.

Our bodies have to be fed regularly. Physical hunger is a signal that you need.

— To refuel your body!

— Precisely! Food provides us with…

— Energy!

— Yes. What else?

— Building materials.

— Great! You know everything. Besides, it would be great to…

— …enjoy eating.

Well, you know pretty well what is hunger. Let’s discuss the false hunger now.

N.B.! Write down the following words for the false hunger:

“I take food not to feed the body.”

People use to say:

“I suffer from false hunger when I see, smell, or hear about yummy things.” I am not much of an artist, but I did my best to draw an eye, an ear, and a nose. This is so-called external false hunger, a false hunger caused by external factors. An external stimulus causes only 1—2 percent of false hunger cases. 98—99 percent of false hunger cases are caused by… what? What’s your opinion?

— Mood?

— Precisely. Emotions! Emotions evoked by unsatisfied needs. Needs that are not related to feeding the body! Some people try to satisfy them with food. They entertain themselves with food, comfort, and soothe themselves with food. It’s possible to use food this way, isn’t it?

— Yeah.

— For what other purposes can we use food? What does it bring to us?

— Pleasure.

— Certainly.

— Consoling.

— And so on. We haven’t enough fingers to count all the bonuses.

False hunger, i will recognize you!

— In my opinion, the essence of false hunger can be described with the following phrase: “I take food not to feed the body.” If you eat for feeding your body, it’s true hunger. If you eat for other purposes, it’s a false hunger.

How to distinguish between true hunger and false hunger? There are several criteria for distinguishing.

The first criterion is the body.

Where does a true hunger live, Tayisia?

— In the stomach.

— Precisely. What do you feel in the stomach when you are hungry?

— Growling.

— What else?

— Hunger pangs.

— Well, maybe after a long period of fasting. ☺

— ☺

— So, growling. What other signals? Suck in your gut. As they say,

“I feel hunger nudging my ribs.”

— Feeling of void in the tummy.

— Strange emptiness.

What about false hunger, Mila? Where does it live?

— In the head.

— I am not going to ask you about signals of false hunger. As the ancients used to say, a human’s head is a great mystery. We’ll discuss it a bit later.

The second criterion is time.

Why true hunger depends on time, Elizaveta?

How soon do you feel hungry after having a meal?

— In three or four hours.

— Three or four hours maximum. What about false hunger? Anzhelika, does it depend on time? No, it doesn’t. Some people use to say: “It doesn’t depend on time. I feel it constantly”. It can’t be permanent. You don’t feel the false hunger constantly, do you?

— No.

— It usually occurs in certain moments.

— Yeah.

— As a rule, it happens when you feel strong negative emotions. There is no reason for overeating when you feel happy, right?

— Right! ☺

— We traditionally commemorate some critical events with a family meal, with a feast.

But joy doesn’t make us feel hungry.

Anger, resentment, guilt, anxiety, fatigue lead you to overeat to improve your emotional and physical condition.

The third criterion is the food.

What foods can satiate a true hunger?

— Rich, satisfying meal.

— What if you don’t have such food around?

— Then any food is fine!

— You come home and open the fridge. It’s almost empty, with a miserable piece of moldy cheese at the bottom.

— ☺

— It doesn’t really matter what food you find. You will be happy to eat it. Katya, what about false hunger? What food does it demand?

— Delicious foods.

— Precisely. Each of us has his preferences in food. Some people enjoy sweets. The others are hamburger maniacs. Some guys can’t live without pizza or seafood.

We all have our favorite dishes. They are especially delicious for us. We like the dishes more than others. Individual tastes are different. A woman told me recently that she can eat a pound of beefsteaks at one sitting. What is your favorite food?

— Dressed herring.

— I see.

— Salad a la Russe.

— ☺

— So, you can eat a couple of bowls easily.

— ☺ With beer.

— Dressed herring and beer?

— Winter salad with beer. I use beer instead of kvas. I chop the boiled potato, meat, and vegetables, then add some beer.

— I hope nobody will use this recipe!

— ☺

— You know, a woman was attending my weight-loss session recently. She is a design engineer. Her job is to design pipelines. So, she is sitting at work after a hearty lunch, developing another pipe. She has been struggling with the pipe for an hour or so, but it hasn’t worked out. Then a sudden thought comes into her mind: “I want to eat!” But she had a satisfying lunch an hour ago. She ate a set lunch, including dessert. She told us about it on the third day of the group session. “I decided to check what type of hunger it was. I noticed that there was no stomach voids feeling, no growling…”

— Really?

— Yes. Then, she had lunch an hour ago. It’s another indicator of false hunger. The last thing we have to check is the lunch content. The woman told us what she ate. She has a decent amount of nutritious food. So, she understood that it was a false hunger. True hunger has been fed, but you still want some “delicacy”. What shall we do?

How can we recognize the false hunger?

Use four magic questions.

I’ll introduce these four principles, and then we will discuss them. This technique can be applied to settle the false hunger.

The first question: What was I doing when I felt hungry?

That woman was sitting at work, trying to design a pipeline.

The second question: What was I thinking about?

She replied: “I was thinking about the pipe.” OK.

The third question is: What did I feel?

I assumed she was angry.

She said: “No, I didn’t feel angry. I got tired of that monotonous and futile work”. She felt bored!

The fourth question: What do I want?

She didn’t want sweets. What does it mean if you feel bored?

— You need some entertainment.

— Certainly. You are craving for something interesting. Let’s write it down. Boredom is a signal of the psyche. “Hey, I need some fun! I want to do other things!”

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: I had similar situations when I worked during my final year project. I had been super stressed out. It was hard to find all the information I needed. Sometimes I couldn’t compile my thoughts and formulate sentences. It can happen to anyone. I analyzed the nature of my hunger whenever I felt hungry. It was mostly false hunger.

As I have already mentioned above, I tried to distract myself. I called my friends to talk, watched some videos online, or went for a walk. Then, after a break, the problem had been settled on its own. The false hunger disappeared. I use the same tactics at work now.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— One of the basic needs of the psyche of every person is a need for strong emotions, for new impressions.

“How can I have fun at work?” Any options?

— I can knit.

— Really? You have a good job!

— Yeah, I am the lucky one. ☺

— What else can you do at work?

— I can design another pipeline.

— ☺

— You need to change the scenery, to do some other things.

— I can talk to someone.

— Of course, you can chat. You can check your Facebook page, watch some videos, or read the news or anything online.

— I can ask colleagues to help me with the problem.

— That’s an option. So, the woman decided: “I shall entertain myself with a nice conversation. I’ll invite girls from another department for chatting”. There are only two decent excuses for a break at work. Any ideas?

— Smoking and snacks! My colleagues use to do it ten times a day.

— A break for a snack or eat-sweet. So, the colleagues go to the canteen for half an hour.

Her friends take some sweet things for tea, but, after a couple of days of the session, the woman knows pretty well how to deal with it. She understands that her stomach is full. She is craving for companionship, not for food!

She discusses the latest news with her friends: where John was, who’s dating Anna, what happened, where and when it occurred, where Steve bought a new car, why the car is blue and so on. The women settle down to a good old gossip, discuss all the mutual friends. Twenty minutes later, the woman returns to her workplace and, to her utter astonishment, discovers that she is not hungry anymore!

She continues to work. There is no hunger anymore because she satisfied herself with entertainment. The woman has got what she wanted.

Comfort eating settles problems! Does it work? What makes us overeat?

— Any — Any emotion we feel is a kind of signal.

Offense. “Offense asks for some food.”

What does it mean? What can help us to settle it?

— Compassion?

— As usual, it doesn’t help a lot. What can take the offense away?

— Take revenge on the offender!

— Some people do it, but it doesn’t help too.

— Complain to someone.

— Forgive.

— Who said “forgive”?

— It’s me.

— Larisa is right. Forgiveness. That’s the radical solution to the problem.

— Sometimes you forgive a person but still feel offended.

— Then it’s not forgiveness. If you still feel offended, then you haven’t forgiven yet.

Who suffers from the offense, the offended, or the offender?

— The offended one.

— Certainly. Sometimes the offender has no idea that he offended someone in some way. Or maybe he knows, but he doesn’t pay much attention to it. The offender could forget about it a long time ago. I am not going to justify him.

As for the offender, he takes this stone, his offense, puts it in his bosom, and carries him through life. The stone hits his ribs painfully again and again. The offended person keeps this stone for five years, for ten years, for the rest of his life. It’s the offended person who has to make a decision when to throw out the stone. He carries this offense stone in his bosom just for nothing.

— What if you just can’t forgive the offender?

— Well, a woman said at the session recently: “Some things are unforgivable. I will never forgive my offender. That’s it.” The others ask her: “How can you live this way? It might be tough!” — “So what? I am not going to forgive anyway”. I told her: “Fine. It’s your choice. Suffer if you want”. I realized that it was the only way to treat her. So, I calmly told her: “Then suffer.” She got angry: “What? Why should I suffer?” — “Well, you don’t want to forgive your offender. So, you are going to suffer from the offense for the rest of your life”. “Well, I don’t know… Perhaps I should try to forgive him somehow… Let’s do something about it! I can’t live like this anymore! I need individual counseling”.

People do their best to forgive. They attend church. They go to psychologists trying to settle the problem somehow. To forgive, you have to understand the problem, to realize how it happened. Besides, you need to have a desire to forgive.

We often suffer not because of some situation but because of our attitudes and thoughts about it.

The settings got busted. Of course, some things are harder for us to forgive.

The next emotion is guilt. More sinned against than sinning.

What helps to get rid of this feeling?

— Contrition.

— Well, if some offense has taken place, then I would rather propose atonement. It helps a lot to visit a person that you offended, to talk to him sincerely, to ask for forgiveness. Make amends. The guilty past is wiped away.

But there is another crucial aspect.

Sometimes a feeling of guilt is entirely unjustified. Guilty without guilt, as they say. But the person feels guilty. Guilt controls his life. Then, tired and exhausted, he comes to a psychologist. We begin to work on the problem, and it turns out that there is no reason for him to suffer and torture himself. He had been suffering for years!

“That’s a load of my mind.” A lot of people suffer from unjustified guilt that exists only in their imagination.

There are other cases when someone else makes the person feel guilty without any real reason. Has it ever happened to you? Do some people make you feel guilty?

— Sometimes.

— Let’s think about why they are doing it. Of course, they have a particular purpose. Everything we do serves some purposes.

Why do these people want you to feel guilty?

— I guess they want me to feel responsible for something. They want me to believe that I owe them.

— Feeling guilty makes your self-esteem to go down, at least a little. Agree?

— Certainly.

— Guilt makes you vulnerable to…

— Manipulation.

— Precisely! People take advantage of it. So, if someone continually blames you, try to understand why he is doing it. Perhaps he wants to keep you under control for some purpose. It can be your money, time, energy and so on.

Anger.

If you have accumulated frustration and anger, then it should be released, but in the right way! We will talk about the origin and relief of psycho-emotional stress. I’ll tell you how to unleash anger so that it won’t generate a radioactive desert around you.

— ☺

— I bet you both faced the following situation. You came home angry, yelled at your husband, kicked the cat, slapped your kid! And then you feel guilty. You come to the fridge and comfort yourself with food.

Loneliness.

You feel lonely. What does it mean? You are longing for companionship.

Anxiety. Arthur Somers Roche once said:

“Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.”

When do we feel anxiety?

— When there is a lack of information…

— Yes, when we are not sure what’s going on. For example, Mom lets her daughter to the disco. The daughter doesn’t come home at 11 pm, as she has promised. Besides, she doesn’t answer the phone.

— This is entirely normal.

— Her cell phone is out of batteries, as always. Poor mom is pacing anxiously around the house. She doesn’t know what’s going on. She calls her daughter, but the girl doesn’t answer. Then Mom comes to the fridge, takes some sweets, snacks. She feels a bit better. Then she starts to run around the house again, calls someone trying to find her daughter. Another portion of dessert. How many sweets should you eat to reduce anxiety?

— Well, a couple of raids to the fridge.

— But you’ll still worry anyway. Mom will worry until her daughter comes home, or at least until she calls.

— For example, if she calls saying: “Mom, I’m fine. I’ll be at home at…”

— Thank God she is alive!

— Right. Then the daughter says: “I’ll be at home in the morning. I am with John”.

— ☺

— Mom raids the fridge again to comfort herself a bit.

But if the daughter said: “I’ll be at home in five minutes.” That’s a different matter!

Anxiety can be eliminated by getting information. What problems can occur in this field? A person starts to worry if he cannot get any information about some issues. For example, you cannot predict your fate, right? Some people worry about the bad things that might happen.

For example, you heard that taxis get into accidents. Then you start to worry: “What if the taxi I take gets into an accident too? What if it crashes another car on my way to work?” Anxious people stop worrying if the voice from heaven proclaims: “No, you won’t get into the accident. You are gonna die in the age of…” But it is unlikely to occur. But we constantly try to foresee the future. We make all negative predictions about what might hypothetically happen. What do we use as a basis for our predictions? They are based on experience, not only on our past but also on collective experience.

What do they show on TV? What do they write about online?

“People got poisoned to death with vodka.” Can I get poisoned at my friend’s Birthday party too? No. What other fears can we have? “A man slipped on a banana peel, hit his head, and died.” Oh my, I should walk carefully.

The future is unpredictable.

Many people constantly worry about things that may happen. They run mentally into the future, develop negative predictions, and get upset. Sometimes they return to the past, remember about the negative experience. Then they go back to the future again and make negative predictions based on experience. This is mental skipping between the past and the future. What about the present? What about “here and now”? Life goes by. They never enjoy their lives. Busy with running between the past and the future, making negative predictions, feeling anxious, the people have no time for living.

I described in detail these and others mind mistakes in the book “Freedom Within Us. Stress Relief Techniques”.

Fatigue. “I feel tired. I should eat. I had dinner. I should sleep.”

What helps to get rid of the fatigue? All you need is rest.

Imagine you are driving a car. Suddenly you hear an alarm signal. The back door is not fully closed. You close the back door. Then you hear another signal; you run out of gas. You go to a gas station. The body is a kind of biological machine. Suddenly you’ve got a signal: “beep-beep-beep…”

— Unfortunately, there is no dashboard.

— But we can learn how to understand the signals of the body and the psyche.

What does it mean if the psyche sends you a “getting bored” signal? I am craving for entertainment! If you feel anger, then you need to find a way to throw it out in the right way. If you feel loneliness, call your friends. Busy people often use food to satisfy all the needs of the body and soul. They eat when they feel bored, offended, or tired.

— Overeating.

— It settles the entire problem.

— But in fact, it doesn’t help at all.

— It’s a kind of ostrich behavior. Hiding head in the sand doesn’t settle anything.

— As well as hiding yourself in the food. ☺

How do you feel about the past years of your life now? What feeling is it? Try to give it a name.

— Self-pity.

— Pity, some disappointment?

— Precisely! Disappointment.

— A woman told me recently: “It’s unfair! I have been living like that for years! But it might be boring to live like that.” I told her: “Yes, it’s boring, but it seems to be much faster and easier.”

People often feel negatively towards their past when they realize that they lived a miserable life.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: Looking back at my life, I understand that I have not lived before. I missed so many opportunities. That’s because of my excess weight and inhibitions I had because of it. In my third year at university, I had a chance to go to the USA for the summer. I successfully got the USA visa, but then I gave up halfway. I didn’t take the opportunity. I had been dreaming of becoming a member of the University Student Council since my first year at the university. I wanted to organize different activities for students, but again, because of my fears and my excess weight, I missed the opportunity to become a part of the team. I always enjoyed being a leader. Once all the students of my group voted for me to become a group president.

Guess what? I declined the offer. These are just a few examples from my former life. Now, a few years later, I understand that I have almost no memories of that period of my life. I spent at home most of the time hiding inside the shell, watching movies, and comforting myself with food. But everything happens at the right time. I do my best to enjoy my life now.

Alexithymia and excess weight

— People with excess weight often have a mental disorder called alexithymia. It’s an inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. Emotions often make us feel uncomfortable. They prevent people from working and living normally. Then the person distanced himself from his emotions. In order to take the edge off, the person comforts himself with food. Everything’s fine again!

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: There is a simple technique that helps to deal with alexithymia. Besides, it reduces psycho-emotional stress and, according to Eugene Gently, accelerates progress towards achieving goals.

When some feeling emerges (no matter if it is related to some problem or aim), ask yourself: “When is it concentrated, in what part of my body?” Touch this place with one or two hands and take a deep breath as if you are inhaling this feeling into yourself. It will help you to experience it to the fullest. As usual, it is enough to start the process of the feeling transformation, but if you want and have time, you can apply corporal metaphor analysis. In order to do it, determine the following parameters of the feeling:

— size: how much space this feeling occupies (show it with your hands), whether this feeling deep inside of your body or closer to the “surface”, or maybe it extends beyond the body;

— shape: whether it is flat or tridimensional, what shape it has;

— temperature: whether it is hot, cold, or of body temperature;

— weight: whether it is heavy or light;

— density: whether it is hard or soft; what material it is made of; density is one of the most important criteria;

— color; what color it is, dark or light.

Repeat this exercise from five to ten times, and you will notice that it has become much easier. Tnen, alexithymia will disappear from your life.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Open handout materials, please, and find a list of emotions. Now you’ll learn to perceive and understand what you feel here and now. We feel something every second.

Recognition of your feelings is the key to understanding what your soul and body need.

Tayisia, what do you feel right now? You have a cheat sheet in front of you.

— Excitement. Expectations.

— Got it. Larisa, what do you feel right now?

— Easement.

— Mila, what do you feel?

— Joy.

— Elizaveta?

— Tranquility.

— Ksenya? I am sure you will find the emotion in the list.

— Excitement.

— Snezhana, what do you feel?

— Expectations.

— Victor?

— I guess I feel expectations, as well.

— Nadezhda, what do you feel?

— I feel interested.

— Nika?

— Expectations.

— Eugenia?

— Enthusiasm.

— Do not forget to pay attention to your feelings.

Feelings are signals. Learn to recognize them!

— Your task is to pay attention to your current feelings. Feelings are signals. They let you know what your body and soul are craving for. You should use four questions to recognize the false hunger:

— What was I doing?

— What was I thinking about?

— How did I feel?

— What do I really want?

Your homework is to distinguish between true hunger and false hunger. When you feel hungry, check the hunger for compliance to three distinguishing criteria. Here they are:

— body,

— time,

— product.

What part of your body sends hunger signals?

How much time has passed since the last meal? What food did you eat last time? What do I want to eat now?

That’s all. You need five-ten seconds to understand what hunger you are dealing with.

As soon as you recognize the false hunger, ask yourself the following questions: “What am I doing? I am messing about in the kitchen. What am I thinking about? About eternity. What do I feel? Loneliness”. Loneliness means that you need communication. You have to take urgent measures. Call your friend, tell her: “Listen, I feel a bit lonely. Could you please talk to me?”

One question technique

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

After some practice with four questions, you can reduce this technique to one question. Anytime when you face the false hunger, ask yourself the following question: “What will happen if I don’t eat?” You will almost immediately feel the reason that was hidden behind the desire for food. Many people told me that they could never have imagined the real reason for overeating. The greatest advantage of this technique is that it almost always reveals not only the superficial but also the root reason for false hunger.

Besides it also allows you to identify the reason when you eat “just for pleasure”.

The full version of this technique is described below, but if you have a good connection with your subconscious mind, then ask yourself one question: “What will I feel if I won’t eat the food?”

The full version of the technique includes six steps. Steps 4 and 5 are not mandatory. Nevertheless, they can be pretty interesting for many people. I have to tell you beforehand that only about half of the clients can determine the cause of overeating on the first try of this technique.

However, as soon as the cause is established and settled down, it will facilitate the process of weight loss.

1. So, stay by yourself. Sit with both your feet flat on the floor, arms lying down uncrossed. Take a deep breath and close your eyes as you exhale. Look at your body with your mind’s eye. On a scale from 1 to 10, estimate how relaxed you are. One is for the greatest stress, and ten is for the highest degree of relaxation.

After the determination of relaxation degree, move your body a little to find the most comfortable position. If there is a particularly strained area, touch it with your hand and mentally breathe through this tension. As soon as you reach the relaxation degree “7” or higher, take the next step.

2. Think about the situations when you tend to overeat. What food do you usually eat when gorging? Imagine that you are in this situation again. For example, imagine that you are at home. It’s evening, and you are going to eat a cake. Suddenly someone forbids you to eat it, or you do it yourself.

3. What will you feel if you will not eat this food in this situation? At first, you may an extremely unpleasant feeling. But then you will be able to determine the emotion (anger, loneliness, longing, shame, guilt, and so on). After that, determine in what part of the body this emotion is concentrated and touch it with one or two hands. Greet this emotion by saying, “I feel you. I see you”. You can apply corporal metaphor analysis to determine its size, shape, temperature, weight, density, color.

4. Then ask yourself: “When did I feel this way for the first time in my life?” Or ask this feeling (emotion): “How old are you?” The answer may come immediately or later. Take your time. It may not come at all. This aspect of practice is not mandatory.

5. If you find an answer, ask yourself: “What bad things happened to me at that time?” When the answer comes, you won’t confuse it with anything else. Awareness strikes you like lightning. It’s hard to hold back tears at that moment. As usual, the problem has nothing to do with food. If there is unhealed sub-personality inside of you, it always demands your attention. As soon as it gets enough of tender, love, and care, the false hunger disappears.

Transformation. Depending on the strength and depth of the feeling, the means for change shall be different. Sometimes it’s enough to apply corporal metaphor technique to breathe through this feeling. Sometimes, to open a new page in your life, it’s necessary to draw this metaphor a couple of times or maybe even ten times, until the feeling disappears. Sometimes you need to make an appointment with a psychologist to save the time and get rid of the old burden.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— A few words about true hunger. You have to feed it. I know you feel bored, but I am going to remind you about it again and again. Repetition is the mother of all learning.

You have to eat regularly, every 3 — 4 hours.

Eat slowly, at least 15–20 minutes for basic meals.

What food should it be? We have already discussed it. Your goal is tasty, nourishing food beneficial for harmony and health with the right composition and energy value, and in an appropriate amount.

I have to remind you about drinking water. If you don’t drink enough…

— Up to one and a half liter a day?

— Yeah. Does anyone in the group have a problem with drinking water? Raise a hand if you do. One, two, three… Three people. Have you got a bottle for potable water?

— No.

— You should buy it, Nadezhda. What about you, Snezhana? You’ve got it, I see.

— Yes, but I still don’t drink enough.

— ☺

— Olesya, what about you? Have you started to drink more?

— Yes.

— They say you can’t drink plenty of water before going to bed.

— You should drink the needed amount of water throughout the daytime. It’s no good if you stay thirsty during the day and then drink two liters in one sitting!

The law of proper nutrition — transformation of eaten food into high-quality life

— Let’s talk about delicious, satisfying, beneficial foods. Give me an example of nourishing food that is tasty but unhealthy.

— Bacon!

— Sausages.

— Hamburgers.

— Should we ban it?

— In general, all things are poisonous. As they say, only the dose makes the poison. Thus, there is no need to ban any food, but you still can reduce the consumption of some foods. Unhealthy food can be eaten rarely, no more than fifty calories at a time, and only as a dessert after a meal.

Now give me examples of tasty, beneficial, but low-calorie food.

— Fruits.

— You are right, Mila. Apples, vegetables, green salad. Is it yummy? Yes. Is it beneficial?

Yes. But these foods are delicious but not nutritious. Now give me examples of hearty, healthy, but tasteless food.

— It depends.

— Just tell me your opinion. What food is healthy, nutritious but not yummy for you?

— Boiled pearl barley.

— Lamb-and-rice stew.

— Dry chicken breast.

— Now, give me examples of foods that are both delicious and nutritious for you. And beneficial as well. At least one food or dish.

— Fish.

— Yes, Mila. What else?

— Pasta.

— What else?

— Potatoes.

— Seafood.

— Yeah. Soups too!

Choose for yourself delicious, healthy, and nutritious foods. Besides, you have to distinguish between true hunger and false hunger. Tomorrow, I will definitely ask each of you whether you faced false hunger or not. We will discuss when and why false hunger attacks you. We will check whether it was a false hunger or a true hunger due to a lack of nutrition. For example, you fed yourself poorly. In an hour, your hunger returns. “Here I am, your hunger…” — “Liar! You are false hunger! I have been told about you recently…” — “No, I am very true!” — “No! You are false”.

Sometimes you feel hungry after a meal due to unsatisfying insufficient food eaten too fast.

What? Do you feel hungry now?

— Yeah.

— Let’s check what hunger you have. So, Victor, do you feel an emptiness inside, stomach growling, sucking in your guts?

— Yeah.

— How much time has passed since the last meal?

— Four hours.

— It looks like you have a true hunger right now.

What did you eat for the last meal?

— Boiled egg, a slice of bread, some tomatoes, a cucumber.

— Of course, you are hungry. I guess you have no food? Do not leave home without normal food! Does anyone have something that can save Victor from starvation? You shouldn’t tolerate hunger! Hunger is getting stronger, and you overeat. Metabolism slows down and even becomes dysfunctional.

— I’ve got an apple.

— No, it’s not a decent meal for a hungry person.

— I’ve got tomatoes and cucumbers.

— That is not what we need.

Does anybody have a bit of something nutritious?

— I’ll drink some water. Don’t worry about me.

— ☺

— Water can’t help when you are hungry! Imagine that you are driving a car. The fuel gauge indicates that you are almost out of gas. You drive up to a gas station and instead of refueling.

— Get some water.

— You put water into the fuel tank.

What else can you do to suppress hunger? Smoking. Well, let’s try the same with your car. Open fuel tank, put some smoke there, walk around a bit, have some rest, and then try to fire up. Your car won’t move. It needs “food”. It’s equally unhelpful to suppress hunger with water or anything else except food. Don’t do that.

So, does anyone have any normal food?

— I have a salad.

— What salad?

— Vegetables and fish. And a slice of bread. I can give half of the portion.

— Great!

— I bet everybody feels hungry now…

— Thank you!

— Was it interesting?

— Yeah.

— I don’t care how you do it, but you must always have some food. I do it every day. I gain weight quickly, so I have at least four properly-portioned meals regularly throughout the day.

“Help” everyone — get excess weight!

— What is the difference between Kindness and Rescuer Syndrome?

Some people like to play the role of Victim. We talked about it a little on the first day of the training. What are the key features of the Victim?

— He blames everyone around.

— Exactly. The Victim tries to avoid any kind of responsibility. Instead of it, such a person shifts all the responsibilities to someone else. There is another, transient role — Tyrant. Someone takes on this role from time to time and tells the Victim that he’s not so miserable and unhappy as he wants to look. In other words, the Tyrant “tyrannizes” this poor wretched soul… In general, the Victim dissatisfied with life suffers all day long and thinks whom to blame. Besides, the Victim is looking for someone who will settle all the problems. Sooner or later, who appears on the horizon?

— Rescuer.

— Precisely. It’s still a question who is looking for whom! The Rescuer is also actively looking for someone to help. It’s his fate. It’s his choice. He is a knight without fear and beyond reproach.

— With a shoulder to cry on.

— Yeah. He is constantly looking for someone who needs his help: cats, dogs, friends, relatives, colleagues. The Sumatran elephants are endangered; they said on TV that I could send some money to save the animals. A drunk neighbor needs some beer to refresh himself. Whose problem is it?

— It’s his problem.

— No, it’s not a neighbor’s problem! It’s a problem of the Rescuer. Who has to take care of this hungry and drunk creature? A friend’s lawn needs mowing. Ten minutes by car, and I’ll get there.

— ☺

— A Rescuer won’t mind it! So, a Victim meets a Rescuer, then the Victim shifts all the responsibilities to him, and the Rescuer readily takes that responsibility. He must be used to it. Then miracles begin to happen. These three roles form a triangle (the Karpman Drama Triangle). The rotation of roles in the triangle begins leading to odd consequences.

A simple example: a husband tyrannizes his wife. We know though that quite often it works the other way around — a wife tyrannizes her husband. ☺ Okay, let’s take the classics situation. A husband is a Tyrant. Then someone suddenly appears on the horizon. Who?

— The wife’s mother.

— Precisely, Katya. She’s rushing like a hurricane from the adjacent room, from another part of the town, even from another city! Like Batman riding on the wings of night.

— ☺

— The wife’s mother comes, attacks the Tyrant, and the husband turns into a Victim. The wife’s mother becomes Tyrant. There is a vacant role for the wife — Rescuer.

— It can be different in our family.

— Certainly. There are many options. So, the wife is a Rescuer by now. Whom will she attack? Of course, her Mom becomes her Victim because she is snooping into others’ lives. On the one hand, the wife is glad to be protected, but on the other hand, she also needs to show her teeth. So, she puts the bite on her Mom. “Mom, if it were not for you, we would live happily!” Another miracle happens. It’s real magic! Mom was a Rescuer at first, and then, without having a single chance of being a Tyrant, she turns into Victim! Her sweet daughter becomes Tyrant. There is only one vacant role for the husband — Rescuer. Who will he attack?

— His wife.

— Precisely. She must be put in her place! The husband jumps on his wife, she turns into a Victim, and he becomes a Tyrant. What about the wife’s mother? She is a nice and helpful person! She turns into a Rescuer. As you see, all the characters returned to initial positions.

The wife’s mother is ready to rescue and protect again. The husband becomes a Tyrant, and his wife is a Victim. It turns around again and again. Do you think that the wife’s mother learned the lesson?

— Certainly not! She’s getting into their business again!

— She runs into the same trap. She becomes a Victim again. They tell her: “Mom, if it were not for you, we would live happily ever after.”

Here is another example. I have a friend. She is thirty. She cannot choose a coat by herself. Of course, it’s so hard to make a choice! She stands all alone amidst a huge closing store. And she has a best friend who can be a psychologist, when necessary, a lawyer, when necessary, a repairman, a plumber or a garden digger. In situations like that, she immediately turns into a naturally born fashion designer. So, the woman calls her and says: “Hello!” “Hi! It’s me, a naturally born fashion designer”.

— ☺

— She runs to her friend and helps her to make a choice. The designer comes to a store and looks around: “So, what do we have here? Green coat, red coat, and blue coat? The red one is ideal for you!” Victim: “Are you sure?” What happens to responsibility at that moment?

— It is shifted to the Rescuer.

— Exactly. The Rescuer is trapped! She does not know it yet, but she’ll have a lot of trouble with this coat in the future. For example, the Victim brings this coat home, and her husband says.

— It’s terrible!

— “It’s terrible! It doesn’t suit you. What a ridiculous color! Then Mom comes. How much does it cost? 500 bucks? Are you crazy?”

The Victim feels sad and unhappy. She puts on this coat, picks up the phone and calls to…

— Her friend! ☺

— She tells her: “It’s all because of you. My family life is crumbling down, money was spent in vain, and my relationship with my husband is ruined. And then, to make matters worse, my mother-in-law will be here soon.”

— It’s just like me. That’s the way people usually “thank” me for help.

— The situations can be different. The Johnsons are raising a thirteen-year-old son. Just like all teens, he’s got out of hand. He smells of beer sometimes. He gets bad marks at school; he comes home late at night. The Johnsons come to see another couple, the Greens. The Greens have already raised two sons. These boys are adults now. One is an engineer. Another one is a programmer. The Johnsons ask friends for advice: “What shall we do? You have already experienced it, you have already brought up your own sons. We have a lot of trouble with our boy! Just look at him. He’s got out of hand”. The Greens say pompously:

“Trounce him!” — “What do you mean? He is such a sophisticated boy. He plays the violin”.

“Trounce him. We trounced our boys. We tore five straps until they grew up. Now, look at them. The elder son is an engineer; the younger one is a programmer”. The method seems efficient, doesn’t it? Sure. The Johnsons come home and start to trounce the boy. A week later, he runs away from home. If something happens to the boy, or if parents never see him again, as it happens sometimes, who would they blame for it for the rest of their lives?

— The one who gave the piece of advice to trounce him.

— The Greens, Rescuers!

Social implication and excess weight

— Write down a few words about the essence of the Rescuer.

A Rescuer does for Victims things that the Victims can do by themselves.

Let’s recall a few examples. When you always do work for someone — once, twice, and then again and again, what happens to the person? He gets accustomed to freeing rides on your back and becomes…

— Irresponsible.

— Helpless, weak.

— Why should he be strong when he has a reliable friend, the Rescuer?

— Why should he be responsible when he has a friend who is responsible for everything — the Rescuer?

— He becomes useless.

— As time goes by, the Victim becomes impudent. The further, the more impudent! As you’ve just said, a Victim lumbers a Rescuer with all his problems. Rescuers believe that they do good to Victims. But, as you see, this help may cause many problems!

Can we turn our child into a Victim?

— Of course.

— How?

— By settling all his problems.

— By spoiling him.

— By doing everything that he can do by himself. I can offer you a detailed instruction from the very beginning. Teach the child to tie the shoelaces and then do it for him always. Then the teachers say that nine-year-old children use to sit with untied shoelaces waiting for their parents to come and tie them up. Parents come, put the books into bags, tie the shoelaces, and find the lost pencils.

The children become Victims. They act like they have neither legs nor hands, but stupid heads. The parents do all the homework for the kids. They write essays, draw pictures, do sums, and so on. Then, when the kid grows up, the parents have to make all the choices for him, because he is still silly! They choose a wife or a husband, profession, and job.

The parents are experienced Rescuers, they know better! Why do they think so? “If not me, who will do it?” I must help and rescue everyone on whom I can put my hands, bringing them as many benefits as I can! Sometimes Victims ask me for counseling. They don’t want to be Victims anymore. These people want to change their lives! They say: “Rescue me from the Rescuer.” I mean, they want to escape from him. “Wherever I go, he follows me. He gives me pieces of advice, solutions, money, instructions. I can’t hide from him!”

By the way, do you think a “professional” Rescuer helps only one Victim?

— No.

— Of course, he’s got a lot of them.

— These Victims spend their lives using the Rescuer this way or another. It can be children, colleagues, friends, relatives, neighbors, and any other people from your environment. The Rescuer helps all of them doing things that they can do on their own.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: I am a Rescuer too. At the university, I often felt angry and offended. I complained to my parents that I had to do everything for everyone, take responsibilities for some of my girlfriends, and perform all team tasks on my own. I was guided by the principle that if you want a thing to be well done, you must do it yourself, you must not leave it to others I am a perfectionist who does everything the right way and wants to do it well. But after training, when I started my last year at the University, I scraped them off my back. It turned out that they could do the entire job by themselves. Now, what about relationships? Years have passed, and we are still friends. No need to be afraid. Real friends will never leave you.

While reading this book, I recalled a training I attended a few years ago. It looks like some functions of the Rescuer revived in me.

I have a person for who I do whatever he says. Of course, I expect some response in return, but I never get it. As a result, I feel neglected, accumulate the insult, and it makes me feel unhappy.

Hopefully, I will help myself by helping you. I think that I need to work on myself again. Artyom, thank you for a new book and another “bump.”

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— They can make decisions, and the Rescuer implements them. They can get a loan from a bank, for example. As you know, you can do it now even if you don’t have any job. But they borrow some money from the Rescuer. However, Victims never pay it back or repay in small negligible portions. Sometimes, the Rescuer says: “Listen, I need this money. I have nothing to live on”. I bet you’ve heard about such situations. The Victim comes and throws the money in his face saying: “Here, choke on this money, heartless bastard!”

OK. So, you understand what a Victim is. How does the Rescuer feel?

— He feels unhappy.

— Precisely, the Rescuer is unhappy! He spends his money, energy, and time for everyone else, but not for himself. But these resources are not endless. The Rescuer suffers from a chronic lack of resources for his own life and happiness. He becomes unhappy. When could he be happy? First, he’s got no time for it. Then, happiness demands some energy and money. We need time, money, and energy to communicate, love, enjoy privacy, and recover, relax, have fun, develop professionally, spiritually, physically. But the Rescuer doesn’t have resources for all these things. He spends everything he has on others.

Gennadiy Arturovich Arustamov, 41, Ph. D. in Economics, a CEO of “Reka-More” company, dropped 90 lbs:

I did not have enough time to enjoy privacy before. Only after counseling, I understood what it means and started to appreciate it. Now, I spend more time on my own. I do it intentionally. I enjoy staying alone and feel recharged and refreshed after it. It changed my life for the better. The abundance of my privacy has changed too. I understood its meaning. As soon as it became structured, then I feel the desire to communicate with my relatives, loved ones because the stage of solitude is over. I want to be with the world now. It changed my attitude to the world too.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— What else does he feel?

— Depression.

— He feels unhappy and depressed.

The Rescuer becomes ill. As a rule, only after a while, but he will get sick sooner or later. The Rescuer has no time to take care of his health. He starts to gain extra weight. The Rescuer becomes obese sooner or later. I’ll explain to you why. Then he’s got heart disease, insomnia, diabetes. He suffers from joint pain and other disorders.

A woman came to me recently. A cardiologist advised her to go to a hospital for a checkup. She wanted me to persuade her to do it. Have I told you this story?

— No.

— The doctor told her she could die if she didn’t take any measures immediately. She needed some rest, some pills, drips, injections, and so on. If she didn’t do it, she could pass away. The woman came to me because once she attended one of my training courses. She wanted me to persuade her to go to the hospital. I told her: “Isn’t it enough that according to your doctor, you can die?” She replied: “But what about my family? I am not sure they can cope without me”. The woman is retired. Her husband still works. They are well-doing people. So, every day after breakfast, she drives around the city, “rescuing” the others. Everybody needs her help. Her friend, her sister, someone else.

People got accustomed to it. They don’t even try to thank her or to do something for her. The woman works hard all day long for the others doing the things that they could do by themselves.

Then I told her: “OK. Imagine that you don’t go to the hospital. Then, today or tomorrow, you die while driving to another “rescue operation”. She was surprised: “What?!” I told her: “It happens sometimes. People die unexpectedly and suddenly”. Then:

“Let’s see what will happen next. You are dead. What will happen to your family members?” We discussed for another half an hour what would happen to all of them. Unbelievable, but it looks like all her relatives are able to cope without her! As soon as she understood it, she went to the hospital. She called the reception desk: “Tell Artyom that I am in the hospital!”

— ☺

— Fine. Great! Her family could cope without her help.

Some foreign psychotherapists recommend to the most active Rescuers the following practice. They write it down directly to their medical history sheets. “Walk around the cemetery for an hour every week. Read the epitaphs on tombstones and think about all these people who thought that the world would fall apart without them; that family wouldn’t cope, colleagues would fail, and so on”. They died ten or fifteen years earlier, but the others are still doing well!

It happens that a woman dies of a heart attack at forty-five. She overburdened herself, worked all day long. Meanwhile, her boss spends his vacation on the Canary Islands together with his young and beautiful assistant. They are sitting at the seashore in the evening watching the ocean. Suddenly, the boss asks his assistant:

“By the way, I haven’t heard from Mary for a while. She doesn’t email me, and I haven’t seen her in Skype. But Mary is handling almost half of our projects. Where is she?” The assistant replies:

“Oh, I didn’t want to upset you, but she died a week ago.” The boss turns pale. He reckons up profit and losses in his head immediately, gets shocked… “What?! Died?! What shall we do?” She replies: “Don’t worry. We found Sofia”. — “Who’s that?” — “She is even better than Mary.” — “It’s impossible. Mary…” — “Relax! We put a folding bed in the office for her. She sleeps there, works until midnight. We almost never give her days-off. She’s fine about it”. — “So, you’ve settled all the problems? Does she keep all the projects? Is everything fine?” — “Yes.”

— “Oh my. What are you doing to me? I nearly got a heart attack”. Rest in peace, Mary. That was the last time when they talked about her.

— Mary was forty five…

— All the friends and relatives of Mary gather to commemorate her, get some wine, and say: “She was a good woman. Alas, she died so young. Life was cruel to her…” They got some drinks, talked a bit and left… That’s all. By the way, they will find another Rescuer, another person who will do everything for them.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: I bet many of you watched “The Devils Wears Prada”. There was another Miranda Priestly in my life, but she wore “Armani”. Besides, my lady-boss had much in common with a stepmother of Cinderella. I worked in that company for five months. It was a living hell. Constant vexations, screams, fuss. Olya, bring me a cup of coffee, Olya, meet people and take them to my office, Olya, order me tickets, Olya, fill in my mortgage loan application. Olya did her best to do everything she asked me about. By the way, I am a financial manager. I am not a secretary. During these five months, I felt upset, nervous, and unhappy. I cried, lashed out at my friends and relatives. It was a kaleidoscope of negative emotions. My Cruella called me late in the evening and even at night, texted me after business hours ordering me to do this and that.

I stopped sleeping normally. I stopped eating normally. I lost a lot of weight because I forgot to eat. Then I started to gain weight again. It was wrong to starve and put the company’s interests ahead of my own. One day I came to my boss and said that I quit. She looked really scared. She screamed, begged for sympathy, offered me bonus. She promised to treat me better if I agreed to stay at least until the next year. When I said that I couldn’t work in this company anymore, that I would work for another two weeks and leave, she told me: “I hope you won’t succeed at your future job.” Later I found out that nine people from my department left the company because of her.

You shouldn’t tolerate such people in your life. There is no need to be a Rescuer and to give them reign. Treat yourself as the dearest person in your life. By the way, I work in a good company with friendly colleagues and a nice boss now.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— The next thing. Why does a Victim enjoy this lifestyle? Because he is not responsible for anything and regularly takes on the role of Tyrant. When does a Victim turn into a Tyrant? As soon as a Rescuer says:

“No.”

There is a question that helps to avoid dealing with other people’s problems and taking on the responsibilities of others. The question is simple.

Whose responsibility is it?

This question should be asked whenever you want to do something for someone or when someone wants you to do something. Write it down, please.

“Triangle of fate”: giving advice is way easier than living your own life

— I conducted a lot of training courses on issues of the so-called Karpman triangle. Whose responsibility is this? The Rescuer finds out suddenly that it’s not his responsibility and decides to refuse. But how should you say “no” in a way to prevent it from turning into “yes”?

For example, one of the options to enforce your “No” is to say: “My circumstances have changed.”

No need to explain what’s happened or they will stick like glue to you. One of my patients replied brilliantly: “Yes, my circumstances have changed. I went to my doctor, and she said I’ve got CFS”. — “What’s that?” — “CFS means Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.” That’s it. “Just fancy, it turns out that I overeat because I get exhausted and try to replenish myself with food. Therefore, if I used to listen to my friend telling me on the phone for two hours every night for ten years about John, who drinks, kicks someone and doesn’t work, now I just say: “Sorry, it’s time to go to bed for me.”

There is another technique — Time Limiting. For example, someone calls you. You have to pick up the phone, as this person will get you this way or another. Then you immediately decide how long you are going to talk to this person. For example, five minutes. You pick up the phone and say: “Hi. I am busy right now. I need to leave soon, but we can talk for five minutes or so. I am so glad to hear from you”. However, your opponent may ignore your comment about five minutes., for old time’s sake. The person still remembers that before you could listen for hours…

In five minutes, you put it baldly: “OK, sorry, five minutes are over. I have to go. Bye!” It doesn’t matter what your opponent will say. “What?” — “Sorry, I have told you in advance that I had only five minutes.”

Believe it or not, but sooner or later, your friends will get accustomed to it! Besides, it’s true. All of us may have some personal affairs. They will find another person who’s willing to listen to them for a couple of hours…

Besides, even after listening for ten years, the Rescuer hasn’t changed anything. So, what’s the point? That’s why everyone should mind his own business. A psychologist deals with psychological issues. As a rule, these issues are related to relationships. I usually help to settle problems in the relationship with oneself, with food and with the others. If you want legal advice, who will you go to?

— To the lawyer.

— Of course. What if you have a financial issue? You’ll call to an accountant or an economist. The problem of the Rescuer is that he tries to be everyone. If you need money, I will lend it. If you need to mow your lawn, I am here. If you need a psychologist, it’s me! Me, me, me…

For example, the Rescuer declares to the Victim: “No, it’s not my responsibility. I am not going to lend you money. You haven’t worked for three years. You have to solve this problem by yourself”. But the Victim, who used to get money from you, says: “What? What did you just say?” He immediately turns into a Tyrant. And the Tyrant starts to make a hamburger out of the Rescuer. “Was it you who said a two-letter indecent word?

N-o? Did I hear that right — you told me “No”? Me? I thought you were my friend/girlfriend/ sister, but it turned out that you are such a bastard.” And then he tells everyone what a lousy person you are. Has it ever happened to you?

— Yes! ☺

— It is profitable for the Victim to take on the role of the Tyrant regularly, to blame everyone, to get other people’s resources. Why does a Rescuer enjoy his lifestyle?

— He feels that he is important…

— Yes, he feels he is important, significant.

— People need him.

— However, the Rescuer raises his self-esteem this way. As you might have already guessed, the Rescuer has low self-esteem, even if he hides it well.

He tries to raise his self-esteem by helping others. He gives everything to the Victims! Actually, he hopes to get something from them in response. Love, respect.

A Rescuer wants to get respect and love from others because he doesn’t feel love and respect towards himself.

When I start to work with a Rescuer (we have a particular training course for such people), the first thing I do is try to raise his self-esteem. I teach him to love and appreciate himself, to treat himself well. It’s the first point. The second aim is to teach him to say “No” to defend and maintain privacy.

The third point is to teach them to settle issues with other people.

The Victim is cunning! He constantly tries to get a free ride on the Rescuer. It’s catch-as-catch-can: flattery, pity, threats, persuasion, guilt.

The Rescuer raises his self-esteem by rescuing, trying to get from the Victim’s love and respect that he needs so much. Besides, he’s got a great excuse to avoid dealing with…

— …his own life?

— Yes! The Rescuer is engaged in the lives of other people, whether they are his relatives or strangers. Giving pieces of advice for him is easier than living his own life.

As a result, he is responsible neither for his own life nor for the lives of others.

It is usually very upsetting for people to realize that they live in other people’s lives…

For example, the Rescuer attends the training course, understands everything, and tells the Victims: “Sorry, my circumstances have changed.” Or “Whose responsibility is this?”

“No, thank you,” — he says. — I don’t want to do it anymore. Solve your problems by yourself, you are adults. You were doing well until I came and took on all the responsibilities. Suddenly it turned out that you have neither legs nor hands, but stupid heads.”

They all take on the role of Tyrant and tell him that he is a bastard. He says: “Oh, I was warned you would say it. Bye!”

They leave.

The Rescuer finally gets back his money, time, and energy for himself. He suddenly realizes: “I am rich. It looks like I have a right to get some rest now. I haven’t seen my friends for three years, and I miss her so much. I should visit her. Besides, my doctor recommended me to attend the swimming pool. I’ll do it with pleasure!”

But as soon as happy life begins or tries to begin, it turns out that the Rescuer is not used to take care of himself and to solve his own problems.

— Yes… It’s true!

— Certainly. He is not used to it. It’s easier for him to help others. Before the Victims ran away, he calls them: “Guys, wait!”

They turned around: “What?”

“Come back to me. I’ll give you anything you need! Money, time, energy, all you need!

Please, come back!” — “Are you serious?”

“Yes.” They quickly run back, jump on his back, and the Rescuer continues to carry this crowd on his shoulders through the field of life. Joints are sore, the heart is aching. Would this weight nail the Rescuer to the ground about twenty years earlier?

— Yes…

— That’s how it works. So, do not forget to ask yourself the following question — “Whose responsibility is this?”

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: Most experts in this field believe that the relationship of the triangle is launched by the Rescuer; someone thinks that it’s the Victim. It doesn’t matter for us, since these roles are not really bad. Anyone can complain, get angry, control and rescue the others from time to time. Problems begin when the role is fixed, that is, a person begins to take on the same role all the time. As one of the greatest psychotherapists of the twentieth century, Milton Erickson said: “Neurosis is a fixed role.”

Why does a person, even realizing that he is spinning in a triangle, still cannot get out of it?

It’s about guilt. Guilt usually comes pretty early, due to the parents or people who brought us up. How does this happen? A well-intentioned parent, even to the detriment of his apparent interests, gives the best things to his child. The child notices that the closest person he has does not receive anything. That’s when the guilt appears. Then the child begins to prove that all the sacrifices, all the sleepless nights of his parents were not in vain… He becomes an excellent student at school. Of course, children can study well without feeling guilt, but in that case, it doesn’t annoy them. The ones who feel guilty see it as a tragedy. Then they do their best in the University, work hard to get a place in the sun. No matter what he achieves, this person never feels happy, because he does it not out of the inspiration and joy, but out of guilt, proving that he is worthy.

It happens that at some point, our parents leave this world. What’s next? Whom is he going to convince then that he is “a great guy”? He focuses on other people, his beloved or anyone from his environment. So they become inveterate Rescuers, hoping to get an impressive tombstone at the cemetery with the inscription “She ate more buns and watched more series than any other person in the world.”

In order to avoid confusion, I will explain that if in one situation a person takes on a role of a Rescuer, then in the next one, he needs to be a Victim, and then — a Tyrant. For example, if the Rescuer controls everyone at home, then when he comes to work, he has to turn into Victim, complaining about his child getting poor grades and about his spouse doing nothing around the house. On the contrary, if a person takes on the role of the Rescuer at work, if he believes that the company will fall apart without him, then, at home, he has to turn into a Victim telling relatives about his talentless and useless colleagues.

If someone refuses to listen to his speech, an Executioner with his ax will appear.

I call it social hypnosis. As long as one person complains, another one automatically takes on the role of a Rescuer. And then this newly-minted Rescuer must transfer this story further turning into a Victim. When somebody doesn’t want to listen to him, he takes on the role of a Tyrant.

A strong feeling of guilt from childhood prevents you from doing something on your own. You should attend a group or individual counseling in order to work at this problem with a psychologist. If there is no deeper problem, it is enough to tell yourself honestly that you have never done anything for anyone, and you will not do it in the future. For example, if a mother is sitting by the bedside of a sick child through the night, who is she doing it for — for herself or for him? It seems to be for him. But what if she leaves her post? How would she feel? She would feel bad. So, who is she doing it for? When parents buy a toy for their child, who do they do it for? Well, now you know what I mean.

Therefore, if you buy something for your child, tell yourself: “I do it for myself because I like the way he smiles when he receives gifts.” If you are doing some work for your colleague, honestly admit that you are doing it for your own sake, because if you do not do this, you will feel bad.

To summarize, I want to say that you can rescue anyone you want and the way you want, but not out of guilt. Do it out of joy, and then your loved ones won’t turn into Victims, and you will not be angry with them.

Kindness without common sense is mindless

Saying

— The next logical question is: What is the difference between rescuing and kindness?

The next logical question is: What is the difference between rescuing and kindness?

It happens that a person asks you for help, and you understand that he is not a “professional” beggar living his life at the expense of others. But he got into a desperate situation. Here is another example from my experience. A person quitted his job and did not find another one. He didn’t succeed because he took sick, went to a doctor for a checkup, passed some tests, X-Ray examination, and they found a tumor. Moreover, it was a malignant tumor. He needed urgent surgery. Complicated surgery is expensive. The man took all his money from his savings account. But he is still short of covering the cost and asks his friends and relatives for help… If you give him money, what should it be? Is it rescuing or kindness?

— Kindness!

— It’s easy to understand when you are doing for a person something, that he can do by himself, and when the situation is desperate. Then you can help if you want, but not at the expense of their own interests. We will discuss on the fourth day how it works in the marital relationship and in the child-parent relationship. I want you to tell me now if you are a Rescuer or not, and whether you are going to change something in your life. Tayisia, what about you? Do you use to rescue others?

— Sometimes….

— A little bit?

— I often give advice to others.

— Then they come and say: “Your advice destroyed my life!”

— No…

— So, they haven’t come yet…

— I use to say in the end: “Remember, it’s your choice.”

— “You have to decide what will be better for you.”

— Remember, you should never give direct pieces of advice. If you do it, later, the person may appear at your door, blaming you for all the consequences.

Do you remember the Nineties? “Where should I invest my money?” — “Oh, that’s easy! Pour your cash into ‘MMM’! Everybody knows Lenya Golubkov!” Remember? Then — Bang! — And all the money was gone! Who would be blamed? The person who gave the advice!

Larisa?

— I am the Rescuer.

— Are you going to do something about it?

— It will take time.

— Of course, this is a long-term gradual change.

— I understand. This is not the first year I fight against them.

— ☺

— We will definitely meet in a month at the next session, and I will ask each of you about changes in this field of your life. We will discuss whether you will have succeeded in spending your resources for yourself, whether you will have stopped harming others with rescuing.

Why does a Rescuer gain weight? Because he has huge deposits of resentment (you give them everything, and you receive nothing); guilt (since you are not able to satisfy everybody); anger (since this situation makes him feel angry). The Rescuer tries to comfort himself with food. That’s why he becomes overweight. Besides, he has no resources for himself. Victims take everything. The Rescuer has no time to treat himself nicely and build his own happiness. Is it possible to drop weight this way?

— No, it’s almost impossible.

— Mila? Do you use to rescue others?

— I have two Victims.

— Are you going to change it?

— I have to do it.

— I see.

Elizaveta? It’s not about you, is it? You are lucky! We usually have more than ninety percent of rescuers in every group — beginners or even advanced rescuers! Anzhelika?

— I use to rescue my colleagues pretty often.

— Are you going to change it?

— Of course.

— I provide not only individual counseling but also counseling for companies when some issues between staff arise. As a rule, it happens when there are no clear job instructions in the company.

For example, an unlucky chief accountant with bulging eyes comes to the office at ten in the morning and leaves at ten in the evening every day. He takes up all the burdens of the company! I have been saving one of such chief accountants recently. He was almost ready to shoot himself, metaphorically speaking. He told me: “It’s enough! I don’t want to live anymore! Eye’s twitching, I can’t sleep…”

— You are one team. You have to help each other.

— As a result, some people are sitting twiddling their thumbs while the others are breaking their backs.

Allocating responsibilities can be easily arranged. OK. You can sign up for individual counseling, and we will discuss it in detail. Snezhana? Are you a Rescuer? Do you need to change anything?

— I think I have already started to change my life.

— Fine. Thank you. Victor?

— No.

— Great. Olesya?

— I have such a problem.

— I see. Are you going to change it?

— Yes, of course.

— What about you, Nadezhda?

— Yes. I will change it.

— Are you going to get rid of your Victims?

— Of course. There are just a few Victims I rescue by now, but I thought I would never get rid of them. ☺

— Nika?

— Yes.

— Really? Are you going to settle it somehow?

— Of course.

— Eugenia?

— Yes. I will settle it. I don’t know how I lived before.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: The company is sliding into chaos due to the lack of job instructions. Once I worked in the company with such a problem. But the chief accountant was the complete opposite. She tried to shift her responsibilities to someone else. My boss uses to say: “If not us, then who?” By “us,” she meant my colleague and me. We were lawyers, accountants, managers, and even couriers. We were guided by the principle “If you need something done, do it yourself.” Everybody came to us. They knew we would help. Our colleagues had succeeded in saying “no,” and we had succeeded in the Rescuer role. It was another lesson that life taught me. Later we became tougher and began to defend our interests and assert our rights. Of course, it was useless in that company, but at least we tried.

The proof of the pudding is eating, the proof of the wit is listening

Saying

— Now let’s hold the audio recording session to set your subconscious mind to reduce excess weight. This technique has been developed by high-level certificate psychotherapist Ph. D. in Medicine Nikolai Ivanovich Kosenkov.

(Practice. You can read more about the method of Doctor Kosenkov in Appendix №1 of this book)

— Fine. How about a 10-minute break? Will it be enough?

— Yeah.

— After the break, we will hold a breathing practice to balance metabolic processes, splash out accumulated suppressed emotions, and relieve the emotional and physical stress. It accelerates weight loss and helps to prevent false hunger.

(Break)

(Breathing practice that helps to relieve stress and enhance metabolic processes)

— Another journey is coming to an end.

Take your time and get back to our session, this place, and time. Feel how your mind takes control of your body. Move your arms, legs, feel that you are here again. You are here again, in this place and time. Welcome back! As soon as your eyes get used a little, I will turn on the light. Be careful, I turn on the light.

Now, I want you to say a few words, but not about where you have been and what you have seen in your inner world during the breathing technique, but about your current feelings.

I will ask each of you about your current condition. You can describe it in any way. Perhaps, you feel it like summer, or winter, or autumn, or spring? Or maybe you feel sad, upset, happy, joy, or carefree? Svetlana, how do you feel?

— I feel foggy.

— I am not sure what you mean by this. Perhaps you can describe your feeling with other words?

— I don’t know how I feel.

— Elizaveta?

— Euphoria…

— Olesya?

— I feel easy.

— Very well. Thank you. Nika?

— Tranquility.

— I see. OK. Nadezhda?

— Sunrise.

— Do you mean awakening?

— Yeah.

— Fine. Thank you. Ksenya, how do you feel?

— I feel like I can fly. Freedom.

— OK, I got it. How do you feel, Victor?

— I am not sure how to explain it…

— You feel like you haven’t finished something?

— Yes…

— It looks like something rose inside of you. I am glad to hear it. It will come up to the surface. Anzhelika?

— I feel carefree.

Thank you. Mila?

— Peace, solace.

— Great. Eugenia?

— I would call it happiness. I feel like I am a child again.

— Thank you. Tayisia?

— Ease. A sort of “Let it be” feeling.

— Larisa?

— I feel ease and joy. I don’t know why. It just came to me suddenly.

— I see.

— I feel joy. ☺

— Yes, you look like a happy person right now.

— ☺

— OK. I see.

Now, I will teach you an interesting technique.

(The technique for treating overeating and overweight developed by psychologist, psychiatrist Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov “Mirror neuron technology.” You can read more about this technique in Appendix 2 of this book).

Freedom is like a bird inside us! Trust your desire!

— You did a great job! Now, write down your homework. Answer the question in writing: Why do I need slimness? Give me at least seven points. Tomorrow we will work with goals. We have already discussed how important it is to spend time and money on yourself. Now, you should buy yourself a present! It doesn’t matter what you buy. No need to bring it here, but I will ask you if you have bought it or not. It can be cosmetics, a hair clip, a shirt, or a book. If you don’t have a floor scale, it can be a good present too. But it must be a present for YOU. Some participants tell me: “I bought socks for my husband and a toy-car for my son” and so on. Buy a present for yourself!

— ☺

— For the finale, I’ll tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a bird. She lived in a small cage in a neat and cozy room in the house of a good and kind person. The curtains in this room were always drawn.

Therefore, this room was the only environment that this bird had ever seen through the bars of the cage. She believed it was the whole world.

Once the owner of the bird was cleaning the room. He put the cage with the bird on a window board behind the curtain. The bid looked through the glass and saw a big and fantastic world! The sun was shining, the sky was blue and deep, some birds are flying in rising air streams. The bird felt a sudden longing for freedom! She was shocked.

“Oh my, the world is so big!” Joy thrilled through her heart when she noticed that the door of the cage was slightly ajar. The owner forgot to close it. The window was open too.

The bird took one step, then the second step, and the third one — towards freedom. She suddenly felt uncertainty, turned back, looked at the cage. There are always yummy seeds. The owner feeds her every day. She got all kinds of seeds and pure water. There is a pretty mirror with which she loved to play. The bird began to doubt even more than before. Will she find so many benefits in the big world? While the bird was going round in a circle — one step forward, two steps back — the owner came to the cage. “Oh my! The cage is opened!” He closed the door. The bird remained captive for the rest of her life. She traded a big amazing world, freedom, air, sky, and stars for seeds, some water, and a comfortable cage.

But you are not the bird. You have already taken two big steps toward your goal. You attended the first and second days of the training course. It’s time to spread your wings and fly! Have you heard about condors, birds with a two-meter wingspan? Fly forward, just like them. Do not be afraid. I will fly next to you and support you!

N.B.! Let’s summarize the critical guidelines.

Your daily diet should include 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil, plus 20 g of butter every day!

Each weight-loss meal should contain 1—2 boxes of high-protein food; 2—4 boxes of foods rich in complex carbohydrates; 3—6 boxes of foods rich in fiber (vegetables).

Be sure to eat every 3—4 hours (4—6 times a day).

Sleep 8 hours a day (preferably from 11 pm to 7 am). Walk for at least 30 minutes a day.

Work on the creation of a sincere, positive attitude to life, a kind of “good atmosphere” in your mind.

Keep in mind the inspirational vision of your goals.

Be a good manager of your life. Get slim with comfort and pleasure!

Thank you for coming! Have a good day! Hope to see you tomorrow. We’ll continue our work.

— Thank you!

Chapter 3. Day three

Practice is the best master

— Hello people!

— Hello there!

— I ask you kindly to answer the following questions. How many meals have you had today? Were your meals balanced? Have you bought a nice present for yourself?

(interviewing)

— Now, let’s discuss the things we have already learned. Don’t peek into your notes. It’s not fair! ☺ Let’s check what you remember.

When you feel hungry, it can be a whip of true hunger or a false hunger. Elizaveta, what is hunger?

— It’s a body’s need for energy.

— Need for food. That’s true. Food gives us energy. Victor, what else does our body need?

— Building materials.

— Food gives us energy, building materials, and it would be great to get another benefit out of it…

— Pleasure!

— Great. What is false hunger? What do our mind and soul need? Is it food?

— No.

— What does false hunger usually mean?

— It hides emotions.

— Emotions that warn us about… what? It’s a sign, a signal of soul meaning… what?

— Something is wrong. There is a lack of something.

— Now let’s talk about the difference between true hunger and false hunger. Ksenya, tell me the first criterion that helps to distinguish between true and false hunger.

— We check for sensation in the body. Where do we have it? If it is in the stomach, then it can be true hunger.

— What sensations do we have in the stomach when the hunger is true?

— Growling, sucking in guts, emptiness.

— Where does false hunger live? In what part of the body?

— In the head.

— Mila, name the second distinguishing criteria.

— Time.

— How soon after a meal can we feel true hunger?

— In three or four hours maximum.

— In four hours maximum! Does false hunger depend on time?

— No, it doesn’t.

— It can occur anytime. Nika, what is the third distinguishing criterion? Look, we have talked about body criterion. Another criterion we discussed is the time passed from the last meal. What else should we take into account?

— Foods.

— Of course, foods and products. Let’s talk about it. What foods does true hunger prefer?

— Rich, satisfying foods.

— What if you don’t have such food around?

— You will be happy with anything you have.

— What foods does false hunger prefer?

— Delicious foods.

— But we all enjoy different foods.

— It’s craving for your favorite delicious food!

— Fine. At first, we have to understand if it is true hunger or false hunger. Why do we talk about it again? Tomorrow we will spend at least ten minutes to discuss this issue again. We do it because you have to make this skill automatic.

When you feel hungry, you have thirty seconds to determine whether hunger is true or false. “Where do I have sensations, in my head or in my stomach? How much time has passed? What foods did I eat? What foods would I like to eat now?” If it’s true hunger, you feed it with nutritious, delicious healthy food. But if it is false hunger, try to realize why it has occurred.

Then you provide yourself with the thing (non-food!) that you really need according to your physical and mental needs.

You have to work at false hunger using the Four Magic Questions. Remind me of the first question.

— What was I doing when I felt hungry?

— The second question?

— What was I thinking about?

— The third question.

— How do I feel now?

— Yes, because you can think about something else, no matter what you are doing. Besides, your current feelings are essential. Feelings are warning of the soul. For example, I feel offended. Well, then I have to have to look into the situation and try to forgive the offender. Of course, you can try to comfort your annoyance with food, but it’s useless.

Feeding false hunger is like filling the bottomless barrel. This is one of the main reasons for weight gain.

No matter how much you eat trying to comfort your offense, relieve anger, break the boredom, or overcome loneliness… Do you think it’s possible?

— No.

— Precisely. It is the filling of the bottomless barrel. Buns, cheesecakes, pies, herring are falling into it…

— ☺

— Let us analyze cases from your experience. Was it true or false hunger when you felt hungry last time? So, when did you feel hungry?

— At lunchtime. Three and a half hours passed since the previous meal. My stomach was growling. I had eaten dressed herring.

— You had no normal nutritious food, right?

— I had a dressed herring salad.

— No, I am talking about tasty, nourishing, healthy food for normal feeding of your hunger. The dressed herring is yummy food, I agree, but it is not quite nutritious and healthy. So, you had no proper food to eat.

— I had. Buckwheat porridge with fish and tomato.

— But you chose to eat dressed herring.

— I haven’t eaten it for a long time…

— ☺

— I wanted to eat some dressed herring so much…

— That’s how you could do. You could eat buckwheat porridge with fish and tomato, and then — some dressed herring, but only 50 calories. It would be delicious, satisfying, and healthy. Let’s try to understand what has happened to you. How did you feel?

— After meal?

— No, when the dressed herring attacked you.

— ☺

— Satisfaction.

— No, how did you feel before you started eating it?

— Oh, I have to think it over.

— Try to recall how you felt at that moment.

— I felt ashamed that I ate it again ☺

— ☺

— I decided that it would be the last time… ☺

— By the way, it’s the best trick of hunger: “Let’s do it now, and then we will never do it again!”

— One spoon, then the second one…

— ☺

— Describe your emotional state at that moment. Were you calm?

— Yes. I didn’t feel upset.

— You were not angry, offended, or worried, weren’t you?

— No. Besides, I was distracted by the computer.

Learn from your mistakes

— Let’s discuss your mistakes.

At first, you ate it, and then you realized that it was a high-calorie food. Therefore, you can eat no more than 50 calories of the food. It’s the first mistake.

Secondly, hunger (it was true hunger) was fed by inappropriate food.

Thirdly, you did it sitting in front of your computer.

Once again: you cannot get other results acting as you used to do before. What did you use to do before? You ate in front of the TV, with a smartphone in your hand, with a book, in front of the computer. You had long breaks between meals (more than four hours). Your favorite entertainment was to feed the hunger with unhealthy high-calorie food and desserts.

Am I right? Yes. As a result, you have what you have. You gained weight. If you continue to act like this, the weight will not decrease.

Let’s discuss another example of feeding hunger.

— I was drinking tea. There were all sorts of sweets and cookies on the table. They looked so tempting! I thought: “I don’t want to mess with it.” I stood up and got away.

— What time was it?

— 11 am, I guess.

— When did you have your previous meal?

— At 8:30 am.

— Did you feel growling or emptiness in your stomach? Two and a half hours have passed since the last meal. It is hard to say whether hunger is true or false. Let’s discuss the food. What did you eat for the previous meal?

— A sausage sandwich. I had nothing else to eat.

— Who is responsible for buying fish, meat, poultry, seafood instead of sausage?

— I know it’s my responsibility. I had a choice. I could eat an instant porridge or a sausage sandwich for breakfast. I checked the calorie content, and the porridge had more calories than a sandwich, so I chose the sandwich.

— Let’s get this sorted out. By the way, come to me later. Let’s see what kind of instant porridge you have bought. I wonder why it is such a high calorie. It’s strange. The next issue. You took a sandwich with sausage. Do you realize that it was a mistake?

— Yes. I did not even buy this sausage. It has been living in my fridge for a long time.

— I didn’t know what to do. Should I skip breakfast?

— What should I do?

— If you do not start acting differently, then you will do everything the old way, the way it used to be. You will buy sausage, which contains many so-called hidden fats. You will enjoy high-calorie sausage every day, “stuffing” yourself with fat.

Provide yourself with healthy nutritious food

— Who wants to succeed, he looks for ways, who doesn’t want, he looks for excuses.

That’s the task for all of you: provide yourself with healthy, nutritious food! Put it in your fridge!

Otherwise, how are you going to succeed in achieving your goal? How are you going to enjoy your life and get slim?

The only way to achieve it is To feed yourself regularly with delicious, nutritious, and healthy food!

Let’s discuss the situation. A mature dignified woman gave herself one inappropriate sandwich! In two hours, someone came to her. I have a suspicion that it was true hunger since it was a sausage sandwich.

— Three hundred and twenty-four calories!

— Now, let’s discuss another issue… Do you really believe that “high-calorie content means high-nutrition?”

— Yes.

— Many of you believe in this idea for a long time. It’s not true. In fact, food may be high-calorie but not satisfying.

Therefore, you should not focus only on the number of calories you have consumed. For example, you have eaten several chocolate glazed curd bars. It contains four hundred calories per 100 grams. Your daily calorie intake is consumed. You feel satisfied and happy all day long. As you see, it’s not only the number of calories but also the content of the food that matters. If it contained the lean meat, then the caloric content would be two, or even two and a half times less. I bet you used white bread for the sandwich.

— It was the only one I had.

— White bread mostly consists of simple carbohydrates. Our body decomposes and consumes them quickly. The blood glucose level rises and then decreases, and hunger comes to Mila again and asks her for food. She replies: “No, you are false hunger.” The hunger says: “I am your true hunger. You don’t recognize me, do you?” — “No, I don’t. You are false hunger!”

— ☺

— The most curious thing is that you wanted to feed your hunger with high-calorie food again, going back to old habits.

Because you used to do it for decades.

Many of you do not feel any growling, no emptiness or sucking in guts in four hours after the meal. The reason is that your hunger has been atrophied over the years of “hardships” and patience… Hunger knocked at your door, asked for some treats during the day, but you ignore him. You have no sensation of growling or sucking in your guts. It gets accumulated, sneaks up quietly like a ranger, and then attacks you with gluttony.

That’s why it’s so difficult to rely on your physical sensation at first. If you follow my recommendations, when we meet in a month, you will feel emptiness, growling, and sucking in your guts every four hours. After a while, the normal sensation of hunger will return to all of you.

Mila, you faced a hunger, which asked you for high-calorie food by force of habit. You get used to satisfy your hunger with inappropriate food. Well, we’ve figured it out. Now you realize that it was a mistake.

— I felt hungry too. I had already eaten enough, and felt satisfied. I tried to move the plate away, but…

— Was it hard, Eugenia?

— Yeah.

— It’s a habit. It is one of the most dominant eating habits. Did you use to eat everything on your plate?

— Yeah.

— Suddenly you decide to start a new life. As soon as you feel satiety, it’s time to stop eating. But everything inside of you resists to this new way of life. “No, Eugenia, you can’t handle it. You have to eat it all!” — “No.” You get stuck. Don’t worry. You’ll get over it. All you need is a regular practice.

— I realized that I felt false hunger at work at that time. We had no customers for a while. I had nothing to do. It happens almost every day. I feel boring, and then false hunger comes. I begin to think that it would be nice to have a few biscuits, even though my stomach is still full after a decent meal. I had fed myself with a decent amount of healthy, nutritious food.

— What will you do in that case next time?

— I’ll call my friend to chat or read a book.

— Who else has faced false hunger recently? Tayisia, what about you?

— I eat high-calorie food as a dessert after a regular meal. In small amounts! I felt the urge to eat something sweet. There was candy on the table. I thought: “Maybe I should eat it?” Then I bit off half of it, munched it for a while, and then said to myself: “Well, should I eat another half? Well, OK, I’ll eat it later.” I took the rest of the candy, wrapped it up, and put it on the table.

— Great! You did everything as we agreed. You may eat a little of high-calorie food as a dessert, but no more than fifty calories per meal. The best solution is three boxes of fruit.

A woman told me: “Do you know how I used to eat ‘Raffaello’ candy before? Pick up one candy, another one, and then the third one. The box became empty in a blink of an eye.”

— There are only twelve candies in the box.

Chew as long as you feel taste

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

If you feel true hunger, then chewing as long as you feel the taste is a kind of torture. But it’s a great solution for false hunger. False hunger is choosy. When you want candy, it makes no sense to eat a bucket of cabbage, because you will be still craving for candy after it. Therefore, if no other technique of false hunger suppression worked out, then you may take candy, chew it. Do not swallow; do not drink anything, just chew it enjoying every bite. Since you do not drink it, the receptors of your tongue will get satiated with the taste of candy soon. Your craving will be satisfied. False hunger is happy. There is no psychology, there is only pure physiology.

Of course, you shouldn’t use this method often, because if false hunger returns, again and again, it means that there must be a reason, as Winnie the Pooh used to say. Sooner or later, you will have to deal with it. But it’s a great solution for rare use, for example, on holidays or at parties. You are chewing something enjoying the process, and nobody will tell: “Why don’t you eat at all?

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— They are so small and negligible. “After your training course, I decided to take one candy and enjoy it,” — she told me. I rolled this candy around my mouth again and again… And suddenly, during these five minutes, I found out that there was a soft cream inside, there were a nut, some coconut flakes, a crispy waffle. I have never felt so many aspects of taste before. I used to chew and swallow candies without getting all the pleasure!”

Olesya, what about your false hunger? Has it paid you a visit?

— I feel it sometimes, but I am not sure why.

— Does it take on a form of some sudden, painful feelings related to delicious and favorite food?

— Yes! For example, I spent half of a day in the office today. I ate my lunch at noon. Of course, I dreamed about some treats in an hour or so…

— What did you want?

— Some yummy foods.

— What do you mean by this?

— Well, guys often bring candies and cookies… Sweets. All kinds of snacks for tea. As you can guess, they do not bring meat for teatime.

— ☺

— Did you have some dessert after a meal?

— A cookie. I had no candies.

— So, you ate a little cookie for dessert. Then you wanted another cookie. When?

— In an hour or so. My lunch was nutritious: two boxes of meat, four boxes of rice, six boxes of vegetable salad, then fifty calorie cookie for dessert. I think that false hunger appeared in an hour after lunch was caused by fatigue.

— Fatigue means that you need some rest!

— I threw myself into work after lunch, and after a while, the false hunger disappeared. I did not have time to pick up some food after work, so I had nothing for dinner.

— Wait… Are you hungry again?

— Yes.

— Does it mean that you haven’t eaten anything for seven hours?

— Unfortunately, you are right. But I don’t feel hungry.

— You say: “I don’t feel hungry.” Do you think that you have surprised us by this? Is anybody surprised? That’s how you used to do before. Then, why do you expect to get other results? Next time, when you eat, all the food will be stored as fat.

— I have a scale now, and I’ll do my best to cook beforehand and to feed myself with healthy and nutritious foods.

— So, you are going to overcome your habit of irregular eating.

— Yeah. It just happens this way. I go to bed early…

— Have you got some food? No? You give me one excuse after another. Mila told us recently how hard her life is. One problem, then another one. It’s all messed up! Now, Olesya is complaining about her hard life.

I believe you. Of course, life is hard when you have to take care of everyone and everything. That’s how it goes, right?

Life is unfair, so maybe we should blame it? Perhaps, your job is responsible for the absence of healthy food in your fridge.

— I came home after a training session, and…

— There is a great saying about a hippopotamus. By the way, it’s not about his shapes! ☺ It’s about his commitment. A hippo has poor eyesight, but it’s not a problem.

— ☺

— No matter what, he moves forward towards his goal. If someone gets in his way, this is not his problem. He goes forward! I want you to adopt this “blind commitment” as my colleague uses to say. I see the goal, I see no obstacles. What is more important for you? The most important thing for you now should be food — tasty, satisfying, healthy, and regular! Well-balanced diet.

There are no excuses for irregular eating

— It is the most ultimate task for you now. It is more important than job or any other side of your life. Irregular eating destroys your metabolism and makes you more prone to gaining weight. Some people weigh four hundred pounds. Have you met such people?

— Um-hum…

— When you meet them, do not look away. Look at them! That’s what will happen to you if you eat irregularly, feed your false hunger, and feed true hunger improperly. Then it will be your future. By now, some of you have less excess weight, the others — more excess weight. For example, Snezhana, tell us, please, how much weight have you gained over the past few years? When were you like Olesya? What’s your weight, Olesya?

— One hundred eighty-five pounds.

— What’s your weight? When did you weigh forty pounds less?

— About five years ago.

— Have you gained forty pounds or more over the last five years?

— More.

— So, how much have you gained over the previous five years?

— More than sixty pounds.

— About seventy-five pounds?

— No.

— Seventy pounds?

— I think so.

— So, you gained seventy pounds in five years. Did you use to eat irregularly?

— Yeah.

— Were the breaks between meals long?

Right?

— Yeah.

— Did you feed yourself with unhealthy, high-calorie food?

— Yes.

— We didn’t know…

— I do not blame you! I just want you to realize the situation. Did these gained seventy pounds make you more motivated?

— Yes.

— Would you like to weigh seventy pounds less by now?

— Yes.

— I bet you wish you weighed as much as Olesya weighs now.

— You are right.

Delicious, nutritious and regular meals

— It depends on you whether you succeed with weight loss or no.

The one and the only way to do it is to make appropriate food choices daily.

Delicious, nutritious, and regular meals every day! No excuses!

N.B.! Let’s summarize the critical guidelines.

Your daily diet should include 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil, plus 20 g of butter every day!

Each weight-loss meal should contain 1—2 boxes of high-protein food; 2—4 boxes of foods rich in complex carbohydrates; 3—6 boxes of foods rich in fiber (vegetables).

Be sure to eat every 3—4 hours (4—6 times a day).

Sleep 8 hours a day (preferably from 11 pm to 7 am). Walk for at least 30 minutes a day.

Work on the creation of a sincere, positive attitude to life, a kind of “proper environment” in your mind.

Keep in mind the inspirational vision of your goals.

Manage your life. Get slim with comfort and pleasure!

The longer you eat inappropriate, unhealthy, and unsatisfying foods, the more slowed down metabolism you get. With a spoon and fork, you are digging a deep hole into which you will fall sooner or later. The future may sneak up on you before you know it. Snezhana, with her bigger weight, has conferred you a great favor. She lent you a helping hand! It’s great for her motivation too. As far as you are concerned, you can see that you easily gain another seventy pounds over the next five years if you continue to eat irregularly. Have I increased your motivation?

— Yes, I don’t want to carry all these excess pounds anymore

— Are you ready to act?

— Yes!

— Those of you who are at the beginning of the weight gain journey and weigh around one hundred eighty pounds should think it over.

— Yes!

— I don’t want to gain weight!

— Then you have to take measures right now. I am serious! People use to look for excuses.

Are you angry at me? No? Then you have a strong desire to lose weight. If you do everything right, you will get really great results in a month. But to achieve your goal, you have to drink enough water, feed yourself properly, praise yourself, get enough rest, and so on.

— By the way, I drink more water now.

How to feed a three-headed dragon: hunger, slimness, and pleasure

— At the end of our meeting, let’s do the following task. Draw a three-headed dragon together with me. You’ve got a team of virtual friends now. ☺

Zina, Mr. Eating Frenzy, Sly Fat… Now you’ll get another one — a three-headed dragon. Since that this moment, he will eat together with you. Please, keep it secret.

— ☺

— Once good people told me this tale, and now I occasionally tell it to people at my training sessions. The dragon has three heads: Hunger, Slimness, and Pleasure.

So, you sit at the table, feeding yourself (and your dragon) with two fried eggs. All three heads turn to you and look at the eggs. The first head — Hunger. Is it happy?

— No.

— No, since you also need some complex carbohydrates and fiber to satisfy your hunger.

— Like sausage?

— You seem to be crazy about the sausage! Have you forgotten that it contains only seven percent of meat? As for the rest, it’s fat, soy, and other additives. What about Slimness?

— No.

— Of course. Slimness needs building materials for the body. There is protein, but you’ve got no carbohydrates and fibers. What about Pleasure? Is it happy?

— Yeah.

— Especially if you adore fried eggs. Can you explain to me why the Pleasure enjoys these eggs so much? It has been to banquets, corporate parties! It has tried all kinds of delicacies. Then it gets some fried eggs. Pleasure might be the most dissatisfied head of all three.

Let’s do something with these eggs to please all the heads. We remove a yolk (minus forty-five calories) and add…

— Some sausage?

— Why sausage? We add some meat, for example, chicken breast or something else. We took away one yolk — forty-five calories. Now it’s possible to add fifty grams of chicken breast in exchange. It’s a pretty good combination. Then we put rye bread — and it becomes even better. But it still looks bad. Vegetables. Should we add some tomatoes, cucumbers?

— Yeah. Sweet pepper…

— OK, let’s chop and add it. Then, dredge chopped herbs over the dish. Take a small piece of cheese — five-ten grams, grate it and sprinkle over the top. Add a few drops of ketchup… Now the final touch: take a clove of garlic (do not eat it), cut it in two, and rub over the slice of rye bread to add some taste. Is Hunger pleased?

— Yes!

— What about Slimness?

— It’s content.

— Pleasure takes its toll too. It might be the happiest head of the dragon now!

— ☺

— Well. This is the head. (Draws smile on the Pleasure head)

Remember, Pleasure should always be happy and pleased! If you don’t satisfy it, it will open a huge mouth craving for food in the evening. Everything will look so pretty and delicious! People often make such mistake. They feed themselves nice and properly, but without any dessert. So, don’t forget to pamper yourself with yummy desserts. If Pleasure asks for extra dessert, tell yourself: “Wait for another three or four hours. Then we will feed Hunger again, and you will get some dessert.” It replies: “OK, deal.” Remember about the three-headed dragon when you are eating. Hunger, Slimness, and Pleasure.

If you regularly treat yourself to a dessert (but only fifty calories per meal, and only after the main course), then false hunger rarely occurs.

People are haunted not by ghosts, but by beliefs

Epictetus

— Now you need a blank sheet in your notebook. Here, on the right side of the shift, we will have a chain of several words (diagram), and here, on the left side, there will be explanations.

So, any situation is perceived by us through the prism of our thoughts, ideas, and beliefs. The Ancients used to say: “We are haunted not by things, events or people, but by our beliefs.” The saying is attributed to Epictetus (the ancient Greek philosopher; slave in Rome, then freedman who founded the school of philosophy. c 50—138 AD).

Situation — thoughts — emotions, that is, emotions appear due to some mental mindsets. Do you understand how it works?

Some event occurs.

We learn about it. Information comes from outside; it is processed through the prism of your thoughts. Then emotions rise up.

If some of your mental attitudes are irrational (they are also called dysfunctional), then handling the situation through the prism of such attitude leads to getting stuck at long-term negative emotions.

Normally, a person should not get stuck in negative emotions for a long time.

A person gets stuck due to these dysfunctional thoughts, beliefs, attitudes that pull him back.

Next, psycho-emotional stress and physical tiredness occur.

Then, upon the accumulation of psycho-emotional stress and physical tiredness, a person starts to overeat.

What else can happen when a person is under pressure? — It’s stressful.

— Yes. What happens next? What it leads to?

— Drinking.

— Yes, it’s one of the options. The main problem of participants in this group is overeating. But not far from us, there is another group session for people with another problem — over-drinking. What else? What other problems we can face due to the psycho-emotional stress and physical tiredness?

— Diseases!

Psychosomatics as it is

— Yeah. Psychosomatic disorder. Health issues appear. Stress hits target-organs. The stomach may hurt, the heart may hurt, acne may appear on the skin. There can be a nervous tic, eye twitching, insomnia begins to torment a person, and so on.

I have been counseling an eleven-year-old boy recently. Due to the stress-strain accumulation, he began to blink hard, once in two seconds. He got teased at school.

He became even more worried and started to blink even more and harder. They took the electroencephalogram of his brain but didn’t identify any issues. The boy continued to suffer from compulsive blinking. They did MRI scanning, but the reasons were still unclear. No problem was detected. Then his parents decided to send the boy to a psychologist. He came to me with his Granny, and we started to look for the reason. We discussed his vision of the situation, time when it all began. He says: “I started to blink in May, when it was a hard time at school.” What does it mean? Why was it so hard for him? We started to discuss that period in detail. It turned out that parents wanted him to be an excellent student. “You have to work hard, or you will have bad times,” “you must be smart.” Of course, the boy repeats: “I must…” Due to his attitude, due to the statements like “I must do it no matter what…” he overstrained himself… He had a lot of negative

Emotions. Stress had been accumulated, and the boy had got compulsive blinking as a result.

We started to work at his mindsets, changed them from “I must…” to “I prefer…” I told him: “Even if you repeat ‘I must’ a thousand times a day, it won’t help a lot. We are not ideal. Do we make mistakes? Yes, we do. Will we stop making them if we keep saying that we should not make them? No, it won’t help. We all get bad marks sometimes. It happens”.

After a few weeks of regular counseling (including work with parents), the child gradually returned to normal psychological state, and the tick disappeared.

Another problem that may arise due to psycho-emotional stress and physical tiredness is behavioral breakdowns, conflicting behavior. You came home, quarreled with all the family members. Then you feel sorry about it, often for a long time. Sometimes we do and say things that make us feel guilty for many years. Have you ever faced such a problem?

— Yeah.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: It happens to me. Due to hard work or personal problems, I often blow up at my parents. But they want only good things for me. Mom and Dad are the dearest people in the world for me. Mom takes offense at my rudeness, we begin to quarrel, and then awareness of guilt comes. I start to overeat it like many other people, I guess. I try to relive such moments as quickly as possible. At first, I apologize to my mother, she forgives me, and everything returns to normal. In general, I don’t like to keep everything to myself. I need to speak it out, analyze my condition out loud, and as a result, the problems do not look so awful.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— We must learn to understand, relieve the whole chain of events: from the situation and perception to our attitude and consequences. It is the magic key to slimness, control over stress and weight, to a happy life.

Circumstances

— Let’s start. At first, we will discuss the first point of the chain — circumstances.

Sometimes they are very difficult. There are situations that we cannot change. I am counseling a woman who has a disabled child and has been raising him alone for more than ten years. He is ill, and she constantly overeats due to bitterness at the whole world, at the circumstances, due to guilt, because she still blames herself for the poor health of her child for absolutely no reason. Unfortunately, just anyone may give birth to a disabled child. There are so many different factors that may lead to it.

We worked together with this woman in order to change her attitude toward this situation. By the way, she eventually lost more than sixty pounds of excess weight. The situation itself has not changed, but the attitude of the woman to this situation has changed. We discussed a lot of issues, pulled out different things from the depths of her consciousness and subconsciousness.

One thought grabbed her more than the others. It will make it worse for her child if his Mom is overweight and unhappy!

The woman finally understood that she wanted to be happy and slim since it would help her to transfer her positive healing energy to her child. Driven by this thought, she began to lose weight, to work at her attitude and mood. A slim and happy Mom is much better for a disabled child! As soon as the woman became motivated, she started to lose weight successfully!

What other difficult life situations may we face? Life with an unloved person… At first, I told you about a situation that cannot be changed, and now I am talking about a situation that can be changed.

“Shall we divide matrimonial property? We have children? The younger child is only eleven year old. What should I do?” “I don’t love him, he drinks, he beats me, he doesn’t work.”

It may happen that a spouse neither drinks nor beats you, but you don’t love him so much that it makes you weep. Anyway, you decide that “I will continue to live with him suffering, feeling offended and unhappy, I will overeat.” “I am afraid to change anything. Things can become even worse.”

Another way to live an unhappy life: everyday suffering at work you hate. Day by day, year by year…

Perhaps it would be better to visit a psychologist for help.

It may be individual or group counseling.

Find mistakes; realize stereotypes in your mindsets and behavior, and then start to change it carefully.

Despite the fact that I am not a magician, I have been watching significant improvements in thousands of cases over the years.

People change their life. It improves their health and relationships, increases effectiveness and self-realization.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: Many people in Russia consider it shameful to go to a psychologist. However, it’s common practice in Europe. I recently went through a personal drama. Who do we use to complain to about such things? Of course, we go to our friends and parents. My loved ones support me, they try to entertain and distract me, but they love me and appraise the situation subjectively. I have noticed many times that if I speak well of someone, they treat the person well. However, if someone hurts me, my friends get angry and say: “He’s a bastard!”

They change their mind so quick. Then I asked for help my psychologist Artyom. I am grateful to him for objectivity. He helped me to realize the sad and bitter truth that I did not want to accept. I trust psychologists. They have a great practical experience, and they show that any situation can and must be overcome. More than that, a psychologist can teach you how to go through it. I felt my better after counseling. Now I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe that what I wish with all my heart is waiting for me ahead.

I am at the beginning of a new journey.

Who do you owe? What do we owe and why?

— Well, we discussed the situation. Now let’s talk a little about thoughts.

According to Albert Ellis, there are three main ideas leading to unhappiness.

The first dysfunctional mindset: “I must always be successful and receive the approval of people who are significant to me.”

Why does such a mindset lead to long-term painful negative experiences? In your opinion, what word is a source of the problem?

— Must.

— Yeah. “I must be successful” — is a tough mindset. We have to soften this attitude affected by the “mental toughness.”

Let’s take away “must” and replace it with “I prefer”, “I would like to”, “it would be nice”. But it’s not just “it would be nice”, but “I also do a lot for this”.

But if I occasionally make a mistake, will the flexible mindset “I prefer to avoid making mistakes” cause lots of emotional pain for a long time?

— No, since there is no tough mindset, “be successful or die”. “I prefer to be successful.” I understood it a few years ago. Of course, my mistakes still make me upset, but I forgive myself, draw conclusions and move on.

— I am proud of you! Mindset “I must be perfect” will make you suffer for a long time after every mistake and demonstration of non-perfectness.

“I must get approval from people who are important to me.”

But these people are not your slaves. They are not obliged to approve everything you do. Right? They are not obliged, are they?

— No…

— The important people are our relatives, colleagues, and friends. Mila, are they obliged to us?

— No, they aren’t.

— Or they owe us?

— That’s just it, they do not owe us anything, but we sometimes said categorically: “They are obliged.”

— Every time when we are facing their disapproval, it makes us feel upset, angry, offended for a long time. Agree?

— Yeah! ☺

— The second dysfunctional mindset: “People must treat me well and fair.”

Let’s admit that it’s an unrealistic, dysfunctional mindset. You may encourage others to be kind and generous as often as you like by referring to rules, laws, books (we’ve got the Criminal Code, the Administrative Code, Ten Commandments, and so on). It seems like everyone has to follow these rules.

But what if they want to do it in their own way?

— Yes, of course!

— This may be interpreted as an injustice: someone cuts off you on the highway, the shop-assistant is rude, a traffic cop extorts bribes, and so on. They shouldn’t treat you this way, but that’s what they are doing.

Now, let’s replace it with “I would like” to make the mindset more flexible and realistic. It does not cancel laws and rules, but your mental health will be protected and preserved due to the changed attitude.

What do we get? “I prefer people to treat me nicely.” The natural, flexible, realistic mindset will help you to cope with the recurring unpleasant consequences of the words and actions of other people.

The third dysfunctional mindset: “Life must be easy, without serious hardships.”

According to this mindset, the relationship should not deteriorate, children should not get sick, and money should not get lost, and so on. Every time when you face one of these events, it hurts you very much.

The higher is the demandingness of the mindset, the more intense is the emotional pain afterward (when life itself negates all the far-fetched demands).

Gennadiy Arturovich Arustamov, 41, Ph. D. in Economics, a CEO of “Reka-More” company, dropped 90 lbs:

My interaction with myself, with the world and people, has changed. I became a different person. I was a big man, but now I am slim. All my life has changed.

The first thing I did with Artyom was to reveal myself all these sides of life. It is the world of information, the environment, which was completely new for me. This search of my inner personality, of my soul, was very important. The fact that we started with it (not with losing weight, not with calorie content — not with anything like that, but rather with the soul searching and building of calm attitudes to the world) played a very important role. It was a key point in our joint work, which entailed the other changes.

I began to perceive myself in a different way and accepted most of the sides of my personality. Some actions, decisions… As I told you, I accepted myself. Have I become more relaxed while communicating with others? Yes, I’ve probably become calmer. I can’t say that I have become more understanding now, but I view the world in a whole different way. I’ve learned to accept it. This applies to everything — to people, weather, to places.

This was achieved by finding peace of mind, by dividing my mind or, more precisely, by understanding that there is ego, there are thoughts, but they are not me.

There is a higher state of my consciousness — the attitude of an Outsider.

This state of mind is different, and this is its advantage. Taking the attitude of outsider, I can watch the things generated by my mind, which is jumping from the past to the future and in all directions.

I realize now that my thoughts and content of my mind is not me, that there is another, greater me, who watches it from the side and sometimes uses the mind as a tool. Sometimes I lose this awareness. It requires perfect mastery to keep it all the time. I do my best to acquire this skill. I try to keep this awareness all the time. It allows one both to watch the thoughts from the side and to experience emotions without merging with them.

Of course, it’s a different story. At first, I had emotional breakdowns which led to bad consequences in my life. As I have told you, almost every week, we had to correct my attitudes toward life. We had been worked at it for a long time. Strong negative emotions are the most terrible thing, it causes regress. It is the emotional component of the change process.

It is easy to run away from thought to the future. It is easy to run away from thought to the past. You remind yourself that the thing you are thinking about is not happening here and now. As long as you are participating in events that are happening here and now, everything will be fine. But… It only works if you keep calm. It’s impossible to control your life if you are full of negative emotions.

They take you away, pull you out of life. I could cope with it and return back to the present moment only through counseling, through the dialog with my psychologist.

Artyom told me that it is possible to look at the emotion, experience it, for example, anger or offense, but without being captured by this emotion. You can look at it and say: “Well, OK, I feel angry now,” but the Outsider is distanced from the situation. Since I have taken the attitude of an outsider, anger does not control me completely. I am not the anger, and the anger is not me.

I still haven’t mastered this skill yet. I can’t escape anger. It still starts to arise in different situations at home, but I try to stop it in the early stages.

Perhaps, that’s what Artyom meant saying that you have to identify your anger and watch it. I see myself, I watch myself.

I have achieved a lot due to self-observation. In addition to observing the world, I began to observe myself, my thoughts and feelings. I observe the inner stream of consciousness.

It’s getting easier for me to accept the situation. I stopped stigmatize and label others. Now I can see others as they are. But sometimes I still start to assess others. Due to the knowledge acquired, I realize that there are different types of people. People differ in the way of thinking (introverts and extroverts), in quickness and in temperament, and so on. Therefore, it’s wrong to label others and to say that a person is not good enough. The key idea is that any person is good, and there should be no ratings or assessment. I realize it. When you start to accept people just as they are, it changes a lot inside of you. You become calmer.

Once you become calmer, then you almost stop feeding false hunger that visits you sometimes in one or two hours after a regular meal. You start thinking it over: “Why does false hunger occur?” In other words, when I became calmer and started accepting people as they are, the need for feeding false hunger disappeared, and losing weight became easier.

You do not get stressed. Therefore, there is no need to comfort yourself with food, even if desires and expectations do not coincide with reality. You don’t feel false hunger anymore since you let the things go. Nothing depends on you. You can control your actions, but nobody is able to predict how events will develop further. Only God knows it. Awareness of this issue relieves stress.

I would call it a kind of humility. You recognize that you do what you can and let it be, as they say. Whatever happens, happens. It allows you to pass through the situation peacefully.

Sometimes I return to the state “I control, I can, I do” and “Everything depends on me”. It still happens to me. My mind pretty often tries to return to the previous mindset, but I notice it and tell myself “No.” Lots of things depend on me, but not everything. Humility is probably the greatest thing that could be achieved in this context. I try to accept it with varying degrees of success. But it’s getting easier. I am still on my way.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Does life owe something to someone?

— No.

— No, life is life.

— Sometimes we face difficult, unpleasant conditions of reality. Therefore, this mindset should be changed to a more flexible one.

“I prefer life to be comfortable, without serious difficulties.”

Raise a hand if you believe that life owes you something. Life has to… Snezhana, Eugenia. Anyone else? You, Olesya. Three people.

How can this knowledge of the three basic human dysfunctional mental attitudes be transformed into a skill, which improves mental health?

When you suffer from long-lasting unpleasant emotions, look for “must” in your mental mindsets. Most likely, you have decided that either you, or people, or life must do something.

As soon as you feel emotional pain, check your ideas, attitudes, and beliefs for this word. “Oh yeah, I’ve got demandingness in my mind again!” Change “must” and “owe” to “prefer” and “I would like to”.

How? This technique is called “discussing”. You discuss the problem with yourself. Why not talk to a good person? ☺ Question and challenge the old mindset, make sure that the new mindset is correct, and accept it for use.

Snezhana, have you understood how to do it? Eugenia, Mila, you discuss the problem, realize that you do not “must” but “prefer”, and after a while, these negative emotions will disappear.

The practice and research of Rational emotive behavior therapy which were held by dozens of research institute all over the world convincingly prove the effectiveness and usefulness of replacing the “fixed mindsets” (or “philosophy of demandingness”) with the “flexible mindsets” (“philosophy of preference”).

“People must treat me nicely.” Raise a hand if you believe in it. Do not be shy! We’ve got a few people. OK, three persons raised hands. If you need more time to think it over, do it. People do not owe you anything. You can only prefer them to do this or that, but there is no guarantee that they will do it.

The third mindset is: “Life must be easy, without serious hardships.” Every time something happens, a person gets stressed: “Oh my, once again… What have I done to deserve this?” It hurts him so much because he decided that life owes him something. It’s “preferable”, but not guaranteed. Does anyone of you believe in it?

— Yes!

— I told you just a few words about it, since our session is focused on another topic. It’s just a nice bonus for you. Appropriate mindsets are important because they help to suppress false hunger and prevent overeating. Stress relief, reducing of psycho-emotional strain and physical tiredness, release of negative emotions is revealed in my book “Freedom Within Us. Stress Relief Techniques”.

The tougher are your mindsets, the longer, deeper, and more painful emotional negative response will be. It’s simple. A person tries to break the wall of “must” with his forehead, but it doesn’t work.

Everyone around owes him. However, sometimes life does not go the way we want it to. “He had to do this, but he didn’t do it. I had to do that, but I acted inappropriately. My friends and relatives do not do what they have to too.”

“I impose requirements on them, but they do everything wrong (a little wrong, essentially wrong or wrong in general).”

— It’s a mismatch. ☺

Gennadiy Arturovich Arustamov, 41, Ph. D. in Economics, a CEO of “Reka-More” company, dropped 90 lbs:

Elimination of demandingness does not stop me from performing my job. On the contrary, it helps me a lot! Some people say: “If I take away all ‘must’ and ‘owe’, everything will collapse.” Frankly speaking, being a top-manager myself, I believed that the world would collapse as soon as I took away all “demands.” It is not true.

Actually, it’s very interesting. In fact, I find it difficult to describe all the stages of realizing this issue. I had been struggling with this mindset for a long time, from the very beginning of my counseling with Artyom. The first response was complete indifference. Before that, I felt nervous and stressed, and then I suddenly didn’t care. For some time I stayed out of business of my company. I looked at it from the side, with detachment.

I realized that my company is doing fine without my “must’s” and “owe’s”. Everything works as it should. When I adjust some things, watching it from the outside, then the efficiency of this work will be higher. I shouldn’t get involved in it or do something. There is no need to participate in the process. I only adjust it, and it works. As soon as you immerse yourself into the process, you lose the attitude of an outsider; you cannot see the whole pattern due to the concentration on a certain point, which may be problematic now, but it is not so important for the company in the long run.

Moreover, when you are concentrated on one issue, you become emotional. It brings you back to old diseases, old attitudes and mindsets. It’s hard to get out of this. It takes a lot of efforts to take the attitude of an Outsider again. Yes, it is difficult, but it must be done, and you finally take an attitude of an outsider. It makes you feel easier. As a result, my idea of “achievement” has been changed. I am not sure how to explain it. For me, the achievement now is not profit or development of the company.

Achievements of my company are not my achievements. In my mind, I separated these two things. I used to identify achievements of my company with my personal achievements before. I identified myself with my company. Any contracts, breakthroughs were considered to be my personal achievements. I felt happy or sick depending on what was going on in the company. I’ve realized that the company and I are separate objects. Now, achievement for me is my inner feeling, my condition. Who I am, how I am doing, what I am — these are my achievements. Achievements of the company are important too, but they are achievements of the company. They are not connected with my inner state. At least they should not be connected with it. When I shared my new vision of life with a friend, he asked me: “Do you feel this way even though you are the CEO and owner of this company?” I replied: “Yes, I am the CEO, but I still feel this way.” Actually, the attitude of an outsider is quite effective in this situation. It helps to realize what is going on around, gives a greater overview, wider understanding and perception of the situation. You are open to the information coming from the outer world. Once Artyom asked me: “If you began to accept people and stopped criticize and label them, can we say that you love them more now (it is a very difficult word in general, everyone understands it in his own way) or have become kinder to them?” I replied: “No. I wouldn’t call it love.” I haven’t become kinder. But I realized that each of us is a separate world. We are like planets.

Each one lives in itself, they all revolve around each other, and each one has an internal state, an internal atmosphere, and inner experiences. How can we assess all these planets? Imagine the Earth saying: “Mars is bad” or “Mars’s hat doesn’t go with mine.” So what?! It’s Mars. It’s another planet. It has a right to wear a hat he likes. It may keep the temperature it wants. So what?! It’s a different attitude to life and people around. You accept them as they are calmly. If you keep your boundaries, and he does not try to break these boundaries violating some rules and laws, then you see and accept the person as he is. It’s great! Each of us is good and beautiful in his own way, filled with something. I believe that every person is a planet with its own inner state. It is different. It has got a different arrangement of continents, different land and water, and so on. But it’s a planet.

Stress relief and fifty shades of pleasure

— Now, let’s write down some critical guidelines.

How to relieve psycho-emotional stress and physical tiredness.

1. Say it aloud. Discuss the problem with a psychologist. Sometimes it’s enough to talk with some of your loved ones (carefully). It is often easier to discuss something with an outsider. That’s why traveling companions are so popular. Tell him of all your sorrows and say farewell leaving him a bit dumbfounded. ☺ You feel relieved, but he doesn’t care a lot too. He’s an outsider. And the tension is gone.

2. Write it down. Write down all the problems, splash your emotional stress onto paper. For example, you can keep a diary. If you keep a diary, keep it hidden away from others. Besides, you can write a letter, but do not send it. If you cannot tell something to somebody, one of the options is to splash out your emotions on paper. You will feel much better after this. “Anger sheet” is another technique when you turn your anger and offense into words and splash them out onto the paper. You can write everything you want. No one will read these words. After writing it down and reading these words aloud, say: “I release my emotions and let them go,” tear this sheet into small pieces, put them into an ashtray, and burn them! This technique works out great. People of all nations and cultures apply it successfully all over the world.

3. Move. Any moderate physical activity will do: walking, swimming, cleaning of the house, working in the garden, chopping firewood, hand washing laundry.

— I use to clean the house after domestic quarrels without even knowing it. Angry like the dickens, I continue to clean, wash, tidy up around…

— Do you feel easier after that?

— I do. I have checked it on my own.

— So, any moderate physical activity will go. Do you remember an old Italian comedy with Celentano? What did he do? He crushed grapes for wine, chopped wood. The movie is called “The Taming of the Shrew”.

4. Breathe it out. A very simple tool, which can be used anytime.

One or two minutes of long deep breathing with full concentration on the process. While breathing, give all your attention to how the air enters your body. You take a breath, and the air cools your throat nicely. The air enters into your lungs and then, warmed by the warmth of your body, comes out… And you forget about the outer world. Close your eyes, stay alone (at least in the toilet; you can go there anytime, anywhere). Breath for a while, concentrating on breathing.

You may avoid any thoughts by using this technique. You will feel soon that stress is leaving you. To increase the degree of relaxation, exhale shall be a bit longer than inhale.

5. Take a break for some pleasure. In this regard, your homework is to write down a list of “Fifty shades of pleasure”.

— Shall there be fifty points?!

— Yes, you should seek to do it.

— I doubt I have so many sorts of pleasure in my life.

— Then it should keep you thinking.

Perhaps you tend to get pleasure from the fridge because there are not enough non-food pleasures in your life.

A man from another group brought me a list “My fifty ways to pleasure.”

— Wow!

— That’s it!

— ☺

— So, do your best!

You can conditionally divide the pleasures into three groups:

— pleasures for the body,

— pleasures for hands,

— pleasures for the soul.

Get creative: cinema, theater, swimming pool, massage, cosmetologist, walks, trips, cross-stitching, drawing, singing karaoke, supporting my favorite team at the stadium…

6. Bibliotherapy. It’s curing by reading books, especially reading about issues that concern you. Everybody knows that useful, high-quality information on the important issue helps to solve them, and reduces the level of stress and anxiety.

7. Music therapy — treatment with music.

8. Prayer, meditation. It has been scientifically proven that this not only reduces stress but also contributes to the healing of somatic diseases and psychological disorders. For example, this is proven by three-year research by Doctor of Biological Sciences Valery Borisovich Slyozin from the Institute of Bekhterev.

Fitness formula

— I want to share with you the formula of my slim life that came to me several years ago. I like it so much that I live this way every day.

Pray — study — move — work — rest.

P.S.M.W.R.

P — pray. Slyozin discovered the so-called fourth state of mind that occurs during prayer and called it “prayerful wakefulness.” He proved that this state is healing for the psyche and the body. The electromagnetic radiation of an adult’s brain in a state of “prayerful wakefulness” is the same in frequency as the electromagnetic radiation of a baby’s brain. I would like to cite the words of Jesus Christ here:

“...Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (The book of Matthew, Chapter 18, 3), “when the kingdom of God should come… The kingdom of God cometh not with observation: Neither shall they say, Lo here! Or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.” (The Book of Luke, Chapter 17, 20—21).

It’s obvious what He meant, and why saints of all religions encouraged people to pray a lot every day. My spiritual healing technique is the prayer of Jesus. I practice it with pleasure for at least thirty minutes a day, including the time when I am going somewhere or waiting for someone or something. The brief prayer is as follows: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.” Since ancient times it has been synchronized with breathing. “Lord Jesus Christ” shall be said during inhaling, “have mercy on me” — during exhaling. The real essence of any prayer is communication with God. Therefore, prayer can be without words at all. In my opinion, the best book about the Jesus prayer is “The Power of the Name” by Metropolite Kallist Diokliisky, the Greek Orthodox Church. For further information, see

https://azbyka.ru/otechnik/Kallist_Uer/sila-imeni/

By the way, I pray not only for the health of my soul and my body. The Mexican scientist Jacobo Greenberg Zilberbaum proved that two attuned people are connected both mentally and physiologically (for more information, see явижутебя.рф). A brain of one of the two attuned persons, which is more harmonious in terms of electromagnetic radiation, affects the less harmonious brain of another one to make it more harmonious in terms of electromagnetic radiation.

By keeping yourself and your brain through regular prayer in a more harmonious state, you contribute to the harmony of the mind of people attuned to you. As the great Orthodox saint Venerable Seraphim of Sarov used to say: “Make your spirit peaceful, and thousands around you will be saved.” The regular attendance of religious services in the temple, which I do with pleasure, contributes to this as well.

Now I get to the point!

God is alive, the Universe is alive. It is felt and experienced by a person who regularly practices sincere prayer, connecting him with a fantastic Source! It’s the Source of energy, information, and everything.

S — study. I study at least an hour a day. I read paper books (as a rule, several at once, one sheet of each, using bookmarks), I watch videos of various experts, I listen to audiobooks.

M — move. I don’t have a car intentionally. I usually walk five to six kilometers a day, or even more (my wife has a car and drives it in our family). Three times a week, I swim for half an hour in the swimming pool, do exercises with 10-kg dumbbells in my room. I also squat down, do push-ups, and abdominal crunches. I do it occasionally, a few minutes a day.

W — work.

I am a psychologist. I conduct individual, family, group counseling.

www.ovechkin.me

Lecturer at the Institute of Practical Psychology

“Imaton”

www-a-o.imaton.ru/inst/prepodavateli/avechkin/

My online contacts:

Odnoklassniki: http://ok.ru/artyom.ovechkin

Facebook: http://facebook.com/artyom.ovechkin1976

VKontakte http://vk.com/artyom.ovechkin

Tel/Viber/WhatsApp +79817313396

R — rest. I sleep for eight hours a day. I visit other cities and countries. I spend time with my family. I attend interesting events. I read books, watch movies, listen to the music.

It’s an exciting, useful, and pleasant way of life. ☺

Pray — study — move — work — rest.

If you like this scheme, you may try it. As for me, I live and eat according to principles, which I describe to you during this training session.

(Break)

You want to be slim! Why?

— So, our new topic is about goals.

It was your homework to make a list of your goals. Why do I want to be slim?

Why do you want to be slim? Let’s go! The first point.

— Health!

— Being slim means feeling better.

— Physical lightness.

— Yes.

— Wearing beautiful clothes.

— They make beautiful clothes for big people too.

Are you talking about “slim” clothes?

— Yeah.

— Wearing clothes for slim people.

— Being attractive.

— Do you mean “looking attractive to yourself and others”?

— Yeah.

— Looking attractive to yourself and others.

— Increase of efficiency at work.

— Career development.

— Raise a hand if excess weight prevented you from having a good job.

— I have a good job, but if one day I decide to change it…

— At least it is obvious that excess weight won’t be helpful in this case.

— Yeah.

— I often hear from participants from other groups, that companies, choosing among three candidates, prefer to hire a person who has no excess weight.

— Our company is guided by the same principle…

— Are you talking about some unspoken rule?

— Yeah.

— Once a company director came to my seminar. The woman was overweight, but she said: “You are right. When I have a few candidates for the same position, I choose the slimmer one.”

The others said: “Aha, that’s one of the people who oppress us!”

— ☺

— They asked her: “Why?” She replied: “Maybe it’s wrong, but I believe that the slimmer people work faster and probably get sick less often.”

It’s all subjective, though. However, many people think so.

— They want to hire attractive people…

— Overweight people can be attractive too.

However, these are the standards imposed on us by society and television.

Speaking about efficiency at work and career development, many employers do not hire overweight people, hiding the real reason of denial — the excess weight of the applicant for a vacancy — under a variety of plausible formal excuses. Some of you have already encountered this problem, some have not encountered it yet. The others may face the problem in the future.

— Shedding inhibitions.

— OK, shedding inhibitions.

— Respect of the loved ones.

— Are you talking about an example to follow?

— Yeah.

— Example to follow for your loved ones and children. Why did I mention children? I heard from many overweight people, that “my child is embarrassed by me.” By the way, are there people with this problem in our group? I remember someone mentioned it.

— Yes, my daughter is embarrassed by me. It hurt… A lot.

— It should be a powerful incentive for you to change yourself!

— Yes, I want it!

By the way, the child is embarrassed by his overweight parent at first, and then after a while, he gradually takes his parent’s eating habits, And, without even noticing it, the child becomes overweight too.

— Children unintentionally hurt us. They don’t realize what they are doing and then become like us, without even noticing it.

— One of my clients told me that our body is a sort of “a fool-resistant machine.” Sometimes people break their bodies and treat them badly for a long time without any obvious harmful consequences. However, the payback is inevitable.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: One of the reasons why I decided to start fighting against my excess weight is the fear of finding employment. At that time, I finally realized that in a year, I would have to look for work, pass job interviews. What if they won’t employ me because I have excess weight and no work experience. I started to panic, and then I realized: if I did not lose weight, things would become even worse. There would be more stress, frustration, chaos in my life, and as a result, I would overeat regularly. There would be no hope for a successful career and a happy marriage… There were many motivating factors, including my desire to wear beautiful clothes for slim people.

There was a guy in my group at the University. I was crazy about him. We were on friendly terms. He saw me as a friend. Besides, he had a lot of benefits since I was an excellent student. As for me, I was in love with him. I often thought: “I will become slim, put on a beautiful dress, he will see me, and we will dance together, and…” But if you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. I became slim and found out that I didn’t need this guy anymore. I deserve better. However, I am grateful to him for giving me another incentive.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Sometimes the eating behavior has been disturbed at the age of fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, or twenty. Pauses between meals became longer, you ate the wrong food, but you didn’t gain any excess weight. Raise a hand if it happened to you.

— Are you talking about the ones who were once slim?

— The ones who were slim even with the eating disorder.

Mila, Olesya, Ksenya.

I bet you thought: “That’s cool! I eat what I want, and it doesn’t harm me anyway. Some people gain excess weight, but I am lucky…” However, sooner or later, your metabolism slows down, gets deformed, and you start to gain weight…

Therefore, an example for relatives is very important, because a child may not be overweight at fifteen, seventeen, twenty, and then, with a high degree of probability, he will start to gain weight due to your eating habits.

Improve relationships, including intimacy, with your beloved. Do you have such a desire?

— Yes. ☺

— Did anyone write “get slim to make others feel envious”? Nadezhda has this reason on her list. Why do you want it so much?

— I tried to be honest. I have a friend. We’ve known each other since we were kids. There always has been a rivalry between us. If I do better than her, it will make me feel happy. ☺

— They call it female friendship.

— ☺

— Of course, male friendship can be like this too. So, you are trying to get slimmer using this list of reasons. Have you already used it to lose weight? Did you have nearly the same reasons?

— Yeah.

— Did you get long term results?

— No.

— Something is wrong with your goals then. They are abstract and similar to Soviet slogans.

“Peace, Work, May!”

“All hail the CPSU!”

“Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels!”

They are not spouses but four different people. Karl, Marx, Friedrich, and Engels. Do you know this joke?

— ☺

— “As for All hail the CPSU!”, it’s not a person at all!”

— ☺

— One woman told the following story at my seminar: She is the director of a village hall. There is a bas-relief with faces of Marx, Engels, and Lenin that remained over the entrance to the hall from the Soviet period. Children passing by used to ask: “Who are these people? Why are there portraits here?” Once, she told them: “These people built the hall.”

— ☺

— Kids stopped worrying.

All these abstract goals that you listed don’t work.

Imagine I enter the car dealership to buy a car and tell a dealer… Who will be a dealer?

— Me!

— OK, Elizaveta, you will be our car dealer. Imagine I enter the salon and tell you: “Hi, I need a car. I’ll explain to you what I need. I have a list. So, I need a car that will improve my health state, give me physical lightness when I am driving it. Besides, I have to be very attractive in this car. Others, as well as myself, have to admire me. This car must increase my efficiency at work…”

— ☺

— Got it?! I hope you already have some nice options in your mind. This car has to help me to shed inhibitions, and when I drive up to my work, my boss, looking at me through the window, has to realize…

— …Or a deputy director.

— Yes. “I must promote him.”

— ☺

— “Besides, I hope this car will stimulate my loved ones and friends to change their old shabby cars too. This car has to improve my personal relationship (I need a spacious compartment, please), and to make people around feel envious. Do you have such a car?”

Elizaveta, you are a dealer. Please, reply to the customer.

— As a car dealer, I look at the customer, thinking: “Oh my, it looks like this guy is nuts…”

— Then, the dealer replies: “Of course! We have a great option for you, the unique car that will fulfill all your needs!”

— Yes. What will he ask then?

— What color would you like?

— Precisely! “There are a few small issues we have to discuss.”

Then he will start asking concrete questions: how much money you are ready to spend, what color you want, interior, gearbox, engine capacity, and so on.

Let us integrate your goals into another form. Make them attractive, emotional, and precise. Let’s write a diagram that explains how to set proper, efficient goals.

The goal shall be created according to the following scheme. The first sentence will be: “I am slim.” Then describe a situation (events) that will take place in your life in 4—6 months with a high degree of probability. Write it down in the present tense, in a positive and constructive manner.

This must be a situation in which you have a strong desire to be a slim person. Then you describe your body, what you have on, details of your appearance and situation, conditions, and so on. Then, describe your thoughts and attitude towards this situation and the reaction of others.

Get ready for a date, darling!

I’ll give you an example. One woman told me: “My husband is a seaman. He went to sea for six months. I came to you because I want to lose sixty pounds in these six months. I really want it. My husband returns home, and I meet him, I look great…” Great? What do you mean? She describes herself: “I am slim and beautiful: my hands are slim, my legs are slender, my neck is long,” and so on. I ask you to avoid the following words in your description: “no,” “not,” and ‘‘without.” Do not use them. Some women try to describe themselves like this: “I have no excess weight, there is nothing hanging from my arms.” What do you imagine when I say this?

— Fat arms. ☺

— “I have no double chin”, — she says.

— She has.

— We immediately imagine this double chin. Then she adds: “There is no cellulite on my buttocks.” What do you think when you hear these words?

— I think about cellulite on the buttocks.

— Sure. That’s why you have to use “slim arms and slender legs” in your description. She replies: “I have no belly.” I told her: “What do you have instead of it — a hole?”

— ☺

— Describe your tummy. She replies: “A fit flat tummy, elastic buttocks, silky smooth tanned skin. I have a dress of such color, earrings like that, jewelry like this, a hairstyle like this. I smell this perfume.”

This situation is real. Her husband went to the sea, and he will return home in six months. He knows nothing about her plans. Well, we’ll talk about it later. Let’s talk about thoughts and feelings now. Thoughts: “I did it! Great job! I succeeded!” Feelings: pride, joy, self-confidence, desire, euphoria…

Another issue is the reaction of other people. She imagined that it would be like this: the door opens, her husband enters, suitcases fall from his hands, his jaw drops, he rushes toward her, grabs her, and runs to the bedroom. It was her vision of the situation. Now I will tell you what happened in reality.

— Sounds interesting… ☺

— Up to this point, everything went according to her plan. However, she made a mistake trying to predict the “reaction of others.”

Her husband enters, suitcases fall from his hands, his jaw drops. Then, as she said (when we met later), her husband had his mind blown. Why? First, he saw a stranger in front of him, another woman instead of his wife… She lost sixty pounds! Do you imagine how much she had changed? Imagine what thoughts he had at that moment: “She has probably met another man. Of course! Otherwise, why did she start losing weight? My wife never bothered about her weight, and then suddenly lost excess weight when I put out to sea..”

— ☺

— “She did it for someone! It’s not for me, since she has been living with me for twenty years, and she never cared…”

He always knew where he can find his wife before: by the fridge in the kitchen or in front of the TV in the living room.

She always was somewhere on the route between these two “points.” What’s going on now?

“What did she do, this slim super-star, when I was not at home?” He goes to the kitchen, she runs after him: “What’s happened, darling? Aren’t you happy to see me?!” The next thought he has: how can he leave this slim super-star at the shore and go to the sea for another six months? Her husband is sitting in the kitchen, mumbling: “It looks like my romance with the sea is over.”

— ☺

— After a while, her husband decided to change his job.

Did you understand how it works? Describe your goal following the scheme:

“I am slim — situation — body — clothes — details of the situation and your appearance — the reality of the situation — your thoughts and feelings — a reaction of others.”

It must be a situation, in which you always dreamed to demonstrate your beautiful slim figure.

You know these situations. It can be a meeting with classmates, some banquet, a corporate party, a New Year celebration, a trip, or something else. Meeting with classmates is a separate issue, especially if you were overweight when you were at school, and then you meet again many years later.

A woman told me recently: “I enter the restaurant, my classmates are sitting everywhere (many of them are overweight). I feel like a slim superstar!” It was quite the opposite before. They were all slim and teased her for being overweight! Can you imagine how cool she will feel?

Imagery

— Now two or three people will come here and demonstrate in practice how to create your goal according to this scheme. You’ll tell us about your situations, in which you want to be slim. Ksenya, are you ready to tell us about your situation?

— Give me a minute to think it over.

— Let’s try to figure it out near the board. You are welcome.

— What should I tell you?

— Describe any situation in which you would like to demonstrate your slim shapes. By the way, how much pounds do you want to lose?

— Twenty pounds.

— OK. Imagine yourself without these twenty pounds…

— I come to the seaside…

— It’s like a video. Imagine we watch the video now. The whole group, hiding in the bushes, is spying on you.

— ☺

— OK…

— I come to the beach…

— Fine, you are on the beach…

— It’s not romantic…

— ☺

— I came from Egypt two weeks ago. They told us there that the bigger is the woman, the hire is her bride price…

— This is the Eastern custom. Things are different here. So, you are on the beach. There are a lot of Europeans, Russian people there.

— It’s still hard to imagine it.

— Really? OK. You are in Russia, you visit some places, meet some people who haven’t seen you for a long time. What place would it be?

— Then I have another situation for you. I am talking about my job. I have my own TV show now. As you see, I have a big motivation to lose weight. That’s why I decided to come to your seminar. My TV project is frozen now… Imagine I come there, slim and beautiful…

— Are you talking about shooting the show?

— Yeah. I am not sure whether it’s the right situation. I don’t know what to say.

— ☺

— I need to think it over. If I get any ideas, I’ll tell you. Should we listen to someone else’s story now?

— Yes. It was nice anyway. Who else wants to try? Anzhelika, what about you?

— No, I need more time.

— Then who? Let’s welcome Mila!

— I have four girlfriends. We know each other for fifteen years since we were students. Two weeks ago, we went to a restaurant and met a fellow student there. I felt so embarrassed! I didn’t raise eyes, hoping that he would not recognize me. I looked different when I was a student. I can vividly imagine this situation. Six months later, the same restaurant… Or another restaurant, it doesn’t really matter, but people are the same. I wear a white blouse, tight blue knee-long skirt, high heels… My legs and hands are slim. My hair is long and shiny. I enter the restaurant, and everybody freezes open-mouthed. My friends and I are talking…

— Describe your body. People often try to avoid describing their bodies for some reason.

How did it change?

— Long thin arms, thin waist, firm fit hips, long slender legs, firm buttocks. I have a slim sharp-contour body.

— I like this expression — “sharp-contour body”.

— I have cute accessories.

— Describe them. We have to “see” them.

— Do you mean you have to imagine them?

— Yes. We are watching video, remember?

— I have expensive watches, manicured nails, nice jewels.

— What color are your nails?

— If I wear a white blouse, then it might be French manicure.

— Do you mean nails “a-la-Naturelle”?

— No, with white coating. It’s a sort of contrast manicure. Speaking about jewels, it can be either pearls or…

— Tell us exactly what you are wearing. Is this some pearl jewelry?

— Yes.

— Now we can see you; we can watch your “video.” Then…

— I meet my friends; I understand that I am better than them, as it has always been. Then we suddenly meet our fellow students and continue talking, and I enjoy it. We remember our youth, laughing and smiling. I am not waiting anxiously for the moment when the other people go away, and I will stay among my friends.

— What is the reaction of other people? Someone could say something… Imagine what people say, how they look at you, what they do.

— I have no need for additional attention. I enjoy communication with these people. I want just enjoy myself and have fun. Those who haven’t seen me for a long time don’t comment my shapes, as they remember me being slim. They say: “So much time has passed, but you look great!”

— What about the ones who met you recently?

— They say: “You have changed so much! How have you done it? Tell me your secret!”

— I see. Can you see this situation clearly?

— Yes!

— What about the others? Ksenya, are you still looking for some picture in your mind?

— ☺

— I am still thinking about the beach.

— What are you doing there?

Come on, tell us!

— Another attempt.

— Frankly speaking, it’s still hard for me to see it clearly. In any case, I see a beach, a fancy swimsuit on me. My tummy is flat, my body is fit. I walk along the beach, and I don’t feel embarrassed and ashamed of my body…

— Perhaps you even flaunt yourself.

— Yes, exactly. People turn their heads and look at me when I pass by. I enter the sea, I stand in the water in an elegant way…

— Then I leave the sea elegantly. ☺

— I see my coevals around. They are fat.

— What are you thinking about as you walk?

— I think: “Oh my, girls, you are behind the times.”

— You became so stale. ☺

— Certainly, you are thinking at this moment: “Unlike me!”

— I walk along the beach, feeling proud of myself.

— You feel proud because you worked hard and achieved your goal, right?

— Yes. Besides, I really enjoy it when my son introduces me to his friends proudly: “It’s my Mom!” I like it so much.

— Great!

— ☺

— Look, we discussed only two situations here, but you might have a lot of such situations on your mind now… Am I right?

— Yes!

— These pleasant situations must be really desirable for you. Our life consists of moments. Every morning we wake up, and we get sixteen hours, a kind of “small life.” The waking moment is like another birth. Then, in the evening, we fall asleep. It’s like a small death. How should we treat ourselves during these sixteen hours? I want you to love and respect yourself. I want you to admire yourself. I want you to enjoy your look. Imagine you take a look at yourself in the mirror and admire how gorgeous you look: “You are great! Good girl (boy)!” Many people dream of it. They want to enjoy life, to move forward, to develop yourself.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: The situations described turned into reality for me. Due to it, I felt satisfaction and pride. In general, I am a dreamer, so it’s easy for me to imagine any situation in considerable detail. Life becomes more interesting, and many dreams come true.

Fatness is concealed slimness

— Remember, I wrote on the blackboard: your health, career… It’s just words. It seems to be clear what it means… But, imagine there is your health (which is a pretty term) on one side of the scale, and a real, material piece of cake lying on another side of the scale!

— You actually own your health.

— Certainly. That’s why you think: “I eat this piece of cake now, and I’ll never do it again!”

— ☺

— Another example: here you have some abstract career, and there you have a real yummy éclair. Full of sweet buttery cream. Did you watch “On a diet” video by Michail Galustyan?

— Yes.

— “Give me sausages! More éclairs!” Raise a hand if you didn’t watch it. Find it today! Whenever there is a yummy cake against some abstract “example to follow…” Everyone chooses delicious foods! The goal should be attractive and tempting. That’s how it works… As you said, Katya: “I am coming out of the sea… The sun is shining… Water droplets in the sunlight are on my tanned skin, my tummy is flat… Everybody looks at me… and I am walking along the beach, just like a star!” Éclair has no chances!

— ☺

— A cake is no match for it!

If you see bright, vivid images in your mind, it will work for sure.

Or, for example, you come to a meeting with classmates and showing off your slim and beautiful body proudly… This situation is desirable!

Goals. You shall have a lot of desirable goals. You need more than one goal…

How many times did you try to lose weight to put on a new dress for a New Year party?

— If I lose weight for a New Year dress, then I start to gain weight immediately after party…

— The goal has been achieved. You put on the dress, went on a trip, something else has happened. So what?

— You relax.

— Write it down, please:

Slimness is a tool; any tool can be lost.

Once you needed it. You wanted to be slim to find a husband or a wife, have kids, get graduated, and enjoy an active life. To achieve these goals, you had to look good — when dancing at parties, when hiking. We enjoy meetings, dating, and so on.

What happens next? You’ve got a husband, kids, education, and career. All the goals are achieved.

Your life becomes scheduled: home — job, home — job, home — job.

Is there any room for slimness in this busy schedule?

— No. It is not required anymore.

— A woman who is a doctor told me recently: “Fatness is atrophied slimness”. For example, when a person with a complex leg fracture spends a lot of time in bed and does not walk, his muscles are getting atrophied since he does not use them. When you do not use your slimness, it disappears, since you do not use it.

That’s why the only and the best rule is: “Slim in a year, slim in five years! I know why I need slimness! Even in twenty years — I know why I need slimness! I am pursuing the slimness, and when I get slim, I maintain it. I am slim in the swimming pool, at the beach, together with friends, at the meeting of classmates, during the trip, somewhere else…”

I need my slimness everywhere! Then I will get it.

The time machine

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

There is a simple exercise that can help to structure your goal achievement. To perform it, you need to stay alone and to dream.

Determine the time during which you are going to drop excess weight. For example, it can be a year or half a year. Of course, nobody knows when the last excess pound will leave your body, but if you develop a plan, it will be much easier for you to lose weight.

Let’s say you are going to get slim in a year. Now, open your notebook. Do not show others the notes that you will write down next. Keep it a secret.

Step 1. Write down the date at the top of the blank sheet: today’s day and month, but the next year. It’s “in a year” date.

Then set the timer for five minutes and write down the best moments of your life that happens to you at this time. Use the present tense, as if the events that you describe are occurring right now. You shouldn’t write: “I weigh and look like twenty years ago.” The subconscious mind cannot understand it. It’s like driving a car forward, looking in the rear-view mirror. Therefore, write it down as if you’ve just wakened up on your ideal day. Describe your appearance, your physical and mental health in considerable detail (the spine is flexible, the joints are mobile, the size of the clothes you wear, what clothes you wear), relations with your loved ones, what you are doing, how you spend your precious life.

Step 2. Mentally staying on this perfect day, look back along the timeline — on the path you have traveled, and write down what you have done to make your life amazing. Use the past tense, as things have already happened. No need to specify details here. Describe it in general.

Step 3. Write down the date “in a month” from today. Set the timer for three minutes. Put your mental self to this day. Now you know what awaits you in a year, and you know what you shall do during the next year to make this future come true. Taking into account this knowledge, you can assume what result you need to achieve in a month. Write down in the present tense and add more details than during the first step.

Step 4. Set the timer for three minutes. Mentally staying on the day, look back at how you spent this month, what you did, what changes regarding your physical and mental health occurred, describe your relationships with the people you care about, and what you are doing. Write it down in the same way you did at the second step — in the past tense, but describe it in considerable detail. Keep in mind that the actions that you will take during the first month of the weight-loss period may (and most likely will) be very different from what you will do in the third or sixth month of the weight-loss period. I’d like to say a few words about support. It’s not financial support, but the support that can be given from one person to another. It turned out that this kind of sponsorship is a powerful tool that helps in achieving goals and self-development in general. How can we use it to lose excess weight? Find a person who also decided to lose weight or a person who you trust and who is ready to support you during this journey to slimness for the next two or three months. When you find the person, tell him/her about your goal, what you want to achieve in a month, and what you are going to do. You have to call each other once a week and tell each other how things are going.

What shall you discuss during these talks? First, say what you did to achieve your goal and what result you achieved; then, say what you are going to do next week to achieve your goal. Then you switch the roles, and your friend tells you everything, while you are listening to him attentively and sincerely.

This format of work does not suit everyone, but most clients say that it helps a lot and supports them during the journey to slimness. This support is especially important during the second and third months.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— You need to find and buy a symbol of slimness — a small thing that you can often see during the day. It will remind you of the slimness and your goals you want to achieve.

For example, a woman could not give birth to a child due to her excess weight. So, she knitted little booties and carried them in her bag. Every time when the woman opened her bag, she saw these booties, and it helped her to remember about her goals.

An elderly man wanted to play football with his grandchildren, but he suffered from shortness of breath, his big belly didn’t allow him to bend, his joints were sore. During the whole period of weight loss, this man had a small soccer ball on his key ring. When he took keys, he saw the ball and realized: “This is my goal!”

Where else can you place your symbols of slimness? For example, put it on your office table. You can attach a picture of yours — when you were slim — to the fridge. You can use more than one symbol of slimness.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: During my group session, we gave each other these symbols of slimness. I’ve got a cute angel-girl in a dress. I put it on the desk, and while I was working on my graduation paper, my gaze often fell on this figurine. It reminded me of my main goals: great photos from the graduation ceremony, a beautiful dress, an honors diploma, and a dance with a guy I liked.

What did I get? Great photos, a diploma handed to me by the rector of the university, a great jumpsuit instead of a dress, dancing until morning, and, most importantly, easy interaction with guys. I felt attractive and as beautiful as the others.

Purify your goals

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: Before moving on to your goals, you should first clean them up.

It often happens that goals are inspired not by joy and inspiration, but by the pain of the past. It would appear “being slim” sounds like a positive goal, but it may turn out that it is associated with the pain of the past, with those situations when a person was hurt, when overweight prevented a person from getting what they wanted, and so on. As a result, a strong negative “magnet” can be formed, which can control the behavior of the person and prevent him from achieving the desired goals.

How can you clean your goals?

Imagine that you will never lose weight. How do you feel about it?

In what part of your body the feeling is more intense? After that, it is necessary to allocate the “corporal metaphor” and transform it (we have discussed this technique above). Ironically, it will help if you also clean the positive magnet as well, imagining that you have achieved the desired result. If you have a strong positive goal, then it will soon begin to create its opposite. This “cleaning” eliminates obsession with weight loss, which will help you to lose weight much easier.

I’ll tell you the truth: it is easy to do it if you have the relevant experience, but if no, you should better consult a specialist. For example, Artyom consults via Skype, and “cleaning” the goal will take only one session. Most clients immediately get both greater confidence and a clear vision of the goal.

The happiness wheel

— Let’s discuss another topic now. I called it The Happiness Wheel. The talk will be about the needs of the soul. Several axes come out from one point. Draw them together with me. Mark the ends of the axes with tens, mark the centers of the axes with fives.

This diagnostic scheme is about human needs, basically the needs of the soul.

What does a person want from life?

— Communication?

— Yes. Communication is one of the human needs. The most interesting thing is that a human becomes human through interaction with others and starts leading a normal human life.

What is another basic need?

— Love.

— Yes. Love.

What is love between a man and a woman? Simply speaking, it’s a combination of sex, mutual understanding, mutual respect. As a rule, if any of these parts start to deteriorate, it affects all the other aspects of the relationship.

A rift in mutual understanding spreads both to sex and mutual respect.

People stop treating each other with respect, and gradually it affects mutual understanding and sex.

Problems with sex will sooner or later affect mutual understanding and mutual respect.

The ancient Indians said: “Love is the attraction of body to body, soul to soul, and mind to mind.” In modern terms, it’s sex, mutual understanding, and mutual respect.

What other needs do we have? What does our soul need as much as the body needs air to breathe?

— Joy.

— Precisely. By the way, the sloth, according to canons of the Orthodox Church, is a deadly sin. However, there are a lot of people who have a sad life. It happens due to a constant lack of time. They have no time to enjoy life. Tomorrow we will discuss this topic — entertainment, pleasure — in detail. Here is your homework. Please, don’t forget to do it. First, you have to prepare a list of “Fifty shades of pleasure”, remember? OK. What else? We always remember about work. But we often forget about… what?

— About rest.

— The soul needs rest as well as the body. A whole series of deaths of quite young famous people occurred during the recent years. People exhausted themselves through overwork. They worked from sixteen to eighteen hours a day for weeks, months, years. They didn’t cope with it. What do people do to relieve stress?

— Drinking alcohol.

— Liver is sore, you look bad, and you suffer from headache. That’s why people often replace alcohol with something less harmful. What can it be?

— Drugs.

— Stimulants that make you feel vigorous twenty hours a day. Then they suddenly get a heart attack.

Gennadiy Arturovich Arustamov, 41, Ph. D. in Economics, a CEO of “Reka-More” company, dropped 90 lbs:

I didn’t have a rest at all before. I could not leave the company or anything else and to go somewhere. It was terrible. It’s almost impossible to have a normal life living this way. I always stayed in touch, I called the office a dozen times a day. Every moment, I had to know everything about the company operation. When I started to work on my life together with Artyom, I got out of these endless information flows.

I allowed myself to have rest and realized that I can do it. The world did not stop still. Life goes on. All the same, I still have not realized how much and how often I should rest. However, I have much more rest now and enjoy every moment of leisure time. I began to relax on vacation and to get pleasure from it. I don’t turn off the phones, I don’t leave them at home. I still keep in touch, but this is a completely different story. It’s a completely different information flow. I select the information I need to know. I can spend a week without calling anyone; I can read email or ignore it. It depends on what information I need to know at this moment.

Groundhog day

— Write down the next aspect now: Development. I am talking about the spiritual, professional, intellectual, physical, and financial development of your life and personality.

Remember the periods of life when you were stuck due to a lack of development. “Groundhog Day”. Have you seen this movie? If you haven’t, watch it. You will enjoy it for sure. The protagonist of the movie, at some point, suddenly realizes that he lives the same day again and again. He wakes up, and the same events occur one by one! So, he tries to escape from captivity of this day.

In fact, this movie demonstrates the modern lifestyle. For example, you go somewhere by bus. A person often leaves for work at the same time, sees the same people on his way, then gets on the bus and sees the same faces of people who go to work exactly at this time by this bus every day! The person comes to work and hears the same words every day. Besides, he has no time to read books, to watch interesting movies, to get additional education, to go on excursions or trips. No time! How does he feel?

— Depressed.

— He feels depressed and exhausted. His life is like an endless swamp.

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

We live in the age of uncertainty when changes occur almost constantly. To succeed, many people have to be very active, which can be very exhausting. It makes you feel that you have no time for anything. Such overload (emotional and physical) can increase false hunger.

If you feel that you have no time, try to take a break every fifteen or twenty minutes, and in just a few days, you will notice that you’ve got a decent amount of free time. Besides, the level of psycho-emotional tension will decrease significantly.

How can you do it? Write down a list of tasks that are bothering you right now. Choose one on which you will focus during the next fifteen minutes. Then set the timer for sixteen minutes and aim for work for one minute. Think about the work that you are going to do. But you are not working now, you just prepare yourself for work. When precisely fifteen minutes remain, start working on the task as hard as possible without distracting yourself. No matter how difficult the task is, you can just stand for fifteen minutes. When the timer expires, stop working immediately. Take a break: stand up, walk around the room, dance a bit, or something… Have a rest for three or four minutes. Then set the timer for another sixteen minutes.

As a result, you will have three fifteen-minutes sprint periods per hour. You will do much more work this way then you did while working for the whole hour without any rest. Besides, you won’t feel exhausted.

I really like one parable that I found on the Internet. Unfortunately, I do not know the author, so I cannot indicate his name. I hope he won’t mind.

The parable of the 1000 balls

A few weeks ago, I made some coffee, picked up the morning newspaper, and sat down to listen to the radio. I was switching the radio channels when the velvet voice of an old man drew my attention. He said something about “a thousand balls”. I became interested, made the sound louder, and leaned back in my chair.

— Well, — the old man said, — I bet you are very busy at work. Busy yesterday, busy today, busy tomorrow. Even if you are paid well, keep in mind that they buy your life for this money. You could spend this time with your beloved. I can’t believe that you need to work all this time just barely to get by. You work to satisfy your own desires. However, it is a vicious circle. The more money you have, the more you want, and the more you work to get it.

You have to ask yourself at one moment: “Do I really need this or that thing, for example, a new car?” Are you ready to miss the first dance performance of your daughter or the sports competition of your son to get it?

Let me tell you something that really helped me keep and remember the things that matter most in my life.

Then he began to explain his theory of “a thousand balls”.

— One day I sat down and made the following calculation. A human lives seventy-five years on average. Of course, some people live longer, the others live less. But the average human life span is seventy five years. I multiplied seventy-five by fifty-two (the number of Sundays in a year). I got three thousand nine hundred. That’s how many Sundays we have in our life. I was fifty-five. It meant that I had already lived for about two thousand nine hundred Sundays. I had only one thousand left.

I went to the toy store and bought a thousand small plastic balls. I put them all into one transparent jar. After that, every Sunday, I pulled out and threw away one ball.

When I noticed that the number of balls decreases, I began to pay more attention to the true values of life.

Now, listen attentively to the last idea that I would like to share with you today before hugging my beloved wife and taking her for a walk.

This morning I pulled the last ball out of the jar…

Therefore, every next day of my life is a present. I accept it with gratitude and give warmth and joy to my loved ones. You know, I think this is the only way to live life. I have no regrets. It was a great pleasure to talk to you, but now I need to go to my family. Have a great day!

I started thinking. Definitely, there was something to think about. I planned to go to work for a while as I have to finish an important project. Then I was going to the night club together with my colleagues. Instead of all this, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a sweet kiss.

— Wake up, sweetie. Let’s take kids and go for a picnic.

— What’s happened, darling?

— Everything is fine. I just realized that we hadn’t spent the weekend together for a long time. Besides, let’s go to the toy store.

I need to buy plastic balls…

Gennadiy Arturovich Arustamov, 41, Ph. D. in Economics, a CEO of “Reka-More” company, dropped 90 lbs:

It looks like my development didn’t exist at all unit I started to work with Artyom. I was constantly overstressed. I didn’t develop myself intentionally. Now I understand and implement into my life a concept of personal development, which is learning, hanging myself as a person, as a specialist. I started planning my development, my classes. It includes sports, learning of foreign language, personal qualities, and improvement of my job skills. I have an opportunity to create this plan, to move on it, allocating time for myself and my development. Of course, it is amazing to realize for the first time during these forty years, for all these years of my career (I have been a top manager for fifteen years) that I have gained vast experience and, at the same time, that I still have a great opportunity for further professional growth. Unbelievable! I really want to continue to develop myself.

Besides, there is self-development called personal growth or spiritual growth, which is, in fact, some kind of inner development of oneself as a human being. What has changed in my life? How did it happen? It’s pretty difficult to indicate separate stages of the process. It was like a sort of insight every time. It is always some problem that you think about for a long time. Then you suddenly realize why, what and how. It works as a small insight. This insight always changes something in you. It seems to me that this is exactly what Stephen Covey talked about when he spoke about paradigms in his book “Seven Skills of Highly Effective People”. You accept, you understand, and very slowly you try to implement this insight into your life, into your perception of reality. It is necessary to realize that it takes time. If you are looking for immediate changes, I am sorry to disappoint you. It doesn’t work this way. For example, if you put on a Buddhist clothing today, it doesn’t mean that you will become calm, enlightened like a Buddhist tomorrow.

For me, internal changes were going fairly slow. But inner transformation requires you to work constantly.

Speaking briefly, I have changed utterly, but I am still the same person!

My perception has changed. I see myself differently now. I changed my attitude to the world. At the same time, I realize that I have not changed. Actually, it’s my perception has changed, but not me.

The world is still the same, but my perception of the world has changed.

It’s like a new version of the software. Imagine a ghost appears suddenly from your computer and says: “OK, guys, I have a soul now. I am not just a piece of hardware now. Call my Ivan and treat me as a human being!”

I feel alive now. Earlier I used to be more like a sort of mechanical device, mostly since a great number of mindsets implemented into my mind by parents and community. You have to do this and that; this is an achievement, this is good; this is not an achievement, it is useless. This is your position, you have to stand here. Otherwise, society won’t recognize you. You have to prove to others that you are alive. I feel alive now. No need to prove anything anymore.

Artyom and I managed to sort out and change mindsets, discuss many attitudes that had been loaded into me before by society and parents. We have changed lots of attitudes, and we still continue to work on it. The most important thing is that it is a long process. It takes a lot of time. The work can go slower or faster, but it does not stop. You’ve got a lot of things to do. Sometimes you feel a bit odd. You learn to make decisions by yourself. This interesting work never ends.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— What else do we have?

Due to this need, human civilization developed. People built houses, made doors, dug moats…

— Technology development.

— Why did they do it? They put lattices on windows.

Why do people do it? How do they want to feel?

— Safe.

— Precisely. Safe! Harmony and safety. That’s what we have always been dreaming of. Have people succeeded in it?

— Not really…

— It seems that the number of services responsible for security in various fields has increased. However, people still do not feel safe and calm. They suffer from anxiety.

Anxiety appears due to the huge amount of negative information. The instinct of self-preservation makes us keep all the “bad news” in mind. The explosion occurred in Japan. “Oh, a nuclear power plant exploded in Japan. I should keep it in mind. You never know…” The Earth’s lungs are cut down in Brasilia or in Amazonia. “Dear me!” The Noplaceville was washed away by tsunami. “That’s awful! Our city can be washed away by tsunami too!”

What else has happened recently?

— The ferry went down.

— The war in another country began.

— Another terror attack occurred.

— One thing happens, then another one… Our instinct of self-preservation puts it all in memory just in case. It’s like a special file in our mind: “Potential threats”. We save there the relevant information got from newspapers, the Internet and TV.

Imagine a typical man of the nineteenth century. He lived in a small village and knew what is going on there. For example, a neighbor who lives three doors away is a bit crazy. It’s better to stay away from him. When this or that happens, you have to do this and that. There is no television, no radio, no Internet. The threats of the outer world do not bother people since they do not know about them.

Now, imagine the anxiety level of a modern human who is surrounded by a huge amount of negative information. We will discuss it again later.

Gennadiy Arturovich Arustamov, 41, Ph. D. in Economics, a CEO of “Reka-More” company, dropped 90 lbs:

I’ll tell you how my attitude toward threats and safety has changed. Oh my, safety and calm! I was obsessed with the wrong things that may happen. I worried about everything. I had a rather large number of stressful, dangerous emergency situations at work. I knew very well what stress is, safety, or the lack of it is. I almost never felt safe and calm. I suffered from anxiety for a long time.

When did the situation change? I guess it happened during my work with Artyom. At first, I realized that these fears were created by my mind when it traveled in the past or in the future. Then I understood that being here and now helps a lot to get rid of these fears. Of course, it is much easier to say than to do. According to my personal experience during the first year of our work, I constantly returned to these fears and stresses. It happened very often, at least once a week. However, when I succeeded in exiting the state of fear and horror, it was a great victory! I felt like it was the most significant achievement.

For me, exiting the state of fear and danger were measured in numbers.

Technically, it was implemented by stopping mentally wandering through the past and future and returning to the present moment. However, our brain is a unique thing. It does not allow us to escape from old habits. Our mind generates an infinite number of options to get you back. It is so sophisticated and cunning that it invents five ways of returning us back to fears for each exiting technique we use. We need to work constantly to stay “here and now.”

I have a huge amount of responsibility. Several hundred people work for my company. We use a lot of complex machines. This huge number of people, a huge number of potential accidents, lack of full control, and this responsibility made my mind to bring me to a state of stress and fear constantly. Potential threats hung over my head like a sword of Damocles.

I work on it regularly. I count rumbles of fear by weeks now. Two years ago, I counted them by hours and minutes. Fear appears anyway, but I push it away, fear does not control me anymore. I feel free.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Another need of any human being is privacy. Do we need it sometimes?

— Yes.

— Some people need it more, the others need it less, but we all need some privacy. Imagine a person who never stays alone. Give me an example, please.

— A mother of a little child. Mom goes to the bathroom, and he cries: “Mom, why did you close the door? Open the door!” And she has been keeping a book open on the seventy-third page in the bathroom for half a year. She hoped to read for a few minutes there.

Lack of time

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

Once I took an external educational course. My coursemate had a baby. When it was time to prepare coursework papers, everyone began to complain that they were overwhelmed and had no time to finish it. But her papers had already been prepared! I was curious how she managed to study successfully even with a small child. She eagerly explained it: her child slept for two hours in the afternoon every day. During this time she read textbooks and prepared coursework papers. I was amazed at her composure and motivation.

Once I read a great statement in a magazine: the time difference between the successful accomplishment of the goal and its absence is five minutes. This magazine gave many examples of how five minutes spent on important things helped people to make their life successful.

Just think about it. Five minutes!

By the way, have you ever thought how many days a year an average person works? In 2017, people who work five days a week had 118 days-off in Russia. Add 28 days of annual holiday, then you’ll get 146 days off a year. If you have 52 days of annual holiday, then you’ll get 170 days off a year.

Are you happy with your life?

— As you see, we have several diagnostic scales. The possibility of measuring the satisfaction of each need ranges from zero points to ten.

The question you’ll be answering is simple: “How satisfied am I?”

Number one — communication, or circle of contacts you have.

Here you have all sorts of communication in your life: a few or a lot of communication, contacts with a lot of different people. How satisfied are you with the current situation? For example, you may give it five, or eight, or two points. I will mark my degree of satisfaction, and you shall mark yours.

Now, measure your degree of satisfaction with love you have.

How satisfied are you with the entertainment and pleasure you get?

How satisfied are you with rest? Your rest may be rated 10 if you have enough sleep every day, don’t work on weekends, and have vacations twice a year. That’s how it works.

Now, measure your degree of satisfaction with your self-development. We are talking about self-development not as a result but as a process. For example, some people read books, and that’s enough for them. They give the highest grade, saying: “I read a lot of interesting books. I get new information. I believe I’ve got enough of development”. The others take two courses at the university, read books and travel a lot, watch scientific TV shows, but give only seven points, saying: “It’s not enough. I want more!” The amount of points depends on your personal attitude to the issue.

Now, evaluate on a scale from zero to ten your feeling of safety and tranquility. Ten means that you feel absolutely safe — concerning the physical, financial, psychological, and other aspects of life. Zero — my life is like sitting on a powder keg, my nerves are stretched to breaking point, I sleep badly and suffer from nightmares!

The next is privacy. If they don’t leave you alone, even in the bathroom, then your point shall be zero. Sometimes a person says: “I can stay alone as much as I want.” So, give the amount of points which is correct to your opinion. Now, connect your marks like this with the dashes. Connect the tens. Now, shade the shape that you’ve got after connecting your points. This is the amount of happiness in your life. It’s the shape of your Happiness Wheel. The shape may be different. Sometimes it’s pretty odd: like a star, a blot, a crown or a ray. Some aspects have the peak value, the others drop to zero.

Does anyone have only the nines and tens?

— I’ve got one five.

— I mean whether there is anyone who has only nines and tens?

— No.

— As a rule, there are no such people in the weight loss groups. Frankly speaking, such absolutely-happy people are rare. However, if you have at least seven or eight points on average, that’s a pretty good result. Our task is to help you to lose weight. Your Happiness Wheel has to be improved to seven or eight points for all aspects.

This new “modified” wheel will allow you to roll through life easily and joyfully. Otherwise, emptiness, stress caused by the dissatisfaction of the basic spiritual needs, just like the sleep of reason, will produce…

— Monsters.

— What monsters can you meet then?

— Excess weight.

— False hunger!

Let me tell you how another monster — alcohol addiction — can appear.

When a person lacks satisfaction in some areas of life, he tries to compensate it with some “crutches” — a couple of drinks, a few cocktails. It’s a source of artificial happiness. A glass of С2Н5ОН is a source of artificial happiness. You are not happy with the communication, so you get a drink. Does it make it easier to communicate?

— Yes.

— Yes, of course. However, it can spoil you!

— When you stop overeating, it can make you overdrinking… They say it’s more joyful.

— ☺

— The next point. Love. Let’s put another drink here. What about love now?

— That’s bad.

— Why?!

— Why do you think so? On the contrary, it’s much better. Imagine a person has been looking for love for ages, but to no avail. Then he meets someone, they have a few drinks and almost fall into each other’s arms. So, they feel like they become much more successful.

— ☺

— Let’s add a few drinks here — to entertainment and pleasure area. What will happen then? Is it easier to find more entertainment now?

— Of course!

— More drinks — for the next area of life.

Rest. Have a drink in the morning, enjoy a carefree day! You can do it again and again.

Drinks can help you settle any issues with self-development.

Everybody knows it.

As for tranquility and safety, alcohol is an excellent anti-anxiety med. A couple of drinks and there is no anxiety anymore. Anytime when you need to relax, just have another drink!

Privacy. As long as you are drunk, you feel fun even being alone.

— ☺

— That’s how people use alcohol to get some false happiness. But, as I have said, it is a false happiness. It is not real. All you can get from alcohol is a sort of illusion that your life becomes better. Have you ever met “coded” alcoholics? How do they live?

— Their life is terrible.

— These people are always angry, annoyed.

— Aggressive. A man I know has been “coded” twice. It was still possible to keep in touch with him somehow after the first coding, but the second procedure turned him into a terrible person.

— Look, a person comes to get coded against alcohol. Alcohol compensates for the lack of love, or communication, or something else. The person gets coded, but he is still not satisfied with his life. The coding deprived him of his crutches. So, the person gets his cripple Happiness Wheel again and rolls further through his life…

— ☺

— No wonder he doesn’t feel happy… He can hardly move forward. Then a wife of the man comes to the doctor and says: “Decode him, please! I can’t live with such a person! He may drink if he wants, but at least we will be able to talk normally again!” Of course, it doesn’t always happen that way. But this happens pretty often, believe me!

A friend, an enemy, or just a stranger

— Now, imagine that you can substitute anything you lack in your life with extra food. It will affect the same way. Your life seems to become better. It’s easier to communicate, to rest, and so on. False hunger occurs due to the emptiness of dissatisfied needs.

Is the false hunger our friend or enemy?

— Enemy!

— No, it’s our friend.

— At first, it looks like false hunger is our enemy. But in fact, it let us know that our soul lacks something. What about physical pain? Is it our friend or enemy?

— It is our friend.

— It is our friend. When something is wrong in your knee, it is sore. Imagine if a human didn’t have pain receptors. Something is wrong with your knee, but you know nothing.

— It would be possible to lose a leg!

— When the heart hurts, you need to visit the cardiologist. False hunger is a sign that your soul is hurting. The soul let you know through the false hunger: I need communication, I need love, I need rest, let me calm down, give me… But the only thing you give your soul is food, more and more food! What do you get then? Look at your layouts. I want you to highlight all the low spots of your Happiness Wheel — parameters with seven points or less. Some have one, two or three problematic parameters, the others have more lacks. You need to settle these issues. How shall we do it? We have to adopt a pro-active life approach, make a record: “What I will do.” You have to make a plan and then take action to settle the issue. As they say, Heaven helps those who help themselves.

Small steps

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

When you begin to align your “Happiness Wheel”, indicate the area, improving, which will affect the other areas, or at least most of them positively. Don’t try to change everything at once, jumping swiftly from 3 to 9. Make a little change during the next week, moving from 3 to 4 at least in one life area. Then, take another small step next week. Acting this way, you will be surprised soon at how much your Happiness Wheel will have been changed.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— When you accept a passive position, saying: “I can’t change anything”, then the “mission failed”. You’ve got stress, negative emotions, overeating, and excess weight. This inner void will demand food. Those who settle these issues and try to fulfill the needs of the soul will drop weight easier.

If you have a lack of communication, try to communicate more. The others have issues with love. Relationships are deteriorating. People try to settle it, but it doesn’t work. So they go to a psychologist for help. What about tranquility and safety? Experience indicates that people mostly suffer from their own negative thoughts and emotions. You have to sort out the mess in this area. Do you remember the scheme I drew?

Situations — thoughts — emotions — psycho-emotional and physical strain — overeating — conflicts — diseases

You need to get your messed thoughts together. Indicate the thoughts, beliefs, attitudes that work poorly or against you.

Look, I specified three areas in the layout: communication, love, tranquility, and safety. These are the main issues people want to discuss with me during individual counseling. People are concerned about relationships with their loved ones, about children, jobs, or other issues. People understand that they worry too much, but they cannot help it.

Please, remember that you need time, money, and energy to work on your happiness, health, and life attitude. Think about the triangle “Rescuer — Victim — Tyrant” again and try to realize who takes your resources. What are the negative consequences you face due to being a Rescuer or a Victim?

Look at your Happiness Wheel again. It can become rounder than now. You can change your life. You can become slim and happy!

Husband by the hour and a magic toolbox!

— There is a special training “Freedom within us” that may help you to achieve tranquility, safety, and happy relationships. I will teach you how to manage your mood, stress, and thinking. Imagine that you get a magic suitcase… Have you ever heard about “Husband by the hour” service?

— I’ve heard about it!

— A man comes, and he has a suitcase with all sorts of tools. He asks: “What do you want me to fix?” The lady answers: “This and that! Actually, all my life needs to be fixed…”

— ☺

— He says: “Don’t worry!” He takes his tools. This expert has a special tool for every issue. He fixes everything, puts the tools back to his case, and leaves. After the training, you will get a sort of kit of useful psychology tools. How does it work? For example, you are fixed on insulting. How can you get rid of it? You are getting stuck in the negatives. How can you get relieved from these negatives? There are basic errors of thinking, human illusions, suffering mechanisms. The training “Freedom Within Us” will help you to save time, energy, nerves, and money that you use to spend on your worries and experience.

— What about keeping mood under control?

— Yes, we will settle it too. I will teach you to release negatives, relieve stress by keeping your mood under control, switch from negative thoughts and feelings, and cherish tranquility. By the way, it has a positive impact on a relationship. We will discuss the main strategies of relationships, as well as basic anxieties. We will discuss all the bugs occurring in our “software”, which cause us a lot of problems.

Seven meals without table deals

Saying

— Now let’s hold the audio recording session to set your subconscious mind to reduce excess weight. This technique has been developed by Nikolai Ivanovich Kosenkov, a psychotherapist, Ph. D. in Medicine.

(Practice. You can read more about the method of Doctor Kosenkov in Appendix №1 of this book)

— You did a great job! Will 10-minutes break be enough for you?

— Yes.

(Break)

— Let’s start our breathing practice.

(Breathing practice used to accelerate metabolic processes and splash out accumulated unpleasant emotions)

— Another journey is coming to an end. Take your time and get back to our session, to this place and time, to “here and now” environment. Feel how your mind takes control of your body. Move your arms, legs, feel that you are here again. Welcome back! Be careful, I will turn on the lights. You may take your places now.

— What feelings do you have, Eugenia?

— It’s hard to say. My thoughts are a bit messed up.

— Name at least one of your feelings.

— I am not sure. My life flashed before my eyes, good and bad things.

— How do you feel right now? What are you thinking about?

— Honestly, I don’t feel happy.

— Do you feel sad?

— Um-hum… But I know I needed that. I understood one very important thing.

— Ksenya?

— I have mixed emotions. I feel sad and happy at the same time.

I see. Anzhelika, what about you?

— Freedom.

— Nika?

— Inspiration.

— Elizaveta?

— Relief.

— Thank you. Mila?

— Tranquility. Unlike yesterday, I didn’t feel a lot of emotions. I saw a bonfire… Some people were dancing around. I heard the music… When it stopped playing, I felt a little bit annoyed. I was on the verge of some buzz. When I calmed down, for some reason, I immediately recalled the moment when I had a small surgery once. My friend performed the surgery. I guess she gave me a very good anesthetic. Apparently, it was some strong drug, as I was dreaming about flying around the amazing places…

— Olesya?

— At first, I felt a sort of forgiveness… I was holding a white handkerchief… I did not realize what I forgave, who I forgave, but I was saying goodbye to something or someone. I got divorced a year ago.

— Do you feel like you forgave your ex?

— Yes, I think so. I feel peace now.

— Nadezhda?

— I feel peace too. A lot of events in my life came to mind when I listened to music.

— It is more important what you feel now.

— I feel relief now.

— Snezhana, what do you feel?

— A bit sad. At the same time, I constantly catch myself thinking about how lucky I am!

— Tayisia, how do you feel?

— Stop. I want to think it over on my own.

— Larisa?

— I feel enthusiastic! I am eager to change my life,

not only my weight and eating habits.

— Be careful. I warn you against any hasty actions and radical decisions. Take your time and think it over for two weeks or so. If you still have the same opinion in two weeks, then it’s your choice what to do next.

— I thought about it for a long time, but I didn’t have time to settle it.

— I just have to warn you. Sometimes people full of plans and new attitudes come home, where unsuspecting family members are waiting for them…

— ☺

— A proficient Rescuer kicks in the door and says: “Hey, Victims, that’s enough. I’ll get you off my back now! We’ll start with a clean slate”. So, he came to the next meeting with a black eye.

— ☺

— Just kidding. Anyway, be careful.

Now, we will repeat the magic practice we tried yesterday.

(The technique for treating overeating and overweight developed by psychologist, psychiatrist Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov “Mirror neuron technology”. You can read more about this technique in Appendix 2 of this book)

You did a great job! Now, write down your homework. You need to weigh yourself, take your body measurements in the morning, as we agreed. Wake up, go to bathroom — and stand on scales before eating your breakfast. The fewer clothes you have on, the better. Take your body measurements. Women shall measure below the breast, around the waist, around the hips. Men shall measure their waist only.

You can bring a souvenir that symbolizes slimness in some way, give it to another participant and get a souvenir in return. I know how we can arrange a gift exchange. Each of you will get a small souvenir from another participant. It will remind you about our meetings and the beginning of your way to slimness. Would you like to do it?

— Yes!

— We would like to!

— Great. Then each of you has to bring a small souvenir tomorrow. It shouldn’t be expensive, just a small beautiful gift that symbplizes slimness.

Well, you did a great job today! Let’s continue working. Feed yourself regularly, praise yourself, treat yourself well!

N.B.! Let’s summarize the most important guidelines.

Your daily diet should include 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil, plus 20 g of butter every day!

Each weight-loss meal should contain 1—2 boxes of high-protein food; 2—4 boxes of foods rich in complex carbohydrates; 3—6 boxes of foods rich in fiber (vegetables).

Be sure to eat every 3—4 hours (4—6 times a day).

Sleep 8 hours a day (preferably from 11 pm to 7 am). Walk for at least 30 minutes a day.

Work on the creation of a sincere, positive attitude to life, a kind of “healthy environment” in your mind.

Keep in mind the inspirational vision of your goals. Treat yourself well; satisfy your needs for love, communication, solitude, rest, self-development, entertainment and pleasures, peace, and security. Negative emotions often signal a lack of some of these features. False hunger indicates the same. Thus, you shouldn’t feed it with food.

Manage your life. Get slim with comfort and pleasure! See you tomorrow!

— Bye! ☺

Chapter 4. Day four

We still need to adopt it

— Hello people!

— Hello there!

— A woman came to us today. She attended my weight loss course a year and a half ago. She dropped almost ninety pounds during this time. She is sixty. You cannot imagine how much she has changed! I will show you a video about her success later. She goes to the beautician, takes care of her body and face. She looks pretty!

— I can’t wait to get slim too!

— I am glad to hear it. There is still a long road ahead.

You will get slim! All you have to do is taking care of yourself, of your body and soul.

Drink water regularly, feed your hunger with a balanced, delicious, nourishing food, bring joy and excitement to your life, set attractive goals for life, and strive to achieve them.

Slowly but steadily.

Believe me, it’s a long but fascinating journey. Before inquiring about your weight, measurements, etc., I want to ask you how you feel. Now, I want to say a few words about your current feelings. We are moving further. A new interesting topic is waiting for us. Eugenia, what do you feel?

— Deep satisfaction.

— Olesya?

— I feel sad for no reason. My eyes are wet. I don’t know why. I am just getting so emotional today, without any apparent cause. I felt like crying. Then I came here and calmed down a bit.

— Ksenya?

— I am positive and optimistic today.

— Anzhelika?

— I feel tired and lazy…

— Well, it’s Friday… Victor?

— I am fine. I didn’t hope for too much, but… I stood on a scale, and it showed that I dropped four pounds!

— Even though you had five meals a day?

— Yes! I didn’t believe that it would be possible to lose weight eating like that, but it works!

— Nadezhda?

— I am not sure. I am fine…

— OK. Elizaveta? How do you feel?

— I feel joy, excitement, and desire to move forward. I feel happy. I tell my friend about our training session by phone. She is trying to start dropping weight together with me. I called her recently and felt so sad because of her words: “I don’t know how to deal with it… I am busy like a bee. My day starts early in the morning. I have a thousand things to do. I came home after job, took my kid. We went to the child health center, then to another clinic. Then I went to the social protection center and spent there about five hours… I ate only once today — in the morning!”

— I am not surprised. Your friend doesn’t attend our session. She learns everything only from you. If she were here, if she attended our session and told me these things, I would tell her: “It’s outrageous! Every time you skip a meal, metabolic processes slow down, become dysfunctional, and the next meal you eat will be converted into fat deposits. We have been talking here for two days.

It a long, complex conversation, and I hoped that all of you drew conclusions. But the hope was in vain!” Play up to me. Answer me instead of your friend.

— What should I do? I cannot change my circumstances.

— Of course, life is naturally hard. Onward and upward… Let’s start to skip meals, eat sweets and desserts instead of healthy food. Then you will get the same result you have now. Obesity in progress!

However, you can change your life. It all depends on you. Otherwise, you will gain all the weight back, and then you will gain more and more excess pounds. All because you are too busy, or you don’t want to take efforts… Remember, it’s your choice. Think again. Perhaps it would be better to take care of yourself and eat regularly? You deserve it!

To become slim and happy, you need a well-balanced diet. Food is medicine.

Are you ready to take your medicine regularly? Otherwise, you’ll never become healthy. You’ll never get rid of obesity.

— I will take it regularly!

— Thank you, Elizaveta! We did a great job and simulated a nice talk with your friend. Give my best regards to her. Tell your friend I invite her to attend the next training session. I am sure she can change her life, adopt the habits of a slim person, and build up a slim body.

— OK, I will tell her!

— Nika?

— I am calm.

— Tayisia, what about you?

— I am fine. I have been running here and there all day long, Carrying bags, foods, everything I need with me…

— How was it?

— It was easy…

— You mean you are doing well?

— Yes.

— How are you, Larisa?

— I feel the confidence that it will work out. I guess it’s because of the information I get every day. I can’t adopt everything yet, but I do my best.

— Snezhana, how do you feel?

— I feel tired but excited.

Pleasure circle

— Today we will talk about “Pleasure circle”.

Here is the circle. Let’s divide it into two halves. You shouldn’t draw it now, as it will be changed soon. You will draw a final version of the circle.

Auntie Zina had up to forty pounds of excess weight, but she proudly carried them through her life. Even when someone commented on her excess weight, like: “Hey Zina, you are getting too fat!” she answered: “It’s not your business” — and moved on. I guess you know lots of people who insist that excess weight does not cause them any discomfort. However, do you think all these painful words and offenses are getting on the nerves?

— Yes!

— Certainly, they are accumulating in mind. Sooner or later, it affects the person. It almost always happens this way.

Until the number of negative comments reached the level, on which it affects the quality of life, and one half of her Pleasure Circle was occupied by eating. The other half of the circle was filled with other things, like… Any ideas?

— TV!

— Precisely! Her best friend is a TV set.

— Besides, she has a laptop!

— Books.

— Swimming pool!

— Beautician.

— What about massage?

— Besides, she goes to the movies and theater.

— We will arrange a great life for her!

— Zina goes shopping.

— She hangs out with friends…

— Besides, there are other things, like love and sex.

— No… This is not the case…

Another barge is drifting!

— That is how her life is. Zina has about forty pounds of excess weight, but she proudly carries them through her life. Someone says from time to time: “Zina, you are getting too fat…” Once, twice, then the tenth time…

My client told me once… Perhaps I have already told the story to some of you. “I am swimming in the pool, and a pool technician is walking along the pool. I am swimming forward, big and proud, along the side lane. The man looks at me and says aloud: “Oh my, another barge is drifting! “Until that moment, I thought that I had the hide of a rhinoceros, and nothing can hurt me. Many people tried to needle or sting me somehow, but I ignored their comments. But these words cut me straight to the heart. I almost sank to the bottom. I could hardly get out of the swimming pool. I felt sick; tears were streaming down my face.

Something is going on with Zina. Negative emotions, comments, and situations are accumulating in her mind. After a while, quantity turns into quality, and then a sudden thought strikes her: “Oh my! I am fat! That’s terrible! I am fat!” Her mental protective shield is broken! How does it affect other areas of her life then? What happens to her pleasures, entertainments, and other things she enjoys?

— They are gradually disappearing from her life.

— Why?

— I look disgusting! I am too fat to go out!

— Or another way: I am a fat cow, I don’t deserve the pleasure.

Precisely! I am good enough only to work hard and helping others… No joy for me.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: When I was fat… What a pleasure it is to say it in the past tense! I used to be just like Zina. I never paid much attention to my weight, but some situations hurt me. I grew up in a village. There were many children of different ages living around and, like all children, we used to give each other nicknames. They called me Pudgy, but there was another nickname. I don’t want to name it, but it really hurt my feelings. Imagine the situation. It’s evening, there are a lot of kids sitting on the benches by my house. I open the door, and they all start to laugh and taunt me. I slammed the door, crying, took a breath, opened the door again, and they started to call me names, and laugh again. It happened pretty often. Kids are cruel. Everybody knows it. Of course, it didn’t happen to me when I became an adult, but each visit to the club with friends was a real challenge. I did my best to smile and have fun, but I felt the pain.

Who would fall in love with a fat girl? I never had any relationships when I was a teen, although I fall in love very easily. As a result, I constantly suffered from unrequited love. Then I reached the crucial stage and told myself: “Come on, take some efforts. You are strong; you can change your life!” I came to the weight loss training session.

Honestly, anytime when I go to the night club, I almost always meet new people and make acquaintances. It doesn’t matter that it comes to nothing. The attention of men helps me feel beautiful and attractive, and one day I will meet my man.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Can she still enjoy TV?

— Yes.

— What about her laptop?

— She can still enjoy it too.

— Books?

— Yes.

— Swimming pool? Zina starts thinking it over: “Only beautiful people like Pamela Anderson and Brad Pitt go there! Apollos and Aphrodites are swimming there! What if I come there with all my excess pounds? No, never! I would never overcome these five meters of shame to the ledge of the swimming pool, and then back from the pool to the locker room. No… What if I jump to the pool, and the water will spill out?

— They would call her barge there! ☺

— Yes. “They will taunt and laugh at me… No!”

So, she’ll never go to the swimming pool again! Then, beautician and massage. She thinks: “Well, I can visit a beautician. As for the massager, I don’t want to demonstrate all my excess pounds to him. He would touch my fat body! He would see all the defects of my body… Oh my, no, never!”

— ☺

— Zina thinks: “That’s enough! There will be the world swimming championship, so I will watch them swimming on TV. What else do I need? What about beautician? There are a lot of TV-shows now. Stylists will catch some woman, dress her hair, tuck her skin, do her makeup… I may watch the show. It will be enough for me! What about movies and theater? First, it smells of popcorn there. Besides, I probably won’t be able to squeeze myself into the chair! What if I meet someone there?”

— ☺

— “Besides, I’ll need to put on something nice… No need to bother. I can watch TV! Hundreds of channels, thousands of TV shows… Shopping…”

— It’s nearly impossible to find clothes that fit me!

— Exactly! “I am tired of hearing the same phrase everywhere: “We don’t have plus size clothing.” I should better watch shopping TV-shows.

There are shows where they catch a woman, pick up stylish clothes for her, and demonstrate the result. That’s it! No shopping for me!” Communication.

— They will see me and comment on my appearance…

— Every time when friends meet me, they say:

“Hi Zina, it’s a long time since I saw you last! Oh my, you’ve gained some pounds again. Never mind, there is more of you to love.”

Zina stops meeting friends and begins to communicate via the phone. It’s very comfortable. When talking via Skype, Zina adjusts the camera to make only face visible.

— ☺

— You know, once a woman told me: “There is a small frame at the bottom showing how I look. I noticed that my face became too big and doesn’t fit in the frame! Then I told everyone that my cam had been broken.”

Shopping, swimming, sex, and mates helps a lot to drop some weight

— “I don’t go out, so I don’t need new clothes. I can save some money.”

Love, sex. “Oh my, — Zina thinks. — How could it come to your mind?! How much should I drink, how dark should it be… All these odd positions… I’ll need to check how I look, trying to hide my rolls of fat somehow…” Once she denied it — “I am tired,” “I have a headache.” Her husband doesn’t offer it next time, then she refuses again… Then he stopped offering her sex. Physical love is gradually disappearing from their life.

What may fill the empty space in the Pleasure circle?

— Food!

— It looks like we overeat to make up for a lack of other things! What mischief!

— You are right. This empty space in your life is filled with food.

— Job…

— No, we don’t include a job into the Pleasure circle. Duty and pleasure belong to different sides of life.

— But sometimes a job may bring pleasure!

— You are right. However, we don’t see it as pleasure or entertainment.

Imagine that you wake up in the morning… You feel sick, or maybe you feel overstressed or sad. You would like to stay at home. But you have no choice! You have to go to work. This is definitely not a pleasure, but an obligation, responsibility. You can deny yourself pleasure or entertainment, but you can’t deny a job. This is the main difference between pleasure and job. You don’t always want to work, but you have to.

Look what we have here! How are we going to change this complicated situation with the food dominance and lack of other entertainments in the Pleasure circle?

— Let’s take the food away.

— If we do it, there will be huge empty area in the Pleasure circle. What is the simplest way? What shall we start with?

— It’s easier to start from returning the entertainments that used to be your favorite ones before, the ones that are familiar to you. Let’s get them back. Start attending a swimming pool again. Raise a hand if you used to go to the swimming pool before, or maybe you still go there. You will be my witnesses. Tell me, please, are there only slender beautiful people in the swimming pool?

— There are big people too.

— How many big people are there? I mean, on average, in percentage terms.

— About half of the visitors.

— And nobody cares, right? Half of the people are swimming; the others are hanging around and chatting.

— ☺

— A couple of friends keep chatting in the middle of the lane…

— Yes. You should know that swimming is great whole-body training.

Swim slowly, at a steady pace. Swimming, walking, and dancing are great tools, but not to the point of exhaustion.

The benchmark for the right physical activity level is smooth breathing. If you lose your breath while training, it means that you are overloaded. Consult your physician about the physical activity level you can handle.

Besides, let’s get back a beautician and massage. Apparently, it’s good for a person who is getting slim.

Movies and theater. You will never get all the emotions while watching movies on TV. Going to a theater or to a cinema is an event. You choose an outfit, you need to find the time, to grab some of your friends or loved ones… You see new people and let them see you. When a hundred people are laughing or feel sad at the same time, it creates a unique emotional atmosphere! Add the big screen or stage, a powerful audio system. Who likes it? Raise a hand if you enjoy going to the movies and theater. Seven people. What about the others? Do you prefer staying at home?

— I haven’t been to the cinema since I was a teen…

— When Auntie Zina is sitting at home in front of the TV, even an interesting movie seems to be boring sometimes.

— Yes, it’s true!

— The theater is good too. Especially when the actors are good, and you are sitting close to the stage.

Besides, let’s return shopping in your life. Our clients often buy beautiful clothes of a smaller size and slim down to put it on later.

— I tried this way once, and it helped a lot!

— It is difficult for a woman to give up shopping. No need to do it. It is always good to treat yourself to something beautiful, interesting, and useful. Find the opportunity to pamper yourself. But you have to know where to draw the line.

Some people overcome food addiction by switching to shopping addiction. ☺ Fortunately, it can be treated too.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: I guess I am a shopaholic! When I was fat, I used to wear baggy clothes, mostly wide trousers, and oversized sweaters. Now I have both financial and physical opportunity to wear beautiful clothes. I often go to the theater and always do my hair, make-up, and put on a beautiful dress.

I enjoy being pretty. Colleagues often ask me: “You are so elegant! Where are you going today?” I reply: “I am not going anywhere. I am just in a good mood.” I dress up for myself and enjoy it. Why not? I am a pretty girl.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Communication. Who uses to say nasty things about excess weight more often — people who are overweight or slim people?

— Overweight people.

— Precisely! Why? Any ideas?

— I met a friend of mine on a bus yesterday. She is overweight too, but she told me: “Oh my, you are getting bigger and bigger.” I wish I could answer something like: “Look at yourself!”

— ☺

— Did you say it?

— No.

— Why?

— Believe me, I will tell her this when I meet her again.

— ☺

— It often happens to me. Once I went to school where I had been working for a long time, and my former colleague said: “Oh my, you’ve gained weight!” I thought to myself: “You should better keep your mouth shut…”

— ☺

— There were a lot of people around. I got confused. They all looked at us immediately. I don’t want to attract too much attention.

— Tayisia is not the only person who faces this situation…

— I always hear it: “Oh my, you are getting as big as me!”

— “My Mom is just like you, but she is tall.”

— “Fortunately, I am still not as big as you are…” ☺

— Have you ever noticed that angry people use to complain about others: “Why is the world so cruel? Why are the people so angry?” They don’t realize that they are angry. Another example: a greedy person uses to complain about the others: “People are greedy! Money grubbers are everywhere!” But the problem is his greediness.

— Yes, it happens.

— He has some flaws, and he notices them in other people. When overweight people remind you again and again about your weight, they are talking about themselves, not about you. It happens due to a mental defense mechanism — psychological projection. Some people hate something in themselves; they are eating their hearts out because of it. But they cannot admit it! That’s when the mechanism of projection gets activated, and they start seeing this flaw elsewhere.

— What about the slim people?

— The slim people comment on other’s weightless often, as most of them are not interested in this topic.

— They see that they are slim and say to themselves: “There is no point in hurting another person.”

— Precisely. As for overweight people, they sometimes enjoy it.

— OK, let’s talk about obese people…

— They say fat people are kinder than the skinny ones. Ha!

— ☺

— I don’t think so.

— When we discussed the difference between Rescuing and Kindness, I mentioned deposits of emotions accumulated by overweight people: insult, guilt, anger. But they want to look friendly and social. Therefore, a person may kindly look at you with a smile, but he or she is burning with anger or “souring” inside… The person overeats this feeling.

Zina tells herself: “What for do I need communication and meetings with friends? I can watch series and all kinds of shows on TV. They discuss interesting and meaningful topics. I’ll never be able to talk like this!”

As for love and sex, Zina’s mind can’t adopt the idea. Of course, it’s easier to tell yourself: “Hey, how could it come to your mind?!”

— ☺

— She believes that it’s the eternal fitness of things. Zina took the decision, but sometimes it’s hard for her to put up with it. Even if her man tells her: “It’s OK, I adore you! I love every curve of your body!” Some men prefer big women, and some men adore skinny women. Imagine that a man tells her: “It’s OK.” He wants to make love to her. The problem is that she doesn’t love and accept herself as she is. Therefore, she starts to make love unwillingly, she feels worried and uneasy:

“Oh my, how huge is my leg!” She is focused not on the process, but on her appearance:

“Oh, my tummy… Dear me, it is so saggy…” As a result, a woman doesn’t enjoy sex at all.

By the way, we agreed that there should be no TV, books, or laptops in this sector, as we must not combine these entertainments with food. Food is still a source of pleasure, but you have to take it regularly to nourish your body. What is the easiest way to refill the lack of joy and happiness?

— Shall we spend the time doing something else instead of eating all the time?

— You are not the only one who came to the conclusion!

A woman from another group recently told me: “My husband is always by my side. Thus, I use a French diet. More sex, fewer cakes.”

Then an issue occurs.

A man came and told me: “What have you done to my wife? We have been married for twenty years. Our life was nice and scheduled. We used to make love once or twice a week. Suddenly… After attending the weight loss session, she returns from work, cheerful and joyful, pokes at the calculator, jumps on the scales, eats a few crumbles, and says: “I feel empty inside. Give me pleasure!”

— ☺

— “I was told that I eat a lot because there is not enough joy in my life! You are my husband, right? Right! So, give me some joy! Fill my emptiness!”

He told me: “I fill it every day, again and again, in the morning, in the evening… Tell me one thing… Does she do it because she loves me?!”

— ☺

— “Or she does it because you prescribed her sex for weight loss?! I don’t want to be a weight-loss sex tool!”

— ☺

— “What a mess! It was me who paid for this course!”

— ☺

— We returned a lot of entertainment into Zina’s life. But there is still empty space in the Pleasure circle. Let’s add more enjoyments; otherwise, food will occupy this area sooner or later. Open your workbooks and find your records about fifty shades of pleasure. I hope you have done your homework. The ones who haven’t done it will improvise.

— Trips.

— Write down the one word — “Traveling”. It includes long-distance travel, trips around the city or to adjacent cities, travels abroad, picnics…

— Walks in the park.

— Excursions.

— Let’s add it all to Traveling.

— Sauna.

— Certainly, sauna and steam baths. By the way, it is a great way to accelerate metabolic processes. But don’t forget to consult your doctor before going to the sauna.

— Fitness.

— Let’s mark it as Sport. Please, be cautious. At first, you shall better choose the activities I mentioned: walking, dancing, and swimming. You can try body flex. If you attend the gym, for example, when you have already paid for a gym membership, don’t try everything you see. Don’t work too hard! You may just walk on the race track, spin pedals slowly. You may try cardio. Your breathing must be regular.

An hour of rest after a meal makes you chubby and frill

Saying

— Sleeping.

— Really?

— Yes.

— Raise a hand if you think that sleeping is a pleasure. Five people. Here is your homework — sleep yourself out! It means that you suffer from a lack of sleep.

Sleeping is not pleasure; it is just an ordinary physiological need. When you consider sleeping a pleasure, it means that you don’t get enough sleep.

Lack of sleep is the main reason for the deterioration of health and well-being. Besides, it causes false hunger!

— Long-lasting lack of sleep…

— It leads to chronic fatigue syndrome.

— Gardening.

— It is a divisive issue.

— It happens sometimes. Some people enjoy working in the garden.

— Yes.

— You work and have fun at the same moment…

— ☺

— I guess Snezhana enjoys it. Am I right? ☺

— Yes! ☺

— I want to clarify a few moments about gardening. Some people really enjoy and love it, but others work hard just like slaves. Neighbors recognize each other’s bottoms instead of faces…

— ☺

— A bucket of tomatoes, a bucket of cucumbers… Then you often throw it away.

— I get an abundant harvest every year. All my family members eat these vegetables.

— The crazy thing about that is that you can buy all these vegetables in the supermarket, and it will cost less…

— A patient of mine told me a story recently. His mother-in-law and his wife bothered him with gardening. They forced him to dig here and there, to grow vegetables. The man got tired; he hated gardening. He says: “Once I came to our country house and asphalted most of the garden. I did it before the gardening season and didn’t tell them. They, fit and cheerful, came to the house with seedlings and saw there…”

— ☺

— ☺ … only a few flower beds.

— Poor lad! What did they do to him?

— He is still alive! He is losing weight successfully.

— Fishing.

— Mushrooms and berries.

— Needlework.

— Cookery.

— Agree. The art of cooking delicious, nutritious, healthy food is great. What about shows and concerts?

— Are you talking about homemade shows? ☺

— ☺ No.

— For example, Stas Mikhailov.

— He is one of the most successful pop singers in Russia. You know, a few years ago, he lived in a rented apartment in St. Petersburg; he stood on the street and handed out printed flyers to people asking them: “Please, come to my show.” It was a few years ago. I should admit that he is a goal-oriented person.

— Women’s love can change a person’s life!

— He is not afraid to take action! He printed flyers, he spent hours, standing on the street, handing them to people. Mikhailov picked up three hundred people to his show. The tickets were extremely cheap! “Please, come to my show.” That’s what commitment can do.

— Pets.

— What? Who?

— Whom are you talking about?

— I’ve got a cat.

— Me too. I’ve got Don Sphynx, a hairless cat…

— Oh, I know the breed. They are so warm…

— Yes, they are cool…

— I have Siberian cats: black ears, black paws, black tail…

— Great!

— Music…

— What about karaoke bars? Dancing, like clubs where you can dance and enjoy yourself.

— Skis.

— We will add it to Sport. What about the games?

— Playing cards.

— Trictrac.

— Chess.

— Checkers…

— Computer games.

— Right. There are many games — computer games, paintball, and monopoly, and crossword puzzles, and so on. There are a lot of fun games to do with friends. Do you remember the games our parents used to play? Backgammon, checkers, chess, lotto, cards, dominoes…

— Mumble-the-peg.

— Precisely. Forfeits. ☺

— One can play the guitar and sing!

— Look, there is no empty space in our circle. Which of our “entertainments” can we reduce?

— Sex!

— Food!

— Do you really want to minimize sex?!

— No, let’s cut out food!

— ☺

— Let’s reduce the time allowed for watching TV! ☺ If we continue to fill the circle for another twenty minutes, we’ll need one more circle for new ideas! These are our sources of joy. There are only two options. Either you get joy, or you get a lack of joy, which leads to a melancholy and dull life.

Dull, boring life causes false hunger and overeating.

Gennadiy Arturovich Arustamov, 41, Ph. D. in Economics, a CEO of “Reka-More” company, dropped 90 lbs:

Actually, I knew nothing about entertainment and joy. I had no idea that I could get a real tangible pleasure from something. Of course, there were some sources of satisfaction. You can always buy something. But speaking about true pleasure… I hardly enjoyed it. It was probably a sort of sensation that I could afford it. It was more likely a swift, instantaneous feeling of satisfaction. Now I get pleasure from simple things — from places that I visit when traveling, from a fresh cup of coffee, from sensation I feel. I enjoy this incredible pleasure from being here and now. I still don’t know how to explain it, as I am still learning to be here and now, but I enjoy telling you about fascinating moments of awareness I experience sometimes. We can enjoy our life spending time with kids, having dinner with our loved ones, and get more pleasure talking to them. I can go together with my spouse to a small outdoor coffee shop and get incredible pleasure from it.

There is pleasure in being in different situations, in being here and now, feeling reality…

As far as I understood after our talks with Artyom, a lot of people present in the current moment only physically, but mentally they are constantly traveling between the past and the future.

I used to do it too. Sure! It was the only way I could live at that time. I understand how it happened.

Why do I speak about society all the time? Nowadays, our pleasure is often associated with consumption. For example, you can get pleasure buying an iPhone. I am telling you about the pleasure of being. How could it be compared with the pleasure of buying an iPhone? This is the pleasure imposed by society, advertising. It is a sort of conditional achievement. When you bought an iPhone, it means that you achieved something. So, enjoy it. It’s easy for me to talk about it. I’ve got an iPhone. But I realize how confusing it might be for a person who cannot afford it, but society demands him to have it. The person might feel stuck and confused, and it might be hard for him to let it go. The environment demands him to have iPhone. When you don’t have it, it’s nearly impossible to enjoy being here and now! However, in my opinion, the purest pleasure we can enjoy in this life is the pleasure of being.

You must spend enough of time, money and energy on yourself!

— How can we introduce new joys and entertainments into our life? We need time, money, and energy. Remember the drama triangle and Rescuing. It is hard to pass up the crown of Rescuer… Sometimes Victims, sitting on his back, are nice and kind to him: “You are a great person! We can’t do without you!”

It’s a sort of zero-sum game. You can spend resources either on Victims or on yourself. Try to assess the situation rationally. Who feels that he is a fanatic Rescuer? Be honest. Raise a hand. Olesya, Mila, Anzhelika, Larisa. We have four Rescuers here. Who enjoys rescuing, but can handle it? Nadezhda, Eugenia… So, do you see what’s going on? You don’t have enough time, money, and energy for yourself!

When a person does for others the work that they can do on their own, these people gradually become weak, irresponsible, and arrogant. Meanwhile, the Rescuer becomes unhappy, ill, and overweight! Should we change the situation? Aren’t you tired of pulling others’ chestnuts out of the fire?

— Yes!

— I wish I could change it carefully and competently, and gradually…

— I wish you luck if you are really determined to do it. I provide individual counseling if you need it. Besides, I provide so-called “family” counseling. You can visit me together with your partner or spouse if you are trying to get a relationship back on track.

A slim person himself builds his own life

— Let’s return to our discussion about entertainment and pleasure. It makes sense to schedule them since you will hardly have any entertainment until you plan it. Our clients often complain: “I can’t get to the cinema on Friday, at 7 pm, until I write it down to my organizer. Otherwise, someone would force me to go somewhere else, or I would stay at work or end up doing something at home.” Let’s plan entertainment: for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Sometimes it’s enough to find ten minutes or half an hour… and to spend this time doing what you enjoy. You eagerly move on since you know that something nice is waiting for you.

— Sometimes unplanned entertainment is better than the planned one…

— Yes, it happens, but, however, if you don’t schedule anything, you won’t get it.

First, it depends on how busy you are, and whether you can change and regulate your schedule by your choice. It determines a lot. That’s one.

Secondly, some people use to act spontaneously, while others prefer planning. Planning people have a daily schedule for the next few months or a year. Spontaneous people quickly adapt to the situation and eagerly change their plans. However, planning can be useful for both types of people. Sometimes a person, especially a Rescuer, gets bogged down in work and chores. If he does not begin to schedule his entertainment (no matter whether he is a planner or a spontaneous person by nature), he will never get any pleasure!

Once they asked a famous author: “You wrote a lot of novels, you won a lot of awards. Millions of readers all over the world enjoy your books.

You’ve got a lot of money; your life was so exciting. What can you say, looking back on your life?” He replied: “Well, what can I say… It was my life. Sometimes I enjoyed it.” The real moments of joy, happiness are recognized and appreciated. They are kept in memory like bright stars. Human consciousness uses to get rid of hard, harmful, and painful memories. These memories are pushed away, out of the awareness field. As for the moments of joy, we remember them for years. Do you agree?

— The author you told us about was ninety or so, right?

— Yes.

— He wanted to leave something for future generations…

— He was talking not about writing, but about his life: “It was life. Sometimes I enjoyed it.”

— Yes, after all, life is not only about work and chores…

— Really?

— What great thoughts we’ve got on the fourth day!

— ☺

— Who can change our life and make it happy and joyful?

— We can do it!

— Yes, it’s all about you. That’s the problem. You stand against the same enemies — “busy”, “I have a lot of things to do…” However, as you see, most of these things are pointless and even harmful.

Besides, you have to realize the following:

A lifestyle of an overweight person is a “home and work” cycle. People use to see all the other problems as side issues and the overweight body as the main issue. A person says: “I wish I could drop some weight, then…” What?

— Everything will change.

— Everything will be fine. So, he tries to drop weight. He chooses one of the seven hundred methods of weight loss, gains a slim body (sometimes by force, through long-term harassment and torturing). Now the main problem is settled. The excess body fat is eliminated. So what?!

— Now you can’t say that all the issues are caused by the excess weight.

— A person finally realizes it. By the way, why it seems like the number of problems has increased? Why does the person feel more anxious?

— He used to overeat stress caused by the problems before. Therefore, it was easier to handle them.

— Precisely. But he cannot relieve the strain with eating, as this will lead to weight gain. What will happen soon?

— The person will start to overeat again. Once I dropped weight this way. Then I started to gain pounds back.

— He becomes overweight again and gets back to his favorite excuse: “All my problems are caused by the excess weight. I wish I could drop some weight… I guess it’s because of bad Karma…” Stress is relieved by eating. “How are you?” — “I am fine, but I wish I could drop some weight…”

Excess weight is only a symptom indicating that something is out of order. There may be physiological, psychological, or social issues.

An average overweight person drops/ gains about nine hundred pounds. You drop eight pounds and then gain ten pounds. Then you drop ten pounds and gain fifteen pounds. The body is like a balloon. You inflate it and then deflate it again and again. It’s time to break the vicious circle, agree?

— Yes!

— I am so tired of it!

As you can guess, overweight doesn’t go with the lifestyle of a slim person! A lifestyle of a slim person is a life full of joy, pleasure, drive, accomplishments, reasonable moving toward constructive, attractive goals, and self-nurturing, which is vital for health and happiness.

Then it will be easy for you to drop weight. We have true and false hunger. Do you think that if you regularly enjoy all the entertainments and pleasure you love, then the false hunger will torment you less?

— Yes, definitely. You would hardly have time to feed the true hunger four or six times a day when life is so exciting!

— So, these excess pounds will disappear easily and naturally. Perhaps you have heard the stories or met the people who became slim after their personal, professional areas of life got improved. Have you heard the stories? Tell us about it.

— When I fell in love, a lot of new exciting things were introduced into my life. I dropped excess weight without making any effort. I lost about thirty pounds within a few months!

— Great!

— When did it happen?

— Eleven years ago.

— I guess you all heard stories like that.

— Yes.

— Then the person stops catering to the true needs of the soul and body; he becomes very busy.

As a result, he gradually loses his health and happiness.

— I ate potatoes and a can of pickled tomatoes today. Is it OK?

— You shouldn’t eat a lot of pickled vegetables. Keep in mind that spicy, salty, smoked food can be eaten only in small amounts; otherwise, you’ll never drop weight, or even gain some weight again. This sort of food makes your body retain water.

— Does it mean that pickled tomatoes are banned?

— Why? You can eat pickled vegetables but in a smaller amount.

— We cannot abandon it!

— You mean YOU cannot abandon it. Right?

— OK, I cannot abandon it.

— As they say, “I cannot” means” I don’t want.” Anyway, you should eat one tomato per meal and only if it doesn’t prevent you from losing weight.

— But one tomato is not enough!

— You can take one more tomato for the next meal.

True and false hunger.

Are you sure that you can distinguish between true and false hunger?

— Yes.

— Who recognized the false hunger today or yesterday?

— I did.

— Tell us when it happened.

— I went to work by car and saw the ice-cream shop. “It would be great to get some ice-cream.” Then it came to my mind that it would be wrong to eat it.

— Let’s get this sorted out. Did you feel emptiness, growling, and sucking in your stomach?

— I guess it was close.

— Did you feel it or not?

— No.

— How much time has passed since the last meal?

— About three and a half hours.

— What would you say, hunger experts?

— It could be a true hunger.

— What did you eat for the last meal?

— Water rice porridge, 100 grams.

— What else?

— I ate a banana.

— How soon will you probably feel hunger pangs after eating such food?

— In two hours or so.

— About two hours. You hadn’t been eating for three and a half hours to this moment.

It was…

— Hunger! How did it happen that I was craving for ice-cream?

— You saw ice-cream and wanted to eat the common food, with which you used to feed your hunger. At some point, when the hunger became strong, it doesn’t matter what to eat. True hunger would prefer to get nutritious foods, but it can be satisfied with anything. So, as you see, it was true hunger. It’s essential to recognize false hunger.

Let’s discuss another “hunger case”. Did you recognize your mistake? Sometimes people mistake “underfed” hunger for false hunger. When you didn’t eat enough, or when food was not nutritious, the hunger will come sooner. You feel satisfied for an hour or two, but then hunger comes again: “I am your hunger. Feed me!” but the person replies: “No, you are false hunger.” That’s all! People don’t recognize true hunger and ban it. So, you’ve recognized your mistake, right? Do you have another example, Elizaveta?

— If I feel hungry in less than three hours, then I don’t eat enough, right?

— In practice, it leads to the reduction of pauses between meals. Until recently, it was considered that a five-hour pause is OK. Then experts came to the conclusion that four hours is preferable. Now they are talking about three hours… That’s it. Hunger can come earlier. It means that you have to feed it. But you should better feed your hunger with nutritious food. Then it will come back only in three or four hours.

False hunger control techniques

— Four magic questions. False hunger control technique number one.

Four magic questions. We are not going to discuss them now since you have already learned them. What are they?

— What was I doing?

— The second question.

— What was I thinking about?

— The third question.

— How did I feel?

— Then the final fourth question — you have to realize what you really need.

The second technique — check for the calories in the goodie you are craving for.

— So, he checks…

— You should better say “She checks” when you refer to yourself in the third person! Imagine, Victor said: “She checks.” I bet you would be surprised!

— ☺

— There are a lot of women who present themselves in a masculine manner.

— Women do not wear skirts anymore… Men do not wear skirts, but women use to wear trousers regularly…

— I ask them: “Why?” “Well, that’s because there are too many “huts that are aflame” and” run-away horses.” We have no choice!” We will discuss it today. Can this technique be applied to control false hunger? Sometimes after checking the calorie content of the desired treatment, you suddenly don’t feel hungry anymore. Has it ever happened to you?

— Yes.

— Nevertheless, I would eat it without hesitation.

— Remember how you felt after the check of the calorie content of the goodies. Were you shocked?

— Yes.

And the false hunger disappeared

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

Once a study was conducted in which people who did not need to lose weight were trained to count calories. Then the researches checked how it affected their diet. As a result, those who were prepared to take into account the energy value of products began to eat one and a half or two times less in calories compared to the control group, which was not trained to count calories. The strength of the experiment lies in the fact that these people did not need to lose weight, but the comprehension of how much you eat starts to adjust your food behavior.

Now let us imagine another situation. People come to a restaurant with two halls. In the first hall, they give you a regular menu, which contains the dishes and prices. In the second hall, the menu includes the calorie content of every dish. In what hall will people eat more? Of course, in the hall, where the calorie content is not indicated. Therefore, despite the decree of the Government of the Russian Federation that the calorie content of dishes should be indicated by the public catering companies, many of them use to avoid it. This puts them at a great disadvantage.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Another technique — take control of yourself.

You can keep your hunger over control for five or seven minutes, for example, when you are walking somewhere and suddenly enter the area of “false hunger attack”. You see, or maybe smell something yummy, you heard something… Just go ahead and leave it behind!

Another technique — distract yourself with entertainment.

It works great. Chat on the phone, take a walk, go to the mall, go shopping, depending on where the false hunger overtook you. If you asked yourself four magic questions and realized that at this moment you are craving for love, but you can’t fulfill it right now, distract yourself with some entertainment. The false hunger disappears, and you feel better.

Think about your aim. The slimness symbol, the symbol of your goal, can be beneficial. Take it out, look at it, think about your desire. Your goal has to be attractive; it must be clearly indicated and written! You have to bring me at least seven aims written in your notebook in a month.

Please, write them down. “I am slim here and there,” “I am walking along the beach and meet my school friends…” or “I enter the sea, go out…” and so on.

Please, describe the situation in detail. Imagine that you need to write a scenario for five minutes clip video.

Read it daily, at least once or twice. It will help you to concentrate on your goal.

Then, when you compare this attractive “cool” goal that is described in detail with some poor cake or chocolate bar… No doubt the cake will lose the competition!

Ksenya, you have already described us your goal. Do you visualize it clearly?

— Sure!

— Now you need a symbol of slimness, a small item that will remind you about it. You are standing on the beach, slim, sexy, and attractive… Some lousy cake can’t beat it! So what? Is this goal more attractive?

— Yes!

Make a deal with your false hunger. I have already mentioned this technique, but I should better describe it again. You feel false hunger suddenly even though it is not the right time for a meal: “I want this chocolate bar NOW!” Tell it: “Well, let’s do it in the following way. I will feed my true hunger in an hour, and you will get this chocolate bar after a meal, as a dessert”. The false hunger asks you: “Are you sure?” — “Yes.” — “Okay, deal!”

— The issue is settled.

— I guess you are right.

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: Fire. Since ancient times, the fire gave protection to humans and, therefore, brought conciliation. You can take advantage of this amazing ability of the fire and put a lighted candle on the table when setting the table for dinner. You will notice in a while that, for some reason, you will start eating much less than before.

Water. Water, just like fire, relieves psycho-emotional stress. And if upon arriving home in the evening, you will have dinner after taking a shower or a bath, most likely you will eat fewer sweets than you used to eat before.

Pranking (it doesn’t work for serious people). There is another completely absurd but effective way — pranking.

Betty Erickson, an internationally recognized expert on various psychological problems, says that the worst thing that can happen to a person is a loss of touch with his inner “toddler” whose eyes are always wide open, who eagerly learns new things and never feels bored. If an adult loses touch with the inner child and becomes too serious, he will never be happy no matter how famous or rich he is. Betty believes that in many ways, the task of psychotherapy is to help a person to reunite with his inner child.

The main feature of pranking is to escape being caught, that is, it is impossible to play pranks if there is nobody around. I faced all kinds of pranks. I’ll share with you two almost completely harmless options.

My client felt that the false hunger was about to defeat her, got some water into the bathtub — as if it were a puddle — and stepped inside in her shoes. That’s what all children adore doing: walk through the puddles. At that moment her inner child just squealed with joy, and the false hunger disappeared! Don’t forget to close the door to the bath when you are doing it, otherwise you will scare your family.

Another client couldn’t fall asleep. She felt that in a few minutes she wouldn’t be able to oppose it and would go to the kitchen for some biscuits… So, the woman picked up crayons, went out onto the stair hall, and painted a flower on the neighbor’s door. She returned home happy and pleased with herself, went to bed, and quickly fell asleep.

It is necessary to do something that adults do not usually allow themselves, but the child would really. But make sure that your pranks do not hurt or bother others. Assign a toy to the role of false hunger (it won’t work for serious people for sure).

To distinguish between themselves and false hunger (to keep it under control), some clients assign some kind of toy or item to the role of the false hunger. This is especially efficient for the ones who live on their own. It may seem a bit odd that you are talking with cats, dogs, birds, turtles, photographs of people, and so on. However, it’s not a problem. The problem may arise if they start to reply to you. As for the kids, they use to talk to toys pretty often. If they don’t do it, it is pretty odd. So there is nothing new in this technique. It’s just another toy named False hunger. When the false hunger attacks you, pick up this toy, and talk to it. If this technique suits you, then you will almost immediately notice that your desire to eat quickly vanishes.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— “Stinking jar”. Finns have a wonderful technique that helps to oppose false hunger. They sell special cans, aerosols with nasty but harmless content. Anytime when you feel false hunger, you pick up the aerosol, zap a portion into your mouth and the false hunger disappears.

— ☺

— And you go further as if nothing were wrong. By the way, it costs eighty euros. Of course, Russian people found another way. They take a small jar, for example, a baby food jar with a tight lid. Put a small piece of liver into it, leave it in a warm place — near the heating battery or in the sun. In a week you will get your stinking jar!

— ☺

— By the way, there is no need to open it. When you feel false hunger, take out the jar from your bag and look through the glass at what is going on there. Must have been quite a show. However, if observing it doesn’t help, you can open it. Please, be merciful, don’t do it in public places! Go to the bathroom. Or get out of bus at the bus stop. Open the jar… Remember, don’t keep it close to your face! The smell spreads around instantly! The false hunger vanishes instantly…

— ☺

— One man from Saransk texted me: “Artyom, that was one of the most valuable tips I’ve got at the training session. I suffered for years. It takes me nearly an hour to get home from work. The bus is always crowded…” Have you got it?

— ☺

— He made the stinking jar and said: “I enter the bus, hardly being able to get inside…” He does it quietly and secretively, like a stinking terrorist. “I open the jar, and all the people from the rear platform get off the bus at the next stop…”

— ☺

— “I take a nice place feeling cool and cheerful.” I text him: “Watch out! They will beat you if they find out what’s going on.”

— I heard that it’s good to have blue plates in the kitchen.

— Exactly. Blue color helps to decrease hunger to an acceptable level. Let us just focus on beautiful colored kitchenware. We will not delve deeper into this topic. All you need is a nice dinnerware. Scientists say that colorfully painted dishes helps to feel full sooner.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs:

Oh yes, the stinking jar works great! In my group, Artyom used one technique, which was a kind of shock therapy to me. We were asked to bring our favorite food. We all brought all types of food: stakes, fish rolls, salads. One woman brought a bottle of vodka. So, we took all these high calorie harmful yummy foods. Artyom told us: “Chew it, but do not swallow.” We chewed the foods and then spat it into one plastic bag. All the people in the group did it. Then we seasoned the content of the package with vodka. Then Artyom mixed it all and carried the opened bag along with the room, forcing us to smell it.

Oh, my God! Needless to say, I felt sick immediately. Food gets mixed in our stomach in a similar way when we throw everything in there. I use to think about this experience when I eat a lot.

Yes, I admit Mr. Eating Frenzy still comes to me sometimes.

Sometimes I oppose him, sometimes I just relax. I know the secrets of slimness, and it doesn’t bother me at all.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Reading, meditation, praying.

Many experts recommend it to control the false hunger. Most of my clients consider this technique to be very efficient.

(Break)

Meet your inner child, adult and parent

— We are going to travel to the past now! A short trip to the past. Just relax and put your hands comfortably. Please, switch off the lights.

(Trip to your Inner Child)

— My voice is getting distinctly audible. It means you are back. Welcome back. Be careful, I switch on the lights. Now, I want you to tell me if you have met your inner child and how you feel now. Ksenya?

— Yes, I have… The only thing I would like to do now is to take this girl with me. I deceived her…

— Why do you think so?

— I left her there…

— Well, I think I can set your mind at rest right now. This girl is always in your heart. She is the inner child you were looking for. There is no need to tell you that no matter how old you are, he (or she) follows you wherever you go. Anzhelika, how do you feel now?

— I am fine.

— Nadezhda?

— I am a bit upset.

— Have you met your inner child?

— Yes.

— Olesya?

— Yes, I have met her. I am upset. She is so sweet.

— Mila?

— I have met my inner child.

— So, how do you feel?

— I feel ashamed.

— What about you, Victor?

— It seems to me I was gone during the meditation.

— Eugenia?

— I am not sure… I feel annoyed, offended…

— But have you met my inner child?

— Yes.

— Tayisia?

— During the meditation, the rest of the world just got tuned out…

— Larisa, what about you? How do you feel now?

Can you formulate your feeling? Is it sorrow? I see. Elizaveta?

— I feel sad too.

— Have you met your inner child? Nika?

— Yes, I have. It’s so sad.

— Snezhana?

— I feel a bit sad.

— Have you met your inner child?

— Yes.

— Let’s get this sorted out. Why did we do it? What was the goal of our trip? You realized that the inner child is still there, hiding inside you. This little boy or girl has always been and will continue to be part of your personality. The child is still there, inside you.

Eric Berne created the theory of transactional analysis as a way of explaining human behavior. Perhaps you have already heard about him or read his books. For example, “Games People Play: the Psychology of Human Relations”. Has anyone come across the book? He considered that there are three ego-states of the individual personality: the Parent, Adult, and Child state. What is the favorite word of a Child?

— Mommy?

— No, Nadezhda. We wish it would be “mother”, but in fact the favorite word of any child is…

— Want.

— Precisely. What does he want? Some medicine?

— No. ☺

— What does he want?

— He wants sweets, delicacies.

— Why sweets? He is craving for entertainments and pleasure. Any child wants to play and have fun. Now, what are favorite words of a Parent? “Need”, “must”, and “prohibited”.

What’s a favorite word of an Adult?

— Busy?

— Imagine an adult person walking along the street, it’s twenty degrees below zero. Suddenly he feels strong desire for ice-cream, right here, right now… Who’s responsible for this desire?

— A child.

— Exactly. The inner child tells him: “I want ice-cream! Now!” An inner parent immediately takes his place and says…

— You must not eat it now.

— You must not eat ice-cream now, because you have to be healthy. You need to take care of your family. If there were only inner parent and inner child we would never enjoy ice-cream and other unhealthy delicacies. However, ice-cream is popular in Russia even in wintertime, because an inner adult takes his place and says: “I can eat some ice-cream!” But where?

— At home.

— At home or in the restaurant, where it’s warm enough. That’s how it goes. Our sub-personalities rise up to the surface of our consciousness, in turn, depending on the situation. When it’s necessary, an inner “parent” pops up. He is responsible for keeping the rules and norms. In fact, it’s a kind of legal framework, instructions, which determine what you are allowed, and you are not allowed to do. Where did he get all these rules?

— Parents taught him.

— Parents, emotionally significant people he met when he was a child and teenager. That’s the way we get a built-in sub-personality — an inner parent.

Besides, there is an inner adult. He is responsible for work, cooperation, interaction, adult communication, activity, and so on.

As for the inner child, he is responsible for joy, creativity, spontaneity, and happiness. If you let your inner child takes the lead, it will not be a personality of an adult. If you let your inner parent take the lead and dominate, then you will turn into a total fun killer. There will be a row of endless “need”, “must”, “forbidden”. Only all three sub-personalities coexisting in peace and harmony create a harmonious adult personality. What is the main role that many people fall for? It’s an inner “parent”. He uses words like “Need”, “must”, and “forbidden”. Imagine the following situation. People come to the company party. At first they are all stylish and glamorous — suits, dresses, makeup and hairdos. They look so impressive. What role are they playing?

— Parent.

— Precisely. They come and sit at the table. According to Eric Berne, when a person with a dominating internal “parent” speaks to another person with a dominating inner parent, this type of communication is called “demagogues”. The two demagogues start discussing the most “exciting” issues: who is allowed to do this and that, who is not allowed to do it, and so on. Then, after a few drinks…

— ☺

— ...the inner parent with all his rules and regulations is switched off. Actually, that was the plan.

— ☺

— The hairdos are a bit wild, ties are loosened, and the next thing… Well, you know.

— ☺

— It’s time for another kind of talking. Men discuss women, women discuss men, shopping, trips, life, and so on. Later, after the Big Boss has left the party, people get some more drinks. The inner adult is switched off too. Now it’s time for inner children to play. It’s party time!

Then the next morning, a person wakes up again in the “full” state. All sub-personalities are in place and operating normally. The inner parent was “switched off”, but he has got the information since it was preserved somewhere in his mind. The inner adult has been “switched off” as well. They both get alerted and immediately ask the inner child: “What happened last night?” — “What’s wrong? I just…” — “I said to you many times: eat more and drink less! As for you, you shouldn’t drink at all!”

— ☺

— “And you shouldn’t dance half-naked on the table!”

— “Why?” It is fun!” — “I told you shouldn’t do it! This is inappropriate!” The inner adult edges himself into the conversation: “That’s enough, guys.” He uses to reconcile the parent and the child, harmonizes, and coordinates their interaction.

Our “must”, “need”, “forbidden” should correlate in harmony with our “want” to create an exciting, useful and safe “can”. That’s the way we live.

Recently, at my training, one of the participants listened to me attentively and then said, smiling: “Oh my, what problems people have!” I tell him: “Believe me, we all have the same problem. Each of us has the inner child, inner adult, and parent. Everyone has these three sub-personalities”.

A young child or a toddler does not have the inner “adult” and “parent” yet. They are still in their infancy. There is only a child. What about his life? Does he have fun?

— Almost all the time.

— Does he get everything he wants?

— Perhaps.

— Well, at least almost everything. He gets nearly everything he wants. Then he is sent to…

— Kindergarten.

— Parents sent him to the kindergarten, and he loses part of the joy there. There are some rules and norms. You have to eat porridge; you have to go to bed in time…

— Put the toys into the box…

— Precisely. So, the child thinks: “Okay, I can wait. I will go to school soon, and then I will enjoy life of an adult. What a great pleasure it will be!” He comes to school and finds out that it’s not so nice as it seems. It’s going to be ten years in a high-security facility.

— ☺

— The older you get, the harder is life. He is eleven now. Breaks are short. You are not allowed to run at school. Sometimes you get bad marks and have behavior problems, so that the principal calls your parents. You have to do your homework, and so on. Joy is depleting. The child thinks: “Okay then. Let’s wait. I’ll enter the college and get some freedom in there.”

But there are even more duties. No one cares how he manages to study all the things that he has to know. If he fails, he will be kicked out. As a result, you must study, you must do this, you must do that. Then, before you know it, it’s time to get married. In a blink of an eye, you have a child of your own! Meanwhile, your inner child is imprisoned “under lock and key”. You have no time for him and his desires! That’s how it goes. You are always busy.

Meanwhile, your real child (not the inner one) has his inner parent and adult in their infancy. A parent uses his inner “adult” and “parent” to teach him walking, talking, and so on. That’s very important! Maybe later, after we raise the child, we will finally have some time for ourselves and for our inner “child”.

— The whole life can pass by like that…

— So, the parent raises the child, takes care of him, but sometimes he goes too far in terms of care. He doesn’t transfer the responsibility to the child as he grows up. A parent takes role of the Rescuer and starts doing the things his child could do on his own. Slowly but steadily, he turns his child into a Victim. The Victim doesn’t want to bear responsibility for his life and let the Rescuer do everything. The Rescuer is pretty happy with it! At least he is pleased at first. At first the parent taught the child to tie shoelaces, but he does it instead of the child anyway. Then he writes compositions and does his child’s homework, chooses his path through life, his spouse, and so on. Who does this child become?

— He becomes weak-willed.

— Weak, helpless, irresponsible. How can he deal with it? Easy! He has a Rescuer! He bears all the responsibilities; he does everything, gives pieces of advice, and makes all the choices. The Victim-child becomes weak, irresponsible, and arrogant. The further it goes, the more impudent he becomes. What person will he become when he grows up? Do you think he will become a person of value?

— No.

— He doesn’t have an inner parent or an inner adult. The only sub-personality he has is an inner child who doesn’t know such words as “can”, “must”, “need”, and “forbidden”. He is physically an adult. But as a person, he is infantile, irresponsible. He can’t do anything; he is incapable of doing anything. Let’s say it’s a boy. He is twenty five year old boy… Such a sweet little child…

— Mommy’s little boy.

— Some negligent short-sighted girl did not get it and fell in love with him! The next step: rings, wedding, and soon the young couple have a baby. Cool!

Two years later, the veils fall from her eyes, and she realizes: “Oh my, he is not a man, he is a boy! He is incapable of doing anything; he is irresponsible and weak…” At first, the young wife goes to her Mom and complains: “Mom, how could this happen?” What does her Mom says in reply? What catchphrase?

— I told you.

— That’s the tone of voice she uses: “I warned you. I told you.” The bewildered girl goes to his Mom. Let’s say they have a great relationship, she even calls her Mom. So, the girl asks her: “Mom, how could this happen? He is incapable of doing anything. He is weak and irresponsible. How are we going to live? What shall we do?” The woman replies: “What did you expect? I have been nursing him for twenty five years. Now it’s your turn. It’s a heavy burden of women. Hey! Where are you going? Wait a minute! Here is the eight-pages list for you to take better care of him. I have described everything here: how hot the soup must be, how to cure him when he catches cold… Give him red pill if he feels sick, green pill — when he coughs. By the way, don’t iron his sleeves with pleats. It’s not fashionable anymore! I saw him yesterday, and his sleeves were pleated!” And so on and so forth.

Her sonny has two Moms now. The one gave him birth. The other one will nurse him for the rest of his life.

However, it can be even worse. A young wife is as infantile as her husband. So, these two “big kids” sponge on the parents for the whole life. No doubt, these parents will get excess weight. Agree? Insult, guilt, anger… They get overwhelmed, living the life of their kids. They are dragging their kidults through life. They suffer but enjoy it at the same time.

“They are too young. They think that they can take decisions on their own. Why in the world do they think that they can take right decisions? Who to marry and how to live? Oh my, are they crazy? It’s only me who is smart and experienced enough! I have brilliant brain under my crown, as for the kids, they are still too young and inexperienced! They are incapable of making a decision.” What if young people try to oppose it? What if they try to settle all the issues on their own?

Then the Rescuers put more pressure on their children: “No, you will live as I told you!” For example, young people move to another city, but parents find them and force them to return home. A sun says: “I want to be a designer.” — “What? Are you crazy? Have you forgotten that you are OUR son? Your dad is a four-star general, your Mom is a high-level public official, and you want to be a designer. Are you kidding? Never! He wanted to marry some foolish girl. Thank God, we found out it and re-married him in a blink of an eye…” And so on. Both parents and children of this type come to me for help. Many kidults say: “Rescue us from the Rescuer!” Because these caring hands reach you and force you to do what they want, make you study at the university that you don’t like.

Once a successful businessman came to me: “I created two companies in the nineties, fought off bandits, went through a lot in my life. As a result, I missed out on the best years, but I thought that my son would live a full life. I bought him the luxury car. He chose some odd profession, but, of course, I didn’t let him ruin his life.

I sent him to the best university to study finances and management. Then he wanted to marry some country girl, but fortunately, I found out about it and settled the problem. I made him marry my partner’s daughter. She is a pretty and smart girl from a rich and decent family. I gave him everything. I helped him to get a good job. He makes a lot of money. Besides, I give him as much money as he needs whenever he asks. Now, tell me why this bastard takes heroine.”

So, why does he do it?

— His father gave him everything, but he never asked what he really needs…

— He is irresponsible.

— He doesn’t have his own life. The young man tried hard to make decisions by himself. He had different plans. The man wanted to marry another woman, to have another job, but Dad gave him the life that HE wanted.

— He doesn’t have the ego of his own.

— He tried to oppose, but Daddy told him strictly: “I told you it will be this way! I am the law!” Then, when he was almost desperate to arrange his life the way he wanted, he… takes the role of Tyrant, the third corner of the Karpman triangle, which we have already discussed. He turns into Tyrant, picks up an injector, and there, with heroin in his blood, he finally becomes a king of the world. That’s it. Nobody forces him to do anything. His life will be probably pretty short. He can die in five or seven years. According to statistics, ninety-three percent of heroin addicts die in the first five or seven years of heroin use. Seven percent addicts go into remission, but with an uncertain outcome. As they say, heroin can wait. So, for the next five years, the son will have “fun”, and they all will jump and run around, trying to cure him, crying, and so on. Meanwhile, he will “live” the way he wants. In fact, he wanted a different life.

He didn’t plan to become addicted. But it is the only life he could get due to his father’s unnecessary care.

Gennadiy Arturovich Arustamov, 41, Ph. D. in Economics, a CEO of “Reka-More” company, dropped 90 lbs:

My relations with children have changed, as well as my view on their education.

I have three kids. Like many parents, changing within myself, I changed the upbringing and attitude of my children. It was quite reasonable for me before punishing my children for their wrongdoing. Certainly, I suffered because I love my children, but I believed that strictness is necessary to raise children. Now I’m proud that I can find words to explain to the child what is wrong, what is right, and how he has to behave. I try to talk to my children. Of course, it is not easy. That’s hard. Due to my weight loss and my inner change, I started to spend more time with children, and in a different way. I am happy to spend more time with them even when I am tired after work. I am more involved in family life, in the life of my children, than it used to be before. I wish I should spend more time with them, but at least I am still more involved than before. That’s for sure. Besides, I interact with my kids differently. That’s true. My relations with children have improved, become warmer, and more trusting.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— I hope it is clear for you now that the child can listen to your advice, get information, he can express his opinion, listen to the opinion of his parents, but then he has the right to choose his own path.

— Sure.

— Does he have the right to make a mistake?

— Yes.

— His parents told his expert opinion.

But it’s the right of the kid to make a decision. Even if he makes a mistake and then comes to his parents and says: “You had to tell me! You had to force me!”, then the smart parent should reply: “I told you my opinion, but it was your job to make the decision. I gave you a free hand. You are an adult. You took your lumps and got some experience.” Who is responsible for this?

— The kid is responsible.

— The child doesn’t have any reason to blame the parent. However, if the children were forced to do this or that, they use to come and say their parents: “It’s your fault that I’ve got the wrong profession. I am in an unhappy marriage because of you. You ruined my life!”

But the Rescuer believes that the others are weak and foolish, and are not capable of doing anything without his help.

— Have I already told you about a phone conversation I had recently?

“Hi. Can I make a counseling appointment? Can I bring a boy?”

— You haven’t told us yet…

— “No problem, you can come together. What’s your problem? Would you please describe it briefly?” — “My boy has no appetite. Besides, he has problems with finding a girlfriend”. — “How old is your boy?” — “He’s forty-two…”

— ☺

— In other countries, elderly couples travel around the world, enjoy their life. Who raises their grandchildren?

— They do it, don’t they?

— No. Parents raise their grandchildren. At first, they were brought up, supported by parents who helped them to form the inner “adult” and “parent”. Then the grown children give birth to kids and take all the responsibilities. Grandparents are not responsible for raising their grandchildren.

Anyone who wants to do develop himself takes efforts, works hard, commit actions.

The people move to the places where they pay more, earn money to buy a house, improve their educational level, strive to make a career, and start their own business. You must admit, when there’s a will, there’s a way. He who would achieve much must look for ways. The ones who don’t want to live with parents settle the problem. A big family has a lot of advantages, but members of the family may hurt each other too. Can you imagine all the variety of combinations of Karpman drama triangle in such families? They all get involved in one another’s business, try to do for each other what a person can do; psychological boundaries are constantly violated…

In general, the personal boundaries of an overweight person are usually violated. They can easily sneak into his territory; for example, get into his wallet. I mean, he may be asked to lend money, and he can’t say no. His relatives may ask to report how much money he makes. The other people use to visit him whenever they want, no matter if they were invited or not. “Experts” from his environment intervene in his relationships and family matters. Am I right?

— Yes.

— Yes. Some absolutely unbearable things are happening. The boundaries are violated. The person is constantly under stress. He starts to overeat. He gains excess weight. Thus, his body starts to grow bigger to deal somehow with the violation of the psychological boundaries.

Integration of contradictions. Setting personal boundaries

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

How do the borders work? If they are absent, it is bad; if they become too rigid, it is also bad for you. How can you hold one thing and release another thing at the same time? If you want to work on your boundaries, you can use the practice of the Integration of Contradictions proposed by Stephen Gilligan. It consists of three steps:

1) I am “X,” and I am “Y”;

2) I am both “X” and “Y”;

3) at the same time, I am much more than “X” and “Y.”

Concerning the psychological boundaries, this practice might look like this:

1) stay alone, relax, and focus on situations when you were very open to someone. Then, say to yourself or aloud: “I am an open person.” The think about the situations when you set and held the boundaries and say to yourself or aloud: “I can be a closed person.”

2) The next statement should be like this: “I am both open and closed person”.

3) Then, the final statement of the practice: “I can be both open and closed person, but I am much more than this.”

Do the exercise calmly, without haste. Speak more slowly than usual. Focus on every word, putting meaning into it. After having done it for three or five times several days in a row, you would notice that it is much easier to say no when you have to; and, on the contrary, if you were too closed and strained, you became more open.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

I faced quite the opposite situation. The Rescuer would be glad to push this victim away, but she was tacking on him.

— ☺

— The reason for this is that the Rescuer turned the person into a Victim.

— My situation was a bit different. I have a brother, we are twins. Since our childhood, when we made some mischief, our parents blamed me for some reason. They told me I was older and had to look after him, although I am only half an hour older. My mother has serious health issues now. So, I had to move to take care of her. As for my brother, he is still hanging on to her apron strings, so say. I tell him: “You are an adult. You are almost forty…” He replies: “I’ll come here; I’ll do this and that. You will regret it!”

— At first, your Mom had been “rescuing” him, then… But the problem is that you are a natural-born Rescuer too. Right?

— I don’t think so…

— Do you mean you have never “rescued” anyone?

— Well, maybe a couple of times…

— But still, you have this feature, don’t you? You use to help others doing things that they could do on their on their own.

— No, I don’t use to do it…

— Really? You never rescue others, don’t you? If you were not a Rescuer, you would handle the situation differently. It would never bother you. That would never be an issue. Wherever he tried to get a free ride, you would tell him: “Stop it, dear brother! It’s no use trying it on with me”.

— I am trying…

— He is an adult… Why do you let him lumber you?

— I am not going to nurse you. I explain to him that he has to do everything on his own.

But he turns into Tyrant and tells me: “Can’t you help me?” I tell him: “No, I can’t.” He doesn’t take money from my wallet, but he opens a fridge and picks up everything he wants. “I make money and buy food. You haven’t brought anything”. — “Is that a problem?” — “Yes, it is.” That’s how it goes.

— He is not married yet, is he?

— Why should he get married?

— At first his mother has been nursing him. Now it’s his sister’s turn… People would say that you must “be good” to him. Let the woman sweat her guts out.

Let me ask you a question. What about your inner child? How is she doing? The little girl you left somewhere in the depth of your sub-consciousness.

She is there, behind bars, a prisoner of conscience. People devote all their energy and time to children, then to grandchildren. “Wait for a little. One day it will be your turn”. She is shaking the bars every day, screaming: “Let me live! I want pleasure and entertainments. I want to have fun, to get some interesting and exciting things…”

— I want parties. ☺

— I doubt it. This child wants to live. But instead, he is sitting behind bars, shaking the bars and screaming: “I want to go to the swimming pool, I want to go to the cinema, I want to go to the theater, I want to meet a friend, who I have not seen for three years, but you never have enough time!” And so on. What can you easily give the child through the bars?

— A bottle of wine?

— Bottles are discussed at another training session.

— ☺

— What do we discuss here? Foods, pies, sausages, cakes…

“What entertainments are you talking about? Here is some food. Enjoy it… And have fun…” You know, a child comes to a mother and asks her for something: “Mom, please…” He wants her to do something.

But the woman is busy. She gives him some sweets and says: “Here is a treat for you. Be a good boy, play on your own”. That’s the way you treat your inner child. He asks you for life (remember the pleasure circle we have discussed?), but you give him foods instead of life. That’s it.

A mother brings a full-fed baby to a pediatrician. The pediatrician weighs the baby and asks the woman: “Why is your child neglected?” Actually, it’s pretty hard to overfeed a baby. I guess you know it. A baby has got a defense mechanism.

— Puking.

— “Why is your child neglected?” She feels insulted: “What are you talking about? Neglected? I take care of him…” Look how she does it. The baby is crying. Why? What can be the reason for it?

— He has baby colic.

— He may feel anxious. Or he may miss his Mom. What else?

— The baby may feel chilly.

— Or uncomfortable.

— Maybe he pooped or has a wet diaper. The baby may want to have fun or play. Mommy can provide it. The baby yells because he’s asleep, he wants love, he wants his mother by his side, smiling at him, saying kind words that he does not understand yet, but he feels kindness! Crying is the only way he can let his mother know that something is wrong. But instead of trying to understand his needs, he gets more food.

— ☺

— Get some food and be happy. Don’t you treat your inner child the same way?

— …

— Are you interested?

— Yes.

— Would you like to live instead of eating? Would you like to explore yourself and get to the surface your true desires?

— It sounds pretty complicated. But I would like to start working on it. Otherwise, false hunger will continue to torment me. It is the only way to throw out excess food from life. As a result, I’ll never be able to drop some weight. I want to change my life. It’s scary. But that’s what I want. I don’t want to live the life I had before.

— Neither do I.

— I want to change my life too!

— Please raise your hand if you are ready to change your life gradually, step by step, creating new harmonious life and slim body.

All of you! You know, I am not surprised. Thank you for your determination! I believe in you.

Scale of weight loss. Ups and downs

— Here is the scale of weight loss: two crossing axes. The vertical axis measures weight in pounds, the horizontal axis measures days. I’d like to explain to you some details to relieve anxiety. You won’t drop weight like this. A woman asked me: “What if I lose weight in a few days? What if I wake up in the morning, slim and slender, skinny and tiny?”

— ☺

— “No,” — I told her — it doesn’t work this way.

It will take time. You could drop some weight, then you could gain some weight again. That’s how it works”. Anytime when you gain some weight, Auntie Zina is “activated” in your head and starts mumbling…

— ☺

— “It doesn’t work. You are done. All is lost, we’re toast!” It is not the case! There will be over-rises, there will be “plateau” phases of the weight loss graph when your weight can “freeze” at the same point for up to three weeks even though you observe all the recommendations. Why does it happen?

Adaptation. The weight has decreased, and your body takes a break to tighten the skin, redistribute the load on the spine, so that the internal organs, which are also on fat pads, remained in the same places. The fat starts fading, and the organs begin to displace within the interior of the body. But they have to be fixed at the same places. So, the body starts tightening the ligaments, to which the internal organs are attached. Your body is too busy to care for weight loss at this time, so it stops dropping weight and begins to settle other important health issues.

You had too much of spicy, salty, smoked food. So, the water has been retained in edema. As a result, you stopped dropping weight or even gain a few pounds.

A woman’s period. It’s normal if you gain a few pounds during these days. Everybody knows about it, but anyway women get upset every month. Don’t worry, the excess pounds will fade after the period.

Alcohol. Your body starts doing things that it shouldn’t do. Instead of splitting fat, it is involved in the removal of alcohol decay products, for example, acetaldehyde, which is generated during the alcohol decay. The fluid gets retained, your appetite gets increased. Alcohol is no good when you are losing weight. Frankly speaking, drinking alcohol is no good for your health in any case.

Physical overload. Weight decreasing stops because your body is overstressed. “What weight loss are you talking about? I am nearly dead!”

Stress. There are acute stress and chronic stress. Acute anxiety is less harmful than chronic stress. Chronic stress means that you are constantly in a traumatic situation. You need to change either the situation or your attitude.

If you can’t cope on your own, you shall visit a psychologist. If you are constantly under stress, then the weight is dropping slowly or doesn’t drop at all.

Lack of water, protein, complex carbohydrates. You need building materials for creating your new slim body. By the way, if you don’t eat enough fiber, it will cause constipation. This can stop your weight loss for a while

The inflammatory process in the body.

A cold or an acute exacerbation of a chronic disease can slow down weight loss.

The average centimeter you dropped.

The average centimeter you dropped equals to two pounds dropped. How should we calculate the average centimeter? Here is the formula for women.

Under-the-chest measurement, plus the waist measurement, plus round-the-hips measurement. Then divide the total amount by three. For example, your under-the-chest measurement is 100, the waist measurement is 90, and hips measurement is 110. Let’s divide the total amount (300) by 3, and we get 100. All these measurements will gradually decrease, right?

— Yes.

— That means that the final value will decrease as well. Right? Yes. For example, your measurements decreased to 98, 95 and 94. One average dropped centimeter equals to two dropped pounds. Ninety nine, ninety eight. The average centimeter you dropped…

— That’s the same with my waist measurement. Two dropped centimeters equal to four dropped pounds.

— You are right, Victor. As for women, they should calculate the average centimeter as per formula I described. One average dropped centimeter equals to two dropped pounds.

— I would like to ask about the proportionality of weight loss.. When I drop some weight, my face and breasts become slim, but my butt and hips are still big…

— Sorry, that’s your body’s choice.

— You should eat less.

— ☺

— ☺ No, that is not the point. You can maintain negative energy balance (it means that the energy you consume with food is less than the energy you burn, and your body gets some energy from the fat reserves). However, that doesn’t mean that you lose fat from all or only from the certain places.

— At first you lose the fat from the places, which gained fat in the last turn.

— In fact, that is unpredictable. It depends on peculiarities of your body. Some women quickly lose weight in their hips. The others yell: “Boobies, please, stay with me!”

— ☺

But the breast size is decreasing. However, it can be corrected by hardware cosmetology, training, and surgery.

Fat hips due to anger

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist: One would think that this is pure physiology. For some people, fat cells are distributed as per the “apple” type — proportionally all over the body. For the others, fat cells are distributed as per “pear” type — less in the upper part and more in the bottom. However, I had a few clients who had “pear” type shapes due to some negative emotions. Let me give you an example. A client came and told me that she was losing weight perfectly. She dropped well both in pounds and centimeters, but her hips did not lose weight no matter what she tried. I wanted to recommend some physiotherapeutic procedures to affect the problem areas directly, but at first, I decided to check if there were any psychological reasons for impeding weight loss in the hips.

During the session, the woman clearly realized and felt that she had strong anger against her father and that this negative emotion was fixed in her hips. We worked on this feeling of anger. When I met her in a month, I could hardly believe my eyes. The excess fat from the hips was gone, and then they matched the proportions of the whole body. Just fancy!

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— Let’s discuss the following situation. A woman dropped seven average centimeters and eight pounds in a month. She asks a perfectly fair question: “Where are the other six pounds?

You promised! It’s a sort of mismatch!” Let’s think it over. The excess water has already left the body tissues, as that has been proved by decrease of body measurements. But if the scales do not show weight decrease, then these six pounds of water are still in the body.

— Um-hum…

— Agree? The water is still in the body, isn’t it?

— Yes.

— The water has been retained in the inner areas of the body, which cannot be measured. Don’t worry; you will lose these six pounds soon. As my colleague uses to say: “Water will find a hole sooner or later.” Sooner rather than later. That means that another six pounds are going to be dropped. Now, let’s overlay the body measurements graph onto the weight graph. Look what we have here: when the weight value stays still, the body measurements are decreasing. Then the body measurements stay still, and the weight is decreasing. What about Auntie Zina? Does she feel relief?

— No.

— Why not? She does. Look, for example, your weight value stays frozen for two weeks, but you notice that your body measurements are decreasing. Isn’t it pretty reassuring?

— It is.

— Certainly.

— I panic when the scales show the same weight or a weight gain.

— ☺

— Eugenia, I warned you that there would be pauses in weight loss and even weight gain. You cannot avoid it. As far as I know, most of you have already complained that dropping weight is a hard job. Yes, it’s hard. But we go further and further anyway! You shouldn’t dramatize the situation. You shouldn’t make a mountain out of a molehill: “Oh my! I gained a pound! Game over! I am a loser!” Then, for example, you call Eugenia, and she tells you: “I dropped a pound today.”

Magic feelings

Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:

If you ask anyone whether a person needs feelings, they would all answer in the affirmative. But when you ask why the feelings are so important, difficulties might arise with giving the answer. On the one hand, they make our life exciting and full. Still, on the other hand, most of the problems, mistakes, including fatal ones, people commit against the background of strong feelings.

During the entire twentieth century and during a decent part of the twenty-first century, medical science and psychology try their best to get rid of the symptoms. Whenever you feel pain, take a pill. As a result, the symptoms become stronger and worse. The same occurs with negative feelings. If you try to suppress them, they will become worse and stronger. However, if you do not get rid of an unpleasant feeling and follow it, then you can get a truly valuable gift.

I’ll try to explain what feelings are by telling you a joke. A man, someone’s husband, a football fan, is watching the final match of the World Cup. The score is equal, and there are a few minutes until the end of the match. The man’s excitement and nervousness both are at its peak, when suddenly his beloved mother-in-law appears in front of the screen, saying, “Would you like some dumplings?” And at that very moment, he hears from behind her back: “It’s a goal!”

The history is silent on what happened next. What happened to the man’s excitement? It instantly turned into anger. Although it is wrong to call feelings “energy”, but metaphorically, this is what it looks like. There was a powerful stream of interest, which, due to perception filters, instantly turned into anger. Besides, the anger becomes as intense as the excitement.

In fact, feelings cannot be bad or good, but our perception filters create some sort of sentiment.

Let’s look at it through the prism of the weight loss. A woman stands on the scales every morning. She notices that her weight is gradually decreasing, writes down the results, and feels joy and pride.

However, one day her weight gets “frozen” and doesn’t decrease anymore. Everyone who used to drop weight knows that weight decreasing can stop for a while, but, for this woman, it becomes a true challenge.

When she sees that the scales show the same value every day, even though she follows all the recommendations, anger, fear, or resentment is starting to arise… The weight or technique seems to be a problem, but maybe it is worth drawing attention to the arising feeling? If a woman can clearly identify the feeling that arises due to the stuck weight, she can reveal a “corporal metaphor” (the corporal metaphor analysis has been described earlier) and remember when a similar feeling arose for the first time. The woman will be able to realize the true cause of the problem and heal it. Then, as a rule, the weight starts dropping again, since this delay was a symptom that manifested some important feelings.

Let me give you an example. A client told me that she had been dropping almost all the excess weight. She wanted to stop at one hundred and fifty pounds, but her weight stopped decreasing whenever she reached one hundred and fifty-five pounds. As a result, the woman started quaking with fear and anxiety. Then she ran up to the fridge and ate everything she saw for a few days until she gained a few pounds more.

While looking for the psychological reason for the issue, I found out that fifteen years ago, her husband passed away, and she stayed alone with two little kids. It was a hard time for her. She weighed about one hundred and fifty-five pounds at that time. Her body “remembered” the weight, and when she reached this value, feelings from the past immediately switched on. As soon as we worked out the reason, she easily achieved the desired weight.

Dear readers, if some negative feeling begins to “attack” you every day during the weight-loss period, do not try to suppress it. Most likely, your body sends you a signal to warn about some issue that needs to be settled.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

— And you go to bed, sprinkle ashes on your head, and quietly “die”… You shouldn’t do it! Improve your life!

Let’s all agree that you give yourself a present for every dropped 10 pounds.

— Deal!

— ☺

— Besides, you need to provide yourself with some sort of “physical” pleasure every seven days: bath, massage, sauna, cosmetology, something else. You should enjoy it once a week.

As a result, the weight loss process will include physical pleasure — a present, physical pleasure — a present, physical pleasure — a present, physical pleasure — a present, physical pleasure — a present, etc. Arrange proper nutrition with yummy desserts in the background. Would you like this lifestyle?

— Yeah! Sounds cool! ☺

— I think it’s great. Let’s organize it and move on! Then everything will be fine.

Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs: There were times when my weight stood still, but body dimensions were decreasing, and vice versa — when my body dimensions stood still but my weight was decreasing. My daily morning ritual included “toilet, scales, centimeter, notebook.” It was so exciting to observe the changes occurring to my body, and this spurred me on even more. I felt like an athlete on track!

Faster, further, further!

It is a great pleasure to make yourself out to be a new person.

I did not have a book at that time and used the information that I remembered or wrote down during the training session. It turned out that I had already forgotten a lot. Still, then after I got this book, I got reacquainted with the basics of the technique and started working on improving myself and my life again.

Group session of psychologist

Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:

(Break)

Now, I would like to interview each of you. Tell me how your weight has changed, how your body dimensions have changed, what you are going to add to your life. Think in advance what you want to say.

It can be a cinema, meeting, trip, or some other things. I will write it down: the cinema, a meeting with friends, a trip. Then, in a month, I will ask: “Well, Eugenia, have you met up friends? Have you been to the movies?” Eugenia… How has your weight changed during the days of training?

— I dropped four pounds.

— Have you measured your dimensions?

— No.

— What are you going to add to your life? Remember, we are talking about the next month. All the other participants, please, think about it in advance.

— We are making home improvement now.

— What a pleasure!

— ☺

— What about joy and entertainment? Tell me a few words about it.

— I am going to the concert.

— I write it down. I will ask you in a month whether you have been there or not.

Mila, has your weight changed?

— I have dropped two and a half pounds.

— What about measurements?

— I made some calculations, and it turned out that my body dimensions have decreased by one average centimeter.

— What are you going to add to your life?

— I will join a swimming pool. I like swimming, but I gave myself an excuse to avoid it due to my busy schedule.

— I see. I’ll ask about it in a month. Nadezhda, has your weight changed?

— I just weighed today. I didn’t have scales.

— You don’t know yet. So, what is your weight?

— Two hundred thirty-eight.

— You’ve dropped four pounds.

— Why?

— Because you weighed two hundred forty-two pounds.

— You are right. I weighed here at the beginning of training.

— What about your body dimensions?

— I haven’t measured them yet.

— What entertainments are you going to add to your life?

— Water aerobics.

— Please, be careful. Do it at an average pace, so that your breathing stays smooth. Deal?

Tayisia, has your weight changed?

— I weigh two hundred fifty pounds now…

— Fine. You had two hundred sixty-two pounds before…

— I feel I dropped some weight.

— You dropped twelve pounds, right?

— Yeah.

— It’s normal. It happens pretty often. You have switched to a healthy balanced diet, you maintain a negative energy balance and drink up to one and a half liter daily. Here is the result — you dropped some weight. Of course, it is mostly water, since the fat cells could not disappear so quickly and in such quantity. What about your body dimensions?

— My chest girth decreased by three centimeters. The others are still the same.

— What are you going to add to your life?

— I don’t have any plans yet.

— What about Pleasure Circle I described? Do you think it’s all gibberish? Aren’t you going to follow my recommendations?

— We will go to my daughter’s in November…

— I feel like we are speaking two different languages.

What entertainments, joy, and pleasure, what exciting things would you like to add to your life? What have you never tried but always wanted to?

— Over the next month?

— Yeah.

— I’ll learn the computer basics, I’ll go shopping.

— OK. Well, I’ll take your word for it.

— You’ll tell me what you will have bought in a month.

— Of course, I will tell you…

— Who’s next? Snezhana, have you weighed yourself?

— Yes, I have. I’ve dropped only two pounds.

— You know, it was Auntie Zina who took the microphone and said: “It’s only two pounds! Two lousy useless pounds! I have been working hard for four days…” Well, seriously speaking, you have dropped not two “lousy” pounds, but two whole pounds!

Please, do not underestimate the results you achieved. Have you praised yourself?

— Yeah.

— And you do everything as I said, don’t you? Cool! What about your body dimensions?

— My average girth has decreased by three centimeters.

— Really?

— Yeah.

— It’s almost one size! No kidding! You see? Did you use this formula for calculations? That’s it. That is what I was talking about. The weight has decreased by a kilogram, but body dimensions are decreasing much faster.

— So, three centimeters is equal to a size?

— Yeah. Do you feel like your clothes become a bit looser?

— That’s so cool!

— Are you happy? Do you feel better now?

— Yeah.

— What will you add to your life?

— I am going to a theater.

— Great. Nika?

— Three-point seventy-five pounds.

— You dropped about four pounds. What about your girths?

— Below-breasts girth has decreased by seven centimeters, waist girth — by three centimeters, hip girth is still the same.

— I bet some of you hear Auntie Zina’s voice in your head now: “What? She lost seven centimeters! Some lucky people drop weight successfully… Unlike me!” Come on, be honest. Do you feel like that now?

— Yeah.

— We all have an individual rate of weight loss. Some of you will drop seven pounds in a month, the others will drop twelve pounds. It’s normal.

— Nika, what are you going to add to your life?

— Swimming pool.

— Good girl. Olesya, has your weight changed?

— I don’t know. I bought scales yesterday and weighed myself today for the first time.

— You didn’t praise yourself. Have you started doing it?

— Yeah.

— I am the best! I have finally forced you to do it.

— ☺

— OK, so you don’t know your weight loss progress yet. What about your girths? You don’t know them too?

— I haven’t measured them yet.

— What are you going to add?

— I have always wanted to change my home interior. I think it’s the right time now!

Besides, I will start visiting cosmetologist.

— Great. Good girl! Ksenya, has your weight changed?

— In general?

— From the beginning of the training?

— Two-point six pounds.

— What about your girths?

— I have measured my waist girth. It’s still the same!

— What are you going to add?

— I have already been to the swimming pool and sauna. I will continue to attend them. Besides, I am going to the movies and to the theater.

— Have you bought a present for yourself?

— Yeah. I bought scales and a book.

— Great. Anzhelika, has your weight changed?

— I have dropped three pounds.

— What about girths?

— They haven’t changed.

— What are you going to add to your life?

— I will go on vacation.

— Larisa, has your weight changed?

— I dropped about three pounds.

— Your girths?

— Below-breasts girth has decreased by one centimeter, my waist girth — by three centimeters, my hip girth hasn’t changed. It always works out this way. When I had been dropping excess weight on my own, my upper part of the body got slimmer faster than hips.

— As for hips, you can change it using different procedures and exercises. What are you going to add to your life?

— My friends and I have wanted to meet up for eternity. I’ll try to persuade them to the sauna, and I will definitely go to the movies.

— How are you doing, Victor?

— I dropped four pounds and two centimeters in my waist girth.

— Cool. What are you going to add to your life?

— Fishing and trip.

— Elizaveta, has your weight changed?

— If my scales work properly, I dropped seven and a half pounds.

— Well, if they show it, then it is true. Have you measured your girths?

— My waist girth has decreased by two centimeters. The other dimensions are still the same.

— What are you going to add to your life?

— I will definitely add a bathhouse and walks!

— Have I talked to everyone?

— Yes!

Just let it go, Juan! I do it by myself! Housekeeping and entropy

— So, we have one last topic to discuss. First, let me tell you a fairy-tale. Once good people told me the tale, and now I occasionally tell it others at my training session. It’s a fairy-tale about a girl named Juanita and a boy named Juan. These wonderful people live in Mexico.

So, this fairy-tale is about Mexico and has nothing to do with our country. All characters are fictitious. No animals were harmed during the filming of the movie. The tale from the first word to the last one is about love only.

So, boy Juan and girl Juanita met at school, fell in love, wrote touching notes to each other, walked along together hand in hand. Then they grew up. Juan has already graduated from a University, and Juanita was still at the university, as she was a little younger. Juan was smart, handsome, tall, and strong, he graduated from the university, got a job, began to earn money. So, Juanita started thinking about what?

— Getting married.

— Yes. He was handsome and ambitious. What if some girl would steal him? Juan hadn’t thought about it yet. So, he is going on a date, and Juanita calls him and says: “Juan, are you still at home?” — Yes, I am. — Well, then, put on a nice shirt, a tie… I have a surprise for you.” As soon as he came, she gave him a bouquet of flowers, a cake and said: “You will meet my parents tonight.” He asked: “Why?” — Everybody does it!

They want to meet you to find out what you are doing for life. They came to her parents. Guess what happened next? It was a full-scale bride-show, presentation of Juanita. They are sitting at the table, delicious food all around. Juan is eating. What do they tell him at this moment? Who has cooked the dinner?

— Juanita!

— Do you see a napkin under your plate? Juanita embroidered it. He replies: “Really? Cool! What a beautiful piano you have!” — Juanita enjoys playing the piano. Would you please play us your favorite waltz, sweetie? Juanita starts playing the piano. Juan feels surprised. He thought she is just an ordinary, pretty sweet girl, but she plays the piano, cooks, embroiders towels… “What a beautiful picture you have on the wall!” — “Juanita painted it.”

It looks like the girl is smart and talented. It would be great to marry her. Why not? He has already graduated, he has a good job.

“I love her. There’s nothing to think about. She is a treasure! What if someone will steal her heart?” They got married. They put on wedding rings, celebrated their wedding for three days, and then left for a Caribbean honeymoon. On the second day of the trip, Juanita is still in the bed when Juan brings her morning coffee: “I love you, darling!” “I am a lucky one! — she thinks. — He is perfect!” But the next day, when Juan wakes up, she brings him his favorite orange fresh! How do they call each other?

— Honey…

— “You are my sweet baby!” — “Yeah, my honey bunny!” Well, whatever lovers call each other in Mexico.

— ☺

— They love each other like crazy. Then the couple returns home. A month passed, three months passed, six months passed. Their life is gradually turning into a dull routine. He still brings her flowers when coming home from work, and she still cooks him a nice delicious dinner. Once in the evening, The flowers are in the vase, the dinner has been eaten. Juanita got the call from a friend. She picks up the phone and goes to another room to talk. Meanwhile, Juan suddenly got an idea: “There is a bunch of dirty dishes in the kitchen. I’ll wash the dishes while she is talking. Then she will see it and says: “Juan, you are my hero!” Beckoned with the opportunity, he starts washing the dishes, then puts the clean dishes into the cupboard.

Juanita comes and sees that the dishes have been washed. She realizes that only Juan could do it. She starts checking the dishes. Juanita opens the cupboard, takes out a plate, rubbed the plate with her finger, and notices that it is still fatty. How does Juanita use to place the dishes in the cupboard? She places them by size, concavities turned to one direction, at first the biggest plates, then the smaller ones, and so on. How did Juan place the dishes? Helter-skelter. She looks at the sink. “Dear me! Splashes are all over…” Splashed water is all around the sink, remnants of food are in the drain… That is the last straw. She calls Juan. What does she say?

— What have you done?

— No, she thanks him!

— Juan, sweetie, you shouldn’t do it. Let me do it by myself. Okay? I will wash the dishes by myself. He says: “Really?” She says: “Yeah, you shouldn’t do it.” Who washes the dishes from now on?

— Juanita.

— Certainly. What else can he do? Juan starts mastering a new vacuum cleaner. “What a great appliance! I will try it while watching football”. He takes a manual and reads it. He turns on the TV, takes the cleaner, and pulls it along the middle of the carpet, making a deep furrow. Juanita comes home, and he says: “Look, I cleaned the room!” She sees the furrow, looks around, and notices dust and dried soil in flowerpots. What does she say? “I’ll do it by myself.” Juanita starts cleaning the apartment by herself from now on.

At some moment, Juan thinks: “Well, at least I can master the magic washing machine, standing in the bathroom.” Twelve washing modes, three containers… What should I put there? Juan reads a user manual again and realizes what and how it must be done. However, he needs some clothes to try it. He looked around and found red panties of his wife, his socks, knickers, some other clothing and put everything into the machine.

— ☺

— To ensure that all stains will be removed, he sets the temperature at ninety degrees and timer — at ninety minutes.

Here we go! If Juanita didn’t stop him before start-up, then, when she took away the grey-brown-crimson mix, she was not happy…

— No more “honey-bunny”…

— What would she say?

— What have you done? Bloody monster…

— Why the hell do you meddle? He says: “That’s enough. I go shopping. I am a man’s man!” The fridge is empty, so he is going to get some food. She tells him: “Wait!” What does she give him?

— A list.

— I guess someone has already told you the tale!

— ☺

— He takes the list, goes to a store, and looks through the list. What does he see there? Item number one — pasta. He goes to the pasta rack and sees forty varieties of pasta: long pasta, short pasta, spaghetti… Juan reaches into for…

— A cell phone.

— Right. Actually, Mexican supermarkets are full of radio-controlled men, holding cell phones. He wonders: “What pasta should I take?” She stops doing chores and grabs her phone to give him a consultation. Juan starts calling her to ask about every item of the list. There are milk, bread, something else. He comes up to the dairy products and sees thirty sorts of milk there.

Juan finally comes home, and Juanita meets him at the door.

— She might be furious.

— Year, Juanita is a bit angry. She tells her husband: “That was the last time you went shopping. I will do it by myself”. She goes shopping by herself from now on. Besides, she washes, cleans, irons, cooks… Juan has only one important task now…

— Lying on the sofa.

— Right. When he tries to do something around the house, she says: “I’ll do it by myself.” That’s it. He gets settled on the sofa… Juan comes home from work, sits down on the sofa, watches football, reads the news. A dog comes to him sometimes, and he plays with the dog, swinging his foot…

— ☺

— Then little Juanito comes up to him, trying to realize who he can talk to.

— ☺

— “Daddy, can I…” — “What? Have you seen Mommy running here and there? You should ask her. Do you really think that I have nothing to do except for chattering with you? Go and ask your Mom!” What about Juanita? She runs back and forth, does all the chores, and he hardly manages to raise his feet when she runs past him with a vacuum cleaner.

— ☺

— So, how does she feel about this person — a sofa driver?

— She feels annoyed.

— Precisely.

So, she finds a Mexican rag…

— ☺

— and starts…

— Chewing it.

— So, in this situation, he constantly feels guilty since, as no matter what he tries to do, she tells him: “You do it wrong. You can’t do it!” It looks like he is a useless lousy ham-handed person. Juanita keeps on nagging at her husband. He is embarrassed and tries to…

— Escape from home as often as he can.

— As for her, she is always annoyed due to total control. She is scared that she can lose it at some moment, and it would be a disaster. She is responsible for everything. Juanita believes that if things get out of her control, everything will be destroyed.

Imagine their family life. By the way, they love each other. They live together for five years, give birth to children. Ten years passed, and she’s still nagging at him. Finally, this nice family guy starts vanishing from home from time to time.

When his friend Pedro invited him to have some Mexican beer after work before (there is a nice pub not far from their office), Juan used to say: “No, I can’t. I have to go home. Juanita is waiting for me”. Once Pedro tells him again: “Come on, buddy, let’s have some fun!” Finally, Juan agrees: “OK, let’s do it.” They go to the nearest bar. Being intelligent people, they are going to have just a couple of drinks. The bar is in the basement, so the mobile signal is absent there. Meanwhile, Juanita is waiting for her Juan at home; tacos and burritos are on the plate. Her life is scheduled. But Juan is hanging out with Pedro… She calls again and again, but his mobile phone is unavailable. What a mess, Juan has been beyond her control for the last forty-three minutes! But as soon as he leaves the basement, the mobile network is available again. What does he see?

— Missed calls…

— Well, there are about forty missed calls, twenty messages… “Where are you?”

— ☺

— ☺ With a deep sense of foreboding, he goes upstairs to the fourth floor and opens the door. Juanita meets him at the doorway.

— ☺

— However, if she is an artistic person, she can invent something more exciting. As soon as she hears his steps by the door, she lays herself on the bed, a wet napkin on her forehead. So, Juanita looks at her prodigal husband from under the napkin and sees the guilt in his eyes. So, Juanita holds the frame: “Here you are… I called 911, checked all morgues and hospitals, my mother has a heart attack… Where have you been?”

There is even more guilt in Juan’s eyes now. She throws the wet napkin off. “By the way, today is the third anniversary of our fifth kiss!” How does Juan feel? He forgot about such an important event, he is late! Does he feel ashamed?

— Sure! ☺

— Of course, Juan is embarrassed. She comes to her husband and notices a strange gleam in his eyes. She sniffs him: “Are you drunk?!” Juanita runs a smell check and starts chewing the rag again.

Next time there is a corporate party at Juan’s office. His boss says: “You all have to raise a toast and celebrate the 10th Birthday of our company! Excuses are not accepted!” There are all kinds of beverages on the table: beer, wine, and tequila. His wife hates beer; wine is for women, so his only choice is tequila.

— May I ask you a question?

— Sure.

— Does Juan feel bothered having a halo on his head?

— ☺

— Wait until you hear the end of the story. I bet you’ll get surprised. ☺ So, Juan had enough tequila, but his friends didn’t leave him in the office. They took him home.

— They brought him home.

— Yes, they brought him home, leaned against the jamb…

— ☺

— Then they rang the bell and ran away…

— ☺

— Juanita opens the door and sees… Well, Juan’s body…

— ☺

— She opens his eyes and notices a gleam of consciousness, but he is hardly able to realize what’s going on. She says: “I see.”

Then she pulls him inside. She loves him, no matter what. Juanita undresses him, lays on the bed. What else does she do?

— She puts a basin by his bed.

— Precisely. She prepared some medicine — just in case. Perhaps she even has a bottle of beer in the fridge to relieve his hangover, since it is Saturday.

— ☺

— The next morning, Juan wakes up with a terrible headache and nausea, his wallet has been lost. Who is the first person he sees in the morning? He gets out of the blanket, and Juanita is already here.

He thinks: “For God’s sake!” At that moment, Pedro calls him: “How are you doing, Juan?” — “I feel terrible. I have an awful headache, Juanita is ragging on me…” — “Come to my place. I will teach you to handle women!”

Pedro is a true macho! He has been married three times, and all three marriages were happy!

Juan enters Pedro’s condo and sees Pedro pouring ice-cold beer into the glasses: “Are you going to act like a man?” — “What do you mean?” — “Hey, do you still remember who wear the pants in your house? For example, you wanted to hang a picture three years ago”. It’s true. For some reason, Juan thought that he had the right to hang a picture where he wanted in his house, and he decided to hang it in the hall. But when he came up to the wall, Juanita, the interior designer, suddenly appeared from behind. She said: “What are you doing? Get off the stepladder…” She took the picture and dragged it to the living room: “Here we are! We’ll hang it here! Don’t stand there as if you were made of stone. Climb up the stepladder”. He takes the picture and starts to hang it. What does she tell him from behind?

— A bit higher… A bit lower…

— “Higher, lower, to the right, to the left… Have you never stricken a nail into a wall?”

— ☺

— Juanita’s grandpa was a carpenter. So she knows better how to handle a hammer. Then she orders: “Get out of the stepladder!” He climbs down, she climbs up, takes the hammer and says: “I’ll show you how to do it, sweetie! Watch carefully!”

— ☺

— That’s how she treats him no matter what they do. Sometimes Juan comes into the kitchen and sees Juanita gluing the tile or fixing the tap. Pedro reminded Juan of all these lousy situations. He says: “Come on, unleash your inner Macho Man! You come home… No, let’s have another drink at first. You won’t get it if you are sober. Smash down the door, bang your fist on the table, and let her know who wears pants!” Juan goes home, stuffed with Pedro’s pieces of advice, emotions, and beer. He trains his speech at the porch, pounding his fist on the railing in front of him: “Well… No. WELL! No, that’s wrong. WELL! Fine, sounds good”. So, he says at home: “WELL!” He gives his wife a tough grueling, throwing back at her everything she has ever told him.

— Juan wakes up in the morning.

He can hardly remember what he did yesterday. Actually, the picture is still the same with the only difference. Juanita sits with a black eye and looks at him carefully. However, she sees guilt in his eyes. She rattles a few angry words… That’s fine, he makes no attempt to attack her. There is even more guilt in Juan’s eyes now. So she drops upon him and starts ragging on… Juanita takes her toll. What do you think will happen to this family? Will she continue to rag on him and do everything by herself?

— Sure.

— Will he start drinking?

— Yeah.

— He will become an alcoholic. He can become a gamer, he can become a workaholic. Juan will find some addiction to get out of this life. There is another option. He may become…

— A ladies’ man.

— Remember, Ksenya, it was your idea, not mine.

— ☺

— Fine. A rich Mexican widow Conchita lives on the third floor of the same apartment block.

— ☺

— So, she looks great. Conchita is rich, and she spends all her time and money to make herself attractive. She has had Juan in her sights for years.

She looks at him again: “My sweetie is coming home.” She puts on a silk night-gown on her naked body, opens the door to the staircase, and here he goes up the stairs… She says: “Juan, I need your help.”

— My mixer tap is leaking… ☺

— Precisely. “The light bulb in my bathroom went out!” Would you be so kind as to replace the bulb for me? I can’t do it by myself. That’s not a lady’s job”.

— ☺

— Precisely. He says: “Unfortunately, I cannot help you.” — “Of course, you can! You are such a strong man!” — “OK.” He is replacing the bulb when she says from behind:

— Dear me, what a man!

— “Oh yeah! Juan, you deserve the best in this life!” Of course, Juan immediately “gets off the ground,” straightens his shoulders. Would he like to thank her?

— Certainly.

— Besides, she does not mind it.

— ☺

— Will he come again to “replace the bulb”?

— Of course, he will.

— Certainly. Who knows, perhaps he will help other women to replace the bulbs too. Juan can become a Mexican macho man finally.

Let’s discuss the most common option. Juan started drinking. It happens pretty often in Mexico. As for Juanita, she starts gaining excess weight. She is always busy and tries to comfort herself with food… Her slippers are trodden-down, her gown is dirty, but she has no time to pay attention… Juan has been drinking for a decade. Every evening, he comes home from work and drinks. Juanita settles all the issues. One day she decides to cure his addiction secretly, using his photo.

They often cure alcoholism this way in Mexico.

— Does it work?

— Yes, of course. She takes the newspaper “Mexico Times”, opens it on page fifty-six, and sees an advertisement. Hoodoo woman! A twenty-sixth-generation witch! She patches holes in the aura, and fixes the energy flows, and eliminates the celibacy wreath, and also cures alcoholism through the picture of the addicted… “That’s it! She will help me!” Juanita takes a photograph of Juan (showing clear signs of alcohol addiction on his face) and goes to Isaura, the healer!

— ☺

— She comes and says: “Good afternoon, Isaura. My name is Juanita”. — “Don’t worry, Juanita. You shouldn’t tell me anything, just give me the picture. I will see everything by myself… Oh, I see, a few holes in the aura… We will fix it. My astral feeling tells me he drinks, right?” Juanita is excited: “Dear me, she is a psychic! How could she know it? Why does he drink?” — “Let me see… He was cursed!” — ““Who did it to him?” — “Oh, that’s simple. Do you remember a black-hair woman at your wedding party?” You know, at least one woman at a Mexican wedding is black-haired…

— ☺

— That’s how it works.

— ☺

— Then the healer starts curing… Juanita, as you can guess. She says:

“My dear, you have to change all your clothes. Buy new dresses. Your hair ends are split — you are cursed. All your clothes are cursed. You have to change your hairstyle. Make an appointment with a beautician, here is a special astrological salon. You will find there everything you need: anti-evil eye procedures, anti-evil eye hairdresser, anti-evil eye clothing is in the nearby store…” Isaura gets a cut from every beauty service. ☺

She motivates Juanita to…

— …spend money on herself!

— Precisely, time and money. Juanita spends time and money on herself, she becomes a beauty again. The next task is to redistribute the responsibilities of the couple. Isaura starts saying something like that: “I feel there is an evil woman in junior school. You shouldn’t go there anymore, she will jinx you. Juan can go there”. Juan has not been trusted to hold a pen for the last three years. And then suddenly his wife entrusted him to pick up their children from the junior school! Instead of drinking after work, Juan, sober and excited, went to pick up his children… At first, he brought someone else’s children…

— ☺

— Then Juanita explained to him: “Our kids look better. Anyway, when you go to school next time, don’t pick up anyone. Just stay there, and they will come up to you”. Then the couple redistributed responsibilities somehow. Now, Juan is also responsible, for example, for washing his dirty shirts. Juanita was overloaded with home chores, and the healer’s goal was to relieve her of the burden and impose it partially on Juan. She succeeded. Then she grants Juanita with some spell. “You shouldn’t write it down or forget it. Listen to me and remember it forever. You should repeat it twice every day. “I am cool, I am a superstar. My life is getting better every day. Juan doesn’t drink anymore. I have a great family!” She uses something like that. Juanita inseminates the spell since she is not allowed to write it down or forget it. “I am cool, I am a superstar. My life is getting better every day. Juan doesn’t drink anymore. I have a great family!” What does she get from these words?

— The right attitude.

— Exactly. She gets a healthy mindset. Besides, the healer made her buy a powerful one-hundred-dollar amulet. “You should constantly wear it on your neck!” Juanita even sleeps with this amulet on. She wakes up in the morning, goes to wash her face: “Hey, what’s on my neck?”

— ☺

— “Oh, yeah, I am a superstar… My life is getting better…”

“Besides, Juanita, you must sit on a terrace for twenty minutes every evening. Relax and do not talk to anyone. I will connect to you through an intuitive channel and send you positive energy”.

— ☺

— And thus, Juanita begins to hole up, relax, and rest. And the most important advice of the healer:

“When Juan does something around the house or something else, I mean, you ask him, and he does it, you must say the magic words: “Thank you, Juan. You are great!” Juanita replies: “What are you talking about, Isaura? That’s absolute madness!”

— ☺

— “No, it’s the most important thing!” So, whenever Juan does something, his wife thanks him: “Good job!” Surprisingly, she notices that Juan has a strong desire to do it again! And after a while, their life gets really better. Juan stopped drinking, and Juanita became a slim and attractive woman, smiling all the time. Juan always helps her!

How did they use to live before? Two wedding rings are usually presented intersected in drawings. It symbolizes a married life. These are the husband’s responsibilities; these are the wife’s responsibilities, and, at the intersection, there are their general responsibilities. What did Juanita do? She took the burden of duties upon her shoulders, put the crown on her head, and became a Rescuer. At the same time, Juan turned into a weak, useless Victim. She had been working like a horse for a while, got stressed, gained weight, became ill… By the way, why did it happen to her? Who raised her?

— Her parents. Her mother.

— As a rule, mothers affect their daughters’ lifestyle. And Juanita’s Mom was raised by her Mom. Then she comes to a fortuneteller or an inexperienced healer, the fortuneteller tells her: “It’s due to the family curse!” But in fact, the problem is the same behavioral stereotype that is transmitted from generation to generation. The women of the family used to take all the responsibilities at their shoulders, and a husband does something, they say: “You’ve done it wrong!” Then they re-do the work by themselves. After a while, she becomes a sort of Mommy, and her husband acts like a Mommy’s boy. In extremely advanced cases, a husband stops working and spends all day long drinking at home, while his wife works, brings up children, and does everything by herself.

— Who manages the money?

— His wife.

— Who takes all the decisions?

— A wife.

— Who wears the pants in this house?

— His wife. ☺

— That’s it. What about sex?

— I doubt they have any…

— ☺

— It’s no good to make love with Mommy, right? What about mutual understanding?

— They hardly understand each other.

— What about mutual respect?

— There is none.

— Precisely. Besides, everyone, including their children, sees it. The risk of adopting a similar family model in the future. She looks at him and thinks: “Dear me, who is by my side? What is that?” By the way, he may have the same opinion about her.

— ☺

— His friends are joking: “If she finds a way to grow a ‘manhood,’ she would become a great guy!” — “What manhood are you talking about? How can she grow it?” — “No, you are thinking about the wrong part of the body!” — “Where should she grow it then?” — “On her forehead!” — “Why on the forehead?” — “To show everyone who is a macho man in your house!”

— ☺

— “There is only one problem. Well, she has grown it. It hangs on her forehead. She looks to the left — it hangs to the left, she looks to the right — it hangs to the right. It blocks her view!” The woman starts complaining: “There are no real men anymore! There are no men around, they just disappeared!”

— ☺

— There is an ancient Mexican saying: “The man is the head, but the woman is the neck.” In fact, the neck never claims to become the head. Nevertheless, it is flexible, feminine, gracious, and cunning. No matter what, it will turn her head to the desired direction. A wife can do it, but she has to act carefully.

In any case, he is the head of the family, a respected man! Therefore, he wants to help her, he wants to be approved, respected, and admired.

It’s true, he doesn’t care about many issues, like what sofa to buy, where to spend summer vacation.

As a rule, a man doesn’t really care about it. Therefore, she visits a furniture store a week before buying a sofa or checks the available models online. Do you think she has already chosen a couch? Of course, she has! Then she says to her husband: “Let’s go to the store, I need your help. We can’t choose a sofa without you”. He says: “OK, let’s go!” He takes his wallet. Actually, he doesn’t care what sofa to buy. He says: “OK, let’s buy this one.” She tells him: “Well, it’s a good sofa, but there are some issues.” He says: “OK, let’s buy this one then.” He chooses the right one on the third attempt! The man points to the sofa she has chosen. Then she says: “Great choice! I knew you would help us!”

— I chose the right man to marry!

— ☺

— Sure, that’s what she says. Pleased with himself, he goes to pay for the sofa. He bought her a sofa. It works not only with shopping. You may arrange all your married life this way. Respect, approve and admire each other sincerely. In return, he will treat you with care and attention. Then the woman feels that she is married. They both enjoy their family life.

A friend of mine, a psychiatrist, uses to say: “Artyom, all your efforts are in vain. Juanism is non-curable”.

— ☺

— I tell him: “No, you are mistaken. I worked with many couples, and they stopped behaving like this. Men became stronger, and women became more feminine, weaker. Their family life is getting better. People can change their behavior, re-distribute their responsibilities. Their sex gets better too. And people live happily”.

However, some couples have already passed the point of no return. She does her best to return him to normal state; she becomes weaker and feminine… But it’s too late. These marriages eventually end in a break-up or divorce.

But Juanita doesn’t know about it yet. You know, a woman marries one man, and he starts to drink. She marries another man, and he becomes a gambler. A third husband is a man of affairs. She complains: “Why do I always attract losers?” However, it is not surprising. If your relationship has completely collapsed and you cannot reanimate it no matter what you try, then you shall draw some conclusions.

That’s how people live in Mexico. Did you like the story?

— Yeah…

— Take out your souvenirs then. I do not ask you about your feelings regarding this story since there are too many emotions and information. Once I told this fairy-tale in the city of Cheboksary. Then suddenly a woman from the gallery shouted: “Dear me, I am Juanita!”

— ☺

Let’s pay compliments to each other!

Bulat Okudzhava

— Who will be the first? Who is ready to give a present?

— Let me be the first.

— OK, Victor. Choose the one who you want to give your present. Then we will continue doing it in turns.

— As a man, I bought some flowers. I liked Mila’s story, so I would like to give the flowers to her. Mila, you looked so motivated when you described your dream: you are slim and beautiful, meet your friends and classmates. I hope your dream will come true!

— When receiving a gift, you cannot give your present to this person. You quickly choose the one you want to give your souvenir without hesitation.

— May I do it now?

— Sure. Do it.

— I want to give my present Larisa. She said that she often forgot to take food with her. I wish it would never happen to her again!

— I would like to give this mini-copy of Juanita to Snezhana, so that she always remembers about her goal — to become and stay slim!

— I want to give this magnet to Eugenia. It is small, but there is a useful rule on it: “A woman owes herself to be beautiful, and she doesn’t owe anything else to anyone.

— ☺

— Eugenia, who will receive your present?

— Well, due to my profession, I took a flash drive. I guess I have to give it to Victor. Victor, you may store here all the materials you need to achieve your goal — slim body!

— That’s great! Cool. Who hasn’t get a present yet? Raise a hand!

Tayisia hasn’t got a present yet. Who else?

— I am a fan of ancient Greek and Roman mythology. Here is the goddess of beauty for you.

— Cool!

— I brought it from Egypt.

— Thank you. That’s a great present.

— Elizaveta?

— I want to give my present to Anzhelika. I just fell in love with her. She is so beautiful, a great standard of female beauty. I spent my time looking at her. She is so attractive and feminine! I would like to give you this souvenir — a little heart. “Love yourself, treat yourself with love and care, and your flower of harmony will blossom.”

— I want to give you these lilies. I always admired them!

— I want you to be stunning and slim like this flower!

— This souvenir is for Nadezhda. I wish for you to be beautiful and light as a butterfly!

— I bought this souvenir magnet. I hope it will remind you that you should neither starve nor overeat but eat on time to become slim and fit. I would like to give it to you.

— Larisa, these arms are so slim, tanned… I like it!☺

— Thank you. Sunlight. Here is a notebook I bought. As you can see, it’s “For bright ideas.” You can write down your ideas, hobbies, schedule your entertainment to prevent yourself from forgetting what you want to do. Besides, there is a nice caption: “Friends are always with you.”

— I want to give my present to Ksenya. It’s a sweet bird for paradise. You know, I was waiting for my turn, hoping that nobody else would give her a present.

— ☺

— You see, the stars have aligned.

— It looks like Mila and I are on the same wavelength. By the way, I have two presents: she is a Princess, and I am a Star.

— Has everybody got a present?

— Yeah.

— Now, let’s briefly discuss our feelings and emotions. We use to end the training this way. Everyone has thirty seconds to describe his thoughts, feelings, emotions. Now, you have an opportunity to say everything you want to all participants or to someone in particular. You will speak one by one, and then we will finish our marathon.

— I wish to extend my very best wishes for success in your long journey to all of you. I believe that we will get off the track together. Everyone will do it in his own way, but we will succeed. Some of us will do it faster. For the others, it will take more time, but in the end, we will achieve our goal. How do I feel? I feel the desire and inspiration to move heaven and earth, and to make all my dreams come true!

— Cool! Eugenia.

— I feel like I have wings on my back. I will leave the room after the training and fly to my new life. I wish everyone to fly on wings to his dream to his goal. May your path be easy and smooth. Artyom, thank you very much, you have charged me with positive energy. I am so grateful to you!

— Thank you! Larisa.

— I am sure I will succeed because now I know everything I need to achieve my goal. I am sure that I will finally become slim and fit once and forever. I want to thank all the participants for the training since I really enjoyed the friendly environment that we had here. We met each other only four days ago, but it didn’t prevent us from feeling comfortable together. Thank you very much for this. It was like a fest.

— ☺

— Thank you!

— We will move forward, we will become healthy and beautiful. Artyom, I wish you all the best too. You know, you made me feel motivated and so excited that when I walked together with my son after training, I just couldn’t stop smiling. Artyom, you provided us with a great deal of valuable information, and it was interesting, exciting, and simple… You shared your drive with us. I wish you to hold many training sessions since you can help many people to become slim and fit.

— Thank you!

— Frankly speaking, I didn’t want to attend this training. My wife visited your “slimming” group, the summer was almost over, so I thought: “Why should I do it?” But she continued to persuade me: “Just go and check. It will take only four hours for four days”. I told her: “What are you talking about? Do you really think I can sit listening for four hours? I experienced it for the last time when I was a student…”

— ☺

— “That’s enough. I can’t sit still, I need to move forward, to run somewhere”. — “But you have to hear this.”

So, I made the following conclusion. I spent four days here, and every evening when I go home, I do not regret a moment of it. First, I like Artyom. He is a great psychologist. I used to think like this: “What’s so special a psychologist can tell me? I had a long life, I experienced a lot. What can he tell me?” But it was great. We had an awfully great company here. I will miss you all since I think we became good friends. I know that we will likely never meet again, but… The world is a small place.

— We will meet here next month.

— I mean, what if I am not able to come…

— Let’s schedule our meeting right now. How about the twenty-seventh?

Can we meet on this day?

— Yeah.

— At ten o’clock.

— That’s what I mean. During these four days, you really succeeded in explaining and making us remember everything we need. You taught us a lot.

— Thank you!

— I wish good luck to all of you.

— Nika.

— I feel joy and desire to become slim! I am looking forward to meeting you next month.

— Thank you! Olesya.

— I am in a great mood. I have been feeling sad today since morning, but now it’s all gone. I am happy, and my mood is awesome. I feel energy and desire. Thank you all. I want to wish you good luck, and, in a month, I hope to see some results not only on my body but on your bodies too. I believe we helped each other a lot. Thank you all. Actually, we all faced the things you told us about, but we didn’t draw the right conclusions. You know, the last story about Juan and Juanita was brilliant! Thank you very much!

— ☺

— Thank you!

— I feel joyful. My mood is getting better. It took me two years to come to this training. I thought it over, planned, settled to it. I believe that I am finally able to achieve my goal. I feel excited and motivated. I want you all to achieve your goals, which you have written down in your notebooks.

— That’s great. Thank you.

— ☺

— I will achieve my goal too.

— Great! Fine.

— I feel happy and sad at the same time. I get used to all of you during the last four days. I will miss you. It’s hard to believe that we won’t see each other tomorrow.

— I think we have to arrange a party!

— No, we haven’t.

— You told us a lot. Thank you! Now, I am going to change my life. You told us a lot of valuable information about Rescuers and Victims…

— You mean you feel drive?

— Precisely. I feel a great desire.

— Thank you!

— My mood is great. I wish for everyone to succeed.

— Thank you.

— My heart sings with joy, but it’s time to say goodbye, and it makes me feel a bit sad. I hope we will meet in a month and discuss our achievements…

— We shall do it!

— Thank you for the great energy boost.

— Thank you!

— I would also like to say that you guys are so cool! Our meetings were almost like a sort of comedy show… ☺

— My friends asked me:

“What are you doing there?” I replied:

“We laugh all the time!”

— It was fun! Thanks all of you. It would be great to meet again in a month. We will be fit, look younger… I am looking forward to it!

— Thank you.

— Thank you very much! I feel more confident now. That’s what I missed before. I knew how to eat, how to calculate calorie needs, but there was no motivation, no technique… You helped me a lot! Thank you. Besides, I want you all to wake up every morning with the thoughts as follows: “I am the most beautiful, fit, and attractive woman. I gained some weight, but it will disappear soon”.

Your first thought shall be: “I am a beauty!”

— ☺

— “I will go out now, and everybody will realize that there, in the depth of my body, I am still a beauty.”

— That’s right.

— “I am getting prettier every day.” As for men, they should think: “I know I am all muscles. They are still here, hiding under this excess weight…”

— “My muscles are closer and closer…” I wish you all the luck.

— Thank you. Look, when you came here, there was only “I want” in your mind, and then we developed “I can” mindset. Did you succeed?

— Yeah.

— Do you feel now that you can do almost everything?

— Yes!

— There is one important step we have to implement now — “I act.” You have already started to act. You have followed my recommendations for four days.

Keep acting, implement the favorable habits, and mindsets into your everyday routine.

N.B.! Let’s summarize the most important guidelines.

Your daily diet should include 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil, plus 20 g of butter every day!

Each weight-loss meal should contain 1—2 boxes of high-protein food; 2—4 boxes of foods rich in complex carbohydrates; 3—6 boxes of foods rich in fiber (vegetables).

Be sure to eat every 3—4 hours (4—6 times a day).

Sleep 8 hours a day (preferably from 11 pm to 7 am). Walk for at least 30 minutes a day.

Work on the creation of a sincere, positive attitude to life, a kind of “healthy mental environment” in your mind.

Keep in mind the inspirational vision of your goals.

Manage your life. Get slim with comfort and pleasure!

See you next month. We had a great time together. It was cool to meet you all! Thank you.

— Thank you!

— Good luck!

— Thank you. ☺

Annex 1. Ultra-paradoxical psychotherapy. Technique by N. I. Kosenkov

Digression

The use of “Ultra-paradoxical psychotherapy” developed by Nikolai Kosenkov in training “Easy Way To Get And Stay Slim. Mindsets For Weight Loss”, described in this book, allowed us to significantly improve the psychological state of a person and to put his mind to the process of weight loss, to achieve long-term stabilization of weight and increase resistance to social stress factors.

The patented technique “Ultra-paradoxical Psychotherapy” has been applied in the course of the weight loss training since it allows one to:

1) remove the psychological dominant of overeating (which occurs as a protective response to stress);

2) normalize metabolism (Krebs cycle is activated, and the intensity of the pentose cycle is reduced), which leads to a decrease in the accumulation of fat mass in the body;

3) normalize the central and vegetative nervous system (optimization of excitation and inhibition of the nervous system);

4) normalize hormonal balance (the activity of the pituitary-adrenal axis decreases, the hormonal secretion of the pancreas gets optimized);

5) restore the sensitivity of peripheral tissues to insulin in case of the presence of insulin resistance (type 2 diabetes with obesity).

The technique “Ultra-Paradoxical Psychotherapy” is the original development of the Ph. D. of medical science N.I. Kosenkov. It is intended to optimize the functional state of patients suffering from psychosomatic disorders.

The technique is based on the application of special affirmations during the ultra-paradoxical stage of sleep (when a person is falling asleep) and includes a set of audio programs for curing various diseases.

The technique allows one to eliminate sleep disorders, regulate appetite, increase the likelihood of pregnancy, relieve the state of patients with gastrointestinal diseases, hypertension, bronchial asthma, headaches, and other psychosomatic diseases and disorders.

The correction effect of “Ultra-paradoxical psychotherapy” is associated with stimulation of the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to eliminate the stress state.

“Ultra-paradoxical psychotherapy” leads to an optimization of the activity of the limbic and hypothalamic systems of the brain, accompanied by a decrease in general anxiety, normalization of the tonus, and peristalsis of smooth muscles.

The implementation of “Ultra-Paradoxical Psychotherapy” does not require high suggestibility of patients or specific conditions.

The technique has been designed for practical psychologists, counselors, medical psychologists, doctors, psychotherapists, patients with psychosomatic disorders. It is recommended for use as a part of a psychological correction program for patients with psychosomatic disorders.

Introduction

Modern psychology and medicine view the human body as an integrated system, whose parts and functions are interconnected. One of the most complicated problems of modern medicine is the psychosomatic and somatopsychic interaction. More than half a century ago, M. Chernorutsky wrote: “Body and soul, soma and psyche, are inseparable from each other; they form an indissoluble and integral unity. Their separation and the ensuing separation of body disorders from the spirit disorders, somatic diseases from mental ones, is one of the most deplorable and harmful ‘misunderstandings’ and consequences of the differentiation. A consensual approach shall be applied when considering this problem”. (1954).

Thus, any somatic disease is accompanied by some somatogenic mental disorders (symptoms). These are sleep disorders, changes in appetite, depression, psychological retardation, impaired concentration. According to various authors, the symptoms are observed in patients in 20 to 100 percent of cases, and their manifestation increases depending on the severity of the somatic disease and the personality type of the patient.

Psyschosomatic disorders

Psychosomatic medicine (Greek psyche

— soul, soma — body) is a medical science that studies the influence of psychological (mainly psychogenic) factors on the occurrence and subsequent dynamics of somatic diseases. Psychosomatic disorders fall into two broad groups:

Conversion symptoms A person unintentionally begins to demonstrate disease symptoms that are objectively absent. This is often observed when a neurotic conflict receives a secondary somatic response in the form of a demonstration of symptoms as an attempt to resolve social conflict. Conversion manifestations affect voluntary motility and sensory organs (for example, hysterical paralysis, paresthesias (“crawling creeps”), psychogenic blindness and deafness, psychogenic vomiting, pain phenomena).

Functional Syndromes It is a functional disorder of individual organs or systems despite the absence of any organic abnormalities. The patient has a wide range of vague complaints regarding the cardiovascular system, gastrointestinal tract, locomotor system, respiratory system and the genitourinary system (for example, paresthesia, lumps in the throat, chest discomfort, neurocirculatory dystonia, functional disorders of the stomach, paroxysmal cardiac arrhythmias of various origins, and so on). The symptoms are accompanied by internal anxiety, depressive manifestations, whiplashes of fear, sleep disturbance, decreased concentration, and mental fatigue.

Psychosomatoses (psychosomatic disorders in a narrower sense) They are based on the primary body response to the conflict experience, accompanied by changes and pathological disorders in the organs. The affected organ or system often is often prone to the corresponding disease. This group traditionally includes the following classic forms of psychosomatic disorders (so-called “holy seven”): bronchial asthma, ulcerative colitis, essential hypertension, neurodermatitis, rheumatoid arthritis, peptic ulcer. Currently, these disorders also include coronary heart disease, psychosomatic thyrotoxicosis, two types of diabetes, obesity, and neurocirculatory dystonia.

However, in accordance with our concept of the functional asymmetry of the brain, accompanied by dysfunction of physiological systems with functional asymmetries, which lead to psychosomatics, we propose to add to the psychosomatic disorders such diseases as radiculitis, migraine, intestinal colic, irritable bowel syndrome, gallbladder dyskinesia, chronic pancreatitis and infertility that is not caused by the reproductive system pathology.

The issue of the psychosomatic quotient is one of the most complex problems of modern medical science, despite the fact that the strong interrelation of the psychical and physical aspects has been admitted and studied for several centuries, since the time of Hippocrates and Aristotle. However, the term “psychosomatics” was introduced by Heinroth only in 1818, and came into use approximately in 1934—1936 after the publication of research papers by Dunbar, Jeffrey, Alexander, Wolf, and others. M. M. Kabanov emphasizes the need to overcome the non-natural opposition of biological and psychosocial aspects and defines psychosomatic disorders as “purely human” diseases (1990).

In the early stages of development, psychosomatic medical science was mainly based on psychoanalytic concepts, according to which somatic health is determined by the state of the psyche (the depressive effect can contribute to disease development in a person predisposed to it, while a sense of pleasure can have a renewing effect on the state of the body). To date, there is a large number of theories that explain the causes and mechanisms of the occurrence of psychosomatic disorders.

There are several basic concepts of psychosomatic medicine.

Clinical-empirical approach (W. Osler, R. Konechniy, M. Bowhal) considers psychosomatic relations both from the side of the psychosomatic process, a certain mental state or change of states that cause a registered physiological body response and from the side of the somatopsychic process — a certain state of the body that causes a mental reaction.

Psychoanalysis as a theoretical basis for psychosomatic medical science (S. Freud C. Jung, F. Adler). This concept revealed protective mechanisms of a personality, the technique of access to the unconscious through dreams, free associations, a slip of the tongue, as well as the theory of the collective unconscious, which became a basis for the “theory of the symbolic language of organs” (S. Ferenczi).

The theory of Specific Emotional Conflict, founded by F. Alexander, demonstrates the crucial importance of emotional stress states (emotional conflict situations and physiological correlates) on the functioning of organ systems.

The concept of specific personality type profiles, radicals, behavioral stereotypes (F. Dunbar), tried to establish a correlation between somatic types of responses and constant personality parameters in the form of certain personality radicals, patterns, and behavioral stereotypes, which found its greatest expression in the popular concept of behavioral type “A” (D. Friedman).

Alexithymia (dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relating) and operational thinking theory (specific thinking, freedom from dreams), according to which psychosomatic patients are characterized by specific pathognomonic intrapsychic processing of intrapersonal conflicts and specific verbal behavior (I. Ruzov).

Experimental-psychological, clinical- physiological, biochemical, and cytological studies of the emotional effects of stress (G. Selye, F. S. Meyerson and others) establish the influence of extremely stressful situations on the susceptibility and characteristics of the pathogenesis, course, and treatment of psychosomatic disorders. Moreover, this research direction includes a large number of separate areas of study of psychosomatic pathology (stress and adaptive reactions, stress and stress injuries, stress factors and psychological experience, and so on).

Psycho-physiological studies (A. S. Levins, R. Johnson, F. B. Beresin, Yu. M. Gubachev, P. К. Knokhin, K. V. Sudakov and others) are based on the desire to establish relations between the individual psycho-physiological characteristics (for example, some neocortical-limbic characteristics or sympathetic and parasympathicotrophic manifestations) and dynamics of visceral manifestations. The fundamental basis of the concept is the theory of functional systems.

Psychoendocrine and psychoimmune research studies (V. M. Uspenskiy, Ya. S. Zimmerman, V. A. Vinogradov, I. P. Myagkaya) include a wide range of neuro-endocrine and neurohumoral phenomena in patients with psychosomatic disorders (psychoendocrine testing of the features and level of synthesis of catecholamines, pituitary and thyroid hormones, and the specificity of immunograms). The search for “specific neurohormonal support” of emotional response showed that a high level of personal and situational anxiety is associated with significant neurohormonal changes.

Neurophysiological research studies (I. T. Kuritsyn, P. К. Anohin N. P. Behtereva, V.D. Topolyanskiy) include the neurophysiological support of stable pathological conditions and explain the occurrence of psychosomatic disorders by impaired cortico-visceral relations. According to this theory, the main cause of the development of visceral pathology is the cortical abnormality. This theory postulates that all internal organs are represented in the cerebral cortex. The influence of the cerebral cortex on the internal organs is performed through the limbic-reticular system, vegetative, and endocrine systems.

The behavioral theory establishes a pathogenesis model based on visceral education as well as behavioral education, which is explained by the person’s lifestyle and personality (B. D. Karvasarskiy, Yu. M. Gubachev).

Theory of impairment of “functional brain asymmetry” as a cause of psychosomatic pathology (N. I. Kosenkov). As social adaptation proceeds, an increase in the functional asymmetry of the brain takes place, which is not able to go beyond a certain boundary — the so-called “critical zone”. In the case of social maladaptation, the functional asymmetry of the brain reaches the “critical zone”, and this leads to psychosomatic pathology. Operation of functionally asymmetric physiological systems (with transient asymmetries in secretory and motor activity) of the body changes, which contributes to the exiting of the functional brain asymmetry from the “critical zone”. This leads to the remission stage of psychosomatic pathology, which may have a different duration of the course. There is a vicious circle of psychosomatic disorder, which can be triggered by both changes in the central nervous system and pathological disorders in the peripheral organs and systems involved in the disorder process. This theory can explain all the other theories listed above.

Description of the technique

The technique is named “Ultra-paradoxical psychotherapy” since it provides a psychotherapeutic effect when a patient is in the ultra-paradoxical stage of sleep.

In accordance with the research studies of I. P. Pavlov, during the transition from wakefulness to sleep, the following stages of higher nervous activity are observed:

— balancing phase,

— paradoxical phase,

— ultra-paradoxical phase,

— narcotic phase.

In the state of wakefulness, conditioned reflexes obey the law of strength. The greater the strength of the conditioned stimulus, the higher the degree of response conditioned reflex. But this direct relation is getting interfered when a person is falling asleep.

During the balancing stage, animals and people begin to respond with the conditioned reflexes of the same intensity to the conditioned stimuli with different intensity.

During the paradoxical stage, the weak conditioned stimuli initiate the stronger conditioned reflexes than the strong stimuli.

The ultra-paradoxical stage is characterized by the disappearance of conditioned responses to positive conditioned stimuli and initiation of a conditioned-reflex response when the conditioned inhibitory stimuli to act.

During the narcotic stage, the body ceases to respond with a conditioned reflex to any conditioned stimuli.

For example, imagine that a dog at the stage of wakefulness gets meat after a bell ringing (it is a stronger stimulus). When a light bulb is turned on (a weaker stimulus), they give the dog some milk instead of a slice of meat. And when the dog’s paw gets a slight electric shock (negative stimulus), they give no food to the dog. As a result, the dog acquires some conditioned reflexes. The bell-ringing initiates the secretion of digestive juice; when the bulb is turned on, some digestive juices are secreted too, but in a smaller amount, as for the shock, it doesn’t initiate the juice secretion. However, when the dog is falling asleep, the phenomena are observed.

During the balancing stage, the same amount of digestive juices is secreted as a response to the stronger and weaker stimuli.

At the paradoxical stage of falling asleep, the stronger stimulus generates less digestive juices, while the weaker stimulus generates more juices.

And finally, during the ultra-paradoxical stage, when the dog is about to fall asleep, it does not see the light bulb, it does not hear the bell ringing, but an electric shock starts a sudden secretion of gastric juices.

We can assume that during this final stage of falling asleep, activation of the hidden physiological body reserves may occur. It is no coincidence that healers use to whisper their “spells” right before bedtime. The effectiveness of the “spell” depends on whether the “spell” has been said during this stage of falling asleep or not. As for the “spell”, not merely the meaning but also sounds matter. Hissing and whistling sounds are the most effective.

It was I. M. Sechenov, who determined that hissing and whistling sounds affect not only the sound analyzer like all the others but also the vestibular analyzer of the human body. The sounds perceived when falling asleep activate the posterior quadrigeminal bodies — the subcortical hearing center, which in turn activates the cerebral cortex. Thus, a session based on “Ultra-paradoxical psychotherapy” is a sort of relaxation through the auto-training, during which a patient is exposed to a quiet, almost indistinguishable whisper. When doing it during the right stage of falling asleep, you get positive results after the first sessions.

Psychological correction using the Ultra Paradoxical Psychotherapy technique is aimed at destroying the pathological reflex of the disease, deliberate normalization of the disturbed activity of the body by psychological means, restoring the dynamic balance of the vegetative nervous system, awakening of the healing resources of the body to prevent neuropsychiatric and psychosomatic disorders, as well as to eliminate their symptoms. The main elements of the technique are as follows: normalization of the activity of limbic and hypothalamic systems, accompanied by a decrease in general anxiety, normalization of smooth muscle tone and peristalsis; “adjustment” of the endocrine system to the needs of the body; optimization of the sleep-wake cycle and the tone of the vegetative nervous system, which contributes to the body reaction to stress.

The Ultra-paradoxical psychotherapy technique is based on the physiological laws, which make it possible to re-adjust the disturbed activity of the body by psycho-physiological means.

The Ultra-paradoxical Psychotherapy technique contributes to the successful solution of the therapeutic tasks of improving the functional state of psychosomatic patients regardless of their age, gender, or degree of suggestibility.

The technique can be applied even to patients who do not believe in a positive effect or who are unable to understand the meaning of the speech. The technique provides the opportunity of treatment in common conditions, even at home, and does not require a special soundproofed or darkened room.

Psychotherapy session procedure

A patient assumes a comfortable lying or sitting position. During the next five to fifteen minutes, a relaxation autogenic session (suggestion aimed at relaxation of the skeletal muscles) shall be conducted.

At first, the suggestion is carried out in a loud voice, then in a whisper. As a result, the patient tends to drift into a state of the ultra-paradoxical stage of sleep. Then, an appropriate affirmation is pronounced in a very quiet whisper. After it, the psychologist continues to speak in a whisper, pronouncing affirmations of health and well-being to keep the effect after waking up. In the end, a suggestion is made about the patient’s subsequent entry into this state for a short time in the next session. The positive effect usually occurs after one to five sessions. Breaks between sessions shall be no more than twenty-three days.

Thus, the basic model of the “Ultra-paradoxical psychotherapy” session includes the following sequence of steps:

— introduction, psyching a patient up for positive result;

— relaxation, fixing the patient’s attention to the rhythm of his breathing, muscle relaxation of various parts of the body;

— putting a patient to the balanced paradoxical stage of sleep, using whispering;

— suggestion aimed at the attainment of a specific healing effect;

— putting a patient to the ultra-paradoxical stage of sleep;

— use of a special verbal formula;

— bringing a patient off the ultra-paradoxical stage of sleep, post-hypnotic indirect affirmations;

— mobilization, the final withdrawal of the ultra-paradoxical stage of sleep, the possible use of a hetero-suggestive counting in reverse.

Indications and counterindications

““Ultra-paradoxical psychotherapy” can be applied to patients suffering from the following diseases and disorders.

Gastroenterology: peptic ulcer, ulcerative colitis, intestinal colic, irritable bowel syndrome, gallbladder dyskinesia, chronic pancreatitis.

Cardiology: essential hypertension, coronary heart disease, neurocirculatory dystonia of hypertonic, hypotonic, or cordial type.

Obstetrics and gynecology: early/ late toxicosis during pregnancy, infertility of unknown etiology.

Neuropathology: headaches, migraines, hysterical paralysis, paresthesias, psychogenic blindness and deafness, psychogenic vomiting, pain phenomena (including phantom ones).

Endocrinology: psychosomatic thyrotoxicosis, type 2 diabetes mellitus, obesity, and weight loss.

Psychiatry: Anxiety, bouts of fear, insomnia, phobias, obsessions, depressive, and related disorders, as well as bulimia, anorexia, and other eating disorders.

Pulmonology: bronchial asthma. Dermatology: psoriasis, neurodermatitis.

Narcology: tobacco/alcohol/drugs addiction.

Oncology: pain, negative effects of radiation, and chemotherapy.

Children diseases: enuresis, night fears, inguinal and umbilical hernias, coproresis.

“Ultra-paradoxical psychotherapy” usually has no side effects if it is conducted by a well-trained, experienced expert who is able both to control and manage the course of the session. The procedure shall be preceded by a thorough study of psychological and medical records, which allows you to identify the diagnosis and choose the right treatment regimen. Please keep in mind that after the start of treatment, temporary exacerbation of the disease is possible, but that is not a reason to stop the sessions. This is due to the activation and subsequent destruction of the disease dominant.

Counterindications:

— schizophrenia, manic depressive psychosis;

— convulsions of organic origin, including epilepsy;

— hypertensive crisis, hypoglycemic coma.