THE GOOP DIRECTORY

OF

Juvenile Offenders Famous for their Misdeeds and Serving as a Salutary Example for all Virtuous Children

with Pictures by

GELETT BURGESS

Author of "Goops," "The Lively City o' Ligg," etc.

1913

INDEX

Argyll, Marmaduke

Talking While Eating

Beal, Nancy

Throwing Away Things

Bildad, Master

Selfish With Toys

Bingg, Percy

In the Way

Birch, Betsy

Talking in Church

Boing, Levi

Going Carelessly

Call, Mary C. C.

Crying Continually

Coralie, Little

Getting Feet Wet

Crossett, Andrew

Playing With Faucet

Day, Annabella

Obeying Slowly

De Witt, Gwendolyn De V.

Sulking

Elfinstone, Adolphus

Playing With Matches

Fish, Amanda

Stealing Sweets

Fisher, Frederick

Not Eating Crusts

Hecht, Ezra

Not Minding Mother

Hopper, Midget and Bridget

Restless While Dressing

James, Amanda M.

Calling Names

Klein, Susie

Whining

Lees, Roberto

Teasing animals

LeGrand, Annie A.

Lying and Fibbing

Mackadoo, Miss

Not answering

McClung, Isabel

Sticking out Tongue

McGiff, Alexander B.

Not Wiping Nose

McGuff, Elias E.

Rough and Rude

McKim, Solomon

Scuffing Feet

Pell, John D.

Ordering People

Pound, Esau

Leaving Things Around

Puddingfoot, Eliza

Cheating at Play

Pratt, Amelia

Saying "I Won't"

Ray, Jumbo

Snatching Toys

Riff, Annie F. R.

Snuffling and Sniffling

Ropps, Felicia

Handling Things

Sloop, Percival B.

Acting Uncleanly

Smalt, Susie

Blaming Others

Sprooks, Sperry

Tearing Books

Stead, Uriah

Not Going to Bed

Trood, Rosie L. V.

Playing With Food

INTRODUCTION

In this DIRECTORY you'll see

Just what you never ought to be;

And so, it should Direct your way

To Good Behavior, every day.

The children of whose faults I tell

Are known by other names, as well,

So see that you aren't in this group

Of Naughty Ones. Don't be a Goop!

MARMADUKE ARGYLL

Talking while Eating

A Goop that always

    makes me smile

Is this one:

    Marmaduke Argyll.

His mouth is full

    from cheek to cheek,

Why should he then

    attempt to speak?

It makes me smile,

    but still, the fact is,

It is a most

    unpleasant practice.

NANCY BEAL

Throwing Away Things

On the sidewalk

    Nancy Beal

Throws her old

    banana peel;

Throws her apple

    skin and cores,

Right in front

    of people's doors!

Isn't that a

    shocking trick?

Ask that Goop

    to stop it, quick!

MASTER BILDAD

Selfish With Toys

A puppy, when he

    gets a bone,

Will keep it for

    himself alone.

So Bildad would not

    share his toys

Or lend them to

    the other boys.

He was a Goop;

    and so are you

If you are ever

    selfish, too!

PERCY BINGG

In the Way

Percy Bingg,

    when he's at play,

Is almost always

    in the way;

In the room,

    or in the street,

Always under

    people's feet!

Goops like that

    annoy me so!

You keep out

    the way, I know!

BETSY BIRCH

Talking in Church

Look at little

    Betsy Birch,

Always whispering

    in church!

Always playing

    with the books,

Never caring

    how she looks!

Never knowing

    Goops like her

Ought to neither

    talk nor stir!

LEVI BOING

Going Carelessly

Are you a Goop,

    like Levi Boing?

He never looks

    where he is going;

He's always bumping

    into chairs,

And stumbling, when

    he goes upstairs;

He tips things over,

    bumps his nose.

He can't be careful,

    I suppose!

MARY C. C. CALL

Crying Continually

Mary Carey

    Cory Call—

Hear her cry and

    hear her bawl!

Hear her groan!

    Hear her growl!

Hear her moan!—

    Hear her howl!

She's the goopiest

    Goop of all,

Mary Carey

    Cory Call!

LITTLE CORALIE

Getting Feet Wet

Though Coralie

    was small and sweet,

She always, always

    had wet feet.

She liked to walk

    through puddles; so,

She always had

    a cold, you know.

But as you aren't

    a Goop, you try

To keep your tootsies

    warm and dry.

ANDREW CROSSETT

Playing With Faucet

Have you heard how

    Andrew Crossett

Meddled with the

    water-faucet?

Letting water

    flood the sink?

Andrew was

    a Goop, I think;

Otherwise he

    would have known

He should let

    such things alone!

ANNABELLA DAY

Obeying Slowly

How slow is

    Annabella Day!

She's so reluctant

    to obey!

She acts so sluggish

    and so sickly!

Oh, Anna, why not

    do it quickly?

Oh, Anna, do be

    prompt, and then,

No one will call

    you "Goop" again!

GWENDOLYN De V. De WITT

Sulking

Miss Gwendolyn

    De Vere De Witt

Is having such    a sulky fit!

Because she couldn't

    have her way

With other children

    at their play.

A sulky Goop

    I really call

As bad as those

    who cry and bawl.

ADOLPHUS ELFINSTONE

Playing With Matches

Adolphus Elfinstone,

    of Nachez,

Thought it was fun

    to play with matches

Until the little Goop

    had learned

It hurt a lot

    when he got burned!

A little fire

    is queer and curious;

But soon it grows

    quite big and furious.

AMANDA FISH

Stealing Sweets

If there's sugar

    in the dish,

Who will take it?

    Mandy Fish?

If there is a

    box of candy,

Just look out

    for little Mandy!

She goops the fruit,

    and leaves the peeling—

She calls it fun;

    I call it stealing!

FREDERICK FISHER

Not Eating Crusts

Freddie Fisher

    fairly fussed

When he came

    to eat his crust!

Often on the floor

    he'd throw it,

Hoping mother

    wouldn't know it!

Goops all hate

    to eat the crust;

If you're told to,

    then you must!

EZRA HECHT

Not Minding Mother

What in the world

    would you expect

Of a Goop whose name

    was Ezra Hecht?

Of course he would

    refuse to heed

Or mind his mother—

    yes indeed!

Of course he would.

    Of course he did.

But you must do

    what you are bid.

M. AND B. HOPPER

Restless While Dressing

Mother always

    is distressed

If you fidget

    when you're dressed.

If you fidget

    like Miss Midget,

Hopper, or her

    sister Bridget.

Goops like that

    are so much bother,

That they ought to

    dress each other!

AMANDA M. JAMES

Calling Names

Amanda Minnesinger

    James

She called her sister

    horrid names!

She called her brother

    names, as well,

So bad I wouldn't

    dare to tell!

It's shocking how

    a Goop will act!

They have no manners,

    that's a fact.

SUSIE KLEIN

Whining

When e'er I hear

    a puppy whine,

I always think

    of Susie Klein;

I think of how

    she hangs her head,

She doesn't speak—

    she whines, instead!

Don't whine! If you

    don't speak right out,

You are a Goop,

    without a doubt!

ROBERTO LEES

Teasing animals

How thoughtless was

    Roberto Lees!

(For only thoughtless

    children tease).

He teased the little

    pussy cat,

He teased the puppy!

    Think of that!

He even teased

    his sister, too!

I think he was

    a Goop—don't you?

ANNIE A. LeGRAND

Lying and Fibbing

The queerest Goop

    in all the land

Was Annie Annabelle

    LeGrand;

She often said

    what wasn't true—

Which is an awful

    thing to do!

But we are honest,

    you and I,

We think it's wrong

    to tell a lie!

MISS MACKADOO

Not answering

This is a Goop—

    Miss Mackadoo;

She never speaks

    when spoken to.

When spoken to,

    she turns her eyes,

And never answers

    or replies.

She hangs her head

    and sucks her thumb—

You'd think that she

    was deaf and dumb!

ISABEL McCLUNG

Sticking out Tongue

Do you ever

    stick your tongue

Out, like

    Isabel McClung?

No one but

    a Goop would show

Rudeness such as that,

    I know!

If you're good,

    take my advice;

Please don't do it!

    'Tisn't nice.

ALEXANDER B. McGIFF

Not Wiping Nose

Young Alexander

    B. McGiff

Each day had a

    clean handkerchief.

In spite of this,

    if you'll believe,

He wiped his nose

    upon his sleeve!

Nobody but a Goop

    would do it;

His mother'd scold him,

    if she knew it.

ELIAS E. McGUFF

Rough and Rude

Elias Ethelbert

    McGuff,

Oh, he was rude

    and he was rough!

He used to pinch,

    he used to poke,

And called his rudeness

    just a joke.

What made him plague

    his playmates so?

He was a Goop

    and didn't know!

SOLOMON McKIM

Scuffing Feet

I wonder if

    you ever meet

The Goop who always

    scuffs his feet?

He makes them drag

    along the floor

As if they weighed

    a ton or more.

Just think of

    Solomon McKim,

And don't be slovenly

    like him!

JOHN D. PELL

Ordering People

When John D. Pell

    wants something done,

D'you think he asks    of anyone?

Oh, no! He orders    someone to,

With "Get my hat!"

    or, "Tie my shoe!"

The Goops all say

    rude things like these,

But you, of course,

    say, "If you please!"

ESAU POUND

Leaving Things Around

When you're finished

    with your play,

Do you put

    your toys away?

Do you put

    away your hat,

And your coat,

    and things like that?

Or, are you

    like Esau Pound?

He's the Goop

    who leaves things 'round!

ELIZA PUDDINGFOOT

Cheating at Play

If you should ask

    why Rosamund

Eliza Puddingfoot

    was shunned,

I'd say, because

    she'd always cheat

In every game,

    so she could beat.

Only a Goop

    would act that way

And be dishonest

    in her play.

AMELIA PRATT

Saying "I Won't"

"I won't!" says young

    Amelia Pratt;

"I won't do this!"

    "I won't do that!"

Now isn't "won't"

    the naughtiest word

That anyone

    has ever heard?

Now isn't that

    the rudest way

A Goop could answer?

    I should say!

JUMBO RAY

Snatching Toys

No children ever

    like to play

With such a Goop

    as Jumbo Ray.

For he will snatch

    and grab the toys

Of all the little

    girls and boys.

Though Jumbo loves

    to fuss and fight,

You know, of course,

    it isn't right.

ANNIE F. R. RIFF

Snuffling and Sniffling

Annie Fanny

    Ruffle Riff;

Hear her snuffle!

    Hear her sniff!

Hear her sniffle!

    Hear her snuff!—

See her—well,

    I've said enough.

You have seen her,

    I suppose,

The Goop who seldom

    blows her nose?

FELICIA ROPPS

Handling Things

Funny, how

    Felicia Ropps

Always handles

    things in shops!

Always pinching,

    always poking,

Alwyas feeling,

    always stroking

Things she has

    no right to touch!

Goops like that

    annoy me much!

PERCIVAL B. SLOOP

Acting Uncleanly

Just look at

    Percival B. Sloop,

A most unpleasant

    sort of Goop;

He pokes his fingers

    in his nose

And wipes his hands

    upon his clothes;

He does a lot

    of things that you,

I know, would never,

    never do!

SUSIE SMALT

Blaming Others

"Oh," says little

    Susie Smalt,

"It is someone

    else's fault!"

"She began it!"

    "She's to blame!"

"She's the one that

    spoiled the game!"

So Goops always

    blame each other;

Do you own up

    your fault to Mother?

SPERRY SPROOKS

Tearing Books

Have you ever

    chanced to look

At a torn and

    dirty book?

At a book that's

    ragged, soiled,

Inked and finger-

    marked and spoiled?

Who has done it?

    Sperry Sprooks!

He's the Goop

    that spoils the books!

URIAH STEAD

Not Going to Bed

I never saw

    Uriah Stead

When he was glad

    to go to bed.

There always was

    one thing to do

Before he could

    take off a shoe!

The little Goop

    was always late;

I hope you don't

    pro-cras-ti-nate!

ROSIE L. V. TROOD

Playing With Food

Rosie Lily

    Violet Trood,

Always messes

    with her food;

Always plays with

    her potatoes,

Meat and gravy

    and tomatoes!

Callers, who are

    asked to dine,

Knowing she's

    a Goop, decline!