The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Goop Directory, by Gelett Burgess

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Title: The Goop Directory

Author: Gelett Burgess

Release Date: July 28, 2004 [EBook #13035]

Language: English

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GOOP DIRECTORY ***

Produced by David Newman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE GOOP DIRECTORY

OF

Juvenile Offenders Famous for their Misdeeds and Serving as a Salutary Example for all Virtuous Children

 

with Pictures by

GELETT BURGESS

Author of "Goops," "The Lively City o' Ligg," etc.

 

 

1913

 

 

 

 

INDEX

Argyll, Marmaduke

Talking While Eating

Beal, Nancy

Throwing Away Things

Bildad, Master

Selfish With Toys

Bingg, Percy

In the Way

Birch, Betsy

Talking in Church

Boing, Levi

Going Carelessly

Call, Mary C. C.

Crying Continually

Coralie, Little

Getting Feet Wet

Crossett, Andrew

Playing With Faucet

Day, Annabella

Obeying Slowly

De Witt, Gwendolyn De V.

Sulking

Elfinstone, Adolphus

Playing With Matches

Fish, Amanda

Stealing Sweets

Fisher, Frederick

Not Eating Crusts

Hecht, Ezra

Not Minding Mother

Hopper, Midget and Bridget

Restless While Dressing

James, Amanda M.

Calling Names

Klein, Susie

Whining

Lees, Roberto

Teasing animals

LeGrand, Annie A.

Lying and Fibbing

Mackadoo, Miss

Not answering

McClung, Isabel

Sticking out Tongue

McGiff, Alexander B.

Not Wiping Nose

McGuff, Elias E.

Rough and Rude

McKim, Solomon

Scuffing Feet

Pell, John D.

Ordering People

Pound, Esau

Leaving Things Around

Puddingfoot, Eliza

Cheating at Play

Pratt, Amelia

Saying "I Won't"

Ray, Jumbo

Snatching Toys

Riff, Annie F. R.

Snuffling and Sniffling

Ropps, Felicia

Handling Things

Sloop, Percival B.

Acting Uncleanly

Smalt, Susie

Blaming Others

Sprooks, Sperry

Tearing Books

Stead, Uriah

Not Going to Bed

Trood, Rosie L. V.

Playing With Food

 

 

 

 

INTRODUCTION

In this DIRECTORY you'll see

Just what you never ought to be;

And so, it should Direct your way

To Good Behavior, every day.

The children of whose faults I tell

Are known by other names, as well,

So see that you aren't in this group

Of Naughty Ones. Don't be a Goop!

 

MARMADUKE ARGYLL

Talking while Eating

 

A Goop that always

makes me smile

Is this one:

Marmaduke Argyll.

His mouth is full

from cheek to cheek,

Why should he then

attempt to speak?

It makes me smile,

but still, the fact is,

It is a most

unpleasant practice.

 

NANCY BEAL

Throwing Away Things

 

On the sidewalk

Nancy Beal

Throws her old

banana peel;

Throws her apple

skin and cores,

Right in front

of people's doors!

Isn't that a

shocking trick?

Ask that Goop

to stop it, quick!

 

MASTER BILDAD

Selfish With Toys

 

A puppy, when he

gets a bone,

Will keep it for

himself alone.

So Bildad would not

share his toys

Or lend them to

the other boys.

He was a Goop;

and so are you

If you are ever

selfish, too!

 

PERCY BINGG

In the Way

 

Percy Bingg,

when he's at play,

Is almost always

in the way;

In the room,

or in the street,

Always under

people's feet!

Goops like that

annoy me so!

You keep out

the way, I know!

 

BETSY BIRCH

Talking in Church

 

Look at little

Betsy Birch,

Always whispering

in church!

Always playing

with the books,

Never caring

how she looks!

Never knowing

Goops like her

Ought to neither

talk nor stir!

 

LEVI BOING

Going Carelessly

 

Are you a Goop,

like Levi Boing?

He never looks

where he is going;

He's always bumping

into chairs,

And stumbling, when

he goes upstairs;

He tips things over,

bumps his nose.

He can't be careful,

I suppose!

 

MARY C. C. CALL

Crying Continually

 

Mary Carey

Cory Call—

Hear her cry and

hear her bawl!

Hear her groan!

Hear her growl!

Hear her moan!—

Hear her howl!

She's the goopiest

Goop of all,

Mary Carey

Cory Call!

 

LITTLE CORALIE

Getting Feet Wet

 

Though Coralie

was small and sweet,

She always, always

had wet feet.

She liked to walk

through puddles; so,

She always had

a cold, you know.

But as you aren't

a Goop, you try

To keep your tootsies

warm and dry.

 

ANDREW CROSSETT

Playing With Faucet

 

Have you heard how

Andrew Crossett

Meddled with the

water-faucet?

Letting water

flood the sink?

Andrew was

a Goop, I think;

Otherwise he

would have known

He should let

such things alone!

 

ANNABELLA DAY

Obeying Slowly

 

How slow is

Annabella Day!

She's so reluctant

to obey!

She acts so sluggish

and so sickly!

Oh, Anna, why not

do it quickly?

Oh, Anna, do be

prompt, and then,

No one will call

you "Goop" again!

 

GWENDOLYN De V. De WITT

Sulking

 

Miss Gwendolyn

De Vere De Witt

Is having such

a sulky fit!

Because she couldn't

have her way

With other children

at their play.

A sulky Goop

I really call

As bad as those

who cry and bawl.

 

ADOLPHUS ELFINSTONE

Playing With Matches

 

Adolphus Elfinstone,

of Nachez,

Thought it was fun

to play with matches

Until the little Goop

had learned

It hurt a lot

when he got burned!

A little fire

is queer and curious;

But soon it grows

quite big and furious.

 

AMANDA FISH

Stealing Sweets

 

If there's sugar

in the dish,

Who will take it?

Mandy Fish?

If there is a

box of candy,

Just look out

for little Mandy!

She goops the fruit,

and leaves the peeling—

She calls it fun;

I call it stealing!

 

FREDERICK FISHER

Not Eating Crusts

 

Freddie Fisher

fairly fussed

When he came

to eat his crust!

Often on the floor

he'd throw it,

Hoping mother

wouldn't know it!

Goops all hate

to eat the crust;

If you're told to,

then you must!

 

EZRA HECHT

Not Minding Mother

 

What in the world

would you expect

Of a Goop whose name

was Ezra Hecht?

Of course he would

refuse to heed

Or mind his mother—

yes indeed!

Of course he would.

Of course he did.

But you must do

what you are bid.

 

M. AND B. HOPPER

Restless While Dressing

 

Mother always

is distressed

If you fidget

when you're dressed.

If you fidget

like Miss Midget,

Hopper, or her

sister Bridget.

Goops like that

are so much bother,

That they ought to

dress each other!

 

AMANDA M. JAMES

Calling Names

 

Amanda Minnesinger

James

She called her sister

horrid names!

She called her brother

names, as well,

So bad I wouldn't

dare to tell!

It's shocking how

a Goop will act!

They have no manners,

that's a fact.

 

SUSIE KLEIN

Whining

 

When e'er I hear

a puppy whine,

I always think

of Susie Klein;

I think of how

she hangs her head,

She doesn't speak—

she whines, instead!

Don't whine! If you

don't speak right out,

You are a Goop,

without a doubt!

 

ROBERTO LEES

Teasing animals

 

How thoughtless was

Roberto Lees!

(For only thoughtless

children tease).

He teased the little

pussy cat,

He teased the puppy!

Think of that!

He even teased

his sister, too!

I think he was

a Goop—don't you?

 

ANNIE A. LeGRAND

Lying and Fibbing

 

The queerest Goop

in all the land

Was Annie Annabelle

LeGrand;

She often said

what wasn't true—

Which is an awful

thing to do!

But we are honest,

you and I,

We think it's wrong

to tell a lie!

 

MISS MACKADOO

Not answering

 

This is a Goop—

Miss Mackadoo;

She never speaks

when spoken to.

When spoken to,

she turns her eyes,

And never answers

or replies.

She hangs her head

and sucks her thumb—

You'd think that she

was deaf and dumb!

 

ISABEL McCLUNG

Sticking out Tongue

 

Do you ever

stick your tongue

Out, like

Isabel McClung?

No one but

a Goop would show

Rudeness such as that,

I know!

If you're good,

take my advice;

Please don't do it!

'Tisn't nice.

 

ALEXANDER B. McGIFF

Not Wiping Nose

 

Young Alexander

B. McGiff

Each day had a

clean handkerchief.

In spite of this,

if you'll believe,

He wiped his nose

upon his sleeve!

Nobody but a Goop

would do it;

His mother'd scold him,

if she knew it.

 

ELIAS E. McGUFF

Rough and Rude

 

Elias Ethelbert

McGuff,

Oh, he was rude

and he was rough!

He used to pinch,

he used to poke,

And called his rudeness

just a joke.

What made him plague

his playmates so?

He was a Goop

and didn't know!

 

SOLOMON McKIM

Scuffing Feet

 

I wonder if

you ever meet

The Goop who always

scuffs his feet?

He makes them drag

along the floor

As if they weighed

a ton or more.

Just think of

Solomon McKim,

And don't be slovenly

like him!

 

JOHN D. PELL

Ordering People

 

When John D. Pell

wants something done,

D'you think he asks

of anyone?

Oh, no! He orders

someone to,

With "Get my hat!"

or, "Tie my shoe!"

The Goops all say

rude things like these,

But you, of course,

say, "If you please!"

 

ESAU POUND

Leaving Things Around

 

When you're finished

with your play,

Do you put

your toys away?

Do you put

away your hat,

And your coat,

and things like that?

Or, are you

like Esau Pound?

He's the Goop

who leaves things 'round!

 

ELIZA PUDDINGFOOT

Cheating at Play

 

If you should ask

why Rosamund

Eliza Puddingfoot

was shunned,

I'd say, because

she'd always cheat

In every game,

so she could beat.

Only a Goop

would act that way

And be dishonest

in her play.

 

AMELIA PRATT

Saying "I Won't"

 

"I won't!" says young

Amelia Pratt;

"I won't do this!"

"I won't do that!"

Now isn't "won't"

the naughtiest word

That anyone

has ever heard?

Now isn't that

the rudest way

A Goop could answer?

I should say!

 

JUMBO RAY

Snatching Toys

 

No children ever

like to play

With such a Goop

as Jumbo Ray.

For he will snatch

and grab the toys

Of all the little

girls and boys.

Though Jumbo loves

to fuss and fight,

You know, of course,

it isn't right.

 

ANNIE F. R. RIFF

Snuffling and Sniffling

 

Annie Fanny

Ruffle Riff;

Hear her snuffle!

Hear her sniff!

Hear her sniffle!

Hear her snuff!—

See her—well,

I've said enough.

You have seen her,

I suppose,

The Goop who seldom

blows her nose?

 

FELICIA ROPPS

Handling Things

 

Funny, how

Felicia Ropps

Always handles

things in shops!

Always pinching,

always poking,

Alwyas feeling,

always stroking

Things she has

no right to touch!

Goops like that

annoy me much!

 

PERCIVAL B. SLOOP

Acting Uncleanly

 

Just look at

Percival B. Sloop,

A most unpleasant

sort of Goop;

He pokes his fingers

in his nose

And wipes his hands

upon his clothes;

He does a lot

of things that you,

I know, would never,

never do!

 

SUSIE SMALT

Blaming Others

 

"Oh," says little

Susie Smalt,

"It is someone

else's fault!"

"She began it!"

"She's to blame!"

"She's the one that

spoiled the game!"

So Goops always

blame each other;

Do you own up

your fault to Mother?

 

SPERRY SPROOKS

Tearing Books

 

Have you ever

chanced to look

At a torn and

dirty book?

At a book that's

ragged, soiled,

Inked and finger-

marked and spoiled?

Who has done it?

Sperry Sprooks!

He's the Goop

that spoils the books!

 

URIAH STEAD

Not Going to Bed

 

I never saw

Uriah Stead

When he was glad

to go to bed.

There always was

one thing to do

Before he could

take off a shoe!

The little Goop

was always late;

I hope you don't

pro-cras-ti-nate!

 

ROSIE L. V. TROOD

Playing With Food

 

Rosie Lily

Violet Trood,

Always messes

with her food;

Always plays with

her potatoes,

Meat and gravy

and tomatoes!

Callers, who are

asked to dine,

Knowing she's

a Goop, decline!

 

 

 

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