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Eating and not getting full

Eating and not getting full. Drinking and not getting drunk. I smoke but don’t get stoned. Isn’t that a portrait of love?

Love is a bottomless well of desire. It whispers of a hunger that even the finest feast can’t quell. Each meeting is just a passing snack, leaving behind a tart aftertaste of dissatisfaction. It seems that you are satiated with a look, a word, a touch, but immediately a new, even more acute hunger grows. A thirst to see, to hear, to feel again. It is an eternal call, an echo from which it is impossible to escape.

Love is a dried-up earth, thirsty for moisture. You drink the words, the promises, the looks, the hopes, but the thirst does not stop. Each drop is only temporary relief, and after that, more dryness. You are drowning in a sea of emotions, but your lips are still dry from unspoken feelings, from the fear of admitting your addiction.

Love is a smouldering coal that will never burst into flame. You smoke memories, dreams, hopes for the future, but the smoke does not dissipate, but shrouds you in a dense veil. It is an illusion of calmness, a brief moment of forgetfulness followed by an abrupt awakening. You know that the cigarette will burn out, and the ashes will remain only a bitter reminder of unfulfilled dreams.

And yet, despite this unquenchable thirst, this endless hunger, this vain attempt to satiate ourselves, we continue to eat, drink and smoke this love. Because even in this dissatisfaction there is a special, perverse sweetness. Because without this hunger, without this thirst, without this smoke, life seems bland, empty and meaningless. Love is a drug that is impossible to refuse, even knowing that it leads to death.

Thoughts about thoughts

Sometimes we analyse other people’s thoughts more than we think ourselves. This is the paradox of human communication, especially when it comes to one-on-one interactions. We long to understand the other person, to anticipate their reactions, to decipher hidden motives. But in this pursuit of understanding, we often forget about ourselves, our own feelings and needs.

When two people meet in the space of personal dialogue, a complex game of projections and interpretations begins. We endow our interlocutor with qualities that may not be inherent in him or her, based on past experience, prejudices, or just a passing impression. We build an image of the other person in our minds that does not always correspond to reality.

In this process, it is easy to lose touch with our own inner world. Attention is completely absorbed in analysing other people’s words and gestures. We become hostage to another’s narrative, forgetting our own. Instead of expressing ourselves sincerely, we adapt ourselves to the expected image for fear of being misunderstood or rejected.

True understanding is only possible when we find a balance between analysing the other and being aware of ourselves. It is important to listen, but it is equally important to hear yourself. Openly express your thoughts and feelings without fear of being vulnerable. Only then does dialogue become real and not just a game of simulated understanding. Otherwise, we risk getting lost in the maze of other people’s thoughts, forgetting our own path.

Thirst for knowledge

Caught myself thinking the other day. We all say that learning is light and unlearning is darkness. But it was our thirst for knowledge that drove us out of Eden. Ironic, isn’t it? The pursuit of knowledge, elevated to an absolute, resulted in banishment from Eden, a place of ignorance and blissful peace.

This dilemma permeates the entire history of mankind. From the myth of Prometheus, who stole fire for humans and incurred the wrath of the gods, to modern scientific discoveries, which often bring with them not only progress but also new ethical and moral questions. Each new knowledge is a step into the unknown, into a realm where old rules and morals may not be valid.

And yet, is ignorance really preferable?

Priority

You break your own heart when you prioritise someone who doesn’t have you as a priority. This bitter truth penetrates your gut like a shard of broken mirror, poisoning joy and hope. We, social beings, need recognition and love, a sense of our own importance in the eyes of those who are dear to us. But what happens when this need remains unsatisfied, when we put our heart into the relationship, and in return we receive only coldness and indifference?

Gradually, day by day, we begin to lose ourselves. Our self-esteem drops, our confidence melts, and we increasingly doubt our own worth. We begin to fit in, to please, to try to earn attention by sacrificing our own interests and needs. We hope that if we are good enough, considerate enough, loving enough, we can make a difference, make the other person see our worth.

But the truth is, it’s impossible to make someone love us. Love is a gift that cannot be earned or begged for. And when we spend our energy trying to woo a person who has no interest in us, we only empty ourselves. We give him everything we have without getting anything in return.

In the end, we are left with a broken heart, disappointment and a sense of deep injustice. It is then that we realise that we are to blame for our own pain. We ourselves have allowed ourselves to prioritise a person who doesn’t value us. We ourselves have given him the opportunity to break our heart.

But the good news is, we can change that. We can stop wasting our energy on those who don’t deserve it. We can start valuing ourselves, loving ourselves, and prioritising ourselves. We can surround ourselves with people who see our worth and love us for who we are. And then maybe we will find true love — a love that is mutual, sincere and happiness-giving.

The light within you

The light inside you should be independent, not lit up with the appearance of people, so that when they leave your life, there is no darkness in you. This inner light is something that you create and maintain yourself, like an eternal fire, unquenchable and warming. It is a reflection of your values, beliefs, passions, everything that makes you unique.

Many people look for this light externally, relying on others as a source of energy. But such reliance is dangerous. When the source disappears, the light goes out, leaving only emptiness and despair. Remember that other people can supplement your light, amplify it, but should not be its only source.

By lighting your own light, you gain freedom. Freedom from other people’s opinions, evaluations, expectations. You become your own support, your own compass. And even in the darkest times, when it seems that the world is collapsing around you, this inner light will light your way.