Chapter 1: Why We Burn Out Chasing Big Goals
Core Idea: We often fail to achieve big goals not because we’re lazy or unmotivated, but because our approach to them leads to exhaustion. This chapter will help you understand the difference between healthy productivity and the toxic kind that drains you completely.
You will learn to recognize the signs of an approach that leads to burnout and understand why the strategy of small steps isn’t a compromise, but a smart strategy for long-term success.
Hello there! Let’s start our journey with the most important step of all: being kind to yourself. Think back: how often have you set a grand, ambitious goal for yourself? “Become fluent in English in three months,” “Lose 20 kilograms by summer,” “Launch a successful business from scratch in six months.”
What feelings come up when you remember these attempts? Pride? Or a slight bitterness and the thought: “I failed again. I guess I just didn’t try hard enough”?
Now, let’s figure out what was really happening. Imagine you have a large, delicious cake in front of you. If you try to swallow it whole, you’ll choke, feel sick, and completely miss the taste. But if you eat it in small pieces, savoring each one, you’ll enjoy it and feel satisfied.
It’s the same with big goals. Our brains and psyches are wired in such a way that large, vague, and distant tasks cause us stress and anxiety. It’s like trying to carry an impossibly heavy suitcase all by yourself across the entire country. Your arms feel like they’re going to fall off after the first mile.
This approach is what we call “toxic productivity.” Its main signs are:
Rigid and Tight Deadlines: We box ourselves in, ignoring the real circumstances of our lives.
Perfectionism: We want to do everything perfectly on the first try, or we don’t want to do it at all.
Focus on the Result, Not the Process: We don’t enjoy the journey, obsessing only over the finish line.
Ignoring Signs of Fatigue: We push through the “I can’t do this” feeling until our bodies simply refuse to cooperate.
So why doesn’t this work? Our resistance grows in proportion to the pressure we apply. The more we force ourselves, the stronger the internal pushback becomes. It’s like trying to push a wall down with your forehead — you won’t make a dent, you’ll just end up with a headache and a bad mood.
A Real-Life Example:
Maria decided to lose weight. She started a strict diet: only buckwheat and kefir. At the same time, she bought a gym membership and planned to work out for two hours every day. For the first two days, fueled by enthusiasm, everything went well. On the third day, her body started to rebel; hunger and fatigue took over. That evening, she “caved” and ate a chocolate bar. Maria scolded herself for her lack of willpower, quit the diet and the workouts, and felt like a failure. This cycle repeated itself a few months later.
What went wrong? The goal was too big and abstract (“lose weight”), and the methods were too abrupt and harsh, leading to instant exhaustion and a complete loss of motivation.
Practical Advice:
Let’s do a little experiment. Grab a piece of paper and a pen. Think of one recent goal you didn’t achieve or gave up on halfway through. Now, answer these questions honestly:
What exactly stopped me? (For example: “I didn’t have time,” “I lost interest,” “It was harder than I thought.”)
How did I feel when I quit? (Relief? Disappointment in myself? Anger?)
What was my original plan? Could it have been broken down into smaller, more understandable steps?
Chances are, you’ll discover that the reason wasn’t laziness, but a lack of preparation, fear, or simply being overwhelmed by a mammoth task.
Why This Works:
This exercise helps shift your focus from self-blame (“I’m bad”) to strategy analysis (“The plan was flawed”). This is the first and most important step toward starting to act in a new way — gently and with care for yourself. You learn to recognize the “enemy” — the toxic approach — and can start to fight it.
Our next chapter will introduce you to the method that will become your primary weapon in this fight.
