Contents

Introduction

«Satire is tragedy plus time», as stated by Lenny Bruce, the famous comedian and social critic. Centuries must pass, he wrote, before any tragic event or account of an arch-villain may suitably appear in satirical works.

Westerners may have a chronological outlook and a logical perception of past events, while Ru­­­­ssians have exhibited their own peculiar attitude towards time and perpetual adversity, which they indefatigably treat as temporary. Considering Russia’s long, lurid history and paradoxical present, satire concerning itself and its people is the inexhaustible resource which remains in abundance.

Juvenal, a Roman poet, wrote: «It is difficult not to write satire.» Had he ever lived in Russia, he would have stated that it was impossible not to.

This books represents what the word «satire» (Lat. satura) initially meant — a dish filled with a mixture of various ingredients. This satirical medley comprises the quotations of writers and satirists of different epochs, genres and political beliefs. Being a dual-language book, it would be an appropriate tool for those learning either English or Russian as a foreign language. It is also perfect for anyone who enjoys original humour and lesser-known quotes from Russian satirists and writers.

We would like to apologize in advance that some of the quotations may be misattributed. This may partly be because some satirists and stand-up artists formed collaborations, leading audiences to associate certain quotes and anecdotes with the performers rather than the writers. We must also note that there are such sentiments that arise equally in the statements and stories of various individuals, leading to quotations that may be both original and almost identical to others. This overlap of thought and ideas is to be expected among comedians who, through their perspicacity and powers of observation, have a deeper understanding of the social and political landscape of their country.

Russia and Beyond / Россия и Зарубежье

Если человек доволен властью, то либо он не в курсе, либо — в доле. (Семен Альтов)

If a person is happy with his government, he is either out of the picture, or a part of it. (Semyon Altov)

* * *

Наш уровень жизни — их уровень смерти. (Семен Альтов)

Our standard of life is their level of death. (Semyon Altov)

* * *

Куда не ступала нога человека, там ещё жить можно. Цивилизация там, где никого нет. (Семен Альтов)

Wherever no man has set foot, it is still possible to live. Civilization is where there is no one. (Semyon Altov)

* * *

Иностранная территория угнетала неестественной чистотой и подозрительно пахло чем-то вкусным. (Семен Альтов)

The foreign land depressed me with its unnatural cleanness and there was a suspicious smell of something tasty in the air. (Semyon Altov)

* * *

Подполз ещё ближе: гляжу, крестятся и водку пьют, — ну, значит, русские! (Николай Лесков)

I crawled a bit closer and saw that they were crossing themselves and drinking vodka. Well, they are Russians then! (Nikolai Leskov)

* * *

В России невозможности нет. (Николай Лесков)

There is no impossibility in Russia. (Nikolai Leskov)

* * *

Я боюсь, что у русской литературы одно только будущее: её прошлое. (Евгений Замятин)

I am afraid that Russian literature has only one future — in its past. (Yevgeny Zamyatin)

* * *

Народ безмолвствует матом. (Аркадий Давидович)

The speechless nation curses. The nation curses in its speechlessness. (Arkady Davidowitz)

* * *

Когда Китай станет сверхдержавой, отвоюет ли он у Америки Сибирь? (Аркадий Давидович)

When China becomes a superpower, will it win back Siberia from the USA? (Arkady Davidowitz)

* * *

Народ вложил все свое состояние в девальвацию. (Аркадий Давидович)

The nation has invested all its fortune into devaluation. (Arkady Davidowitz)

* * *

Народ голосует, не вмешиваясь в политику. (Аркадий Давидович)

The nation votes without getting involved in politics. (Arkady Davidowitz)

* * *

Ответственность за войну несут побежденные. (Аркадий Давидович)

The blame for a war lies with the defeated. (Arkady Davidowitz)

* * *

Раньше мы пугали мир силой, теперь слабостью. (Аркадий Давидович)

We once scared the world with our power. Now we scare them with our weakness. (Arkady Davidowitz)