Chapter 1: Warning Signs: How to Know You’re on the Brink?
Core Idea: The first step to solving a problem is to see it. We will learn to assess our condition without panic or self-recrimination so we can take timely action.
You will learn to: Accurately identify the early signs of parental burnout, distinguish ordinary fatigue from a dangerous state of exhaustion, and apply a simple «Stop-Moment» technique for daily self-check-ins.
Why it matters: We often ignore the body’s first signals, brushing them off as «just being tired.» But this is precisely the moment when it’s easiest to pause and recharge. If you keep ignoring your condition, you can reach a state of complete exhaustion, which is much harder to recover from.
Practical Part:
Imagine your body and mind are a sophisticated alarm system. When something is wrong, it doesn’t blare a siren right away. First, it sends quiet but persistent signals. Our task is to learn to hear them.
Traffic Light Signals: From Green to Red
Green Light (All is well): You wake up, if not fully rested, then with a sense of «I can handle this.» You find joy in hugging your child, you have the energy for jokes, and minor difficulties don’t upset you. You periodically find time for your own little joys.
Yellow Light (Time to rest): These are our «warning signs.» It’s crucial to catch yourself at this phase.
Irritability: You get angry at things you used to ignore: spilled water, a child’s sluggishness, loud noises.
Constant fatigue: You sleep 7—8 hours but wake up exhausted. It feels like your energy isn’t being restored.
Anxiety and forgetfulness: You constantly feel like you’ve forgotten something (turning off the iron, making an important call). You obsess over the same anxious thought.
Escape mechanisms: You increasingly want to «escape» into your phone, social media, TV shows, or just lie down to avoid interacting with anyone.
Physical symptoms: More frequent headaches, back pain, catching colds easier than usual. This is your body crying for help.
Red Light (Stop, crisis!): Complete exhaustion. A feeling of emptiness, hopelessness, indifference towards your children and family. Panic attacks or thoughts like «I can’t cope and I never will» may appear. At this stage, professional help (from a psychologist or doctor) is often needed.
Technique: The «Stop-Moment»
This is your daily training for recognizing your signals. You can do it anywhere: while making tea, stuck in traffic, washing dishes.
Stop. Literally, for just a second, pause what you’re doing.
Ask yourself: «How am I feeling right now? Not what am I doing, but what am I feeling?» (Anger? Fatigue? Anxiety? Emptiness?).
Name the feeling. Say it to yourself or whisper it: «Right now, I feel irritated.» Without judgment! Not «I’m bad for getting irritated,» but simply «I feel irritation.»
Ask: «What am I missing right this moment?» (Silence? A minute of peace? A sip of water? A hug?).
Example:
You’re cooking dinner, the kids are screaming and running around the apartment. Everything inside you is clenching into a knot.
Stop. You freeze for a second with the ladle in your hand.
Question: «What do I feel?» -> «I feel anger and hopelessness.»
Name it: «Yes, I am angry.»
Question: «What am I missing?» -> «I am missing silence and 5 minutes where no one touches me.»
Just this simple action alone takes the initial edge off. You’re not suppressing the emotion; you’re acknowledging it. This is self-care. You’ve heard the «yellow light» signal. Now you know you need 5 minutes of silence. How to get it — we’ll learn in the following chapters.
Why it works: The «Stop-Moment» technique is based on the principles of mindfulness. It shifts your focus from external chaos to your internal state. Simply naming an emotion reduces its intensity and helps you stop reacting automatically, on autopilot. It’s like catching your breath before a difficult conversation. It’s a tiny but crucial pause for yourself amidst the daily chaos.
