Contents

Dedicated to my wife Nastya,

without whom I would never

have dared to write this book…

Introduction

About the author

Let me introduce myself. My name is Semyon Kolosov. I will briefly tell my story so that it will become clear who I am and why I wrote this book. I live in Moscow and work at red_mad_robot. I started my career in the company as a manager, then worked as an operating director in a design laboratory and now I work at Verno by red_mad_robot in the same position. We are engaged in solving business problems through consulting and training. I have a wife, a child, an apartment, an iPhone and photos from traveling on social media. It wasn’t always like that. I was born and grew up in the small town of Novogrodovka. It is located in the east of Ukraine and has a population of 14 thousand people. My dad is a retired miner, and my mom works in the Department of Social Protection of the population. In 2006, I graduated from high school and went to Donetsk to study as a computer systems engineer at Donetsk National Technical University. In 2011, I graduated and started working. I worked as a system administrator in an auto repair shop, then provided the Internet to apartments. In 2012, I got a job as a filling machine operator at a plant for the production of infusion solutions. My future wife and I rented an apartment on the outskirts of Donetsk. She worked for an insurance company, and I had night shifts at the factory. Then a more or less stable and adult life began.

This went on for 1.5 years. Even before that, my life began to resemble Groundhog Day, and I was thinking about drastic changes. I wanted to move somewhere to completely change the situation to a more promising one. I even started to develop a relocation plan. And I mean a serious structural plan, not just a set of abstract steps. To do this, I started studying planning, which led me to the topics of time management, goal setting, thinking, risk management and etc. But there will be no beautiful story of how I ran from war to the great success. Although the aggravation of the situation made its own adjustments, and I had to step into uncertainty faster than I expected. Therefore, I know firsthand what it means to get out of the comfort zone. In 2014, I moved to Moscow. Without citizenship, connections, work experience and skills, I found the job I had always dreamed of. I learned everything myself and now I’m doing what I love in one of the most modern cities in the world. In red_mad_robot, I went from manager to COO. I launched new services, built business processes and was a mentor for managers. Today I participate in the creation of programs for pumping soft skills and building digital practices. Every day I communicate with talented and hardworking people who want to change the world. For 8 years I have been studying management, psychology, the brain and different types of thinking for my own development and training of others.

Over the years, I have built my own life management system, developed by experience and proven in practice. I treat life like a manager always and everywhere. Whether it’s going to a hike or developing a digital service. I have my own system of processes, tools and approaches. I analyzed what influenced my development and what hindered it. I have gathered the most valuable things together and I want to share them with you. This is not a silver bullet, not an authentic idea or rules for a successful life but rather a set of well-known tools grouped into a sequence of processes that provide me with clarity, flexibility, productivity and development. That is, my subjective view and experience on the organization of life. When I communicate with people, and they find out about it, they are divided into two types: some twist their finger at the temple, others ask to teach them to do the same. I am always happy to help people and share my knowledge. In the book, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

About the book

How the idea came about

It all started with the fact that I often began to hear from colleagues and friends: «Semyon, when are you going to write a book?» Where did such questions come from? Firstly, I read quite a lot: I can read several books a month. At work, I am mostly surrounded by people who also read a lot. red_mad_robot has a strong corporate culture that is focused on growth. The company is full of activities for the exchange and generation of knowledge. We often discussed books there. We argued a lot and exchanged opinions. Sometimes my point of view did not coincide with the author of the book, but was welcomed by colleagues during the discussion. Almost always such a discussion ended with a joke that it was time for me to write my own version of the book. Secondly, people often point out that I tell interesting stories. Probably, this allows me to do a broad outlook and life experience. I am only 33 at the time of writing the book, but various events and decisions allowed me to collect a good amount of experience that tested me for strength and pumped my soft skills. Thirdly, I have accumulated a lot of information about the organization of life from incoming sources that I have ever read, watched and listened to as well as the results of my research on this topic, which were transformed into notes, presentations and speeches. I shared them with people, they kept them for themselves and later gave a good feedback.

Thanks to these factors, for the first time I began to think that I had knowledge that could be recorded and shared with people. The idea took root after a dialogue with my friend Yana Djibouti. She said she didn’t have time for anything, although she had no problems with time management. She’s like Richard Branson, only the female version. She has an infinite number of interests, hobbies and projects. I told her about my task management system. She liked it and asked me to teach her. In a couple of phone calls, I explained everything to her, and she began to implement it. After a couple of weeks, she said that it became much easier for her to control everything, and she started to have more time. Although there were still many questions, and not all the tools were involved, the conversation ended with the fact that it would be cool to make a course or write a book on the topic of organizing life. We even came up with a few names. The current title of the book «System Life» was also among them. So, there was an idea. There were a lot of fears and barriers to start, but more on that later. I was also helped by the desire not only to share useful experiences, but also to show that anyone can write a book. So that people who are afraid, waiting for signs, knowledge or status, start sharing knowledge. That it is not necessary to launch rockets, own a multibillion-dollar marketplace or a unicorn startup to make your own or someone else’s life better. I coped with my barriers myself, but I spent a lot of time on it. I hope this book will be a support for you, help you organize your life and start something new.

How to read this book

I wanted to write a book that you can start reading from any chapter. I wanted it to be small, and to have everything you need. So that at any time you can turn to it, get benefits and not read other books. When I started writing, I realized that it was as impossible as to make a project quickly, cheaply and efficiently. This simply cannot happen. Life is not a goal, but a process. System life is an integrated approach in the form of a continuous cycle of six processes: analysis, planning, management, optimization, reflection and training.

The content of the approach is so large that it can be endlessly studied and experimented with details. You can even understand it in your own way and create your own approach. I tried to select a sequence of six processes in order to catch on to groups of tools and approaches within each. Each chapter is about a separate process that is interconnected with other processes. If you don’t start reading from the beginning, you won’t understand what’s going on. You will also see references to previous chapters and other books. You can always go back to the previous chapter, but it’s better not to switch to the recommended books right away. Read the book to the end, figure out how the whole approach works. Then you will be able to plan further studying of the materials more effectively for yourself. Otherwise, diving into the details of other books may take you in the wrong direction.

I’ve read a lot of non-fiction books. Somewhere I sighed that it was written beautifully in the book, but it doesn’t work that way in real life, and somewhere I found useful insights. Some motivate, others instruct, others teach life, and others show research. There will be nothing like that in this book. I’m not going to motivate you, teach you life and give a bunch of evidence that it works. I don’t see the point in giving banal advice. Everyone knows that smoking is harmful. If a person is shown studies proving the harm of smoking, then he will agree, he will be sad, but most will not quit. Therefore, I don’t see the point in stuffing the book with hundreds of footnotes that no one reads. My goal is to explain how and what processes need to be started in life in order to build a life management system that I use. To make it easier and more organic. Without a thousand proofs, psychological violence and persuasion. So that motivation starts working naturally, and not under the whiplash.

Having received the template of my approach, you will be able to string all the other knowledge and experience on it. You can attribute almost any book to one of the processes and make a list for pumping it. For the sake of this approach, many details had to be sacrificed. Therefore, we will go through some topics at the top level, and I will show you what other books you need to read to understand them. I made a choice in favor of the overall picture before diving into the details of individual fragments. So, anyone can go from the general to the particular and go deeper where necessary. Such a process seems to me more logical and clearer. At the end, you will receive a list of 60 books that will improve your life and make it more systematic.

It is best to read the book step by step from beginning to end. Mark what you already know and where there are blind spots. You can attach notes, write on pages, highlight text, fold pages and etc. Do everything that will allow you to get more benefit from this book. After reading it, take a fresh look at the approach of system life from above, update the blind spots that need to be worked out first. What processes need to be fixed, what tools can be implemented, what knowledge is missing. After reading it, you will already know what to do next. «Just repeat after me» will not work. Although I think the approach is universal, but when you start using it, it will be yours. It will evolve and adapt over time. The main thing is to understand how it works and not to lose these processes in life. Their launch in any form will have a positive impact on your life. Since the basis of my approach is common sense. And here I tried to collect it not only from my own experience and knowledge, but also from the experience of my friends, colleagues and authors of other books. When you understand the meaning and principle of the approach, you will be able to use any tools and implement new processes for yourself. I want to give you a fishing rod, not a fish. So that you can learn to think in a systematic way and be able to get any fish in any conditions. And understand what needed to be studied and implemented for a bigger catch.

I am not an omniscient teacher; I am an ordinary person who wants to share his experience to save your time and effort. I will be glad to receive any feedback about the book and make my approach even better. I am sure that there are still many approaches and knowledge that I have yet to study with you. It’s easy to find me on social media. So, press like buttons, subscribe to new videos, and let’s go!

Introduction

Perhaps the world is a trash can

into which a burning lighter is thrown…

A. Nikonov

After 2014, two thoughts became ingrained in me. The first is that the world is unstable, and anything can happen. The second — tomorrow may not come. I automatically accepted that there is no safe place anywhere, there are no guarantees, and no one knows what will happen next.

How can this be described? In the 1990s, Stefan Garros, a doctor of behavioral sciences, described an unstable, constantly changing model of combat operations with the concept of VUCA. This acronym combines four concepts: «volatility», «uncertainty», «complexity» and «ambiguity». In the 2000s, this concept gradually moved into the business sphere, and over the last decade we have seen that these four words are a description of our world. People began to understand and accept the VUCA world. Even books and approaches for survival in it began to appear. But the pandemic has made its own adjustments to the level of instability. Today we are dealing with an even more complex world than VUCA. The writer and futurist James Cascio described our world with the abbreviation BANI: «brittle», «anxious», «nonlinear» and «incomprehensible». As soon as we began to get used to the fact that everything was changing quickly, life switched to a new level of complexity. Impermanence has become fragile. Any system can break down, even if it looks reliable at first glance. Uncertainty has given rise to anxiety. The endless stream of changes, information and discoveries drives us into chronic anxiety. No one is sure of the correctness of their decisions and there are no guarantees. Complexity has been enriched by non-linearity. Cause-and-effect relationships stop working. There is no point in predicting the future. Look at what is happening with forecasts in the economy and in politics. The ambiguous became incomprehensible. More and more discoveries are being made that refute many years of knowledge. We’re learning more and more that we actually don’t know anything. The most interesting thing is that you can’t get off our planet. All that’s left for us to do is only to accept that there is no stable world anymore. Outside the window is a stressful and constantly changing world, which tomorrow may be called a new abbreviation. The only way to live is to adapt! Learn to live in a new dynamic system, rebuild the management of life and accept this uncertainty. Such a peace gradually came for everyone. And each person must adapt to their current situation. Everyone should learn how to plan their movement, react to changes and change plans along the way. We all took off on a rocket that is being completed during the flight. Therefore, today it is very important what and how you will do. Today, you can’t forget everything and lie on the couch looking for your destiny for half your life. You can’t go with the flow and think you’re going to be lucky. This approach will throw you overboard very quickly today. Everyone decides for himself: take responsibility for his life or play Russian roulette with uncertainty.

In the current reality, just time management no longer works. A more comprehensive approach is needed. Structural, flexible, selective and conscious.

«The world is not so sunny and friendly. This is a very dangerous, tough place. And if you just give up, it will knock you over with such force that you will not get up anymore. Neither you nor I, no one in the world beats as hard as life. It doesn’t matter at all how you hit, but it matters what kind of punch you hold, how you move forward…»

Rocky Balboa

This book is about such an approach. When you do the right things in an organized way, and do not hold punches that can be avoided. It is written to help you take control of your life as much as possible. It consists of six chapters. Each chapter is devoted to one of the processes that are going into a cycle and help ensure system life. The book is primarily about thinking, not about tools. At first it will seem that there is too much information. But as you read, the design will add up to a single picture. In the end, when you can look at the whole approach, everything will fall into place, systematize and become simple. Each person can set up this way of thinking and follow an understandable path to the result. If you know how to drive, then remember yourself in the first lessons with an instructor. If you don’t know how, then imagine that you are studying. Remember or imagine the same feeling and fear when you don’t know what to grab and where to look, threats seem to be everywhere, and stress turns off your brain. The purpose of this book is to make sure that behind the wheel of your life there is a confident driver who does everything automatically, confidently drives a car and guarantees the safety of himself and passengers on any new route.

Review of the book

Chapter 1. Analysis

Before you start moving, you need to analyze the current situation. In this chapter, we will figure out how to do this, what resources, barriers and opportunities you have. What goals seem important, and how to understand which ones are really important. Let’s analyze self-realization, values, skills, root causes of problems, and what you lack to achieve your goals. When we analyze the current situation, it is important to treat it correctly and tune in to the start. To do this, let’s figure out how motivation works, how to properly prepare and strengthen confidence.

Chapter 2. Planning

When it becomes clear what we have in the current situation, and there is the right attitude, you need to plan your route. This chapter will be about how to set goals correctly and plan their step-by-step achievement. How to prioritize, set tasks and assess risks. Let’s analyze what to do in conditions of uncertainty and how to apply Agile approaches in life.

Chapter 3. Management

When the movement along the route has begun, it is important to manage yourself correctly and use time effectively. In this chapter, we will set up our digital self-organization system. We will analyze the most effective tools and techniques of time management, learn how to make decisions, relax properly and make useful habits.

Chapter 4. Optimization

There will be obstacles, mistakes and time wasters along the way. In this chapter we will talk about how to optimize processes, automate routine, configure tools and space for rational usage of resources. I will share my experience and approaches that allow you to optimize anything.

Chapter 5. Reflection

After each iteration, you need to consciously stop and summarize everything. In this chapter we will talk about the benefits of retrospective reflection. How to properly reflect and draw the right conclusions to improve your path and yourself in the future.

Chapter 6. Training

When you get to this chapter, you will already know what you should learn and in which direction to develop. Here you will learn why learning is just beginning, how to study properly and what skills to develop in order to always be flexible and in demand.

Chapter 1. Analysis

Prologue

Do what you can with what you

have and there where you are…

Theodore Roosevelt

Why do we start with analysis if we can start doing it right away? After all, they shout from every corner: stop thinking, don’t be a coward, take it and do it. They say that all the boundaries are in our head, they advise us to believe and visualize. To answer this question, read two tasks:

1. Two planes were flying at the same speed. One plane was in the air for 2 hours, and the other for 4 hours and flew 1400 km more than the first one. How many km did each plane fly?

2. Imagine that you have come up with a teleport at an affordable price. Anyone can get anywhere in the world instantly. What work do governments need to do because of such changes?

The first task is standard. If you have been studying at school for a long time, then it will even seem like a difficult task for you, but for a student with a portable speaker, it is simple. The main thing is that the problem has a clear «given», accurate input data, there is an exact answer and an algorithm for solving using specific formulas. You take it and decide. The second task is non — standard and abstract. There is not a single correct answer in it. There are many alternatives, components and uncertainties in it. It is immediately unclear how to approach her.

The same about ambitious goal and the whole life. Life is a constant process of replacing some goals with others with increasing complexity. This ensures movement along the path of life without a destination. Growing from goal to goal gives pleasure from this process and makes you happy. There is a starting point «A» (your current situation) and a final point «B» (your goal). When you set yourself a goal and know what you need to do to achieve it, then this is a simple task. You don’t even have to read books for her. You just need to do it. Apply the well-known formula, as in the problem about airplanes. When you set an ambitious goal that you have not previously achieved and do not know how to do it, then this is a complex abstract task. Difficult goals give a strong result. The path to a difficult goal is always working with the future and what you do not know, do not know how, do not expect. Therefore, you can’t just take a step from point «A» to point «B» because you start going with what you have in the current situation. Neither with a case of money, nor with extra hours in the day, nor with someone’s help. Just what you have — and go ahead. Analysis is the starting action in any process that will allow you to build a reliable foundation for a bridge from point «A» to «B». If we do not know how to get to point «B», then this does not mean that we will read the tea leaves and learn to believe in the great success. We will analyze and try to get our «given» in a difficult task. This will help you plan not in a vacuum and build on real data. The main task of the analysis is to understand where we want to go, and what is there for this. Analysis gives awareness and reduces rapid irrational reactions to events. This allows you to plan the shortest route. And also see the possibilities that can simplify and speed it up.

«The main thing in chess is not how many moves ahead you think, but how you analyze the current situation…»

Garry Kasparov

For myself, I have identified important groups of resources and opportunities that are important to analyze at the beginning. These include: the spheres of life, environment, skills, motivation and mindset. I noticed that the changes in these groups began to have a positive effect on my life. And I have also repeatedly seen how problems in these groups prevented people from changing their lives for the better. Then we’ll talk about each group in more detail. Fasten your seat belts, we’re starting.

Spheres of life

To analyze the current state of life, you can use the pop tool «Balance Wheel». Don’t rush to close the book. It’s not what you think. The balance wheel is used by different coaches, it has become boring to everyone and seems a bit childish. But no matter how cool and smart you are, this tool clearly shows the situation and raises questions about itself. More than once I observed the reaction «Oh, c’mon, why do we need this wheel anyway» when people filled it in. And then they could not tear themselves away in reasoning about what this wheel consists of, and what kind of assessment should be put there. It doesn’t matter in what form you do it, even if it’s just a list. The grades you set are important. For example, I just use columns, as in the equalizer in the player.

The main goal is not to balance the wheel, but to see your life settings. So, you can make an upper-level slice to move from the general to the particular. How to set a preset in the equalizer and make more subtle settings? For example, you select «rock» and the sliders fall into place. Then you tweak it for yourself and get a sound that suits you. So, let’s use the concept of «Balance equalizer», not «Wheel». And we will also agree that our goal is to see the current state of the spheres of life, and not to balance them. I don’t believe that the wheel can be balanced in general. It will change over the course of life, as values and the concept of happiness will change. Therefore, it will look different in different periods.

You know perfectly well what to do. Take a piece of paper or an online service. Draw 10 columns: «health», «energy», «time», «family», «love», «finances», «friends/environment», «career/business», «hobbies», «development». This is the base, and usually it is enough. Once it was decided that the balance of these spheres would make life happy. All people are unique and think in their own categories. Therefore, the wheel format raises questions again. Everything that you consider an important part of life, you can add as a new column. For example, I add «recreation», «sports» and «nutrition» separately. They are included in the «health» by default, but it is important for me to see and record the assessment separately. There is no need to delve into and come up with what is included in each item. If it’s hard to figure out, then divide one item into two different ones. When the columns are ready, then evaluate each sphere on a 10-point scale, where from 0 to 3 is a complete absence or minimal satisfaction; from 4 to 7 is an average degree, something has already been achieved, but not ideal; from 8 to 10 is maximum satisfaction.

It is important to identify fundamental problem areas. To improve anything, you need to understand what is wrong there now. Then fix it, achieve stability and then further growth. Very often, after watching enough successful posts or seeing an imbalance in the balance wheel, people immediately think about high goals and begin to take rash actions. For example, they buy a gym membership, and then it gets dusty on the table since there is a lot of work, no strength, etc. It’s not their fault. This is how our brain works. It doesn’t understand the past and the future. It perceives thoughts about a beautiful body as if you already have a beautiful body. Gives you a kick, you do harsh things, and then comes up with an explanation to save energy. At such moments, the owner of the fitness club rejoices and pumps the sphere of finance in the balance wheel at your expense. If you didn’t know, then fitness clubs know about this mechanism, and this is their earnings model. You buy a subscription and don’t go there. Just send your money and that’s it. It’s perfect. By this I want to say that before you aim at a big goal, you need to patch holes in fundamental things.

If you have from 1 to 3 on the balance wheel in the areas of «health», «energy», «time», «finance», then starting to move towards a big goal is like bailing out water with a bucket in a boat with a hole. It is always necessary to solve fundamental problems first in order to be in line for new changes. Evaluate your spheres of life, highlight the areas with the smallest ratings. Then line them up in a list from the most important to the least important. The top 4 must include: «health», «energy», «time» and «finance». If you have bad grades there, then forget about everything else for now and concentrate on them. Without them, you simply will not be able to start and finish the job.

Environment

Everyone knows the proverbs «tell me who your friend is, and I’ll tell you who you are» or «two peas in a pod.» They are most cheerfully known as «London is the capital of Great Britain». Every second person utters them, but has never meaningfully thought about his environment and its influence. The environment is one of the strongest factors affecting you. Each person pays attention to social connections with 150 people. Real social connections, not all 600 friends on a social network. The figure of 150 was confirmed by the evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar back in the 60s. In his theory, he calls all 150 people friends, but in fact, real friends are about 5 people. Then there are 15 people of friends and acquaintances. They make up your close circle of friends.

At each level, you spend time communicating, giving emotions, energy and thoughts. And what is important — you also get them from the environment. Someone is charging you and supporting you. Someone is just crying to you or complaining about life. Someone wants to discuss gossip or impose their interests. Someone has not achieved anything themselves and does not want you to achieve it. Someone is genuinely happy for you, and someone smiles into your eyes, and then discusses with their friends what an asshole you are.

Until 2013, I myself had never thought about the environment. I’ve always been surrounded by my best friends. We had common interests and each other’s support. We studied, worked, had a cool vacation and made music. It was a great time; it was a separate life. Then some left Donetsk, and some lived far away. We rarely saw each other, and messengers were not so popular then. Most of the time I was working. I went to the factory, where most of my entourage were factory workers. There were a lot of cool guys there, but the composition of the shifts often changed, and I rarely crossed paths with them. Then I just got into the universe of workers, where many people think that no one can achieve anything on their own, that everywhere there are small salaries, the bosses are assholes, they all pumped themselves into cars and apartments, and the president does not worry about our well — being, and we are simply used as slaves. There were shifts of 12 hours, so I listened to this attitude to life and the world almost around the clock. I couldn’t not communicate, but I didn’t support anyone either. I thought that if I don’t think so, then I just listen to them like a radio, and it doesn’t affect me. One day, in another conversation with my wife about buying an apartment in Donetsk, I caught myself thinking that I also began to think so. That everyone is to blame for me, and apartments cost a lot of money, and you can’t earn money on them in an honest way. I just felt that I was becoming like these people at the factory. Whose goals in life do not go beyond a bottle of cognac on the weekend. After that, I just got sick of work, and I wanted to change everything. Country, city, job, everything to completely reset. So that Will Smith «flashed» me a device from «Men in Black», and I forgot all about these times.

Then I started getting interested in moving to Moscow. Thinking about all relocation options, laws, documents, housing, etc. At the same time, I got into a shift with a new chemist, Evgeny Kazakov. We immediately got along, became friends, and I found out that he also wanted to leave. We quickly joined forces on the issue of relocation. We sat in the airlock for 7 hours every shift and discussed moving options. I remember looking at Moscow job offers and admiring big salaries of 25,000 rubles. We can say that getting to know Zheka saved me. From the «hands are beginning to give up, let it be what it will be» mode, I switched to the «I will do everything to achieve what I want» mode. Every day at 6 a.m. I went to the bus and wanted to come to work as soon as possible to discuss with Zheka what information I found and what he did. When everything came true, I clearly understood that you can get anything you want. The main thing is to do something, try and not stop. This situation has changed my thinking and attitude to difficulties. One person was then my positive environment. Imagine if there were 12 of them. Who would support and believe with me. This does not mean that my wife, parents and friends did not support me. I just didn’t tell them about my plans and was constantly at work.

There is a famous statement «Crab bucket theory». It says that the crabs put in the bucket will pull down the crab that starts to get out of this bucket. Therefore, the sooner you meaningfully analyze your environment and remove all the crabs from there, the sooner you will feel changes for the better. Unfortunately, often in our environment, negative energy comes from those closest to us. Our parents, relatives, friends do not believe in us, question our success and abilities. There is one way to deal with this. If there are crabs among friends and colleagues, then such communication should be stopped as soon as possible. You don’t have to call them or write: «get out, bloodsucker, we don’t communicate anymore.» Just smoothly exit the communication and reduce it to zero. If such people are among parents, friends, relatives, then you need to agree that they do not say anything negative to you and do not complain. The main thing is to clearly distinguish requests for help from meaningless whining. From experience, I am sure that a small part will succeed. The rest will have hard work, difficult decisions or psychological stability. If you have such friends, relatives or family members, honestly and politely explain your thought once or twice. Explain that you are uncomfortable and you don’t know how to react. If nothing changes, they ignore you, continue bombarding you with dirt and negativity, then this means that they don’t care. They just satisfy their needs by communicating with you. Like, who, if not you, will listen to them? Stop this communication. It won’t lead to anything good.

«A person will be more willing to manipulate other people for the sake of getting support than he will agree to stand on his own feet to wipe his own ass»

Frederick Perls

Many will say that I am cruel and suggest cutting off communication with relatives and friends. Yes, that’s what I suggest, if there is nothing positive or neutral in this communication. Only you need to try to break not the whole connection, but the line of negative communication. But if it doesn’t work out, then it’s better not to communicate at all than to spoil your life. Or you can be among the lucky ones who will learn not to take everything personally and ignore the negative. I have seen many times how people spend years on painful or toxic communication. This is a step to nowhere. The question is very sensitive, because often people themselves do not understand that they are in a negative environment. No need to act hastily. Always try to help, but if everything is to no avail, then there’s nothing else for you to do except for either to endure or to avoid negative influence. Choose what is the lesser of evils for you.

Analyze your environment for energy, value, and needs. It sounds mercantile, but this is the only way to assess the situation soberly. You need to understand what this communication with a specific person is giving to you. For example, you communicate with someone because you have common interests, it charges you, you relax, get knowledge or give knowledge, and you like it. Write down a list of all the people with whom you communicate the most. Next to each in several columns, write: how long have you been communicating, what kind of need do you fulfill (why do you communicate with them, what do you like about it), what kind of energy do you get (how does it affect you), what have you learned or can learn, what topics were talked about last time. Then make a plan to strengthen and expand communication with good people. With whom you are comfortable communicating, they are ready to support you, share their experience and sincerely rejoice for your success. Try to make changes in your life to spend more time with positive people. Also make a plan to get rid of bad contacts. And do not forget that for someone you are also a close environment. Your behavior also affects other people’s lives. Let this influence be positive.

Skills and qualities

We carry out any activity with the help of competencies. Competence is a set of skills and the ability to use them to perform certain tasks. In simple terms, you have your own skills and qualities that help develop current and new skills. Which allow you to perform roles in different situations. In the analysis, our task is to understand what is the arsenal of skills and qualities at the moment. After all, remember that no one will give you an Iron Man costume. We have only ourselves. So, it doesn’t matter what you think about your skills, you need to analyze yourself for superpowers and growth points. You don’t need to focus on what you don’t know how to do, but you want to. Maybe you don’t need it. We’ll figure this out later. For those who think that they don’t know anything and can’t do anything, I’ll say right away: there are no people who can’t do anything. Up to the current age, you received different experiences, adopted other people’s attitudes and existed in this world. All people have the potential for development and degradation. You definitely have superpowers. You just don’t know about it yet or have never tried to find them. Until today, your skills have provided you with different functions for different roles. For example, driver, manager, parent, salesman, pilot, etc. All these are roles, and each needs its own skills. Looking ahead, we can say that life is a set of projects in which you need to play different roles. The path to your goals also consists of projects. If you haven’t reached the goal yet, then most likely you don’t know what projects it consists of, or you haven’t completed all the necessary projects. At this stage of the analysis, it is necessary to deal with what is there. To make it easier, start with the current activity. Write down the activity that you are doing now, that you like, and that you are doing well, in your opinion and the opinion of your friends, acquaintances and relatives. For each activity, write down the skills that you already use and which are needed for its execution. Write down what you know. If you don’t know what you like, then skip it. Fill it out later. Interview your friends and acquaintances. Ask them the question: «What do you think I’m doing well?». You can learn something new about yourself and very pleasant. If at this stage you already know the skills you want to develop, then write them down. It is important that they are dictated by the goal, and not because it is now in trend, or the son of a mom’s friend can do it, but you can’t. If you have encountered a problem and could not solve it, then write down what skills were not enough for this. Also write down your achievements at the moment with an explanation of what helped you do it. Forget about your emotions and opinions. Imagine that they put a gun to your temple and forced you to praise yourself. Write down everything you can praise yourself for. Any, even the smallest achievement.

«There are no irreplaceable, there are unique…»

GROT

The qualities you possess are no less important. They can be the seed from which you will grow the necessary skills. It is important to admit to yourself and describe your qualities as honestly as possible. What do you consider strong qualities and weak ones. This is a subjective assessment, but we need to start from something. Qualities help to form flexible skills or, as they are commonly called, «soft skills». Harvard scientists say that flexible skills account for 85% of a person’s success in the profession, rigid ones account for only 15%. Today, flexible skills are a trend, but we will talk about this in the chapter about training. Therefore, honestly describe your qualities. Without checking with a list of good and bad qualities. Just write what you consider to be the strong and weak qualities of your character. There is no purpose to praise or scold yourself. You need to take a picture of your character and understand what can already be used for growth, and what needs to be tightened. Correcting qualities is difficult. Most of them were formed in childhood, some more thanks to life experience. To change the qualities, sometimes you may need the help of a specialist. Most often, nothing needs to be changed, and the help of a career consultant puts everything in its place. But for now, just finish reading this book. Most likely, the next few chapters and a little consistency will solve your problems.

Mindset

I used to often hear that you are what you think. I don’t agree with that. You can think as much as you want, but you will never do it. In order to change something or decide on something, there must be a certain mindset. Mindset is a type or way of thinking. We can also say that this is a person’s worldview. In principle, it depends on him how and with whom you will move towards the goal, what will be the reaction and actions in case of difficulties and mistakes. Your confidence, attitude, courage and speed of change depend on it. You’re not what you think you are. You are what you do. To do the right thing, you need to put things in order in your way of thinking. To do this, you need to analyze your thoughts. The American psychologist Carol Dweck devoted a lot of work to the topic of mindset. She is an expert in social psychology and developmental psychology. She has a book, which in the original is called «Mindset». We have translated it as «Flexible consciousness». It explains that success in various spheres of life is not just a special talent or ability. Basically, this is the result of how we look at life. The idea of the book is that there is a «growth mindset» and a «fixed mindset». In short, the first is cool, and the second is bad. Carol’s book contains many examples from sports, business and personal stories that explain the role of a growth mindset for success, and how a fixed mindset contributes to failure.

Without abstruse books, it is clear that a positive attitude is good. Who would you go to Everest with? With someone who believes and longs for victory? Or with a pessimist who constantly whines and sees negativity everywhere? You will say that believing and longing is not yet done — and you will be right. Just attitude is not enough. Your installations are important, the firmware of your thinking.

Fixed mindset settings assume that every person has a certain set of skills from birth, whether professional, social or other. Such people usually think that:

• I was born this way so nothing can be changed;

• Abilities and intelligence are transmitted by genes, not everyone has them;

• I would be able to, too, if I had the capabilities like his/hers;

• Failure is bad, I will be ashamed of what people will think;

• Why take it on if I don’t know how to do it;

• It is not for me because it’s very difficult.

And other thoughts like that. People with a fixed mindset like phrases like «yes, what are you getting yourself into, it’s not for you», «what if», «yes, I’ve already seen a lot who didn’t succeed» and so on. The image of such people is well shown in the second verse of Kasta’s song «Way higher». Its meaning can be described roughly as «Dry bread at home is better than roast meat abroad.» I think this phrase was invented by the most important boss of people with a fixed mindset. Of course, it is better that there are no such people around you. Surround yourself with people who will pull you up. Life is already full of people who want t